


Call Me Home

by ahopper84, themayqueen



Series: Truth is a Whisper [3]
Category: Everybody Else (Band), Hanson (Band), JJAMZ
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Boyfriends, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Children, Double Anal Penetration, Double Penetration, Exes, Explicit Sexual Content, Family, Fights, Gay Sex, Incest, Jealousy, Light BDSM, Light Bondage, M/M, Polyamory, Puppy Play, Rimming, Sexual Content, Sibling Incest, Slash, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-04-25 05:15:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 103,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4948057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahopper84/pseuds/ahopper84, https://archiveofourown.org/users/themayqueen/pseuds/themayqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The past few months have been full of change and upheaval for Taylor, Zac and Carrick. They’ve all grown a lot, but they’ll find they still have a lot to learn about love and family.</p><p>Note: This fic was originally posted elsewhere as Part Three of the story Truth is a Whisper. It has been reformatted, edited a bit and posted as a series here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Zac**

If I had to choose just one word to describe the last few months of my life, it would have to be bittersweet. Losing Taylor was one of the major low points, but getting him back felt so much better than I could ever find the words to describe. But even after we got back together, and even when I was happy with Carrick, there was one problem.

My kids had been taken from me.

Every day, I counted off how long it had been since I'd seen Shepherd and Junia. Over two months. It was the longest I'd _ever_ gone without seeing them. Even when we toured, we – all three of us – made it a priority to be sure that we saw our kids as often as possible. That was something that we just had to make time for. It sometimes meant manipulating the tour schedule to add in extra trips back home, and other times it meant cramming far too many people onto a tour bus or even renting an extra bus. But we made it work. We had to.

I'll admit, even when things were relatively good between us, I could have gone weeks without seeing Kate and felt like I had lost nothing – especially when we were cooped up on the tour bus with everyone. It seemed the longer we were in close quarters, the crazier we drove each other. But my kids? I can't breathe without them. I'm not just saying that, either. There were moments when I honestly felt like I was dying because they were gone.

The worst part was knowing _why_ they were gone. Because Kate thought I was a disgusting sinner and she didn't trust me to be around them. If she only knew... It made me shudder to think what she or anyone else would say if they knew about me and Taylor. Even though I loved him, even though I wanted to shout from the rooftops about how happy I was to be with him again, I knew it wasn't normal. At least, it wasn't what anyone else would consider normal. But except for that little issue of being separated from my babies, I'd never felt more normal before in my life.

I'd never felt more _me_ before.

And finally, after two months, two weeks and six days, Kate brought my babies back.

She wasn't coming back, though. We hadn't really talked, just exchanged a few texts, but she made it very clear that she and I were over. That was good. That was what I wanted and what we both needed; there was nothing left of our relationship and no need to try to work on it now that I had finally accepted that I just wasn't straight. But she had to come back to at least move out of the house, and after texting a little bit, we agreed on a time when I knew I would be in the studio. I didn't know if she was still too disgusted by me to even be in the same house with me, but even if she wasn't, I just knew it would be easier for both of us if we didn't have to see each other unless it was absolutely necessary.

If I'd really stopped to think about it, I probably would have tried to clean the house a little before she came back. Carrick and I were total slobs; Taylor made that pretty clear when he came to my house after Carrick left. I wasn't oblivious to it, but until someone pointed it out, I just really didn't feel all that self-conscious about the piles of laundry and dirty dishes. Besides, I had other things to think about with Carrick around. So the kitchen counters stayed covered in the messes we made when we cooked, and all of Kate's decorative dishes filled up with ashes and roaches, and I honestly didn't give a shit. And once I had Taylor back, I was too busy floating around on a cloud of pure fucking bliss to even think about words like “cleaning.”

As I drove home from the studio, I realized that I really should have done some of that cleaning. Our marriage might have been over, but I knew that wouldn't stop Kate from complaining about the disaster zone I'd turned our house into in her absence. In her eyes, it was probably just more proof of how awful I was. 

A year ago, I might have agreed with her. I would have taken her message to heart and beaten myself up for being a disgusting slob. I never would have stopped to consider the fact that there were worse problems in my life than a few dirty socks and that I was being berated and treated like shit over something so fucking superficial. I would have just taken it for granted that Kate was right that I was useless and worthless.

I wasn't looking forward to hearing those same old complaints from her again, but I knew that this time, I would survive. I wouldn't take them to heart. I wouldn't give in. For once in my life, I would be okay.

A large U-Haul was in the driveway when I pulled in. That surprised me a little; if at all possible, I figured she would have left before I got home just to avoid me entirely. I wasn't sure whether to be relieved or scared that she was still there. I took my first few steps into the house cautiously, listening for any sound that might tell me where she was. The house smelled clean – too clean, like every surface in it had been doused with bleach, and a stack of boxes stood by the bottom of the stairs.

“K-Katie?” I called out, walking up the stairs.

“I'm in the bedroom,” she replied.

I squeezed past another stack of boxes and made my way down the hallway toward the bedroom we had shared. I stopped in the doorway, afraid to get too close to her, and leaned nervously against the door frame. Her back was turned to me as she continued to pull clothes out of the closet and stuff them into a suitcase. After a moment, she glanced over her shoulder.

“I'm just getting my things. I'll be out of your way soon enough.”

I let out a sigh of relief. Even though she could have been sarcastic with me, her voice was surprisingly calm and neutral. It made me a little nervous of what might still be lurking beneath the surface, but I was also relieved that she wasn't yelling or anything.

“Do you need any help?” I asked. “I can carry some of those boxes out for you...”

That seemed to surprise her. She paused, as if waiting for the punch line, then softly replied, “Thank you.”

I nodded. “No problem...”

Kate returned my nod, then turned back to the closet to pull a few purses off the shelf and toss them into a box. Her back still turned to me, she said, “Shep and Junia are with my parents. For now.”

“When... c-can I see them again?”

A part of me didn't want to ask that question at all for fear of what she might say. But I had to know. I didn't know how much longer I could make it without seeing them. Even as the question left my mouth, I knew there was a distinct possibility that she would say that I couldn't _ever_ see them again. 

She paused again, probably weighing her options, and finally let out a soft sigh. “I can bring them next weekend. They can... stay with you for a bit.”

“That... that would be great,” I replied, giving her a weak smile that I knew didn't really show how grateful I was. It seemed to be enough for Kate, though, as she gave me a tiny nod before turning away from me again.

I almost couldn't couldn't believe it. My babies would be, if only for a little while, coming back to me. I didn't know what had changed Kate's mind, convinced her that I wasn't a horrible influence, but I was glad. Maybe she had talked to Natalie, who seemed to be taking the divorce with Taylor really well. For best friends, the two of them really were so different, but maybe Kate was learning a thing or two about acceptance from Natalie. 

While I was still processing all of that, Kate pulled an envelope from the top of the dresser and handed it to me. She didn't quite meet my eyes as it passed from her hand to mine, our fingers barely brushing. Her touch felt so foreign to me, as though she was a complete stranger. I realized that I probably felt like a stranger to her, too. 

“I'll be busy anyway...” she mumbled, then turned back to her packing.

I nodded, not really sure how to respond to that, and opened the envelope. I already had a feeling that I knew what it contained, and my suspicions were soon confirmed. Divorce papers. I didn't really understand all of it, but it looked like she wanted the two of us to come to an agreement on our own, without going to court. I didn't think that it would be easy for us to agree about anything, but avoiding court seemed like a fantastic idea to me. With a sigh, I shoved the papers in my pocket and decided to give them a closer read later in the hopes of understanding them better.

“I cleaned up a bit...” Kate said, laughing softly. To my surprise, her tone was more amused than accusing. “I knew this place would fall apart without me.”

I frowned, my bottom lip sticking out into a pout that I knew Carrick would have mocked me for if he'd been there. “Hey... I washed the dishes last night.”

Kate nodded. “I noticed.”

Again, there was no accusation. If anything, she seemed almost proud of me. Even if I had mostly let the place fall apart, she could see, I suppose, that _I_ hadn't fallen apart. Maybe I wasn't the worthless mess of a man that she thought I was. I gave her a little smile, watching as she walked toward the dresser again and looked at a photo of the two of us resting on top of it. It had been taken somewhere in France, I remembered, the first time that she'd come along for one of our overseas tours. We were still just a couple then, although I'd been considering proposing before she graduated from college. I hadn't been all that excited about getting married, but it just seemed like the next logical step. Still, we looked happy in that picture. It was one of the few pictures we had together where we honestly did.

Kate sighed sadly. “It wasn't... all bad... wasn't it?”

“No,” I replied, shaking my head. “It wasn't.”

“We had some really... happy memories...” she said, her voice shaking just a little bit. As her hand trailed across the picture frame, I could see that it was shaking, too. I wanted to reach out to her and try to comfort her, but I knew we were past that.

Instead, I just nodded softly. “We... we made the best of things...”

“I guess so...” she replied, smirking.

I wasn't sure what to make of that smirk. It didn't seem spiteful or bitter, even though I was pretty sure that she had every right to be. I was glad that she wasn't, though. For whatever reason, this was fairly painless. It wasn't enough to convince me that everything really hadn't been so bad in our relationship; even what few good times we'd had didn't change the fact that I was gay. There would have always been something missing, something wrong, between me and Kate.

I watched her for a few more minutes, unsure if she would want me to jump in and try to help pack. Finally, she taped up the last box, then heaved a heavy sigh.

“I think that's everything,” she said.

With a sigh of my own, I took a few tentative steps toward her. “Here... I'll get some of those boxes...”

“Thank you,” she replied with a nod, then turned away from me.

“You're welcome.” Even though her back was to me, I smiled. 

I knew that it was still difficult for her to be around me; I could see that in the way that she kept turning away from me, putting as much space between us as she could without leaving the room. She was trying to be civil, though, and it was obvious that a lot of her anger had faded. 

Between the two of us, we were able to carry the boxes from the bedroom in just a few minutes. I made sure to take the heavier ones, leaving the smaller bags and boxes for her. She'd done a pretty thorough job of packing the day she left with the kids, so there wasn't much left aside from the boxes in the bedroom and the few that set waiting in the living room. Soon, we were stacking the last box into the U-Haul she'd rented and closing the door on them all.

I made sure the lock was in place, doing anything I could to stall, before finally turning to look at her. “Kate... I'm sorry for how this all happened.”

She shook her head. “Don't.”

“Okay...” I replied, frowning.

I truly meant it. I _was_ sorry for how it had all came out. I hadn't had a lot of time to envision how I'd like to come out, but I don't think that I would have ever picked for it to happen in the heat of an argument just hours after breaking up with Taylor. It needed to happen, but not like that. Not in a way that hurt Kate so much and threw my brand new relationship with Carrick in her face. I wasn't doing either of us any favors; I was just being emotional and immature. Still, I supposed that feeling sorry didn't change anything.

Kate sighed. “It happened. Whether it should or shouldn't have doesn't really matter.”

“I guess...” I replied, staring down at my feet and feeling approximately two inches tall. This time, though, I knew that I deserved to feel that way.

With a slow nod, Kate turned to walk away from me. I followed her back into the house, watching from a safe distance as she took one last walk through all the rooms to be sure she hadn't left anything. When she finally rejoined me in the living room, we both stood awkwardly, neither one evidently wanting to be the first one to speak.

I bit my lip and rocked back and forth a little on the balls of my feet. “So...”

“So...” Kate nodded.

“So, what now?”

“I know you won't believe me, but...” She said, her voice soft. Finally, she looked up and met my eyes, hers sad and clearly full of regret. “I _am_ going to miss you.”

“You wouldn't believe me if I said it, either...”

She gave me a small smile. “Maybe I should...”

“Well...” I said, trying to return her smile and failing. 

It felt wrong to say that I would miss her. I would miss feeling normal, with the whole wife, two kids and picket fence thing. I would miss the sense of accomplishment it gave me to have that perfect – at least from the outside – little family. I would miss being able to expression my love for someone publicly. I would miss a lot of things, but I didn't know if I would honestly miss _Kate_.

Her smile faded away as she waited for the reply that didn't come. “Yeah...” she finally said.

“After all, who's gonna cook for me and do my laundry now?” I finally replied, daring to make a tiny joke and hoping that I wouldn't pay the price for it.

To my surprise, Kate just smirked. It was almost imperceptible, and definitely not spiteful, but it was definitely a smirk. My eyes widened, but I didn't dare comment on the fact that she might have actually been amused by my joke.

Kate stepped in close and placed a hand on my shoulder. Her voice soft, she said, “Take care of yourself, Zac.”

“I'll do my best...” I replied, nodding.

She smiled, then leaned in and kissed my cheek. When she pulled back, I could see tears in her eyes. For once, I didn't think that she was just putting on a show and trying to get her way. There was nothing to be gained now by playing on my sympathies and she knew that. We were over and Kate knew it. I had to admit, I felt a certain sense of sadness that something I had wanted, had sometimes _forced_ myself to want, and had worked damn hard to keep, was finally ending. What had passed between us didn't matter; it was still sad, regardless of the circumstances, to see it end.

“I...” I stuttered out, trying to organize my thoughts and figure out what I wanted to say. “You take care of yourself too, okay? You'll be alright without me, I'm sure.”

It wasn't really everything that I wanted to tell her, but it would have to do.

Kate smiled. “Thank you.”

She touched my cheek, then turned and walked out the door. I didn't have it in me to go to the window and watch her leave. I had to laugh at myself a little as I stood in my living room and listened to the gravel crunching beneath the moving van's tires. It felt almost like watching a song I'd written play out in front of my eyes. But I knew that even though Kate was the one leaving, we'd both made the choice to leave our marriage behind. The weeks that had passed since she'd left in a fit of anger had evidently shown her that our relationship just couldn't be mended, but that it was okay to let it go.

And it _was_ okay. I was okay. Everything wasn't perfect in my life, but several things about it were about as close to perfect as I thought they could be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Taylor**

People have always told me that I worry too much, and they're right. And between working in the music industry since the age of 9, becoming a father at 19, and adding three more to the family by 29, I've never had a shortage of things to worry about. Even when things are going well, I tend to find things to stress over. Which is why when Zac called me up one afternoon and told me to meet him at the park, the same park where I literally turned my back on him, I naturally expected the worst. But he just laughed and told me not to worry, that it was a good surprise. Through all the years of worrying, Zac was always the one who could calm me down; the one who could tell me things would be fine, and I would believe him.

It didn't take me long to get to the park; it was a beautiful day and the place was filled with the sounds of laughter, and the feeling was infectious. A smile crept onto my face as I watched the children on the playground; the grin widened when I spied Sheppard on the swings. A moment later I spotted Zac, sitting with Junia on a blanket and digging through a picnic basket. I just smirked; sometimes Zac had the best ideas.

"What's all this?" I laughed as I made my way over.

"What's it look like?" Zac shot back, grinning proudly. "We're having a picnic."

"Cool. Hey Junia." I ruffled the girl's hair as I sat down; the ground was warm, and there was a slight breeze, the perfect picnic weather.

"Say 'Hi, uncle Tay'," Zac said to his daughter, waving her little arm. "Hi, uncle Tay!" he spoke for her in his best little girl voice, making all of us giggle. He set her in her play seat, smiling at me.

"So, hey," he said quietly.

"Hey."

"I, um... I cooked. Kinda."

"Oh yeah?" I raised an eyebrow; it was a well-known and accepted fact that Zac plus cooking was usually a dangerous equation. Zac blushed sheepishly, looking down.

"Well, I made sandwiches. And I bought potato salad and stuff; I figured that was safer. Oh, but I made lemonade!" he added proudly. I eyed him, smirking, before leaning over to Junia.

"What do you think, June Bug?" I stage-whispered to her. "Should we trust him?"

"Gerber gourmet for her," he laughed. "Comes pre-packaged, so I can't f-... screw that up."

"Oh, right. So of course she's safe." We laughed for a moment, then just smiled at each other. "This is... nice. Really nice."

"And you said we couldn't go out on dates," Zac said softly, his eyes shining. I blushed, but nodded.

"Seems you proved me wrong."

"Not such a dumbass after all, I guess. I mean," Zac looked at Junia nervously, and I laughed. "Um, she didn't hear that, right?"

"I think her virgin ears are safe."

"So I can't cook, and I'm teaching the babies to curse," Zac laughed lightly. "Awesome."

"So far so good," I said enthusiastically, giving him a thumbs up and laughing. Zac just shook his head and turned to the picnic basket, rummaging through it.

"So I didn't know what you wanted. Umm... I got turkey, ham, tuna salad..."

"Little bit of everything?" I chuckled, and Zac nodded sheepishly.

"And peanut butter and jelly, but that's for Shepherd; he insisted, so you'll have to fight him for that one."  
Going through the PB and J phase, are we?" I asked, nodding knowingly. River and Penny had both gone through that period; I remembered going through an entire jar a week both times.

"Apparently." Zac continued to poke through the food, pulling this and that out; I looked over at the swings where his son was playing.

"He looks so much like you." It was true; Shepherd had his father's eyes for sure, but the resemblance hardly stopped there.

"Poor kid," Zac snorted. It hurt that he still felt insecure about his looks, but I knew it was something he was working on.

"If he's anything like you, they'll be lining up for him," I said quietly, giving him a loving smile. He smiled warmly in return, looking back at his son.

"Looks like he's gonna be an artist, too," he laughed, shaking his head. "Although I'd prefer if he used paint; he decided to paint the hallway with peanut butter last night."

"I remember you using chocolate sauce a few times," I teased, giving him a wink.

"Gee, I don't remember that; must've been someone else," Zac giggled, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Oh, you meant on the walls, not on... you," he finished in a whisper. 

"I... Of course I meant... you're impossible," I huffed, trying to hide the smile and diminish the blush.  
"Oh come on, that was funny. And not altogether a bad idea," Zac said quietly, smirking and nudging my leg. I closed my eyes, biting my lip as my mind raced with ideas.

"Maybe some whipped cream," he added, his voice low and sultry.

"Zac," I warned; I didn't know how long I could compose myself with him teasing me like that. It was hard enough to resist him on normal terms, but with him giving me seductive glances and turning everything into an innuendo, my will could only take so much.

"Oh, that reminds me!" Zac sat up suddenly, eyes wide and a large grin on his face. "I have a pie!"

I stared at him quizzically for a moment, then burst out laughing. Of all the sexual jokes Zac usually made, the best were the ones he did unintentionally.

"I baked it myself!"

"Oh yeah?" I raised an eyebrow; everyone in our family knew that a master chef, Zac was not.

"Well... it came out of the box. But I still put it in the oven!"

"And your house is still standing?"

"Surprisingly yes."

"Shocking," I teased, nudging him playfully.

"Yeah, yeah..." Zac pouted a bit, but I saw the corners of his mouth twitch enough to know he wasn't all that upset. "You should see the house now; it doesn't look that bad."

"Yeah?"

"Except for the peanut butter," he added, throwing a mildly annoyed glance Shepherd's way. I smiled, but it didn't last as I looked at Zac. He looked healthy enough, but I knew he cad to be going through a lot with the divorce.

"How are you, though?"

"I'm... really good, actually." He honestly looked good; not just in appearance, but in the way he carried himself. 

"That's good; I'm glad."

"I think I can do this... dad thing. Who knew?"

"I did," I replied without hesitation. Zac blushed adorably; it was true, though.

"I always knew you'd make a great dad, the way you kept an eye on Mac and the girls, always played with them, always paid attention to them. You have a good heart; that's all that matters."

"You do, too, Tay." Zac smiled at me, and I felt my heart swell. I rested my hand on the blanket between us, making the sign for 'I love you'; Zac looked down and grinned wider, mimicking the gesture.

"So, let's give this food thing a shot, huh?" I poked Junia's nose, making her giggle and squeal.

"Brave enough to try my cooking?" Zac asked jokingly as he handed me a thermos and a pair of tumblers.

"I guess so," I sighed, smirking; I poured a cup of lemonade and handed it to him, before serving myself some. 

"Here's to us," I said under my breath, catching Zac's eyes as I took a sip. He smiled, nodding his head slightly before taking his own drink. 

"Hey, Shep!" Zac called in the direction of the swings. "Come get your sandwich before Tay eats it!" 

I laughed as I dug through the stuffed basket, and pulled out a sandwich marked with a 'T'.

"Turkey," he explained, pulling out a jar of baby food and a spoon. "Hmm, organic chicken ravioli and sweet potatoes... ugh. Sorry, girl." He fed her a couple spoonfuls, grimacing at her expression of distaste. "Blame your mother, she picked it out."

After feeding her some he set her food aside and turned back to the basket, pulling out a couple more sandwiches, a package each of macaroni and pasta salads, a box of crackers and a bag of chips. He looked up, grinning sheepishly.  
"I may have gone a bit overboard... you know how I am with food."

"You? Never..." I smirked at him before taking a bite of my sandwich. Zac had always had a healthy appetite; it bothered him for a while, and I knew Kate had gotten onto him about his weight on more than one occasion. But he'd managed to find happiness with his figure, something I hoped I'd been helpful with.

"Who knows, maybe I'll cook you dinner someday."

"That'd be really nice." The thought _was_ nice, better than nice even. Images of candlelit dinners and soft music floated through my head briefly, and I smiled softly at him. 

"You're a brave man, Taylor Hanson," Zac joked, interrupting the pleasant thoughts. I let my mind wander for a few moments more, my eyes following Sheppard as he ran around the playground; he was definitely his father's son.   
"How long do you have them for?"

"Just the weekend, I think," he replied with a shrug. "Which is... more generous than I expected." He looked at Junia and smiled, but I could see the pain, the fear hidden behind that smile. His kids were his world, and I couldn't imagine what kind of hell he was going through without them.

"You're a good father; she knows that. She's not going to take them away." I had no idea how true that was; I wouldn't put it past her to use their children as a bargaining chip. But it was what he needed to hear. He was quiet for a minute, but then nodded slowly.

"Yeah... I guess she isn't." Zac stared at his food for a moment, lost in thought, but then smiled up at me. "So, this is nice, huh? I did good?"

"Yeah, you did good."

"I just wanted to do something nice for you," Zac said quietly.

"I remember when we were kids, there was this one time everyone was going to the park, but you were sick so you had to stay home. I stayed with you, and we had a picnic in the living room, remember?" I smiled at the memory; I'd felt so bad for Zac, the way he'd cried and begged to be able to go.

"Yeah, I remember that," Zac replied, grinning. "That was really sweet of you."

"I just didn't want you to feel left out. I know it wasn't easy for you, back when the band was just starting."  
"I was okay," Zac said, shrugging.

"Do you ever wish you'd had a more normal childhood?" I asked. It was something I'd often thought about over the years, both for myself and Zac. I could remember days, even back on our first major tour, when I'd fantasized about giving it all up. But the good days made it all worth it, for me at least.

"I can't even imagine that," Zac replied, shaking his head. "But... that's okay. Normal is boring. I mean, maybe there are some things I'd like to change, but I'm okay with how it all turned out. I've got you, I've got two great kids... speaking of, Shepherd! Lunch!" Zac yelled in the direction of the swing set. I chuckled as I watched the boy kick the ground before shuffling over; he stayed just long enough to grab his sandwich and bottle of milk before tearing off again.

What are we gonna do with him?" Zac laughed.

"Same thing we did with you, I guess."

"Distract him with video games and give him large things to hit?" Zac replied, grinning.

"That could work," I laughed, remembering why we'd called Zac 'Animal' when we were little.

"Do we really need another drummer in the family?"

"Nah, you're right; we need a bassist." I smirked; over the years we'd often jokingly tried to convince our younger siblings to fill in the spot, but with zero success.

"Taylor, a bass guitar is bigger than Shepherd," Zac laughed. "He'd look sillier than I did trying to stay upright on those drum cases."

"Oh god, remember that one photo shoot where they had to put you on a milk crate?" I giggled as I thought about it; it was right before Middle of Nowhere had come out, and Zac hadn't hit his next growth spurt yet. Zac nodded, groaning.

"So. Embarrassing. I was _still_ shorter than you."

"And I used to lean on you all the time..."

"Yeah, well, you grew out of that when I got bigger than you," Zac said, flexing slightly.

"I've still got you beat, little brother," I shot back, smirking.

"Only in length," he whispered, blushing slightly, and I felt my own cheeks heat up in response. "And I'm stronger than you, totally." he added, back to normal volume. 

"You think so, huh?" I raised an eyebrow; our wrestling matches had become somewhat legendary, due in large part to both of us being too stubborn to quit.

"Absolutely. I could kick your a-" Zac caught himself, and glanced at Junia before continuing. "Your butt any day of the week."

"Sure you could," I said patronizingly, taking a sip of my drink.

"Like, remember that one interview where I smashed you and Ike's heads together?" Zac giggled. "I was what, fourteen?"

"Yeah, yeah," I laughed, rolling my eyes. "That wasn't a fair fight."

"Well I've been working out since then."

"So I've noticed, I teased quietly, my eyes trailing over his arms and chest. He'd definitely filled out as he grew up, his solid mass in stark contrast to my more lean features.

"You're just lucky there's a baby between us right now or you'd see how much I've been working out." 

"Oh yeah?" I breathed, my eyes widening slightly. It was still surprising to me how he could shift my mood so drastically with a few words.

"I didn't mean that, Tay," he said, smirking, but his eyes suggested otherwise. "Jeez, get your mind out of the gutter.

"Oh... right," I muttered, grinning sheepishly. "Well how was I supposed to know what you meant?

"I'm not always perverted, Tay." Zac put on his best innocent smile, but I just smirked.

"Right. How much cleaning did your place need after Carrick left?"

"Um," Zac faltered, looking down. "Kate actually... cleaned most of it while I was out."

"Oh." My eyes widened at the sudden turn; I was genuinely surprised Kate went through the trouble of cleaning the house before leaving it.

"I mean, I had stuff picked up. But I came in and she'd like... done everything." Zac paused for a moment, giggling. "She probably wanted to soak herself in bleach when she was done."

"That bad?" I laughed; if cleanliness was close to godliness, then Zac... well, that'd be just one more item on a very bad list.

"Well, it almost doesn't smell like weed anymore," he shrugged.

"Almost," I repeated, nodding slowly and grinning. My smile fell though, as I thought about everything.

"How was it, seeing her? Was it bad?" I asked. I didn't want to open wounds, but I wanted to know how he was dealing with it.

"Actually, no, it wasn't bad. It wasn't really good, either," he added. "But there wasn't any screaming or anything. She let me help her carry boxes out."

"Right, _let you_ help her..." I snorted. Of course she would put him to work.

"Well I offered. It was the least I could do."

"Yeah, because you haven't done enough for her." I could feel my temper rising, but I took a couple deep breaths. I didn't want to ruin a perfectly good day by getting upset.

"According to her, no, I haven't."

"Freaking b-"

"Language, Tay," Zac warned me, smirking.

"Sorry." I sighed heavily; even when she was on her way out of the picture, Kate still had the power to infuriate me, and I hated anyone having that much control over my emotions.

"It's okay, but if June Bug here starts calling her mom a you-know-what, I'm so blaming you."

"If she calls Kate a you-know-what I'll buy her a pony," I laughed; Zac smiled, but shook his head.

"You are horrible."

"You love it," I said quietly, my mood shifting again. So maybe it was okay for _one_ person to have total control over my emotions.

"You know it," he replied, a lusty smirk on his lips.

"So," I started, naughty thoughts starting to fill my mind. "Can I have some of your pie?" I knew I was blushing again, but so was Zac. He turned and pulled a pie out of the picnic basket, then turned back to me with an impish grin.

"It's your favorite... cherry." Zac snorted, giggling. I motioned for him to come closer, and I leaned in next to his ear.

"Wouldn't be the first cherry of yours I've tasted," I whispered, giving his ear a gentle lick before pulling away.

"Jordan Taylor Hanson," Zac gasped, his eyes wide and his cheeks pink. "You are horrible." I just shrugged and grabbed some plates and forks out of the basket. Zac grabbed something else, smirking at me. "Whipped cream?"

"Of course," I answered. "Can't have pie without creamy topping," I added, winking. Zac rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Just hush and cut me a slice. You know how I like it."

"Damn right I do," I muttered, grinning.

"Language," Zac warned, taking his slice. I cut one for myself, and held it out to Zac, smirking.

"Cream me?" I teased, locking eyes with Zac. He held the gaze as he covered the pie in cream.

"Is that enough for you?"

"Enough for now," I answered quietly; Zac giggled, handing the plate back. We kept looking at each other as we ate, especially as I licked my fork clean. 

"Horrible, just horrible," Zac muttered, shaking his head and grinning.

"I could be worse, you know..." I teased.

"Children," he hissed, shaking his head. "Remind me to teach Viggo a few curse words next time I see him. Just to even the score."

"Might be too late," I admitted with a guilty smirk.

"So you're just as bad around your own kids, huh?" Zac's tone was light, but his words still hurt a little; I knew I wasn't the world's worst father, but I was far from the best, either. "Tay, I was kidding."

"You're right though," I sighed. I did my best for my kids, but I always felt like I was falling short; never there often enough, too many milestones missed from being on the road or in the studio, too many bad habits displayed before innocent eyes.

"Tay, you're a great father, seriously. Four kids? I would've, like, lost one in Walmart years ago." Zac laughed, and I joined him, albeit weakly.

"I didn't have much of a choice; I just had to make the best of it, you know?"

"I know," Zac answered, nodding sadly. "But you did great."

"You think?" 

"Yeah, I do. Your kids are smart, well behaved, adorable as f- um, they're cute. I mean, Ezra's a little dangerous with a toy light saber, but we all were at that age."

"Yeah, sorry about that," I laughed, remembering the time I'd nearly broken his nose during a particularly rough battle. Zac just shrugged, rubbing the bridge of his nose lightly.

"It's alright, I lived."

I sighed happily, letting my mind wander for a while as I watched Zac's son play. My thoughts turned back to my own children, and the changes taking place in our family. Natalie and I had done a lot of talking over the past couple of weeks, and though amicable, it was still emotionally taxing on both of us. We wanted to do what was best for everyone, especially the kids.

"So, um," I started slowly. "I was talking to Nat..." I trailed off, trying to choose my words carefully.

"About...?" Zac asked after a moment of awkward silence.

"About the house," I finally added, looking down.

"Oh. _Oh_ ," Zac repeated, getting the meaning behind the words.

"I did a lot of thinking. I think it's for the best if she just stays there; the kids won't have to change schools, they've got plenty of room..." I loved our house; I'd searched for months to find just the right place to call home, and it hurt having to leave it behind, but it was what was best for my family.

"Yeah," Zac agreed, nodding slowly. "Where... where will you go?"

"I'll probably get something small," I said, shrugging. "Maybe a condo or something."

"No you won't," Zac replied, shaking his head. "You'll move in with me."

"What?" I looked up, tilting my head. I didn't want to hope too much, but already my mind was beginning to buzz with all the positives that arrangement could provide.

"I've got way more house than I need by myself. And besides, I need somebody to do my cooking and cleaning," he added with a smirk.

"Zac, are you sure?" I asked quietly; Zac nodded, his eyes softening.

"Remember, we talked about it? Our bachelor pad?"

"Yeah..." I felt my eyes watering slightly; I'd dreamed of living with Zac, having a home to ourselves where we could feel free to be however we wanted. And now it looked like that dream would be coming to life.

"If you don't want to, that's... that's fine..." Zac said softly, and my head snapped up. 

"No! No. Zac, I..."

"Yeah?" He smiled hopefully, and it was all I could do to hold back the happy tears.

"Yeah," I managed, nodding.

"Yeah? You'll move in?" His smile grew into a full grin, one I happily returned, laughing a bit.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," I replied. "Just... happy. Really happy." I turned to smile at Junia, but placed my hand on the blanket between Zac and myself, making the sign for 'I love you'. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him look down and smile.

"So much," I whispered.

"I know," he answered just as quietly, his own fingers mimicking my gesture.

"Come on, June Bug," I said, clearing my throat and dusting myself off. "Wanna swing for a bit?" I picked her up and she giggled, waving her arms and looking at Zac.

"Ooh, ooh, can I swing too?" Zac piped up, jumping to his feet and grinning.

"Sure," I laughed. "I'll even push you." We headed over to the swing set and got Junia into one of the baby swings, Zac taking the adult swing to her side. He stared up at me with puppy eyes, pouting playfully; I gave Junia a couple light pushes, then stepped behind him, pulling him back.

"I love you, Zac," I whispered in his ear, before giving him a solid push. He glanced back, his eyes telling me what I already knew.


	3. Chapter 3

**Zac**

I knew that to Taylor, it must have seemed like a spur of the moment decision when I told him I wanted him to move in with me. It wasn't. I mean, it wasn't something I realized was actually a possibility until that conversation, but there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I wanted it to happen. While I knew Taylor hadn't left Natalie because of or _for_ me, there was a part of me that felt responsible for the entire chain of events that lead to the two of them calling it quits. Letting Taylor move into a tiny little condo after everything I'd done... it just wasn't even something I was willing to consider. He _had_ to live with me.

Thankfully, it hadn't taken very much persuasion for him to see how great of an idea it was for us to live together. Once we came to that decision, it didn't take us very long to set things into motion. Only about two weeks later, everything was prepared and he was on his way to my—no, _our_ —house. Naturally, I had left a lot of the work until the last minute. I woke up early that morning to put a final coat of paint on my big surprise, as well as making sure everything else was perfect. There were dishes to be done, socks to be picked up, and lots of air freshener to spray around to cover that lingering hint of weed. It was a lot of work, but Taylor was worth it and more.

I was in the guest bathroom, trying to wash dried paint off my hands, when I heard a knock on the front door. A second later, the door opened with a creak and I heard Taylor's voice.

“Zac?”

I wiped my hands hurriedly on my pants, not caring if I smeared paint on them since they were already old and worn out, and rushed down the hallway to meet Taylor. There was no doubt in my mind that I looked a little crazy, practically jogging down my own hallway, splattered with red paint, but I didn't care.

“Hey,” I said, giving Taylor a huge smile as soon as he came into sight.

Taylor looked me up and down, then smirked. “If you were gonna kill the bitch, you shoulda called first.”

My eyes went wide as I took in his words. As soon as their meaning sank in, I doubled over with laughter. I knew it was horribly inappropriate to joke about killing my soon-to-be ex-wife, but I found that I really didn't care. Once I managed to suck in a few deep breaths and stop laughing, I asked, “Why? You wanted to help?”

“Uh, duh.”

I snorted. “No one died, Tay. It's paint.”

I expected Taylor to ask what that was all about, but I guess seeing me covered in paint wasn't really that unusual. With a big smile on his face, he sat his suitcase down and said, “I know. C'mere.”

“Yeah?” I asked, walking over to him, watching his smile widen as I got closer.

“You really sure about this, Zac?”

“Absolutely,” I replied, nodding. There really was no doubt in my mind at all. Living with Taylor just made so much sense, and not just on a practical level. I didn't totally feel like I deserved the sort of smile Taylor was giving me, but I tried not to shy away from it. I took his hands in mine and said, “I'm absolutely, one hundred percent positive that I want this.”

Taylor looked like he was about to cry, his bottom lip quivering as he dug his teeth into it in an attempt to stop it. There were no tears pooling in his eyes yet, but I knew that was coming soon. I had to do something to distract him, make him laugh.

“I mean, I cleaned,” I said. “If that doesn't say serious, what does?”

Taylor glanced around the room, taking in the now somewhat unfamiliar surroundings. It hadn't been exactly clean the last time he was here, and before that, the rooms had been filled with a lot more of the decorations Kate picked out. Those were mostly gone now, and I was gradually making the place my own. I liked finally feeling really comfortable in my own house. After taking in the entire living room, Taylor nodded and smiled.

“Doesn't even smell like weed anymore,” I pointed out.

Taylor sniffed the air, obviously not quite believing me until he saw—well, smelled—it for himself. With a smirk, he said, “Nice. Is that lavender?”

“Yup,” I replied with a nod. It was silly, but I remembered an interview we'd done earlier in the year when he'd been asked about his favorite scent. Even though we weren't together at the time, as far as we knew, it stuck with me for some reason. When I went shopping to get the house ready for him to move in, I went a little nuts and bought every lavender candle, stick of incense and air freshener that I could find.

Taylor's hand brushed across my cheek. His voice soft, betraying all of his emotions, he said, “Thank you.”

“You're welcome,” I replied, smiling. There was so much more I wanted to say to him, to tell him how I really felt, but I still didn't know quite how to put it all into words. Instead, I decided just to show him. I took a few steps backward and pulled him with me. “Come on. I know we'll be sharing my room most of the time, but...”

I blushed a little then, mostly out of nervousness. The majority of my shyness with regards to sex was gone, but I was worried that Taylor wouldn't like what I had done for him.

“I figured you kinda need your own room, too,” I finally managed to say. “So... I fixed up the guest room for you...”

Taylor tilted his head to the side. “Zac...”

“What?”

After a short pause, he smiled. “You didn't have to do that...”

“Sure I did,” I said, practically dragging him the last few feet down the hallway and opening the guest room door. I gave him a nervous smile as he stepped into the room.

It was still a little messy since I had only just finished painting it minutes before he arrived. The walls had gone from boring beige to a deep red that reminded me of Taylor the second I picked up the paint chip. I wasn't much of a decorator, so the bedding was a simple dark gray silk. Even I could tell that would look good with the red walls. Other than the bedroom suit and the drop cloths I'd yet to take up, the room was basically empty and ready for Taylor to move in. The Jordan painting leaned against the bed, where I'd hoped it would be safe from stray paint but still on display.

Taylor gasped, and I wasn't sure if that was a good sign or a bad sign. I couldn't read his face at all, and it kind of made me want to run and hide or start apologizing for everything.

“You uh...” I stuttered out. “You don't have to hang the painting if you don't want...”

He stepped into the room slowly, walking over to the painting and crouching down in front of it. The entire time, he hadn't looked at me or said a single word, and that only made me even more nervous. I watched as he touched his fingers to the canvas. Tentatively, I took a few steps closer and I saw that he was biting his lip. His eyes were watering, and I really, really hoped that was a good sign.

“Zac... this is...” He glanced around the room, his eyes finally landing on me.

I stared back at him nervously. “Yeah?”

“Thank you,” he said, his eyes still full of tears but happiness as well.

“You're welcome,” I replied, letting out a breath. “You had me worried for a second there. I thought you didn't like it.”

Taylor's mouth fell open. He stood up and walked back over to me. “Zac, are you kidding? I love it. It's beautiful... all of it.”

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, but I smiled through it. They were happy tears, though. Overwhelmed tears. The kind that happen when you just feel so much, so many different emotions at the same time, that your body has to get it all out. So you end up crying, even if it isn't really appropriate and makes people look at you funny.

“I just though... you deserved it,” I said.

Taylor's smile fell a bit. “Zac, I...”

“Don't you even dare tell me you don't,” I said, giving him a stern look. Whatever he was going to say, I didn't want to hear it.

He smirked. “Or what?”

I shrugged, but returned his smirk with one of my own that I hoped looked dark and threatening. It must have, because for just a second, Taylor's eyes widened. That little hint of fear didn't last long, though, before it was replaced with what I recognized as love.

“Thank you,” he whispered, lacing his fingers with mine.

“You're welcome,” I replied, smiling. “I didn't really do anything besides cleaning and getting this room ready... bought new sheets...”

I mumbled that last part, regretting it even as the words came out of my mouth. Taylor's eyes shifted away from me like it was just an instinct, and his cheeks turned dark pink. I hated that I had reminded him of Carrick. Even though that was in the past, it hadn't been _that_ long ago, and I knew it still hurt Taylor to think about. My feelings for Carrick hadn't really gone away. I didn't think they _could_. But what I had with Taylor was the present and the future, and that was what mattered right then.

“Umm, and food,” I quickly added, hoping to pull off a little diversion. “I went a little crazy at the grocery store, so... if you're hungry... I've got it covered.”

Taylor laughed lightly, and I was glad to see my attempt at distracting him from thoughts of Carrick had worked for the moment.

“It appears I like shopping,” I said, returning his laugh. “I bought us some really nice wine. At least, I think it's really nice. It was really expensive.”

Taylor raised an eyebrow. “You bought us wine?”

“...Yeah?”

He grinned and wrapped his arms around me. I waited for a reply, but it seemed that was all I was going to get from him for the moment.

“I did good?” I asked, smiling.

He nodded and kissed my nose. “You did good.”

I couldn't help giggling; the kiss tickled, and it was just so typically Taylor. Absolutely adorable. I had missed that. He stroked my hair and I couldn't stop myself from purring. Leaning against him, I said, “I'm glad you're here...”

Taylor nodded. “Me too.”

“You wanna, umm, get a glass of that wine now?” I asked, suddenly feeling the need for another distraction before things got too emotional. “I could use a little break...”

Taylor glanced at his watch. “At two in the afternoon?”

“Why not?” I asked, ignoring his teasing smirk. “There are no rules in this house. Except no painting with peanut butter.”

His smirk turned into a grin, and then was overtaken by loud laughs. “I'll try to remember,” he replied.

“Chocolate sauce, though... that's different,” I said with a devious grin. A little softer, I added, “And I may have bought some today...”

Taylor bit his lip and smirked. “Is that so?”

“Maybe,” I replied with a dismissive shrug. “You'll have to go see for yourself.”

He leaned in close and whispered in my ear. “Why don't we start with some wine and see where that leads?”

Before I could answer, he caught my ear between his teeth and nibbled on it. It didn't matter what he had asked; I was putty in his hands then, willing to do anything he wanted. With a whimper, I barely managed to squeak out my reply.

“Sounds good to me.”

I lead the way to the kitchen, even though Taylor obviously knew where it was. He hadn't spent _that_ much time in my house, but he still knew the basics. Once we made it to the kitchen, he immediately started throwing open cupboards and poking through the refrigerator.

“Quite the selection... what'd you do, buy the whole store?” He smirked.

“Possibly,” I said, returning his smirk as I plopped down onto one of the bar stools. With a giggle, I added, “Didn't know what the chef needed.”

“Ooh, I see,” Taylor said, spinning around and giving me a look. He leaned against the counter. “So, you're really holding me to that 'cooking and cleaning' deal, huh?”

“Maybe,” I replied with a shrug. “How do you feel about a French maid uniform?”

Taylor's eyes went wide and his face paled. Somehow, that reaction only made me giggle. I did feel bad for teasing him about being the girl in the relationship, but sometimes he made it far too easy.

“Umm, how about that wine?” Taylor asked, obviously trying to ignore my giggles.

“Sure,” I replied with a grin. He turned his back on me then, resuming his exploration of the cabinets. “Tay... I was kidding about the French maid thing... mostly...”

He shot me another look, obviously not missing that last word. “Uh huh...”

I figured it was best not to push him any further, so I sat back and watched him trying to find what he was looking for. It didn't take him long to locate the wine, but he seemed to struggle with the corkscrew. After he'd opened practically every drawer, I decided it was probably time to help him out.

“That drawer there, on the left,” I said, motioning toward one of the few that wasn't open.

Taylor smiled at me over his shoulder, then opened the drawer in question and quickly located a corkscrew. I had to wonder why I even had one. It wasn't like Kate ever kept any alcohol in the house. But, I had to remind myself, that didn't matter. It wasn't her house anymore.

“Guess I'm gonna have to get used to where everything is...” Taylor remarked.

“Should I label the cabinets?” I asked, giving him a big grin.

Taylor was less than amused. He gave me what can only be described as a bitchface, his lips set in a straight line and his eyes narrowed. It only amused me more.

“I'm sure I have some post it notes here somewhere...”

That seemed to amuse him, the evil look slowly falling off his face. He shook his head, but smiled, as he popped the bottle open and poured two glasses of what I really hoped was good wine.

“And no, you don't have to do all the cooking and cleaning,” I added, deciding to play at least a little bit nice. “But if you're expecting anything fancier than frozen pizza, corndogs or a sandwich... well, I'm not quite there yet.”

“You'll get there,” Taylor said, laughing. “I'm told I'm a good teacher.”

He winked after the last part, and I couldn't stop myself from grinning. As he handed me my glass, I said, “I can kinda make pancakes... oh, and brownies! I made a mean batch of brownies...”

I took a sip then just to shut myself up. Taylor didn't need to know the brownies were full of weed and that Carrick and I had eaten them all in one sitting.

“Ah, ah!” Taylor cried. “Hold on!”

I glanced up, trying my best to look innocent and like I wasn't thinking about stoned sex with Carrick. “...Yes?” 

Taylor held his glass out and smiled lovingly at me.

“Oh,” I replied with a smile, realizing that he wanted to make a toast.

“To us?” He said.

I nodded. “To us.”

Taylor gave me a nervous smile, and I felt myself blushing a little as I returned it. I supposed that was as close to a wedding toast as the two of us would ever get. It was a nice new beginning for our relationship, though, even if moving in together was as official as it could ever be.

I watched closely as Taylor took a sip. As soon as the glass left his lips, I asked, “Good? You know I don't know shit about wine...”

He nodded. “Yeah, actually. Really good.”

“Well, we know who's doing the shopping,” I replied with a proud grin.

“We can do it together,” Taylor replied, giving me a smirk.

I had to laugh, not just as the slight innuendo, but at the memory it dredged up of one of the trips we'd made a few years prior. Stifling a snort, I asked, “Can we livestream it?”

“Hmm...” Taylor replied, trying to look thoughtful, like he was actually considering it, but mostly just smirking.

“What? That was fun, remember?”

“Yeah, it was...” He replied. “The fans loved it, too. They love the boring, random shit...”

I snorted. “Yeah, I saw what they said about it.”

Taylor raised an eyebrow. “What they said?”

I nodded, trying really hard not to giggle so that I could actually tell him. “That we... we looked like an old married couple. Shopping together like that.”

Taylor's eyes widened, and for a moment I feared that he wasn't as amused by that as I was. Luckily, his smirk returned.

“Apparently we have smart fans,” I remarked, laughing and causing Taylor to snort with laughter as well.

“Yeah...” Taylor replied, taking another quick sip as if to shut himself up from commenting further on the fans. I wondered what he was thinking, but decided it wasn't important and took another sip of my own. Taylor watched me, blushing a little, then said, “So... tonight...”

“Yeah?”

He smiled, a smaller, shy sort of smile compared to the smirk he'd worn seconds before. “For the first time, we get to... well...”

“Actually sleep together?” I offered.

Taylor nodded.

“And wake up together,” I added.

“It's silly, I know...”

I shook my head. “No, it's not.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, and once again, I began to worry. It seemed like every little fluctuation in his mood sent me into a panic, and I had a feeling it would be that way for a while. We were still rebuilding what we had, still learning and relearning how to be with each other. I just hoped that I could stay patient and find a way through whatever problems we might have.

Forcing myself to stay calm, I said, “Tay...”

His eyes flickered open.

“What is it?”

“Just... I'm looking forward to it,” he finally replied, giving me a genuine smile.

“Me too,” I replied, then took another sip of my wine.

We were silent for a moment, both of us taking sips of what I had to admit really was a pretty good wine. I'd done a good job shopping after all, even though I'd felt a little overwhelmed at first. I wandered through the grocery store aimlessly, picking up anything and everything that I thought Taylor might like. After a while, it started to be really fun, imagining what it was going to be like when he was really here.

And now he was.

He just looked so _right_ standing there in what was now our kitchen, even if he didn't know his way around it yet. That would take a while to learn, I supposed, but I thought it was going to be fun, too. A smirk began to creep across my face as I had an idea about how to make it even more fun.

“What?” Taylor asked, tilting his head to the side in what I was sure was confusion at my expression.

I ignored him, though. I was a man on a mission.


	4. Chapter 4

**Taylor**

I knew that look; that was Zac's scheming look, and it could be exciting or terrifying, depending on the situation. Right now it was more amusing than anything else, as he dug through various drawers, searching for something. A moment later he found what he'd been looking for - a sharpie and a stack of post-it notes. I just rolled my eyes and smiled; sometimes he was so goofy, but it was adorable.

"Just in case," he said with a shrug, then started writing out labels and sticking them in their respective places; food, dishes, glasses, etc.

"I think I can handle it, Zac." I leaned against the counter, arms crossed as I watched him scurry around, sticking the little paper slips everywhere. He stopped finally, turning to me with his head tilted for a moment; then he wrote one more label and stuck it to my chest. I tilted my head to read the upside-down word: _mine_. I looked up at him and smiled; goofy and adorable, that was my Zac. I peeled the note off myself and stuck it to him; he looked down at it, then smiled back at me.

"You're not wrong," he said with a shrug. His grin took on a more mischievous gleam then, as he took the note and stuck it to my pants, right over the zipper. I matched his dark smirk, looking him up and down; I took a step forward, closing the distance between us and backing him against the counter.

"Hey there," Zac breathed, his eyes wide and lusty. I ran my hands from his shoulders down his chest, stopping to grip his hips tightly. 

"Mine," I snarled as I ground our hips together, drawing a moan from him; knowing how turned on he was only fueled the fire in myself that much more.

"Yes, I am," he sighed, looking at me with eyes full of passion and love. I lowered my face to his, our lips a whisper apart; it was strangely exciting to be like that, close enough to make the anticipation nearly unbearable.

"Yours, completely," I whispered. I hoped he could understand all the words not said, the level of commitment, my entire soul laid in his hands.

"I know," he answered with a nod. And he did know; I could see it in his eyes, along with the same returned to me. "I missed this... you... so much."

I nodded, smiling; he knew it was the same for me. I'd pushed him away for his own good, but it'd been the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. Now that I had him back, it was like I couldn't get enough. Zac wrapped his hand behind my head, pulling me into a kiss that told me he couldn't get enough either. I moaned against his lips, tangling my fingers in his hair; I wanted to memorize the way it felt, silky and soft and cool. The kiss deepened, both of us feeling the urgency, the desperate need to be as close as possible. I rolled my hips against his, drawing a moan and my name from his delicious lips.

"God, Zac," I breathed, kissing his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too." Zac ground his hips against mine; I'd imagined this so many times while we were apart, locked in my office where I could indulge in fantasies I thought would never come true again. Zac's moans drew my attention back to the present, as he wrapped a leg around mine to bring us even closer together.

"God, Tay..." Zac threw his head back, and the invitation was too tempting to resist. I sunk my teeth into his neck the way I knew he loved, pushing myself as deeply into him as our clothing would allow. Zac cursed loudly, and I couldn't help chuckling.

"What's... so funny?" Zac asked, breathless.

"I've just always loved how easy it is to turn you on."

"It's just the effect you have on me, baby," Zac replied with a smirk. The nickname brought back a wave of memories, and I had to smile.

"Been a while since anyone called me that."

"Aww, poor baby," Zac mock-pouted. Smirking, I quickly leaned forward to catch his bottom lip between my teeth, making him whimper. It was too adorable not to laugh at.

"Now what?" Zac asked, this time pouting sincerely.

"Nothing..."

"Tell me."

"It's just..." I took a moment to collect my thoughts. "You've become so assertive, so confident. And yet..." I blushed a bit as I finished. "You're still so willing to submit to me."

"Is that weird?" he asked with a shrug.

"No, not weird; I'm just curious about it, is all."

"Oh, I see." Before I knew what was happening, Zac had peeled his leg off me, spun us around and slammed me against the counter. I stared at him with wide eyes; the dominant side of him was one I'd always known existed somewhere, but I'd never actually seen it.

"What now?" he asked, smirking.

"Learned some new tricks?"

"Maybe."

I leaned forward, gently kissing his neck; I wasn't sure what to expect now, but I was definitely enjoying it. Zac moaned and ground against me, pressing me against the counter. I couldn't have stopped the moan from escaping my lips if I'd wanted to; I grabbed his ass and pulled him closer, my patience wearing thinner by the second.

"Something you want?" Zac half-moaned, half-growled, sending chills down my spine.

"Fuck... Yeah. You." I stared into Zac's eyes, desperately pleading for him to give me what we both needed.

"Is that right?" Zac said with a smirk, grinding even harder and drawing a loud moan from me.

"Y-yeah..."

"What do you want me to do?" he asked slowly and softly. I knew what he wanted to hear, just as much as he knew how embarrassing it was for me to say it. This new Zac was very different from the one I thought I knew, but I loved him just as much, if not more.

"Fuck me," I said, matching Zac's stare. "Here. Now."

"You don't have to tell me twice," Zac said, failing to hide the shiver that visibly ran through him. Our mouths came together in a hungry, needy kiss, our fingers tearing at each other's clothes. Zac pulled back to peel his shirt off, and I stared at him, drinking in the sight.

"So beautiful," I breathed.

"Yeah, you are," Zac said with a smirk; I blushed and rolled my eyes. Zac made short work of my clothing; I gripped his hair, needing physical contact. I kissed and nibbled his neck as my hands found his zipper; he helped me slide his jeans down, then kicked them off. I pulled back to look at him, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from his, from the raw need I saw reflected there.

"See something you like?" he said with a grin, and all I could do was nod. Unable to wait another second, I dropped to my knees and took him in my mouth all at once. "Fuck!" he groaned loudly, grabbing handfuls of my hair.

I sucked him hard and fast, shamelessly devouring him like a starving man. I remembered how he liked it, and I reached up to massage his balls as I dragged my teeth. His moans and whimpers spurred me on, but I wanted more. I replaced my mouth with my hand, standing to kiss him deeply. He moaned against my mouth and shoved me hard against the counter; I let out a sound of pain as the edge hit my back, and Zac pulled away.

"You okay, baby?"

I was too breathless to answer with words, but I nodded and gave him a smirk.

"What?"

"I like it when you're rough," I admitted, blushing harder.

"Oh yeah?" Zac asked, the concern melting from his features and being replaced with mischief. "Is that right?" he went on, nibbling my neck.

"Mhm," I whimpered, apparently having lost all ability to speak.

"Then turn around," he whispered in my ear. I was trembling, but I did as he told me. I watched as Zac looked around, then opened a drawer next to the stove and pulled out a tube of lube. I stared curiously at Zac, then the drawer, then Zac again. 

"Zac?"

"Um... yeah?" Zac replied, biting his lip nervously. A moment later, a lightbulb turned on in my head.

"N-nothing..." The last thing I wanted to think about was why Zac would have lube in his kitchen.

"We can... we can go someplace else, if you want."

"This is fine," I replied coyly, looking at him over my shoulder.

"You sure, baby?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"N-no reason..."

I was having a twisted sort of fun teasing Zac. I knew why he was nervous, and while maybe it should have bothered me, I just found it cute, and somehow hot at the same time.

"This seems as good a place as any, don't you think?" I asked with a knowing smirk. I wondered how far I could push him.

"I... I guess so." Zac's face paled slightly; I didn't want to make him too uncomfortable, but at the same time, I had a feeling it would be worth it. If I just pushed one more button...

"You guess so? Or..." I raised an eyebrow, smirking, and that was the last straw for Zac. He let out a snarl that made my eyes go wide, then without any warning, closed the distance between us and slid a finger into me.

"F-f-fuck!" I gasped, rolling my head back.

"What do you think?" he growled in my ear. "Is this a good enough place?"

All I could do was whimper and nod. I was just starting to find my bearings when I happened to look up; we were right in front of the microwave, and thanks to the sun pouring in from the room's many windows, I saw both Zac and myself, our faces painted with lust, reflected back as clear as a mirror. Zac noticed where my eyes were, and smirked.

"Didn't know you liked to watch."

Between Zac's words, our reflections, and the feeling of Zac inside me, I was losing patience; I pushed my hips back a bit, needing more.

"Hmm? Something you want?" Zac growled; I nodded weakly, whimpering his name. "What? This?" he asked, sliding his finger deeper into me. I moaned, nodding; I couldn't take much more. He didn't make me wait, pushing the rest of the way in, making me curse loudly.

"You want more, baby?" Zac asked, and again, all I could do was nod. "So needy..."

"God, Zac, yes... please..." I moaned, finally finding my voice.

Zac slid out slowly, almost all the way, but came back full force with a second finger.

"Fuck!" I shouted, my legs shaking. I felt Zac's hand on my back, rubbing slowly.

"Good?" As if he had to ask... He knew exactly how to make me whimper and moan as he pumped his fingers in and out of me, drawing all sorts of noises from my throat. A twist of his hand sent an electric shock through me.

"Oh god Zac, yes, fuck!" I was cursing and moaning with wild abandon, unable to control myself.

"That's the general idea," he chuckled. I laughed lightly, until he twisted his hand again, nearly making me cry out. He paused then, sliding almost all the way out again and holding there. I tried pushing my hips back, but he kept his position. I pleaded and whined, nearly at my breaking point, when I heard him laugh.

"Okay, okay..." A third finger was added, all three forced in to the hilt. I let out a desperate scream; Zac rubbed my back soothingly, his calm voice and gentle touch the only thing keeping me standing.

"Feels good, baby?"

"S-so good," I stuttered.

"You know what would feel even better?" he whispered in my ear, his breath sending shivers through me. 

I stared at our reflection, meeting his eyes.

"W-what?" I knew what he was going to say, but needed to hear it, needed it like I needed him.

"My cock."

I shivered again. Just when I thought I was at my breaking point, Zac would up the ante, sending me into a new plane of anticipation and need.

"You want it, Tay?"

I nodded, biting my lip hard; my entire body was shaking, my eyes beginning to water.

"Tell me."

I took a trembling breath, locked eyes with Zac's reflection, and gritted my teeth.

"I want your cock inside me."

Zac moaned, low and deep, and I swore I felt it in my chest.

"As you wish."

 

Zac

I had to take a moment to breathe and enjoy what was happening. With all the changes in our lives lately, Taylor and I hadn't had many opportunities to really be alone like this. I missed it more than I had the words to say, and I wanted to savor it. I pulled my fingers out and took my cock in my hand, but paused just short of slipping into Taylor. The microwave's door didn't provide a huge window to watch us from, but it was enough to make me shiver when I looked up and saw our reflection.

“Fuck...” I gasped out, finding myself even more turned on by being able to watch our sort of reunion.

“Please...” Taylor whined. “Zac...”

He didn't have to ask me twice. I grasped his hips and pulled him back onto me, loving the way it felt and looked to watch my cock disappear inside of him. Being this close to Taylor... there was no way I was ever going to get enough of it. My movement was a little rough, and Taylor screamed out, his back arching so that he was almost standing straight.

“Fuck, Taylor... so good, baby...”

“Zac... yes...” he gasped out.

I pushed him back down against the counter, thrusting into him hard. He wanted me to be more dominant, didn't he? I had no doubt that I could do it now, and it hardly even felt strange to take the lead like that. But when I heard him curse as his skin slapped against the counter, I couldn't stop the worry that washed over me. I rubbed his back gently. “Fuck... you okay, baby?”

To my surprise, his reflection showed a smirk. Without saying a word, he thrust back against me. That was all the answer I needed.

“Fuck...” I choked out, feeling my eyes roll back in my head at the sudden wave of pleasure he caused. “I'm gonna assume that's a yes.”

He snarled, and pushed back against me again. So he was going to be a little bitch about it, it seemed.

“Fucking needy...” I said, chuckling. I grasped his hips tightly and set my own pace, a little slower than the one he seemed to be demanding.

He didn't reply with words, choosing instead just to moan loudly and toss his head back. I couldn't resist the urge to run my hand up his arched back until I reached his hair. It wasn't that long, but it was long enough that I could get a nice handful of it to hold onto as I continued to thrust into him. Taylor whimpered and pulled back away from me. I could see the reflection of his smirk, though, so I knew he was just toying with me. I snarled and tugged on his hair even harder, showing him that I could play that game too. His eyes rolled back and his body began to shake. Seeing him in so much pleasure, knowing I was the one causing it, only served to increase mine.

“Fuck, Tay...” I moaned.

“Zac... yes... more...” He said, apparently past the point of speaking in complete sentences.

“More?” I asked. Even if I was the one in charge, I was still hesitant to do anything that might possibly hurt him.

“Mhm... please...”

Then again, he _was_ asking for it. I dug my fingernails into his hips and drilled into him as hard as I could. If I was seeing stars, and I was, I could only imagine what it felt like for him.

“Fuck!”

A growl fell from my mouth and Taylor gasped. I let out another growl and asked, “Is that... enough for you?”

Taylor shook his head and snarled. “Never... enough... baby.”

His words were sweet, despite their delivery, and the strange combination of emotions only spurred me on. I moaned his name and thrust even harder, giving him more than I even thought I could. I raked my fingernails up and down his back, enjoying the fact that I now had the freedom to mark him as mine as much as I wanted.

With a beautiful cry, he grasped my hand and brought it to his erection. Just barely resting it against his heated flesh, he said, “Please...”

He didn't need to ask me twice. I wrapped my hand around his cock and began stroking him quickly, doing my best to match the pace I'd set with my thrusts. It wasn't exactly difficult; I prided myself on having awesome rhythm, after all.

“Oh god... yes...” Taylor gasped out.

“Yeah?” I asked in between moans of my own.

Taylor nodded. “So close, Zac...”

“Fuck... me too, baby,” I replied, bracing myself against the counter with my free hand.

I planted my feet as firmly on the floor as I could manage, trying to steady myself for what I knew was coming soon. Taylor's knuckles were white as he too braced himself against the counter. He gave my reflection a smirk and pushed back against me with more strength than I really knew he had.

“Fuck...” I growled.

Taylor returned my growl with one of his own, followed quickly after by my name.

“Fuck, Tay,” I gasped. “That's hot. Do that again.”

He growled louder, glancing over his shoulder to meet my eyes rather than just staring at my reflection. I had to fight to keep my own eyes open and focused on his; the pleasure was becoming far too much to handle.

“God...” I mumbled.

Taylor snarled. “Come inside me, Zac.”

At that, I managed to regain a little of my composure. With a smirk, I replied, “I was planning to...”

Taylor took that as some sort of dare, I guess, and began to thrust back against me even harder. His moans pushed me closer and closer to the edge, and made it hard for me to concentrate on my own thrusts. 

“Fuck, Zac!” Taylor cried out. “I'm coming!”

“Fuck, Tay,” I moaned. With a growl, I grasped his hip with one hand, the other one still stroking his dick, and watched our reflections. “Me too...”

Seconds later, he screamed my name as he shot his load all over the counter. “Zac...”

My vision blurred as I watched him, and that beautiful image was all it took to get me there. I let my head fall back as I continued to thrust into him even as I came, filling him up.

“Shit... Tay...” I said between panting breaths.

Taylor was panting, too, and as soon as I gave my last thrust, he fell forward. He rested his head against the counter, sweating and shaking as he struggled for breath. I pulled out but collapsed on top of him, finding that I didn't have the energy or the will to be any farther away from him than that.

“You okay, baby?” I asked, my voice weak and raspy as I panted.

“Yeah...” Taylor replied with a nod and a weak laugh. “Good... so good.”

I nodded. “Yeah...”

Taylor wiggled out from underneath me and turned around, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me deeply. I was still shaking, but I poured as much of myself into that kiss as I could. Even our kisses had been few and far between lately, and I was so, so glad that we could now remedy that.

After a few moments, when neither of us could breathe any longer, Taylor pulled back and smiled. “I love you.”

“Love you, too,” I replied. “That was... amazing...”

Taylor nodded. “Yeah, it was.”

I blushed. It hadn't been the most eloquent statement ever, but I was glad that Taylor agreed with it. 

“Yeah?” I asked. Taylor only smirked in reply.

“What is it now?” I asked, snarling.

Taylor's eyes fluttered, and I couldn't help feeling pleased that my dominant side seemed to turn him on so much. He blushed, and I knew that whatever caused him to smirk also embarrassed him. That was... interesting.

“So... umm...” he finally stuttered out. “Did you... and Carrick...”

He trailed off, blushing even deeper red, and I felt all the blood drain out of my own face.

“...Here?” He finally finished.

“You... really wanna ask that?”

“Just curious,” Taylor replied with a shrug. “You don't have to answer.”

All the blood came back to my face then, plus some. I had no doubt that I was even brighter red than Taylor was, and that was really saying something. I had to deflect and turn it into a joke, if I could. “Well... why else would I have lube in the kitchen?”

Taylor snorted, leaning casually against the counter. “So he was... about... here?”

I tried my best to ignore his strangely lusty smirk and shook my head. “No... not exactly...”

Taylor raised an eyebrow, and I realized there was no escaping it. By answering him at all, I'd opened a very weird can of worms.

“I was the one against the counter...” I mumbled.

“Oh...” Taylor replied, his eyes widening.

“At least, most of the time,” I added even more softly. I watched Taylor's slow nod, then said, “I thought you didn't wanna know where we... umm...”

I grabbed my long forgotten wine glass and took a long sip just to shut myself up. Taylor only shrugged.

“Just curious, I guess,” he replied.

I raised an eyebrow. “You... are?”

He nodded as he reached for his jeans and began to pull them back on. I eyed him curiously the entire time, trying to figure out where this had come from. I had expected Taylor to be much more upset at the mere mention of Carrick, and I could see there was still a hint of that in his expression sometimes. But other times... he asked these strange questions.

“Since when.” It was a statement, not a question. I was tired of beating around the bush. I wanted to know exactly what Taylor was getting at.

He just shrugged and took a sip of his own wine. After swallowing it, he blushed again. “Since... since you told me he wanted a three-way.”

“Oh,” I replied with a smirk. _That_ was an interesting turn of events. Taylor was interested in a threesome with my ex? I couldn't stop myself from smirking as I pulled my jeans on. “Interesting... I'm not sure which of us likes that idea best...”

Taylor raised an eyebrow. “Which of... us?”

“I told you it turned me on too,” I replied with a dismissive shrug.

“Well, yeah... I just...” He stuttered out.

I took a step closer to him and gave him a dark smirk. “You just what?”

“I guess I'm still surprised you would... umm...”

“What?”

“That you would... be okay with it?” He asked more than stated, his voice soft and a shy smile crossing his face.

“Why wouldn't I be?”

Taylor snorted. “Because...”

“What?” I snarled, wishing he would stop trailing off and just get to the point.

He shivered, and I couldn't help grinning. If the snarl turned him on enough to loosen his tongue, then I was doing something right. “Well, I mean...”

“Spit it out, Tay.”

He snorted again. “He's your ex. And... your friend. And...”

“Yeah? And?” I asked.

“And wouldn't it be awkward?”

“Maybe,” I replied, shrugging. Softly, I added, “But it would be hot as hell.”

Taylor shivered, and that only spurred me on. Now that I was sure he found it hot too, there was no way I was going to stop teasing him about it.

“I know you've thought about it, since I mentioned it... haven't you?”

“Yeah,” Taylor admitted, nodding.

“And...?” I asked, hoping to prod him into contributing to the fantasy, but he only blushed, so forged on alone. “I mean, obviously you thought he was hot once upon a time...”

I poked Taylor in the side, giving him a smile that I hoped told him it was okay to think Carrick was hot. I mean, anyone with eyes would surely agree with him. Taylor smirked, but I could still see guilt behind it.

“Obviously I agree...” I added, chuckling.

Taylor nodded, and I thought I saw some of the guilt begin to fade away.

“I mean, I guess it could be awkward, but...”

To my surprise, Taylor whispered, “But it could be hot as fuck...”

“Oh, I think it definitely would be,” I replied. Softly and sincerely, I added, “You're my two best friends in the world. If I was gonna do something like that, hell yes it would be with the two of you.”

Taylor nodded slowly. “So... you've thought about it, too?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “Carrick... kept mentioning it. So it's, umm, been on my mind.”

A hint of lust colored Taylor's smirk. “Yeah? You think... you might enjoy it?”

“Yeah,” I replied immediately, nodding enthusiastically. I let myself really consider it for a second and added, “Fuck yeah.”

Taylor leaned in closer and whispered, “The two of us sharing you?”

A shiver ran through my body and I nodded. How had he so quickly turned the tables and taken control of me? I found that I didn't really care as long as he said things like that.

“Or maybe the two of us sharing him?”

I shivered harder. “Why not... both? Do I have to pick?”

Taylor shook his head. “No reason all three of us can't have a good time...”

“What about the two of us sharing you?” I asked with a smirk, trying to regain some shred of control over the situation.

Taylor blushed, a visible shudder racking his body. Yeah, I was definitely getting to him.

“God...” I gasped out. “We're all a bunch of horny bastards, aren't we?”

Taylor snorted. “Yes we are.”

“We're horrible,” I said, shaking my head.

Taylor only laughed. I took the opportunity to pick up my wine glass and gulp the rest of it down.

“So... lunch?” I asked, grinning. It was kind of a ridiculous request to make, standing in the kitchen half-naked and still covered in sweat and the scent of sex, but I didn't care. I'd worked up an appetite. Taylor smirked, and before he could say something smart, I said, “Come on, play housewife and cook me something.”

He grinned and reached out to smack my ass.

“Hey!” I cried out, jumping and whimpering exaggeratedly, even though it didn't really hurt.

As we worked together to clean up the mess we'd made and find something we could agree on for lunch, I couldn't help feeling like all the pieces of my puzzle had finally fallen into place. I couldn't think of much that was missing from the picture at all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Taylor**

It started out as any typical Friday morning for me and Zac. I made him breakfast in bed; he pulled me down and took me until we were out of breath. We took a shower, which included round two. I made him a fresh batch of breakfast while he took his actual shower. And now we were sitting on the couch, him playing HALO 3, me watching him play and browsing the paper. Things were going fine until my cell phone rang. I looked at it, thinking it would be Isaac or someone from the office. When I saw the number, my blood chilled. I let it ring for a moment, debating whether or not to answer. I glanced nervously at Zac; I knew if I didn't pick up he'd ask who it was, and I didn't want to deal with that, either. Finally, I took a breath as I hit the button to accept the call.

"H-hey..."

"Well hey there. Started to think you weren't gonna answer me." Alex's voice filled my ears, smooth and familiar and a little too comforting. Zac looked over, raising an eyebrow.

"It's... been a while..."

"Yeah, been busy; you know how it is."

"Yeah..." I gave Zac an uneasy smile, which seemed to appease him. He probably thought it was Natalie; I wished it was, or anyone else for that matter.

"So hey, guess where I am?"

"Um, I don't know." I had a feeling I did know, but I was praying I was wrong. I glanced over at Zac again, who'd gone back to his game.

"Mother. Fucking. Tulsa. And there ain't shit to do here. Seriously, how do you live here without dying of boredom?"

I laughed despite myself; there was just something about Alex that always managed to make me smile, and I hated him for that. Zac looked over again, curious.

"So listen, I'm playing a concert tonight."

"Um... yeah?" My stomach dropped; I knew what was coming next.

"Well," Alex said, his voice dripping with intention. "Don't you wanna see me?"

Even though I'd expected it, Alex's invitation still caught me off guard. My eyes widened and I coughed a bit, unfortunately drawing Zac's attention. He mouthed the words 'Are You Okay', to which I could only nod unconvincingly.

"Well, um... I'm kind of busy..." Though I was trying to sound vague, my words only caused Zac to put his controller down and watch me closer.

"Aw, you don't have time for little old me?" I could hear the smug grin through Alex's words. He knew what effect he had on me; he'd always known, and took advantage of it at every opportunity. I sighed heavily, trying to assert myself.

"It's just... it's kind of short notice."

"Aw, I'm sure you can find time in your schedule to... fit me in."

"Actually," I said, trying my best to sound more confident than I felt, "I don't think I can."

"What, too busy with the wife and kids? That's a shame. We could have fun, you know."

"Nat and I, we, um... We're not... together." I wasn't sure why I was telling him, but it felt wrong to lie about that.

"No shit? About time you came out," Alex teased. Zac tapped me on the knee, mouthing 'Who is that?'. I shook my head and stood, pacing the room; I saw him pout, but I'd explain later.

"That's not why," I corrected Alex. 

"Whatever you say," Alex sighed, unconvinced. "Well if you're not on Daddy Duty, then surely you can come see me."

"I. Can't."

"Alright. Whatever, man. Call me if you change your mind." He was mad at me now, and though it shouldn't have mattered, it did. I started mentally kicking myself for what I was about to say.

"Hey..."

"Yeah?" he answered, a little too quickly. He knew I was going to cave; of course he knew.

"Um..." I sighed deeply; I needed closure, I told myself. That was all. "Maybe."

"Knew you'd come around..."

"That's not a yes," I replied, rolling my eyes. Of course it was a yes... I just wished he wasn't so damn sure about it.

"Alright, alright... I'll let you know when and where. The rest... is up to you."

"That's not... The show. That's it." I was developing a migraine; I rubbed my eyes, but I knew it wouldn't do much.

"I can work with that. I'll have tickets and passes sent to your office. See you soon," Alex whispered seductively, and I loathed the way his voice made me shiver. I hung up and sat back down, sighing heavily. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Zac glaring.

"Who. Was. That."

I glanced at Zac briefly, but the heat of his stare made me more uncomfortable than I already felt, and I looked away.

"Alex," I answered as quietly as possible. Zac growled, and I looked over.

"Tell me you didn't just agree to see him."

"I said maybe," I said after a pause. "Maybe isn't yes."

"It's also not no," Zac shot back.

"It's just a concert." I looked away again, squirming under the heat of Zac's stare.

"Yeah, I'm sure that's all it is to him," Zac spat, and I cringed. Of course he was right.

"I want to tell him... that I'm taken." That seemed to calm Zac down somewhat.

"Okay," he sighed. "I'm going with you."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I asked, turning to face him again. I was positive it was a bad idea.

"No. But I don't give a shit." Zac's tone made my eyes widen, and I looked at him nervously.

"Zac, I'll be fine."

"I trust you. It's him I'm worried about. And by 'worried about,' I mean I want to rip his throat out."

My eyes bulged at the vicious threat. I knew Zac had a temper, so it shouldn't have surprised me, and yet...

"Z-zac..."

"What? You think I won't?"

"It's really not that bad," I said, trying to stem the anger I could see building in my brother.

"Taylor. He hurt you."

"Not that bad," I said, but my wince betrayed me. I looked away, ashamed of my vulnerability.

"Don't lie to me," Zac said, surprisingly softly.

"It doesn't matter," I answered, looking at him and smiling sadly.

"If he wants to try hurting you again, it does. He needs to learn his fucking lesson."

"It wasn't his fault." I shook my head, looking away. It was true; if I hadn't been so weak, so easy with my body and my heart...

"Don't," Zac said firmly, rolling his eyes. "You're not to blame just because you... you... He's a douche. End of story."

"Please, Zac. Just don't worry about it." I gave him my best pout, hoping against hope he'd forget the whole thing.

"Too late. I'm going with you; you can't talk me out of it.

"We don't have to go."

"No. You should tell him you're with someone else and it's over. And if he doesn't get the hint, I'll help him. With my fist."

"And you don't think that'll look at all suspicious?" I asked, changing tactics.

"Defending my brother's honor from some sketchy dude?"

"Defending your brother's honor?" I echoed, rolling my eyes. "Yeah, that sounds normal..."

"Whatever," Zac shrugged. "I'm sure he'll find some way of pissing me off. I've punched people for way less than what he's done."

I snorted in response; it's true my brother's temper was somewhat legendary in the business.

"Remember that time I almost punched the pilot? Over where to put my guitar?"

"Not your brightest moment," I laughed, nodding.

"He was being an asshole. And has anyone ever counted how many promoters and shit I've punched?"

"Okay, okay," I said, still chuckling. "I get it; it doesn't take much to set you off. Or get, for that matter..." I smirked, hoping to veer the subject in a more fun, less violent direction.

"Well you can worry about that after I'm done beating Alex to a pulp."

I sighed, rolling my eyes; so much for changing the subject.

"What? He's skinnier than you, I could totally take him."

"He's stronger than he looks," I said half to myself, blushing, and instantly regretted it.

"So. Am. I. And I don't exactly look weak, do I?" Zac asked, smirking and flexing his muscles. I eyed him, licking my lips and shaking my head. "That's what I thought. Look, if anything, maybe he'll be on his best behavior with your weird little brother hanging around."

"Maybe," I said, doubtful.

"So I can watch out for you without having to throw any punches... unfortunately."

"Zac," I reprimanded my brother, giving him my best bitch face. 

"I'll only punch him if he really deserves it. Promise."

"Trouble is, you're the one that decides if he deserves it or not."

"Yeah, yeah... but hey, make that face again," Zac said, grinning. "That was hot."

 

**Zac**

Of all the places in the world that I could possibly be, a concert for Taylor's ex–if you could even call him that–was probably the last place in the world that I would have chosen. The concert hadn't even been that bad, which only made me feel worse. Alex had a disgusting sort of charisma and stage presence. If that carried through to the rest of his life, I could almost see how Taylor had gotten tangled up in him. Almost.

Near the end of the show, a security guard walked over and informed us that the band said we were free to go on backstage. I knew “the band” meant Alex, but I tried to keep my mouth shut. As we made our way backstage, it just felt really, really wrong. We'd been to plenty of other band's concerts at Cain's, but never before had I felt so much like... like a groupie.

I didn't like it.

The security guard escorted us backstage, then pointed us toward Alex's dressing room. I didn't like that, either. If we were meeting up with him in the green room, it would at least be a little bit public. There was another sort of implication altogether to hanging out in his private dressing room. Taylor shot me a look before knocking on the door. There was definitely a warning in his expression, but I thought I could see a little fear, too. I tried to give him a reassuring look, doing my best to appear calm and collected, even though I was anything but.

“Taylor?” A voice called out after his knock. “Is that you out there?”

He cleared his throat. “Umm, yeah.”

A moment later, the door swung open. “Well, come on... oh, hey Zac.”

Taylor gave him a nervous smile. I didn't even bother with that much pretense. With just a slight nod, I said, “Hey.”

“Umm, great show tonight,” Taylor said. “You look–umm, you guys sounded great.”

I caught that little slip, and my fists tightened instinctively at my side. I wasn't angry with Taylor; not really, anyway. His feelings for Alex, which obviously weren't gone, weren't his fault. I couldn't get upset about that, could I? Still, I could feel my blood beginning to boil.

Alex caught that slip, too, I was sure. He gave Taylor the smarmiest smirk I'd ever seen and said, “Yeah... well, come on in. We've got plenty of beer and shit, so make yourselves at home.”

The courtesy was obviously directly mostly toward Taylor, but he still stepped back and allowed me to pass as well. Taylor shot me another look that I couldn't quite read before following Alex into the room.

“Thanks,” Taylor said, grabbing a beer.

I followed behind him and grabbed a beer of my own, but decided it was in my best interests to be quiet. I didn't even trust myself with small talk.

“So where's Ike?” Alex asked. “Didn't he come too? Sorry I couldn't get tickets for the whole fam.”

Taylor shrugged. “It's fine. He was busy.”

Alex nodded knowingly, even though I was sure he really had no clue. What the hell did he possibly know about our lives? He fell back onto the couch, lounging across it like a cat, and took a long sip of his beer. “So, how're things?”

Taylor gulped down half his beer. “Umm... not bad...”

“Easy, tiger,” Alex said, with a chuckle. “I gotta pay for those.”

Taylor smirked, and I bit my tongue to keep myself quiet. Alex wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he was flirting with my brother right in front of me.

“You always could chug a beer, though, couldn't you?” He asked, smirking.

I watched Taylor blush, and it made me feel sick. He took a tiny little sip of his remaining beer, and I opted for chugging mine. Even though I already felt sick, I decided right then that being a little drunk would be the only thing that could possibly make this encounter tolerable. Taylor glanced my way and I gave him my best innocent face.

“Looks like someone took a few lessons from his big bro,” Alex remarked, chuckling.

Taylor blushed more, not meeting either of our eyes. I had no doubt he was thinking about all the other implications of Alex's words, but at that moment, I didn't find it very funny.

“Didn't know you drank, Zac.”

I shrugged. “Guess I do.”

Taylor glanced at me, and I was sure his mind was full of even more questions than Alex's, but he kept them inside. His eyes flitted back to Alex and he asked, “So, how've you been?”

“Oh, you know...” Alex replied. “Recording, traveling... same shit, different day.”

Taylor smiled and nodded. “Yeah, we're working on a new album.”

“Yeah, I heard,” Alex replied.

“It's coming along...” Taylor said, pausing slightly to take another sip of his beer, then smiling. “I can't wait to get back out on the road, though.”

“Yeah... it's always fun out on the road,” Alex replied. “Seeing new places, new people... old people...”

“Yeah...” Taylor replied, his smiling faltering a bit. I had to fight the urge to reach for his hand or place a reassuring hand on his leg.

“Not that you're old,” Alex added. “I'm practically ready for the farm compared to you.”

Taylor smirked. Whatever it was in Alex's last statement that had upset him, that little joke seemed to smooth it over.

“You still look the same, though. Haven't changed a bit,” Alex said, leaning back and smiling. I could see the way he was looking Taylor over, like he was a piece of meat, and I really wanted to punch that smile right off his face.

“Thanks,” Taylor replied, smiling shyly.

My fist tightened around my empty beer can, crushing it almost unintentionally. The sound seemed to echo around the room, and Taylor eyed me nervously. I ignored him, standing up and walking over to the table full of food and drinks. Alex was right; I really didn't drink that much, but this night definitely called for it. Taylor was still eying me when I sat back down, and I gave him an innocent look as I popped the top on my second beer.

“S-so, umm...” Taylor stuttered out, trying to drag his attention back to Alex. “The new band... it sounds really good.”

“Yeah?” Alex grinned. “Glad you like. Heard you guys have got some good shit coming out soon, too.”

“Yeah, we're pretty proud of it,” Taylor replied, nodding and smiling. At any other time, I would have been happy to talk about our new music, too. With things finally settling down in our personal lives, we'd been able to get back into the studio. “It's gonna be a few months, though.”

Alex nodded. “Well, from what I hear, the demos are sounding great.”

Taylor glanced up, confused.

“Oh, right,” Alex said, smiling. “Ran into Carrick the other day.”

“Oh... right.” Taylor's face went pale and I really wanted to comfort him, but I wasn't sure I could right then. I settled for just gulping down half my beer, avoiding Alex's eyes at all costs.

“Yeah, you know... I've known him and Austin since back in the day.”

Taylor stared down at his empty beer and nodded.

“Wasn't it my party where I introduced you guys to Everybody Else?”

“Umm... I think so,” Taylor replied, his face completely white. I didn't think Alex really knew what he was doing, but I was pretty sure he'd reminded Taylor of a certain party I'd heard about. That was awkward.

“It's hard to remember. So many drugs, man...” Alex trailed off with a chuckle.

“Yeah, well...” Taylor replied, clearing his throat. I didn't really want to know how many of those drugs he'd taken, too. Then again, I would have been a little bit of a hypocrite for being angry about it. I just couldn't win.

Alex smirked. “Good times.”

“Y-yeah...” Taylor replied, all the color returning to his face at once in the form of a bright red blush. I snorted a little at how cute he looked, and that was a sure sign that I was getting a little tipsy already.

“So listen...” Alex said. “There's an uh, after party...”

That got Taylor's attention. I watched him closely, still unable to bring myself to look at Alex's face.

“Pretty exclusive guest list...” He said, and I didn't need to look at him to hear the implication in that.

Taylor blushed. “Umm... I d-don't...”

Alex's eyes fell on me and I reluctantly looked back at him. With a mock sympathetic look, he said, “Afraid I didn't get your name on the list. Just Taylor.”

I looked back at Taylor and saw the fear in his eyes as he watched me, waiting for my reaction. I chugged the rest of my beer and crushed the can tightly in my fist, pretending it was Alex's smug little face. Taylor swallowed hard. I took a long, deep breath then said, “That's okay.”

“I can't,” Taylor blurted out, turning his head back toward Alex. “Umm, I mean... the thing is, Zac and I rode over here together... and I can't just, you know, ditch him...”

“Oh, he'll be fine,” Alex replied. “He's a big boy now.”

A low growl filled my ears, and it took me a moment to realize it had actually been _me_. Where the hell had that come from? Maybe I'd drank those two beers a little quickly; I was a bit of a lightweight, after all.

Taylor looked at me, then back at Alex, and took a deep breath. “Look, Alex... I just... can't.”

“I'm sure you _can_ , you just...” Alex raised an eyebrow. “Don't want to?”

“I... umm...” Taylor mumbled, glancing away nervously. The fact that he couldn't just tell him no and be done with it made me even angrier, but I could see that Alex wasn't going to make it that simple anyway. I couldn't totally blame Taylor.

“You don't have to be home to the wifey,” Alex remarked. “Can't use that excuse.”

Taylor glanced at me, his eyes unreadable. With an apologetic look, he asked, “Hey, umm... do you think you could just... give us a minute?”

I wanted to say no. I _should_ have said no. But that would have looked strange, I knew. There was no way for me to refuse, to stay protectively by Taylor's side, without arousing Alex's suspicion.

“I'll be right outside,” I said, standing up.

I shot Alex a glare before walking away, grabbing another beer from the table on my way out. I had a feeling I was going to need it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Taylor**

I watched Zac leave, wincing as he closed the door hard. I was starting to think maybe this had been a bad idea. Sure, I wanted closure with Alex, but was it really worth the risk? I’d always had a weakness for dark eyes and an evil smirk; it was something he and Zac had in common, and yet there was a world of difference between the two. Where Zac could look seductive, it was always with a playful edge. Alex stared at me like he wanted to devour me, leaving nothing behind when he moved on to his next meal.

“So, what? Couldn’t wait to get me back to the hotel?” There was that look again, and while I knew how wrong it was, I still felt that familiar pull. I knew I was blushing; I hated the fact that after all this time, Alex could still get to me without even trying.

“No, I… Um…” Try as I might, I just couldn’t seem to form thoughts let alone sentences. I took a deep breath and decided to try again, if Alex would let me.

“Yeah? What’s up?” Alex asked casually, leaning closer. I could smell his cologne, and underneath that something deeper, something I knew too well.

“I, um…” I licked my lips unconsciously; it was taking all my strength to concentrate on what I wanted to say. Everything in me was dying to just give in, to submit to the pleasure my body hadn’t yet forgotten.

“Yeah?” Alex was staring at my mouth, looking like a deadly jungle cat readying for the kill. 

“Alex, wait.” I backed up a bit; I had to create some physical distance, or else I was afraid of what I might do.

“You never wanted it slow before…”

My eyes fluttered closed as I felt the shadows of touches past, the truth in his statement sparking physical memories of frantic, feverish nights of panting, grasping, clawing at one another until we were both bruised and broken. Or more accurately, until _I_ was bruised and broken; I didn’t think Alex _could_ be. I had to reconnect to reality before I was sucked back into his torrid world.

“I- I can’t.” 

“Why not?” Alex asked, pouting; he was good at getting what he wanted, but his attempt at puppy eyes only reminded me of Zac.

“Look, it’s not that I… that I don’t…”

“Oh I know you do.” 

I opened my mouth to deny it, but what was the point? It was true that I still wanted him; part of me probably always would, and he knew that. I was an alcoholic, and Alex was the finest of wines, tempting all my senses at once.

“Come on, we both know you want it, so what’s the problem?” Alex purred, moving closer again.

“I… I’m with someone,” I finally managed. I tried to give him an apologetic smile; part of me really was sorry, even though I knew he only cared about his own satisfaction.

“Never stopped you before,” he shot back with a knowing smirk. 

“This is different.” I bit my lip, thinking; was it so different? Hadn’t I thought I was in love before? It turned out I’d been lying to myself more than anyone, but I’d had myself pretty well convinced. Still, this had to be different. With Natalie, I’d only been playing the part forced upon me; with Zac, I was risking everything to be with him. That had to count for something.

“Yeah?” Alex urged, his voice taking on a deep sultry tone that gave me goosebumps. “More… satisfying?”

“It’s not… about that.”

“Sure it is. You came to me, because your little wifey couldn't give you what I could. And now, neither can the next one. They just don’t have what it takes,” he finished, grazing a finger up my leg, stopping just shy of the hardness I’d been desperately trying to ignore. Just in case I didn’t get his meaning. I looked away guiltily; my mind was trying, but my body was betraying me.

“So… now it’s another man, isn’t it?” Alex mused, his voice taking on a tone of realization. My eyes flashed to him as I started to panic. He couldn’t know it was Zac; there was no logical way he could come to that realization, right? I started racking my brain for any clues we might have inadvertently given him. I came up with nothing, and allowed myself to relax a bit.

“Is he good?”

The question was probably meant to make my resolve waver, but instead it strengthened it. I felt myself start to smile; suddenly everything started to become clear, the differences between Zac and Alex looking laughably obvious.  
“Yeah, he is. He’s good to me.”

“As good as I was?” Alex’s words still held some sway, albeit diminished. Some people just had that magic quality, personality notwithstanding.

“I can’t… It’s just... different.”

Alex didn’t seem to agree; instead he was blatantly ignoring my pitiful attempt at rejection. He snaked a hand up my thigh, and would have kept going if I hadn’t backed away.

“Alex, don’t.” The quiver in my voice scared me; was I really this weak, this easily swayed? 

“Oh, so this guy’s enough?” he asked, a hint of annoyance hidden behind the cockiness. “Enough to keep you from wandering?”

“Yes,” I answered after some hesitation. It wasn’t that I had to think about it; Alex was just too much, too persuasive, too intimidating. Still, I tried to keep my voice firm and sure. “He is.”

“If he’s that good,” Alex whispered, moving close enough for his breath to tickle my ear. “Then why are you alone with me?”

“Alex, stop.” I put a hand on his chest and tried to push him back, but he didn’t budge. My heartbeat quickened; Alex was strong, as he’d proven to me on more than one reluctant night. Letting Zac leave the room was sounding more and more like a recipe for disaster.

“See, I don’t think you really want me to stop.” Alex’s eyes sauntered up and down my body slowly and without shame. I felt myself start to tremble, not with excitement but with fear, as I tried again to physically remove him from my personal space.

“So, you still like it rough?”

“Look, I should go.” My eyes darted to the door and back, mentally begging Zac to come save me. 

“Alright,” Alex sighed, leaning back some. “I know when I’m wanted and when I’m not.” That was probably true; he just didn’t usually care. I let out a sigh of relief, but I should have known it was too good to be true. 

“But before you go…” Alex grabbed the front of my shirt and before I could resist, pulled me to him and crushed my lips with his own. 

I should have reacted immediately; I should have shoved him away and ran for the door. A better man would have. But I’m weak, and his mouth had always been just as persuasive when kissing as when speaking. I didn’t know how many seconds went by before he finally released me from his brazen embrace.

“Just try to tell me I’m not wanted,” he growled, his voice fierce and animalistic and more than a little terrifying. “I dare you.”

“I… I…” I tried one last time to push him back, and my adrenaline must have been pumping because the next thing I knew he was tumbling headfirst into the coffee table. He collided with the glass furniture hard enough to send it crashing to the ground, sending shards flying across the room.

“Alex!” I shouted, and acting on reflex I flew to his side to help him up, spouting apologies. I heard a loud bang, and looked up; Zac was standing in the doorway, eyes wide, chest heaving as he took in the scene before him. Any doubt in my mind that facing Alex alone was a horrendous idea instantly evaporated into thin air. Zac’s jaw hung slack, his enraged gaze focused on Alex.

“What… the fuck?!”

 

**Zac**

I knew leaving Taylor alone with Alex was a bad idea. The only reason I agreed to it at all was because Taylor asked. It was difficult to impossible to refuse anything Taylor asked of me. The entire time I stood outside the dressing room door, hurriedly drinking my beer, I felt my worry and dread grow. The second I heard a crash, I burst through the door, fearing the worst. I had no clue what I would find behind that door, but if Taylor was hurt...

I didn't want to even think about what I might do to Alex.

To my surprise, though, Alex was the one on the floor, laying amidst shards of glass that I realized used to be the coffee table. Taylor leaned over him, concern written all over his face. The scene in front of me was impossible to interpret.

“What... the fuck?” I asked as Taylor noticed me and stared up, wide eyed.

“It's not... he just...” Taylor stuttered.

Despite his position, Alex smirked. “No, it's pretty much what it looks like.”

Taylor's head snapped back to Alex, his eyes widening even further. He pulled himself up to his full height, shooting Alex that characteristic bitchface I would have giggled at under other circumstances. “You... like hell it is.”

“What?” Alex asked, pulling himself to his feet and staring Taylor down in a way that made me feel sick. “Like you didn't rush to my side just then?”

“I... that doesn't mean...” Taylor muttered, then looked to me for support.

I just growled. I still had no clue exactly what I was witnessing, except that Taylor clearly was concerned about Alex's wellbeing. And whatever had happened, it only seemed to amuse Alex.

“Zac... nothing happened,” Taylor said, holding his hands out to me in what looked more like surrender than anything else.

“Sorry you had to see your brother like that, man,” Alex butted in.

Taylor glared at him. “Shut. Up.”

Try as I might, I couldn't make sense of what had happened, and that only increased my anger. I glanced back and forth between the two of them, trying to understand why they seemed to disagree about recent events and really wishing one of them would tell me the truth. I wanted to trust Taylor, though. Vaguely, I was aware that I was starting to shake with rage.

“Look, Zac, he just fell,” Taylor said. “That's all.”

“Hey, he could have seen worse...” Alex mumbled, causing Taylor's eyes to widen. “Like that one time... in the studio, remember?”

Taylor's face turned bright red. “What the hell, man?”

Alex's only reply was a smirk. Slowly, I thought I was starting to see what was happening. I believed Taylor. Alex was just stirring the pot, trying to make something that was probably perfectly innocent–or at least not Taylor's fault–look worse than it really was.

At least, I really hoped that was the case.

“Zac...” Taylor said, panic written all over his face as he glanced back and forth between the two of us. “Seriously. Nothing. Happened.”

“Oh, I believe you,” I replied, still shaking in spite of Taylor's reassurances. “It's him I have a problem with.”

“Aww, now... I didn't turn your big bro gay. Don't get mad at me,” Alex said.

Taylor sucked in a breath and mumbled, “Oh fuck...”

I didn't even try to hold back my growl that time. Even though my anger seemed to amuse Alex, there was no containing it. He was pushing buttons that he had absolutely no clue about and definitely no right to push.

“Zac...” Taylor said.

“Taylor,” I replied, my voice so calm it almost scared me. “Do me a favor?”

He cringed. “Y-yeah?”

“Give me one good reason not to punch him. Just one.”

“I--” Taylor said, then paused, his mouth hanging open.

“No reasons? None at all?”

“Just... calm down, okay?” Taylor pleaded. “He's not worth it.”

“Well, you're right about that,” I replied. “He _is_ worthless.”

Taylor cringed again, and glanced at Alex. He'd remained uncharacteristically quiet through this entire conversation, probably trying to figure out what was going on. I knew I was running a risk by letting him see how angry I was, but I found that I really didn't care.

“Hey, guys...” He said, the tiniest hint of a smirk crossing his face. “Look, I'm sorry. Next time I'll lock the door first.”

“Not helping!” Taylor practically screeched, glaring at him. “Nothing happened! You fell on your ass because I had to shove you off me!”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Taylor slapped a hand over it to shut himself up. I could see the fear in his eyes; he'd just given me a very good reason _to_ punch Alex.

“He _what_?” I growled.

“He... I...” Taylor stuttered, staring wide eyed at me. “I didn't...”

“Taylor. I know.”

Taylor just squeaked. Apparently something in my tone of voice made that very not reassuring. But I truly wasn't angry with him. Well, only a little bit, and that was just because he was covering for that asshole.

“But you still haven't given me a reason not to bash his head in.”

“Aww, you wouldn't damage a face this pretty, would you?” Alex asked, the question punctuated by a nervous laugh.

Taylor closed his eyes and slowly covered them with his hands.

“Good idea,” I said. “You probably don't wanna watch this.”

He immediately uncovered and open his eyes, but I really didn't care enough to tell him again not to watch. Before he could do anything to stop me, I strode across the room, glass from the broken coffee table crunching under my feet. As soon as I was within range, I swung my fist toward Alex's face. He had no time to prepare at all, and the punch connected hard with his jaw. From the corner of my eye, I saw Taylor cringe.

“Motherfuck!” Alex spat, reeling backwards from the force of the hit.

I was vaguely aware of Taylor calling my name and telling me to stop, but he seemed rooted on the spot in fear. Alex, too, seemed dumbstruck and hardly fought back at all. Even when he tried, it was obvious that I was stronger, and with the rage coursing through my body, I didn't even feel the few punches he managed to land.

“Can you call this maniac off?” Alex asked over my shoulder.

Taylor finally snapped back to life and rushed over, grabbing my shoulders and trying to pull me back. “Zac, come on...”

I shrugged him off easily and growled, “I'm. Not. Done.”

He pulled me back out of swinging range, but I could still feel him panicking. I hated to upset him, but it seemed that once I had started, I couldn't stop myself. How fucking _dare_ Alex lead him on for years, then refuse to give up once Taylor had finally found someone who appreciated him. And it was all just a joke to him, even now? I didn't fucking think so. I yanked free of Taylor’s grasp and swung at Alex again.

Finally, when it was obvious to me that I'd won the fight, I yanked him up by his collar and held him close to my face. “Now... feel like hitting on my brother again?”

“N-not particularly.”

“Zac... please...” Taylor pleaded, pulling on my shoulder.

“Good. Remember that,” I said to Alex, ignoring Taylor completely. 

I turned Alex loose, and he slumped back against the wall, breathing heavily and rubbing his jaw. “What... the fuck...”

“I... I'm sorry, Alex,” Taylor said, giving him an apologetic look. “We're leaving.”

“You probably should,” Alex replied, “before I have that psycho arrested.”

Taylor groaned, but I wasn't fazed at all by Alex's threat. I knew I wasn't really drunk, barely even tipsy, but it felt like I'd just had an out of body experience. The rage was draining from my body, being replaced by the adrenaline surge that a fight always brings on.

“Come on...” Taylor said, placing his hand gently on my shoulder, as though he was scared of me. I guess I'd given him reason to be, and I hated that.

“Okay,” I said cheerfully. I had no reason to fight with Taylor now.

Taylor looked me over, as if he wasn't convinced that I was back to normal. After a moment he asked, “Okay?”

“Peachy,” I replied, smiling. It wasn't even a fake smile. I felt one hundred percent better, especially now that Alex was beating a hasty retreat into the bathroom to lick his wounds.

Taylor smirked and shook his head. “You're crazy, you know.”

I grinned. “It's part of my charm.”

Taylor just laughed and threw his arm around my shoulder. I knew we had to look insane to Alex, but I didn't really care. If he even tried to read between the lines of what he'd seen, I doubted he would believe his conclusions. Who would believe that he'd just been beaten up by his ex-lover's jealous brother?

Jealous wasn't really the right word, though. I knew Taylor was mine. I just couldn't bear the thought of anyone hurting him. I'd always felt protective of Taylor, which was strange for a younger brother, but I had nearly always been the physically stronger one. Now I just wanted him to feel as safe and loved as he made me feel, and if that meant cracking Alex's skull open, then that's what I would do.

Once we were safely outside the venue and making our way down the alley to where Taylor had parked his car, hidden behind our studio, I felt the freedom to lean against Taylor. My head resting on his shoulder, I said, “I do feel kinda bad though...”

“What's wrong?” Taylor asked, concern written on his face as he turned to look at me and came to almost a complete stop. “Did he get you?”

“You said he was stronger than he looked,” I replied. “But that wasn't even remotely a fair fight.”

Taylor stared at me for a moment more, no doubt just to be sure I was telling the truth and wasn't injured. I did feel a little sore, but I knew that would pass. After checking me over and letting my words sink in, Taylor smirked.

“I think he might have landed a girly little slap or two,” I added as we approached Taylor's car.

Taylor snorted, but didn't say anything. He unlocked the Suburban and we both climbed into it. I couldn't help giggling as I settled into the passenger seat. I was definitely feeling the adrenaline rush now. I might have been a pothead, but I was a bit of an adrenaline junkie, too. I didn't start fights just for the hell of it; when I did get into one, though, I poured everything I had into it and it was mostly for the feeling of euphoria that coursed through my body afterward.

“Seriously, though,” Taylor said, snapping me out of my thoughts. “You... didn't have to do that.”

“Yeah, I did,” I replied, trying to ignore the adorable pout on Tay's face. “Especially if he was... forcing...”

I trailed off, my words fading into nothing more than a growl. Apparently my anger wasn't entirely gone.

Taylor shook his head. “He wasn't... I mean, it wasn't like _forcing_ forcing...”

I stared blankly at Taylor. What the hell kind of justification was that supposed to be? Taylor cringed, and I realized that he was afraid my anger was going to turn on him. It wasn't, though.

“Well, he obviously doesn't have much force in him,” I replied, trying to make a joke out of the pitiful attempt at fighting back that Alex had made.

Taylor sighed, evidently not finding that very funny. “He _wasn't_ forcing. Just being... insistent.”

“That's bad enough.”

He shrugged and looked away. I sighed, hating that this was turning into an argument between the two of us. I knew Taylor didn't like that I had lashed out, but it truly hadn't caused any harm, besides perhaps a little bit of damage to Alex's ego. And his face.

After a moment, Taylor turned back to face me, a tiny smile on his face as he touched my cheek. “It was sweet of you.”

“Yeah?”

He nodded.

“I've been known to be sweet,” I replied.

“And...” He said, blushing. “And, well... you were kinda...”

I raised an eyebrow, watching curiously as Taylor bit his lip and turned bright red.

“When you were all aggressive like that...” He finally continued, smirking. “It was kind of... sexy.”

I grinned. “Was it?”

“Yeah...” Taylor replied, nodding.

“Why don't you take me home and show me just how sexy it was?”

“Anything for you,” Taylor replied, giving me a lusty smirk. “My hero.”

I couldn't stop myself from giggling. “You know that means you're the damsel in distress?”

Taylor rolled his eyes. “I'm not wearing a dress, Zac.”

“Well, you aren't right now...”

His eyes snapped back to me, and I just made my most innocent face.

“No, Zac.”

“No?” I pouted. I was really just toying around with him, but it was too much fun to quit. “But you said... anything for me...”

Taylor bit his lip and let out a tiny whimper. For a moment, I thought he was going to give in, but then he just sighed and shook his head, then started the car. “Let's just go home...”

“Fine,” I replied, still pouting.

Just before he began backing the car out, he shot me a smirk and mumbled, “Maybe for your birthday.”

I just leaned back in my seat and grinned. I knew he was still frustrated with me for taking my anger out on Alex that way, but I had a feeling the night was going to end much better than it had begun. Even if it didn’t end with Taylor wearing a dress.


	7. Chapter 7

**Zac**

Around two months after Taylor moved in with me, my divorce from Kate was finalized. Things were going surprisingly well for all of us, with Kate even relaxing a little bit about my parenting skills. We didn’t have a formal custody arrangement; we were civil enough with each other to just decide when the kids would stay with who without planning anything very far in advance. One weekend in October, it was my turn, so I stopped by her apartment on my drive home from the studio. We hadn’t been recording that day, but I needed to put the finishing touches on our Halloween song for the fan club. Once that was done, I had just enough time to pick up the kids before I knew Taylor would have dinner ready.

I knocked lightly on Kate’s door and a few seconds later she answered. She smiled at me politely, but there was an obvious distance between us now, one that I knew would stay there forever.

“Hello, Zachary,” she said. “Come on in.”

“Hey…” I replied, giving her a nervous smile. I stuffed my hands in my pockets as I followed her into the apartment. It was in the same building we’d lived in just after getting married and was nearly identical to that unit, so I knew my way around, but it just felt strange to be there for so many reasons.

Kate led the way toward the dining room, which was less a room than a corner of the living room separated from it by a short wall. It wasn’t really even big enough for anything but a table, and at that moment, the table was occupied by both of our children… and what appeared to be a birthday cake.

“Surprise!” Shepherd and Junia shouted in almost perfect unison.

I felt my nervous smile widening into a genuine smile as I realized it was, in fact, a birthday cake for me. With everything going on in my personal life and with the band lately, I hadn’t really thought about the fact that my birthday was only a few days away, but obviously Kate and the kids had. I took a few steps closer and watched as Kate lit the candles. In big, blue block letters, the cake read “HAPPY BDAY DADDY!” I had a feeling that was Shepherd’s handiwork.

“You know you’re a little early…” I said as Kate lit the last candle.

She stepped back to stand next to me, her voice soft as she said, “They wanted you to have cake, and I wasn’t sure if… well, I had a box on hand, so…”

“No, it’s great! You know I like any cake,” I replied honestly. Kate’s words were a little less than friendly, but I didn’t mind that she didn’t put in that much effort for me. She didn’t need to anymore. I turned back to the kids and added, “Thanks, guys.”

“Make a wish and blow out the candles, Daddy!” Shepherd said. Junia punctuated his sentence with a wet noise that I realized was her attempt to mimic blowing out the candles but which sounded more like she was blowing a raspberry. 

“I’ll just get some plates…” Kate mumbled, walking off toward the kitchen.

I giggled at Junia’s attempt at a joke and picked her up. “You wanna help Daddy blow out the candles?”

She giggled too, and I held her closer to the cake so she could reach. Luckily, she didn’t spit all over it as she made a very serious attempt to help me blow out the candles. I blew extra hard since I was sure she wouldn’t be much help. Like Shepherd said, I tried to think of a wish to make, but I came up with nothing. I had everything I wanted. Well, nearly everything. With the candles out, I sat Junia back down and sighed softly.

A few seconds later, Kate walked back in with a few small plates. She carefully cut pieces of cake for the kids. Once their plates and forks were in hand, Kate said, “Why don’t you go eat in the living room? Just don’t spill any, okay?”

Naturally, they both took off running so quickly that it was a wonder that no cake went flying across the room. Kate always had a strict no food in the living room policy, so the rare occasions when she broke that rule were worth celebrating. I couldn’t help but laugh as Junia waddled off, the plate of cake practically bouncing. 

Once the kids were out of sight and earshot, I turned back to Kate and said, “Seriously, thanks. I know you didn’t have to make me a cake or anything.”

“It was nothing.” She shrugged, not looking at me as she picked the candles out of the cake and sat them on a napkin. With a slight sigh, she added, “So… how are you?”

I picked up a candle and licked the frosting off it, giving Kate a shrug. “I’m alright. We’re finally starting to work on the new album, so… that’s good…”

Kate nodded, her eyes finally landing on me. She watched me lick the candle for a moment, and I was sure she was going to chastise me for doing something so childish. She didn’t, though. She just cleared her throat, stood up a little straighter, and asked, “And… Carrick?”

“I, umm…” I stuttered out, the now clean candle falling from my fingers. “I haven’t… really talked to him for a while…”

“Oh? I thought…” Kate tilted her head to the side, then shook it. “Nevermind.”

My brow furrowed, wondering what Kate was leaving unsaid and if she really didn’t know what had happened in my life over the last few months. “No, he… he’s back in California.”

Kate eyed me closely. “Is everything… alright?”

“Are you _actually_ concerned?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, that sounds harsh, but…”

Kate winced, her back stiffening even more as she continued picking up the napkins and candles. “Not for nothing, but I was your wife for six years. So excuse me for caring.”

At that, Kate spun around and walked into the kitchen. From her posture and her speed, I could tell she was upset with me. I hadn’t intended that at all, and I dropped my head to the table in frustration. After the way Kate had exploded at me and accused me of horrible things because of my sexuality, I had no reason to expect her to actually care that Carrick had left me. I didn’t expect her to be happy that I’d had my heart broken, but I also didn’t expect just a few months to have changed her feelings about my sexuality so much that she could actually commiserate. 

I raised my head and looked at the cake in front of me. Even if it was just from a box, Kate had baked it for me. That showed some amount of care. And it was my favorite flavor, caramel with cream cheese frosting, so maybe she was lying about just having it lying around.

I suddenly found myself very hungry, but I knew I needed to make amends before I ate the cake. Even if it was my favorite flavor.

Pulling myself to my feet and walking into the kitchen, I said, “Kate, that’s not what I meant.”

“I know,” she replied, her words almost drowned out by the clinking of the plates she was putting into the sink. “I’m… sorry.”

I nodded. “It’s, I just thought… you know, not that you didn’t care about me. But that you wouldn’t be sorry to know Carrick… well, basically broke up with me.”

“Oh… I’m sorry Zac,” she said. She glanced at me for a moment, her eyes much softer than I expected. The glance lasted only a second before she looked down, her body language strangely shy. “I know he meant a lot to you.”

“No offense, but who are you and what have you done to Kate?” I laughed nervously.

She returned my laugh with a nervous one of her own, but it trailed off into a sigh. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.”

I nodded slowly. “That’s… that’s good?”

“I think so,” Kate replied, nodding as well. “It’s been… difficult. It’s not easy to wake up and realized everything you were taught as a child is wrong.”

I felt my eyes widen as I took in her words and realized exactly what she meant. When I did, I nodded vigorously. “Believe me… if anyone understands that, it’s me. I guess I didn’t really have any right to expect you to immediately be okay with what took most of my life to figure out and accept.”

“You have to understand…” Kate began. “Well, you know how religious my family is. And I was always the good girl from church. Sunday school, bible camp, the whole bit. It’s… well, it’s like suddenly being told that two plus two is seven.”

“Sometimes two plus two _is_ seven,” I replied, smirking a little. “But you know my family was religious too. Even if my brothers didn’t always, umm, follow all the guidelines. So I guess I felt like I had to be even better to make up for them. Being gay didn’t really fit in with that very well.”

Kate looked at me curiously for a moment before she finally said, “You seem… different.”

“You’re not the first person to tell me that recently,” I replied, smirking as I thought of how Taylor had remarked on just that, too. I tried not to think about the reason for that change.

“Maybe he wasn’t such a bad influence after all…” Kate replied. She was just barely smirking as she said it, and I was surprised she could joke about something that was said during what was easily our worst fight ever.

I giggled. “Maybe not in every way…”

Kate rolled her eyes, a smile starting to spread across her face. It only lasted a second before she fell quiet and looked contemplative again. “Zac… can I ask you something?”

“Umm… I guess?”

She stared down at the floor, nervously playing with her hands. It was one of her bad habits, and I knew it meant she was really nervous. It made me worry what she might have to ask. Finally, she spoke. “What’s… what’s it like?”

“What’s _what_...” I began, not sure what she meant. Slowly, it dawned on me and a blush crept across my face. “Oh. You mean…?”

Kate blushed as well. “You don’t have to tell me anything. It’s just… well, I was trying to understand, and so I…”

She trailed off into a frustrated sigh, and I felt my brow furrowing as I tried to figure out how I could possibly answer her question. My apparently no longer homophobic ex-wife was asking me about gay sex. That was totally normal, right?

“No, it’s just…” I began, trying to gather my thoughts. “I mean, it’s weird to talk about. But, umm, it’s like… it’s less pressure? I was always worried that you didn’t enjoy it, and even more worried when _I_ didn’t enjoy it… and it’s not just… easier. And, you know, it’s not like we have to plan around when somebody’s ovulating or anything.”

Kate snorted. She actually _snorted_. She covered her entire face with her hand, only barely muffling her laughter. I was still blushing, but I couldn’t help smiling at her response. Somehow, I didn’t mind being laughed at.

“And guys… I mean, a-a guy is just… stronger. And rougher. It’s not always like… making love or whatever. I mean, it can be. But it can just be _fun_.”

Kate swallowed, finally stifling her laughter, and finally looked at me again. If it was possible, I was sure my face got even brighter red.

“I know you don’t want… details from me or whatever. You can just look that stuff up, but… I guess that’s how it should be for anyone, whatever gender, you know? Just fun. Not something to stress about.”

Kate nodded. “I guess I didn’t make things very interesting…”

“I didn’t mean that,” I replied, shaking my head. “I didn’t either, w-when we were together. I know it was never that good, but it wasn’t your fault.”

Kate shrugged, obviously avoiding looking in my eyes. “So, you like it better… rough?”

“Umm… I guess?” I replied, surprised by that question. I tried to play it off with a smirk. “It was always better when we were fighting, wasn’t it?”

Kate returned my smirk. “You could say that…”

“You know this is one of the weirdest conversations I’ve ever had, right?” I asked, shaking my head in disbelief.

Kate nodded and chuckled. “Talking to my ex-husband about gay sex? Not exactly normal for me either…”

I giggled. “Well, you started it.”

“So mature…” Kate replied, rolling her eyes.

Just like that, we were back to where we started. Whatever curiosity she’d felt, whatever progress she’d made… I was worried that it was all undone. I stared down at my feet, unsure what to say next.

Kate sighed softly. “Well, I bet you can’t wait to get out of here…”

I shrugged. “I mean, it’s weird but… I’m glad we can have a civil conversation now… after everything…”

“This is nice,” Kate replied, smiling softly. “In a strange way.”

And she was right. It was. We still had a long way to go, but maybe we were taking more steps forward than backward. After everything we had been through, we were never going to be best friends. But at least we could talk. At least I was no longer worried that she hated me. Maybe I should have still be bitter about some of the things she said and did to me, but I had enough to be happy about now that I didn’t feel like dwelling on all of that. I just wanted to keep being happy. 

Returning Kate’s smile, I gave her a little nod of agreement and watched her smile grow, no doubt relieved that I felt the same way.

“I do need to get home, though,” I said. “But… maybe a slice of cake first?”

 

**Taylor**

When Zac got home from Kate’s, kids in tow, he seemed happy enough, but I could tell something was off. Not wrong exactly, but I had a feeling something had happened with his ex-wife. I didn’t want to say anything in front of Shepard and Junia, though, so I waited until we were getting ready for bed. I listened to Zac brush his teeth as I folded down the sheets, contemplating how to broach the subject.

“So, how did things go with Kate?” The direct approach was probably the best, as long as I kept my tone informal.

“S’kinda weird,” he mumbled around his toothbrush, shrugging nonchalantly. 

“Weird how? What did she say?” With Kate, ‘weird’ could mean a number of things, and all of them worried me. Zac blushed slightly, choosing to continue brushing instead of giving me an answer. You’d think after knowing each other our entire lives, he would know that was the exact way to make me _more_ concerned.

“Zac? Talk to me,” I urged, hands on my hips, following my brother into the bathroom and giving my best worried face to his reflection. He rolled his eyes at me and spat out the mouthful of foam, shaking his head.

“It’s just Kate; when she’s not being a total cunt, she’s a total weirdo. You know this about her.”

“What did she say this time…” It was amazing; even when I thought my brother was finally free, she still found ways of getting to him.

“Nothing bad. Jeez, Tay, calm down.”

“Well she obviously said something,” I sighed, huffing. “You’ve been acting strange all night.” It was true; Zac had been unusually quiet during dinner, and he hadn’t even laughed at his favorite parts of the movie we watched. The fact that Zac was avoiding my eyes only confirmed my suspicion.

“She just… she didn’t mean anything by it, okay? But she asked about Carrick and then the conversation just got… weird. Awkward. That’s it, no big deal.”

“She asked about Carrick?” I asked, tilting my head. That definitely was weird; Kate’s feelings for Carrick had always fallen somewhere between disgust and outright hatred.

“Yeah,” he replied, nodding. “I was shocked as hell. Especially when I realized she was actually concerned.”

“She was what?”

“Like… She didn’t know we had b… broken up. And she actually seemed to care.” 

I caught the stutter in his words, and the way his eyes drifted down. It hurt me to see him upset, and I knew he missed Carrick. Sometimes I wondered if I’d done the right thing, letting Zac in again.

“You okay?” I asked him softly.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I know you probably miss him.” I looked away, not wanting to see confirmation. Carrick had been so good for Zac, but I was selfish. I was happy with him, and I didn’t want to risk that; but at the same time, Zac’s happiness was far more important to me.

“He’s not you,” Zac answered with a shrug, but he avoided my eyes. 

“I know…” I sat on the edge of the bed, feeling tired. Carrick wasn’t me, and for good or ill, I wasn’t him. I felt Zac sit down next to me, and took comfort in knowing Zac was mine, if only for now.

“You wanna know the weirdest part about that convo, though?”

“What?” I asked, looking up. It got weirder?

“She asked what… _it_... was like.”

”What _what_ was like?” I had a feeling I knew, but that was too out of Kate’s character for me to believe.

“Sex,” Zac replied, his face dead serious. “Of the gay variety.”

I blinked, took a breath, then let out a nervous laugh. I just couldn’t picture Zac’s ex-wife asking about the intricacies of male intimacy.

“For real?”

“She was serious, too. She didn’t want details and I didn’t give them, but yeah. She’s apparently… changed.”

“Wow…” It was all I could think of to say, but Zac understood, nodding vigorously.

“Can you even imagine? Talking to your ex wife about what gay sex is like. I think I kinda hurt her feelings, but I mean… It is better.”

“Yeah… It’s good that she’s gotten over herself.” I moved back and crawled under the covers, a yawn escaping against my will. Zac followed suit, curling up next to me.

“Yeah… it’s just so weird. It was like the Twilight Zone… her asking that stuff and actually caring…”

I nodded, wrapping my arm around Zac. As mind-bending as that half of the conversation was, I kept thinking about his face when he mentioned his other ex.

“Do you miss him?”

“Carrick?”

“No, your teddy bear,” I teased, chuckling. “Yeah, Carrick.”

“I… I guess,” Zac sighed. “Why does it matter? We’re together now.”

“It matters to me,” I answered, nudging him. He returned the playful shove, smiling.

“I’m just saying, I’m with you now, okay? It’s not like… you need to be worried about how I feel about him or anything. He’s always gonna be my… friend… But he’s not here. And you are.”

“Zac…” I sighed heavily; sometimes I wished my brother would stop trying to protect my feelings and just be honest.

“What?” 

“I want to know what you’re feeling. Complete honesty, remember?” 

Zac pouted for a minute, but when he saw I wasn’t budging, he finally gave in. 

“It’s bad, but I hadn’t really even thought about him that much until Kate asked. Not like I forgot him, but…” 

“I know,” I said, nodding. “I’m glad I make you happy.” 

“You do. You really do, Tay.” 

“Happier than a threesome?” I teased, smirking. 

“What is _with_ all the sex talk today,” Zac huffed, rolling his eyes, but I could tell he wasn’t really upset. 

“I thought Zac 2.0 was all about the sex talk,” I said, lowering my voice. 

“Zac 2.0 is sleepy,” he answered, pouting. 

“Alright,” I sighed, kissing his nose. “Get some rest.” I pouted a bit, disappointed the conversation couldn’t continue the way it was headed, but I didn’t want to press the issue. 

“G’night, Tay,” Zac said sleepily, his eyes fluttering shut. “Love you…” 

“Love you too.” I turned the light off and settled in, and not long after I heard his breathing even out. I laid awake for a long time, though, mulling things over in my head. 

I wanted nothing more than for Zac to be happy, whether it was with me or not. And he did seem to be happy with me; but I knew he missed Carrick, too. A thought crossed my mind; his birthday was in a couple of days,and we didn’t have any plans yet… A smile slowly crept onto my face as I went over the pros and cons of my plan. Realizing there weren’t any real cons of substance, I reached over to the nightstand, grabbing my phone. I sent a quick text message, smiled, and set the phone aside again. Snuggling up to Zac, I wondered if he would like his present. 

_To: Carrick_

  
_Hey. Call me asap. Need to ask you something._


	8. Chapter 8

**Zac**

It ought to be illegal to have to work on your birthday. We’ve often had to play concerts on my birthday, and that’s fine. I get to make a big deal out of it, smashing a cake onstage and generally being silly. This year, though, I end up staying late in the studio to help out a local band who wanted to use our equipment. We did that from time to time, but it was supposed to be Isaac’s duty this time. For some reason, he was nowhere to be found and I got stuck there. I couldn’t explain why I felt that way, but somehow it seemed like a huge conspiracy to keep me from getting home for dinner, and I really, really did not like that possibility.

Knowing I would be late for one of Taylor’s delicious home cooked meals was almost more than I could deal with. He nearly always cooked for me, since my cooking skills had barely progressed past grilled cheese and strangely shape pancakes, but I knew for my birthday Taylor would be pulling out all the stops. He couldn’t help himself; he should have been a chef and he just had this need to do everything for everyone.

By the time I finally walked into the door, my mouth was watering just at the thought of what Taylor might be preparing for my special day. The scent of steak wafted through the house, leading me straight to the kitchen… where I saw not one, but two, tall thin figures standing by the stove. 

Carrick was here. On my birthday.

“Hey, Zac!” He said, smiling.

“Carrick!” I yelled, smiling back. I practically ran across the room and tackled him, wrapping my arms completely around his body and lifting him off the floor. I held him tightly, inhaling his familiar scent - weed, salt air and the coconut shampoo he used. “What the fuck are you doing here?!”

He laughed and hugged me back, not answering. There was something in his expression that said I should have already known why he was there, yet they had obviously conspired to keep his arrival a secret from me. I could think of only one reason for that… but no. We had only joked about that. Hadn’t we? Maybe it wasn’t really a joke.

“Happy birthday, Zac,” Taylor said.

I turned Carrick loose, letting him fall back to the floor with a soft thump, and stared at Taylor, who I had nearly forgotten was in the room. “You got me a Carrick for my birthday?!”

“Umm… yeah.” Taylor laughed nervously.

“You’re the best!” I replied, pouncing on him and kissing his face. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Carrick smirking and raising an eyebrow.

“Anything for you,” Taylor said softly. That seemed like an odd statement, but it just might have supported my idea about _why_ Carrick was there... While I was lost in those thoughts, Taylor cleared his throat and added, “Well, let’s eat while the food’s hot. We’ve got steak, cheesy mashed potatoes and corn on the cob.”

I watched him uncover the various plates and pans as he spoke, and with each dish he revealed, my smile grew wider. “Oh, Tay… you spoil me.”

“Don’t forget the drinks,” Carrick added, pulling two beers and a hard cider from the fridge. He gave one beer to Taylor and the cider to me. “Here ya go, dude.”

I grinned and wiggled my eyebrows. “Are you trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?”

Carrick laughed loudly, and in the background, I heard what sounded like a very nervous cough from Taylor’s general direction.

“You know it,” Carrick replied, smirking. My stomach turned a somersault that reminded me just how much I had missed that smirk. 

I had missed _everything_ about Carrick. Of course I was happy with Taylor, happier than I had words to describe, but there was just something about Carrick… something Taylor must have been aware of when he invited Carrick out here. Did Taylor know how much I missed Carrick? I wasn’t even sure _I_ had realized it until that conversation with Kate. But Taylor knew me. He knew me better than I knew myself.

I glanced back at Taylor and found him smiling even though his cheeks were tinted pink. Seeing that made me blush, and our staredown was only broken when Taylor finally handed me a plate piled high with food. I accepted the plate gratefully.

“So… this is my birthday surprise, huh?” I asked, hoping to prod one of them into explaining what this was all about.

Carrick snorted, and Taylor replied, “Umm… sort of…”

“Better than a cake in the face.” I smirked at him. 

“Yeah…” he replied, laughing and no doubt remembering that one time I’d begged and whined until he let me smash my birthday cake in _his_ face for a change. I actually enjoyed the cake smash, but I knew that Taylor didn’t. Still, because he was Taylor, he had done it… for me.

“And slightly less messy…” Carrick added, giving Taylor a glance that I didn’t quite understand, but that I really, really wanted to understand.

Taylor caught Carrick’s eye for a moment, then turned back to me and smiled. That uneasy, curious feeling remained and I felt like I was closer and closer to understanding what was happening here… yet somehow farther away at the same time.

“Wait,” I said, staring back and forth between the two of them. “Tay… exactly what kind of surprise is this?”

“Just eat,” Taylor replied as he and Carrick began to fill their own plates. The two followed me to the dining room, just a few feet away from the kitchen. Taylor took his usual seat at the head of the table, the seat that used to be occupied by my ex-wife but which I now couldn’t imagine belonging to anyone but him.

“Oh, I will,” I replied, feeling a smirk spreading across my face as I sat down to his right. I could tell Taylor was trying to deflect and keep me from asking too many questions, and for the moment, I was willing to let him. He knew I was stubborn, though; I wasn’t letting go of my curiosity forever.

“So how ya been?” Carrick asked, sitting down across from me. “Keeping busy?”

“Something like that.” I laughed, the innuendo in Carrick’s words not passing me by. They didn’t seem to pass Taylor by either, judging by how much he blushed as he stuffed his mouth with food. Still laughing, I turned back to Carrick and asked, “What about you?”

He gave a noncommittal shrug. “I’ve been around. Jammed with a few friends, just for fun.”

“Sounds like fun,” I replied, nodding. It didn’t really sound like he had done much at all since going back to California, and I felt a little guilty for that. Still, it had been his choice to leave. I wondered if it had possibly hurt him as much as it hurt me…

He interrupted my thoughts to ask, “How’s the wicked bitch of the south?”

Taylor snorted, and I laughed loudly at Carrick’s turn of phrase. “She’s… not so bad. The divorce was finalized a while back.”

Carrick nodded, and Taylor gave me a little smile. Both of our divorces had taken time to be finalized, thanks to the slow process Oklahoma had for divorce, but both had been relatively painless. Even mine, which had been poised to be a total nightmare, hadn’t be bad and Kate had only mellowed even more since then, judging by our last encounter.

“And I get to see the kids pretty often, so… that’s nice,” I added.

“That’s good to hear, man,” Carrick replied, his voice softer and more sincere than usual. It was a strange tone for him, but I liked it.

I nodded. “Yeah… she’s calmed down a lot since… that day.”

He snorted, all the sincerity replaced with his usual sense of humor. “Since you told her what a cunt she was?”

“Yeah, that,” I replied, giggling. 

Taylor chuckled. “Still wish I could’ve seen her face…”

“Yeah…” I laughed, then gave Taylor a weak smile. “Still sorry she ran to your house, though.”

“You knew she was going to,” he replied, shrugging. 

“I had a feeling…” I replied.

Taylor reached over and touched my hand. I could feel Carrick’s eyes on us, and if it had been anyone other than Carrick, I would have braced myself for some comment about how adorable we were. Even though I didn’t expect that sort of comment from Carrick at all, I still felt that familiar urge to say something silly to ruin the moment before things got too serious and emotional.

“One of us had to leave,” I continued, shrugging. “And she damn sure wasn’t kicking _me_ out.”

Taylor laughed lightly, and Carrick snorted. Even though I had told Taylor all about what happened, and he had years of experience dealing with Kate, Carrick was the one who had actually been present and eavesdropping during our worst fight ever. It felt like only Carrick could really understand what had happened, although Taylor was always overly concerned about, well, everything.

“Not that she didn’t try…” I shrugged again, then gave Taylor a smile to reassure him that I was okay. “But whatever. That’s over now.”

Taylor smiled and squeezed my hand, bringing the moment dangerously close to that cheesy, emotional place that made me so uncomfortable again. Carrick just sat back and sipped his beer, and I decided it was time to drop this subject and get on with dinner. I squeezed Taylor’s hand back, then dug into my dinner enthusiastically.

“How is it?” Taylor asked a minute or two later, a hopeful smile on his face as though he didn’t already know the answer.

“It’s great, of course,” I replied.

“Yeah, Tay sure makes a tasty meal…” Carrick smirked, causing Taylor to shoot him a rather bitchy look.

“Umm…” I coughed, my lips twitching as they decided on their own to turn up into a smirk. “That he does.”

Taylor blushed, and Carrick smirked. “I’ll bet…”

“I’m not the only one…” Taylor replied softly, biting his lip.

I felt myself blushing, especially as Carrick chuckled and said, “Can’t argue with that…”

“Okay, easy guys…” I laughed nervously. “I’m not even done eating yet.”

Taylor and Carrick both laughed, and I began to wonder yet again just what their plan for this evening was. 

“Jeez, didn’t realize I was on the menu for tonight too…” I remarked. I couldn’t resist the urge to continue joking about it. That was just my way of dealing with things, especially when I was uncomfortable… although the idea of a threesome with Taylor and Carrick didn’t necessarily make me _uncomfortable_.

Carrick laughed, and although Taylor did too I still couldn’t help feeling like something was off about the entire dinner. Still, it was food, and good food at that. Never let it be said that anything could come between me and a good meal. I decided to drop all attempts at conversation for the time being; Taylor and Carrick seemed to take my lead, and so we all three focused on eating the delicious birthday dinner Taylor had prepared for me.

After we finished eating, Taylor immediately jumped up and began clearing the plates away. Even Carrick joined in, pulling some sort of pan out of the oven that I hadn’t realized was even in there. Rather than a cake, it was full of what I was sure were his famous brownies, with “HAPPY BDAY ZAC” written across them in big, loopy letters that I recognized as Taylor’s writing. 

With a smirk on his face, Carrick asked, “Dessert, anyone?”

“Brownies?! For me?” I grinned. “Are they… _special_?”

“Do I make any other kind?” Carrick replied.

“Not that I’m aware of…” I mumbled.

While I was pretending to ponder the possibility of Carrick cooking _anything_ without pot, Taylor stuck a large candle in the center of the cake and pulled out his lighter. Giving me a somewhat wary smile as he lit the candle, he asked, “You’re… not gonna make me sing, are you?”

“Yes. I am,” I said forcefully, giving him a huge grin so that I didn’t seem _too_ bossy; even though I was learning to be more dominant, it felt weird to do so with Taylor. When he rolled his eyes, I added, a little more sweetly, “You know I love your voice…”

“Hey, what about me?” Carrick asked teasingly.

“Yeah, you’re not bad,” I replied, giving him a smirk that I was confident rivaled some of his best.

He rolled his eyes and reached across the table to nudge my shoulder. “So I’ve heard…” He said, winking.

“Alright, alright,” I said, trying to stifle my giggles. “Let’s get some pretty harmonies up in here.”

Taylor cleared his throat and began to sing Happy Birthday. A second later, Carrick joined in, deliberately singing as off-key as he possibly could. For someone with as wonderful a voice as he had, it was pretty impressive how bad he could sound if he tried. Although Taylor was obviously trying not to laugh, he failed, and I was soon cackling loudly too. Somehow, through it all, they both kept singing, Taylor still giving it his all and Carrick still sounding like a dying cat.

As the song ended, I pretended to wipe away a tear and said, “That was just so beautiful…”

Ignoring my sarcasm, Taylor gave me a wide-eyed smile and said, “Make a wish.”

“God, he really is the chick,” Carrick remarked, rolling his eyes.

“Oh, yeah, totally,” I replied, trying not to giggle at the way Taylor managed to blush and glare at Carrick at the same time. It was the sort of expression only Taylor could manage without looking ridiculous--or at least, without looking _too_ ridiculous. At my words of agreement, he gasped and looked at me with mock-offense. I grinned and cheerfully ignored him, turning my attention to the pan of brownies. “Okay… what to wish for…”

“I could think of a few things…” Carrick muttered.

“Oh! I’ve got it,” I cried out. With a smirk on my face, I stared right at Taylor as I blew out the candle. I hoped he knew what I was thinking, but the loving smile on his face made me wonder. But why else would he have brought Carrick if not to satisfy the fantasy we couldn’t stop talking about?

Carrick took it upon himself to slice up the brownies, giving me a huge piece. “Here ya go, birthday boy.”

“Mmm, just how I like it,” I replied, eying Carrick as I bit into the massive brownie. Maybe it was bad to blatantly flirt with him in front of Taylor, but I didn’t really care. If he _was_ here for the reason I was increasingly becoming convinced he was here for, then flirting wasn’t the worst thing Taylor would soon see me to do him.

“You know it.” Carrick smirked.

Taylor cleared his throat to get Carrick’s attention or perhaps to lodge his complaint about my blatant flirtation. Either way, the result was that Carrick mumbled an acknowledgement and cut Taylor off a slice of the brownie as well. While he did so, I shoved the rest of mine in my mouth. If Taylor was the best chef I knew, then Carrick was without a doubt the best baker.

“Not bad,” Taylor remarked after taking a dainty bite of the brownie Carrick had offered him. Carrick just smirked at Tay as he finally finished cutting and picked up a slice for himself.

As I chewed my rather large mouthful of brownie, I contemplated whether or not it was finally time to address the elephant in the room. If I was wrong about their intentions for the night, then I might look like a jackass. But that was nothing new and nothing I couldn’t handle. I couldn’t help thinking I was correct, though. It seemed logical; it was my birthday and Taylor had known for several months that I wanted to have a threesome. What better opportunity to make that fantasy come true? 

With that thought in mind, I swallowed the rest of my pot-filled brownie and asked, “So… anyone curious what I wished for?”

Taylor just stared at me, his anticipation obvious, while Carrick leaned across the table and said, “I think I can guess…”

“Well…” I began, looking at Taylor. I faltered for a second when I saw how hard he was biting his lip, but I forged on. Waving my hand in Carrick’s direction, I said, “He’s my present, right? So… can I unwrap him?”

Carrick laughed loudly, but it wasn’t a mocking laughter. Taylor’s nervous expression turned first to a smile, then to something closer to a smirk as Carrick continued to laugh. When Carrick finally paused to catch his breath, Taylor said, “Why don’t we go into the living room…”

“Okay!” I replied, even more enthusiastically than I intended, my smile so wide that my face actually hurt.

Rather than replying, Carrick grabbed another brownie and scarfed it down. Laughing, I stood up and grabbed both Carrick and Taylor by the hand. The living room was a weird place for this to happen, but I wasn’t going to complain. Out of everything weird about what the three of us were about to do, the location was pretty low on the list. 

As I dragged the two of them toward the living room, I wished I had another hand so that I could pinch myself and be certain this wasn’t a dream. It was really happening. Taylor, Carrick and I were going to have a threesome.


	9. Chapter 9

**Carrick**

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s to always go with the flow. It’s how I stay calm when the rest of the world is going to hell, smile when a smarter man would be screaming, bend when everyone expects me to break. It’s also led to some pretty amazing experiences; like meeting Zac Hanson, for one thing. The party where I met his brother? I’d dropped by on a whim, even though I’d been on my way somewhere else. People ask me if I believe in fate, but I like to think of it as serendipity. Just happening to be in the right place at the right time, and doing what feels right.

What feels right doesn’t always feel good, though; walking away from Zac hurt like hell, not that I’d ever let him know. I just put on my best smile and told him it was for the best, which it was. I’ve been accused of having too big a heart, and I’m not exactly arguing. Sure it sucked, but I’ve never been one to mope. That’s the best part of going with the flow; nothing keeps you down for long. 

So I kept myself busy when I went home to Cali. Jammed with some friends, hung out at the beach, the usual. I knew I’d hear from Zac eventually; okay, maybe a tiny part of me wasn’t positive, but I was pretty sure. It surprised the hell out of me when Taylor texted me, though. But what surprised me even more was what he wanted. 

Did I wanna fly out there and have a threesome with him and Zac for Zac’s birthday? I don’t know; do hipsters wear plaid? Hell yeah I was down. But I’m no idiot; Tay and I had a nice little chat about what brought this on. He told me things were going fine, but he knew Zac missed me, and Tay couldn’t bear to see Zac wanting for everything. So after getting his solemn swear this wouldn’t come back to bite me in the ass - no pun intended - I hopped the first flight out to Oklahoma.

And now here I was, flashing Tay a wink as we led Zac into the living room and bookended him on the couch. Part of me couldn’t believe what we were getting ready for, but I was psyched. I wondered if Zac would chicken out, or Tay for that matter, since all the confidence of thirty seconds ago seemed to be vaporizing. Zac glanced between me and his brother, laughing nervously.

“So… Hey guys…” Zac spoke up finally.

“Mhm?” Taylor answered, looking a little pale.

“Hadn’t really planned much further than this…” Zac’s cheeks turned a shade of pink. I couldn’t help laughing, but I rubbed his back to reassure him.

“We, um… I mean, you said…” Taylor was stammering, blushing even more than Zac. 

“Yeah, Tay?” Zac encouraged, leaning into me and relaxing some. Taylor didn’t answer, but he looked down shyly and put his hand on Zac’s knee.

“Isn’t he cute when he’s nervous?” Zac half-whispered to me, and I chuckled.

“Yeah, he is…” It was true, the guy was damn close to adorable. He looked up at my words; I decided to test the waters, covering the hand on Zac’s knee with one of mine. I caught the slight shiver, and so did Zac, grinning at both our hands on him.

“Is this… okay?” Taylor ran his free hand through Zac’s hair, drawing a purr out of him.

“Better than okay… Best birthday ever.”

Taylor smiled, glanced at me for a moment, then leaned forward to kiss Zac. He seemed so nervous about kissing him in front of me, and I understood why; he didn’t want to make me upset or jealous, and I appreciated that. But like I’d told him on the phone, I knew what this was, and it was more than fine by me. I brushed my thumb over Zac’s knee, leaving my fingers on Tay’s; I wasn’t sure who caused it, but Zac let out a soft moan against his brother’s mouth.

My other hand was still on Zac’s back; I went back to rubbing softly, and leaned over to kiss his neck. I felt Tay move his fingers against mine then, pulling back to look at me when Zac moaned louder. He smirked as I caught his eye, smirking back as I lightly bit Zac’s neck.

“Like what you see?” Zac asked, smirking at Tay. 

“I think so…” Tay looked between Zac and me, smiling. I was still working on Zac’s neck, and he let out a whimper, staring at Tay. He responded by kissing him deeper; meanwhile I gripped his leg tighter, drawing another moan from him and making him grasp at Tay’s hair. Stepping things up a notch, I moved my hand to his other leg, running up and down his thigh. This time it was Taylor who moaned; feeling a little competitive, I caught Zac’s ear between my teeth, pulling him towards my side of the couch.

“God,” Zac sighed, whimpering.

“I think someone’s trying to get your attention,” Tay breathed, nodding towards me. The heat was getting to him, I could tell by his half-lidded eyes and smirking lips; he wasn’t the only one.

“Yeah?” Zac laughed, turning my way. I didn’t bother answering, instead pulling him in for a deep kiss. He was all in, moaning and running a hand up and down my chest, and there it was. It’d been months since I’d felt this, and even though this was the absolute last time for emotions, I allowed a little piece of my brain to enjoy it for non-lusty reasons. When I felt him slide a hand under my tank, I smiled and pulled back.

“Well someone’s gotta be the first one…” The air felt great on my skin as I peeled off the top. Zac caught Taylor eyeing me, and grinned.

“I think he definitely likes what he sees,” he mock-whispered to me.

“I think so.” I smirked at Tay, who was chewing his bottom lip.

“Tay,” Zac giggled. “You nervous, baby?” Either the nickname or the (correct) observation made him go even darker red.

“You were right, he does blush a lot…” I couldn’t think of any girls I knew that blushed as much as he did, but I thought it made him that much hotter. Tay’s eyes widened at that, making Zac giggle again.

“I know, right? But it’s so cute.”

Taylor huffed a bit, but he was still smiling; I had a feeling it was something Zac teased him about a lot.

“Kiss him,” Zac whispered in my ear. “See how much he blushes then…”

Tay’s eyes got even wider, like a deer in headlights, but the way his lips twitched told me he wasn’t objecting. I grabbed his collar and pulled him close, being a little rough to play with how timid he was acting; his eyes darted between Zac and me, licking his lips and swallowing hard. I glanced at Zac; he was enjoying every second of this. I kept my eyes on him as I closed the gap between me and Tay, kissing him hard.

“Fuck, that’s hot,” Zac moaned; Taylor seemed to agree, whimpering and relaxing, his eyes following mine to his brother. Zac’s hand started to creep down, but I brushed it out of the way and replaced it with my own; if anyone was gonna touch him tonight, I wasn’t about to let it be himself. He let out a soft moan, his head falling back. Tay reached over and joined me, the two of us stroking Zac, making him curse. I pulled back for air, my hand still working him along with his brother’s.

“You like your present, baby?” Tay asked.

“Oh fuck… Yes. Did you really have to ask?”

I leaned down and started kissing Zac’s neck again; out of the corner of my eye I saw Tay do the same to his other side. Zac moaned loudly, thrusting his hips up into our hands, and Tay mimicked the sound.

“I think he likes it,” I chuckled against Zac’s neck.

“Mhm,” Tay breathed, dragging his tongue over Zac’s skin.

“Wasn’t just a present for me, was it?” Zac asked, his voice a little shaky.

“Yeah, well…” I replied, smirking. “Call it a late housewarming gift.”

Taylor snorted in response, and Zac giggled.

“It’s definitely… warming things up…” Zac giggled, and Taylor snorted in response. He ran a hand under Zac’s shirt, making the younger boy shiver.

“I think someone’s a little overdressed,” I said teasingly, placing a few more kisses on Zac’s neck.

“Definitely,” Tay agreed with a smirk.

“Who, me?” Zac put on his best innocent face, but I knew better.

“Shut up and strip, birthday boy.”

 

**Zac**

There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that this was the best birthday I had ever had. My head was spinning from what little we had done--kissing Taylor in front of someone else for the first time, kissing Carrick after months apart… watching Carrick and Taylor kiss…

If it was even possible, I felt my erection swell even more at that last thought, and so I hurried to obey Carrick’s command. In addition to tugging my shirt over my head, I quickly wiggled out of my pants. By sheer luck, even though I had no clue this was going to happen--could not have even dreamed of it--I wasn’t wearing any underwear. Removing those two items left me completely naked with the two most gorgeous men I’d ever seen staring at me, yet somehow I didn’t feel self conscious at all.

“Better?” I asked.

Taylor’s eyes went wide, as he still wasn’t accustomed to my assertive side. Maybe he hadn’t fully realized how much I wanted this threesome, either. Until it was really happening, I don’t think even I had realized how much I wanted it. I couldn’t help giggling at Taylor’s reaction, and I could hear Carrick laughing, too.

“Well?” I stared Taylor down. “Now who’s over-dressed?”

He glanced back and forth between me and Carrick, as though he were hoping one of us would reconsider the need for him to get naked. I certainly wasn’t going to, and Carrick was making no secret of his attraction to Taylor. When Taylor swallowed nervously, Carrick actually snorted with laughter.

“I think he needs help, Carrick,” I said, enjoying the role I had seemed to take on as the director of my own personal porno.

Carrick nodded his agreement, snaking his hand up the front of Taylor’s shirt. Taylor shivered at his touch, his eyes falling closed so that I could no longer see the nervousness in them. I was still amazed sometimes by how innocent Taylor could be; I knew he wasn’t a great deal more experienced than me, but it was still odd - and kind of hot - to discover the things that made him blush. 

“You wanna do the honors?” Carrick asked me, his hand still resting somewhere amongst the patch of hair on Taylor’s chest.

Instead of answering him with words, I just reached between Taylor’s legs and grazed my hand across the very obvious, and very large, bulge there. I didn’t linger, though; I just wanted to tease him. I made quick work of unbuttoning and unzipping his pants, and shoved them down hard, discovering that he hadn’t worn underwear either. Taylor took the initiative to kick his pants off into the floor, while I turned to see Carrick’s reaction. His eyes were unsurprisingly wide.

“Not bad, huh?” I grinned, feeling strangely proud to show Taylor off to Carrick. Taylor, judging by how much he was blushing, wasn’t quite so proud.

Carrick smirked lustily. “Not bad at all…”

I ran my hand up Taylor’s chest alongside Carrick’s hand, yanking his shirt up and over his head. “Yeah… I’m one lucky guy…”

“Not as lucky as me…” Taylor replied, smiling at me.

“Aww…” Carrick said, almost sounding sincere.

He let his hand fall down to Taylor’s leg, just barely grazing his inner thigh, but not going any further than that. Taylor’s eyes darted nervously back and forth between the two of us. To distract Taylor from the nerves he obviously still hadn’t shaken, I gave Carrick a nudge and said, “Hey, you still have pants on… not fair…”

His response to that was to stand up and drop his pants, smirking the entire time. They fell to the floor and he stepped out of them. As it turned out, he was freeballing too, and I had a feeling at least he had been prepared enough to make that a conscious decision. 

“See something you like?” Carrick asked Taylor, his pride obvious in the way he smirked and rested his hands on his hips.

I could only giggle at Taylor’s blatant staring and the way he nodded quickly. 

“Yeah…” Taylor finally said, swallowing hard.

“Yeah… me too,” I added, not even trying to hide the fact that I too was staring. Sure, he wasn’t as big as Taylor, or even as big as me, but I knew exactly what Carrick could do with what he was packing. 

With his eyes still clearly on Carrick, Taylor ran his hand almost idly up and down my leg. As Carrick sat back down, still smirking, I reached down and nudged Taylor’s hand closer to my dick, hoping he would get the hint. He did. He gripped my dick loosely, but deliberately, his eyes still on Carrick and one eyebrow slightly raised. It was a hint for Carrick, I suppose, because he reached over and wrapped his hand around Taylor’s.

“God…” I gasped.

Taylor’s eyes remained on Carrick as he began to stroke me. Carrick did the same, his hand moving right along with Taylor’s as the two of them engaged in a seriously intense and seriously hot staring contest. To my surprise, Taylor was the first to break their stalemate as he leaned over and pressed his lips to Carrick’s. It was a brief, fairly chaste kiss that left Carrick smirking. 

I couldn’t resist. Once again, my inner porn director came out to play. I ran my hands through their hair, then planted my hands firmly on the backs of both of their heads, nudging them closer together until their foreheads bumped and they took the hint. Carrick’s eyes flickered my way and he gave me the tiniest of smirks before crushing his mouth against Taylor’s, drawing a moan from Taylor as they kissed.

“Fuck… so hot…” I moaned out, my hips rolling upward in agreement because they had apparently developed a mind of their own. 

Carrick pulled back from Taylor and brushed his lips against mine. I let my mouth fall open, my hand finding its way into Carrick’s hair again and tugging on it. I struggled to keep my eyes open so that I could see everything else happening around me. I didn’t want to miss a minute of this, this once in a lifetime thing. Carrick’s eyelashes fluttered against my cheek as he glanced Taylor’s direction, but it did nothing to prepare me for Tay’s next move.

Taylor leaned in, nudging my nose with his as he hovered in front of mine and Carrick’s faces. His tongue darted out to touch my lips, which parted just as easily for him as they had for Carrick, and I felt his tongue slip inside to mingle with both mine and Carrick’s. I moaned loudly, my free hand creeping up to tangle in Tay’s hair as well.

It took us a moment to figure out just what we were doing, with all three of our tongues battling for dominance. Just when it was obvious that the three of us were running out of air, Carrick pulled back and gave Taylor a pointed look.

“You want the first taste?” He asked.

I stared back and forth between the two of them, actually shaking with anticipation. Even though I felt like the director of my own greatest wet dream ever, I knew I was really at their mercy here, and I didn’t mind that at all.

Rather than answer with words, Taylor simply dove straight into my lap, a smile on his face. His lips wrapped softly around me. I cried out, thrusting up and driving my dick further into his mouth. Taylor moaned, the vibrations of his mouth almost enough to drive me crazy, and his hand snaked across my legs and into Carrick’s lap, finding its way right to Carrick’s dick. I couldn’t resist adding my hand on top of it, mimicking what he and Taylor had done to me only moments earlier. Carrick’s eyes were on me as he moaned, but his hand was creeping onto the back of Taylor’s head. 

“Fuck this is hot…” Carrick remarked, letting out a low growl.

I nodded. “God… I know…”

Taylor pulled back a bit to glance up at me, and Carrick quickly shoved his head back down, forcing my dick even further down Taylor’s throat than it had been before. He didn’t seem to mind at all, though, judging by the way he moaned. 

“He likes it when you’re rough with him,” I told Carrick, laughing a little.

Carrick’s eyes widened. “Is that so…”

“Oh, yeah,” I replied, nodding. Taylor whimpered, his eyes flickering up to the two of us. They were wide, and I was sure he was wondering what we might have planned for him.

As if to test what I had said, Carrick gripped Taylor’s hair harder and I thrust up into his mouth faster. Between the two of us, Taylor really didn’t have a choice but to suck my cock and suck it well. As he moaned around it, he stroked Carrick’s dick faster. Seeing that only turned me on more; I rolled my hips up harder and faster, panting as I fucked Taylor’s mouth.

With a growl, Carrick yanked on Taylor’s hair, pulling him off my dick. Smirking, he said, “My turn.”

“There’s enough of me to go around…” I moaned, watching as Carrick dropped to the floor between my legs and swallowed me in one gulp.

While Carrick sucked my dick, Taylor placed a hand on my face and leaned in to kiss me. I moaned into his mouth and ran my hand down his chest, finally letting it come to rest on his dick. His hips bucked upward as I stroked him. A moment later, Carrick’s hand found its way onto mine, his eyes darting up to stare at me. I gave him a smirk and shoved him back down just to make sure he didn’t forget what he was supposed to be doing. To my surprise, Taylor’s hand joined mine on top of Carrick’s head. 

Carrick pulled back. “Ganging up on me now?”

Taylor gave me a quick glance, then shoved Carrick’s head back down. I giggled. “Did I mention he can give as good as he gets?”

Carrick shook his head slightly, but nevertheless resumed sucking my dick. While he did, Taylor’s lips fell to my neck, kissing it softly. The contrast of his gentle movements with Carrick’s relentlessness made me feel dizzy. I let out a moan and stroked Taylor harder. That was, evidently, his cue to dial it up a notch, as he bit down on my neck and tangled a hand in my hair to tug on it. Carrick joined in, reaching up to drag his fingernails down my chest.

“Fuck…” I hissed, causing Carrick to chuckle.

Taylor’s hand crept down to Carrick’s shoulder, and I watched closely to see what he was planning. He crawled down my body, his eyes trained on mine as he planted kisses down my chest and stomach. He gave Carrick a little nudge and I shivered as I realized what Taylor had in mind. Once he finally reached his destination, on the floor next to Carrick, he paused and bit his lip as though he were considering his next move very carefully.

I ran my fingers through his hair. “Tay… please…”

Carrick re-positioned himself to give Taylor more room, and Taylor glanced at both of us one last time before finally snaking his tongue out and letting it just barely brush against my cock. Even that small movement was enough to make me moan. Taylor’s eyes remained trained on Carrick as he licked me, and Carrick seemed to take whatever unspoken hint Taylor was giving him, letting his tongue graze my dick as well so that it brushed up against Taylor’s tongue.

“Fuck… Tay… Carrick…” I gasped out, my brain far past the point of intelligent thought and my hips thrusting up once again like they had a mind of their own.

Carrick glanced up at me, then gave Taylor a conspiratorial smirk. Taylor nodded, and I began to get really freaked out by their weird psychic connection. He tilted his head to the side slightly, and Carrick mimicked him, so that the two of them were effectively kissing each other with my dick in between their mouths. If simply watching them kiss had been hot, then the word hadn’t yet been invented to describe this. Taylor reached over to stroke Carrick’s dick, and the two of them slowly found a rhythm, their mouths moving together perfectly in sync.

“Motherfuck…” My head fell back against the couch. Even though I wanted to watch, it was almost too much; I could still _feel_ their every move and that was just as good.

Carrick gave a low growl, and I shivered. I could feel Taylor’s hand brushing against my balls, and my hips bucked upward again, forcing more of me into Taylor’s hand. He slid down further, his mouth finding its way to my balls in place of his hand. Carrick took over sucking my dick then, taking me fully into his mouth as he nudged one of my legs upward to give both him and Taylor better access to what I assumed was their next goal. Taylor lifted my other leg, his tongue inching ever lower.

“Yes… Taylor…” I whimpered.

He gripped my leg tightly as he pressed his tongue against my ass, the tip of sliding inside. I moaned out his name again, which caused Carrick to growl and drag his teeth lightly across my dick.  
“Feeling ignored?” I asked, giving Carrick a smirk.

Carrick raised an eyebrow, and I sensed a sarcastic comment coming. To that stop, I grabbed him by the hair and pushed him back down onto my dick. I felt him laughing around me, which felt strangely good. Taylor soon distracted me from that, pressing even more of his tongue into me.

I pushed myself against him, urging him to go deeper. “Fuck… more, Tay…”

He gave me a nod, then began thrusting his tongue in and out, mimicking fucking me. Carrick brought the attention back his actions by pushing even further until he was deep throating me. I felt like a ping pong ball, bouncing back and forth between the two of them, and it was easily the best feeling ever.

“Mmm, fuck… so good, you guys,” I gasped out.

Taylor pulled back and stared up into my eyes as he replaced his tongue with a finger. I was slick enough from his saliva that it easily slid in all the way, leaving me whimpering in pure pleasure. Taylor leaned down to nibble on my thigh as he thrust his finger in and out. 

Carrick pulled back to watch Taylor for a moment, then ducked down into the floor to fumble in his pants. I had no clue what he was doing until he returned to his former position, a small tube in his hand. Trust Carrick to come prepared. He quickly squeezed some of the lube into his hand, then almost tentatively pressed a finger against me.

“Yes… fuck…” I choked out, almost incoherent just at thought of _both_ of them fingering me.

He pressed his finger into me alongside Taylor’s, and I cried out. Taylor even moaned, his eyes still on me as he kissed my thigh. Carrick stared intently at Taylor, matching his movements, and drawing Taylor’s eyes to his. After a short stare down, Carrick leaned in and kissed Taylor deeply, their mouths meeting just inches away from my cock. 

I moaned at the sight. “God… I could watch that all day…”

Carrick glanced at me, not even breaking the kiss. His free hand snaked up to wrap around my cock, and Taylor’s soon joined it. Below that, Taylor pressed another finger against my hole, and I nodded eagerly to assure him that I wanted more. Taylor nodded back in acknowledgement, then pushed his second finger inside. It was a stretch, but it felt good - _damn_ good. He curled his fingers to hit the one spot that he knew would drive me crazy, and Carrick mimicked him.

“Fuck!” I cried out, my hips rolling toward them to meet their motions.

Taylor nudged aside Carrick’s hand and took my dick into his mouth, never even pausing his fingers’ movements. Carrick leaned in to bite down on Taylor’s neck, which caused Taylor to moan around my cock.   
“Fuck… so hot…” I gasped out.

Carrick curled his finger again, and I saw stars. My vision threatened to leave entirely as Taylor and Carrick moved together in perfect sync. I cried out, the sound not remotely approaching any of the words I was thinking, but I was pretty sure it still expressed just how fantastic it felt to have the two of them working together to stretch and prep me for what I hoped was to come.

“Someone… needs to fuck me… soon,” I panted out.

Carrick seemed to find that amusing, judging by the way he smirked as he slipped a second finger inside of me. A scream tore of out of my body along with a very loud curse. If I wasn’t feeling this and wasn’t watching it happen with my very own eyes, I would have thought it was impossible. It was the sort of thing you saw in porn and wondered if it even felt good. It didn’t. It felt _amazing_.

“Yeah?” Carrick smirked darkly as Taylor just stared up at me. “You like that?”

My body shaking, I moaned, “Yes… fuck...”

Taylor stared at their fingers pumping into me as though he too were in awe of what was happening. Carrick never stopped smirking. Glancing at Tay, he asked, “Think he’s ready?”

Taylor nodded, and I just barely found the motor skills to do the same. “Fuck yes I am.”

“Who do ya want first?” Carrick asked, still smirking.

That was easily the best ultimatum ever. I knew that there were serious implications no matter who I chose, but I also knew that either choice was a win for me. I could choose Taylor and give Carrick the live action porno of his dreams, or I could have Carrick again for the first time in months. There was no way to even compare how good either of them were, so it wasn’t a matter of choosing who I wanted most…

Finally, after glancing back and forth between the two of them as I contemplated my options, I let my eyes land on Carrick.

“You.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Taylor**

I watched as Carrick’s eyes widened; apparently he hadn’t expected to be chosen first. Honestly, I was glad Zac had picked him; I knew how much he missed him, and giving him this, seeing how happy it made him, made it worth it.

“That cool with you?” Zac asked. I loved the fact that he wanted to clear it with me first; it really showed how much he cared, that he wanted to reassure me. Truth be told, I was feeling a little uneasy about the whole thing; I’d heard that threesomes could get messy, especially in situations like this. Zac still loved Carrick, even if he didn’t want to fully admit it. I knew this meant a lot to him, getting to be with him again; I just hoped I wasn’t setting us up for disaster once the sex was over. Zac loved me, he was with me, but Carrick had left him, not the other way around. What if Carrick changed his mind? But no. Zac and I… that wasn’t going to happen.

I swallowed, nodding; romantic notions aside, I couldn’t deny that a part of me was more than a little excited to watch my lover be fucked by our attractive mutual friend. I’d been attracted to Carrick since before he met Zac, and he hadn’t gotten any less good-looking in the years I’d known him. Between that, the pleasure on Zac’s face, and the slight taboo of the whole thing, I felt almost as excited as I was sure Zac did. I sat back on the couch, making myself comfortable for the show ahead.

“On your knees,” Carrick snarled at Zac. “Now,” he growled, when my brother hesitated. The authoritative tone in his voice was one I’d never heard, and it was enough to make _me_ shiver. Zac’s eyes went wide, but he eagerly complied, and Carrick just chuckled. I was practically shaking with anticipation as I reached down to stroke myself; Zac glanced at me, grinning.

“I knew you liked to watch.”

“Hmm, this feels familiar,” Carrick mused as he moved into position behind Zac, running his hands over the bare skin. I felt myself blush, trying not to imagine how many times they’d been like that, probably in that exact spot, and at least half a dozen other places around the house. Zac whimpered as Carrick pressed his tip against him.

“Don’t tease me.”

“Miss me, babe?” Carrick whispered; his tone was lusty, but there was a note of sincerity to it.

“Missed your cock.” Zac smirked, and was rewarded with a light spank, making him gasp. I swallowed hard; the connection between them, the way they moved and talked spoke volumes about their history, and it made me slightly uneasy; the words were sexual, but there was a deeper layer to them, one that whispered of feelings that still existed between them. But I tried to ignore the voice, focusing on how sensual their bond was, the way they knew each other’s bodies so intimately.

“Not what I asked.” Carrick pressed against Zac harder, drawing a moan from him.

“Yes… missed you…”

“It’s okay babe… you can tell me.” Carrick looked at me then, and I realized he was seeking  
approval and permission to go down this road. I nodded slowly; there was no point in denying what either of them felt, even if it made me a little nervous. 

“It’s… it’s okay Zac,” I said quietly. Zac glanced back at me, just as Carrick slid into him a bit further.

“I missed you too, ya know,” Carrick admitted. I bit my lip; the emotional bond between them was obvious, and Carrick had no qualms about putting it on display.

“God… just fuck me already,” Zac whined, and Carrick laughed.

“Always so impatient… He this bad with you, too?” Carrick asked me.

“Sometimes he’s worse,” I replied with a smirk. Zac laughed, but cried out when Carrick pushed into him fully.

“Just as good as I remember, right babe?” Carrick whispered in Zac’s ear. He nodded, shivering and I could only sit back and blush as I watched them share a moment while Zac adjusted. I almost felt like I was intruding on their privacy, a voyeur watching a pair of lovers sharing each other completely. Zac smiled at me and I returned it uneasily; the emotions I was feeling were so complicated, and the haze of lust was making things even more confusing. I tried to just go with it, stroking myself as Carrick began to thrust into Zac slowly.

“God, you feel good,” Carrick sighed.

“Mm, so do you.”

“As good as you remember?”

Zac nodded, beginning to shake. Carrick picked up the pace, this time making Zac growl. He laughed in response, then growled in Zac’s ear.

“That’s it, babe.” Carrick’s words were directed at Zac, but his eyes were trained on mine. “I always loved it when you growled for me.”

I shivered; I wasn’t sure if Carrick was trying to turn me on or rub it in that he’d been with Zac. My guess was a bit of both, but I didn’t think he was trying to be mean. Competitive, maybe, but not malicious. But all the same, his words stung a bit, as if I had somehow torn them apart. Zac let out another moan, biting his lip and looking at me.

“You okay, baby?” he asked, and I smiled.

“Better than okay.” It was only half a lie; on the one hand, this was easily the most erotic experience I’d ever had. If it wasn’t for those pesky feelings...

“Like watching, huh?” Carrick smirked, and I just nodded in response, words failing me.

“I think he does,” Zac answered for me, smirking.

“Especially since he knows how good this feels. Well, from my point of view, anyway.”

I blushed hard, and Zac moaned, apparently both of us turned on by Carrick’s words.

“You this submissive for him too?” Carrick went on. “Or have you been using some of those tricks I taught you?”

“Carrick,” Zac hissed. My eyes went wide; I’d assumed Zac had gotten his confidence from Carrick, but I hadn’t thought about how true that was.

“Turns out Zac’s quite the dom when he wants to be,” Carrick continued, looking at me. I bit my lip hard, looking at my lover.

“Oh, he knows.” Zac stared hard at me, voicing my thoughts.

“Oh yeah?”

“Oh yeah,” Zac echoed. “He loves it.”

I closed my eyes and shivered, memories flashing behind my eyes as I gripped myself harder. That day in the kitchen had been the first, but far from the last. We’d experimented some recently, tested the waters with things like tightly held wrists and makeshift blindfolds. The new side of Zac, the confidence, it permeated every aspect of his personality, but his sexual nature seemed the most affected. I wasn’t complaining one bit, though; there was nothing to compare to being thrown to the bed and taken by him, completely at his mercy.

“You like bending him over like this?” Carrick whispered in Zac’s ear, gripping his hips.

“Fuck… yes.”

“And you.” Carrick looked at me and I blinked, waiting for what would come out of his mouth next. “Bet you just love it when he drills ya, don’t you?”

I nodded, shaking harder. One of our favorite new tricks was having him bend me over the dresser, so that we could watch ourselves and each other in the mirror. Zac grinned, and Carrick whispered something in his ear.

“Later,” my brother hissed, making Carrick laugh. I was a little nervous what had been said, and a little hurt that secrets were being shared, but Zac drew my attention.

“Taylor. Here. Now.” Zac snarled, pointing in front of him. There was that commanding tone, and I had no choice but to oblige him, not that I’d have it any other way. I sat in front of him, and before I could wonder what he was planning he’d swallowed me in one gulp.

“Fuck!” I cursed, my hips bucking. I gripped Zac’s hair hard; Carrick moaned, then Zac did, the vibrations going straight through me. Carrick thrust harder, pushing Zac onto me forcefully; I pulled his hair, thrusting against him. We were hitting him from both sides, and it felt amazing. Apparently he thought so too, moaning shamelessly.

“Not bad for a relative newbie, huh Tay?” Carrick smirked at me from over Zac’s shoulder.

“Not at all,” I replied, smirking back. Zac growled, but kept at it anyway.

“Well with a mouth like that, it’s no surprise, is it?” I wasn’t used to teasing Zac, but the passion of the moment was drawing out a different side of me. Zac stared up at me, his eyes wide; I hoped I hadn’t hurt his feelings, but he looked shocked at my boldness more than anything else.

“Hell no,” Carrick agreed. “Always said he had a mouth made to suck cock…:

I blushed at his bluntness, but smirked in agreement. Zac flashed me an evil look, sucking me deeper until I felt my head hit the back of his throat. The sensation made me throw my head back and moan loudly.

“Damn, boy… That’s it, swallow it all.” Carrick urged Zac on while thrusting, making him moan more. I pulled his head down harder; he locked eyes with me, sucking as hard as he could. The sight was almost too much for me, making me shiver all over. 

“Watch this,” Carrick said to me, smirking. He rolled his hips, and suddenly Zac pulled off of me and arched his back, crying out loudly.

“That’s nothing.” I reached for Zac’s throat with one hand. Zac gasped, and Carrick’s eyes went wide. I bit my lip, gripping Zac’s neck a bit; he moaned in response, trusting me completely.

“Well now,” Carrick mused, smirking. “You never told me about that.”

“You… never asked,” Zac said between moans. I pulled him back down, shoving my cock down his throat; he moaned again, taking it completely. Carrick leaned over then, reaching a hand around to join mine around his neck. Zac’s eyes rolled back, his noises of pleasure becoming a constant soundtrack to our actions. I looked at Carrick, breathless. This was amazing, to be sure, but we were just starting, and I wanted more.

“My turn?”

 

**Carrick**

“He’s all yours.” I smirked at Tay, giving Zac one good thrust before pulling out. He whimpered as I left him, but Tay didn’t waste any time.

“Get on the couch on your knees,” he commanded. I wasn’t used to hearing him that assertive; at least not when the band wasn’t involved. Zac did what he was told, and Tay got behind him. He leaned down then, flicking his tongue at Zac’s opening. I started stroking myself while I watched; this was a whole new side to Tay, one I was loving so far. I’d always wondered what he was like in bed, but I’d always pegged him as a total sub, all meek and needy. That was hot, but this… this was something else. There was a fire in his eyes that I’d caught glimpses of in his professional life, but seeing it this way was kind of amusing and a lot exciting.

“Fuck, Tay…” Zac whined needily.

“I do believe that’s the idea,” I teased. Zac chuckled, not seeing Tay lining up; the blond drove into him all at once, making his little brother scream.

“So good, Tay… fuck…

“I know baby… so good…”

As much as I was loving the show, I decided to take a more active role; I reached over and grabbed the lube, squirting some on my fingers, then knelt on the couch behind Taylor. He threw me a nervous look over his shoulder; Zac glanced back too, giving me a subtle nod, so without warning I pressed two fingers into Tay.

“Fuck! Carrick!”

“I think that’s the idea,” Zac said, giggling. Tay shot him a look, then leaned down and bit his shoulder, making him whimper. 

“God you’re tight…” I started slowly thrusting my fingers in and out of Tay; I wondered for a second who topped more often; Zac had become a damn good Dom while he was with me, but Tay was acting pretty assertive too, and he was tight as a virgin on prom night.

“Oh, he can take it,” Zac said, smirking back at me.

“Oh yeah?”

Tay swallowed hard, visibly trying to relax. It was kind of adorable, watching him shift between roles; so he was a switch. That just made things that much more interesting

“Come on Tay,” I said, encouraging and reassuring him. “Feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Y-yes,” Tay answered me, whimpering. I added a third finger, making him swear.

“Fuck,” Zac moaned, watching us over his shoulder. “So hot…”

Taylor answered that by thrusting into him harder; I used my free hand to pull his hair.

“Oh god…”

“He this tight for you too babe?” I asked Zac.

“Yeah… but he loves it.”

“That so?” I turned my attention back to Tay, whispering in his ear with a husky voice. “You like it like this? Hard and rough?”

“Y-yes,” he stuttered. “Love it…”

“Told ya.” Zac smirked, and got his ass smacked for it.

“Yeah, he loves that…” I demonstrated by giving him a harder spank, and he whimpered again. Taylor grabbed his hair, making him gasp.

“Fuck… Tay…”

“Like I said…” I pulled my fingers out, quickly replacing them with the tip of my dick. “That’s the idea.” And with that I thrust into Tay fully.

“FUCK!”

Zac looked back and moaned, watching me slide into his lover. I gripped Tay’s hips, he grabbed Zac’s, and we began moving in sync, all three of us cursing and moaning, growling and snarling, thrusting and writhing like a singular being.

The heat of the moment was giving me a weird sense of clarity, like I was so in the zone I was able to reflect on it all. I’d thought about having a three-way with Zac and Taylor before, even long before Zac and I were a thing. But I never actually thought it would happen. I’ve always said sex is a great way to really know someone, and this threesome was proving that theory in spades. I’d already seen what Zac was like once you wound him up, but Tay was totally new territory. And even Zac was showing me new stuff, behaving in a unique way with Taylor. I wondered if I was any different, if Tay was seeing me in a new light. Seeing someone’s dick does tend to change your view of them one way or another, but I was curious if there was more to it than that.

The way Zac and Taylor interacted, there was such an obvious bond, a real connection. They always looked to each other, either for approval or permission or just to check how the other was doing. Zac did the same with me, but it was interesting seeing it with Tay. They seemed even more deeply connected than Zac and I ever had. Maybe because they were brothers; I had a feeling it had more to do with how in love they were, though. I tried not to think about it, not to notice how Zac always looked to Taylor first, then to me. Emotions are a great way to ruin a three-way, and so I tried to shut my mind off and just enjoy it. Which, all things considered, wasn’t all that hard.

“Give it to him faster,” Zac growled at me, and who was I to argue with that? I thrust into Tay with extra force and speed, driving him in turn that much deeper into Zac. 

“Oh fucking fuck yes,” Tay whimpered quickly, squeezing his eyes shut and digging his nails into Zac’s hips.

“I think that means he likes it,” Zac said, chuckling.

“Hold on a sec,” Tay said to me suddenly. He pulled out of Zac, looking down at him. “Turn over.”

Zac laid down and lifted his legs, and Taylor drove back in.

“Wanna see you,” Tay panted. I started thrusting again, pushing him into Zac; I reached over and wrapped a hand around Zac’s dick, matching our rhythm. Taylor looked over his shoulder at me, surprising me and Zac both by kissing me hungrily.

There was that fire again, and damn was I loving it. I’d been looking forward to this three-way ever since Tay mentioned it, but it was turning out even more amazing than I’d expected. A big part of that was Taylor; yeah, I’d wanted to fuck him since way back, but imagining doing something is always worlds away from reality. The way his cheeks got flushed, the way his eyes turned darker, almost midnight; there was an animal in him, just begging to be let loose. And that’s just what I intended to do.

“Fuck,” Zac growled, obviously enjoying what he was seeing. I gave Tay’s ass a slap, making him cry out. Zac smirked, but was put in his place by Tay’s hand around his throat. I held Tay’s mouth captive, but my eyes went to Zac as I give Tay an extra hard thrust. This was better than any threesome I’d ever been in, and I’d been in a few. And we were just getting started; the thought of what we still had coming was almost enough to make me bust. Tay was taking everything I gave him like a champ; apparently he had just as much sub in him as Dom, and I was loving both sides of the coin.

“Can’t wait to watch you fuck him,” I said, finally letting Tay up for air.

“You think he’s loud now,” Zac teased, his point made extra clear as Tay moaned again loudly.

“Well,” I said, an evil idea poking its way into my brain. “Why wait?”


	11. Chapter 11

**Taylor**

Carrick’s eyebrow went up as he looked at Zac, who didn’t seem to get the hint, but I had a feeling I knew what he meant. The thought both excited and terrified me, both emotions vying for dominance as Carrick pulled out and sat on the couch.

“Sit,” he commanded; I hesitated, then pulled out of Zac and moved onto Carrick’s lap, facing him. “Other way,” he corrected, shaking his head. My eyes went wide as I turned around, my hands shaking. I glanced at Zac, his eyes wide with shock as I was sure mine were. Without any warning, Carrick pulled me down, impaling me on him. I cried out, the feeling of being filled so suddenly almost too good to stand. But he wasn’t done yet; he grabbed my legs and leaned back, spreading me wide, and I started to grasp his real intentions. I looked between him and my brother, my breath coming in quick gasps.

“Baby?” Zac asked softly, reaching over to touch my hair. “You okay?”

I had to stop and close my eyes, and really consider that. Was I ready for what was about to happen? Sure, I’d fantasized about it once or twice, but I never thought I would be in a situation like that for real. I took a few breaths, then nodded. I couldn’t back down now. I looked at Zac, pushing down the fear, thinking only of the pleasure I was about to experience.

“This might hurt a bit,” Carrick whispered in my ear in a tone anything but gentle. Zac shivered, then stepped in front of me, pressing his tip against me alongside Carrick’s own buried cock.

“Baby,” he said, again with a voice that hardly matched his erotic position. “Are you sure?”

“P-please,” I stuttered. I couldn’t stand the waiting, the suspense burning through every nerve. Carrick apparently thought my need was amusing, chuckling lightly; Zac just nodded, slowly pushing into me.

“Oh my god,” my brother moaned, but I could only scream. It hurt like hell, but underneath the pain was a deeper, more carnal sense unlike anything I’d ever felt. I cursed again and again as Zac slid into me fully, Carrick staying mercifully still. There was such a difference between them; Zac was stroking my hair in such a tender, loving way, while Carrick was muttering swears and gritting his teeth, gripping my legs tighter as Zac stretched me. When I felt Zac’s hips against me, I knew he and Carrick had me completely stuffed, and my mind went blank; all I could do was stare, slack-jawed with one eye twitching slightly.

“Ready?” Carrick said after a couple seconds; if he’d been asking me, I doubt I could have responded, but Zac seemed to be the intended party.

“Hell yes,” he answered without hesitation, and the two started to slide out simultaneously. A primal cry tore itself out of my throat, followed by a seemingly endless supply of expletives, as the two of them began thrusting into me in perfect harmony.

“Holy fuck, Zac,” Carrick gasped, his fingertips digging into my thighs.

“Yeah,” Zac growled in response, to which Carrick replied in kind. I was shaking uncontrollably, my words crumbling to mere whimpers. Zac caught hold of my hair and gave it a tug, drawing a low moan from me.

“Shit this is fucking hot,” Carrick panted.

“Hell yes it is,” Zac agreed.

“M-more,” I begged, hardly believing my own voice. Carrick and Zac stared, equally surprised.

“You sure?” Zac asked, his tone once again painted with concern.

“Fuck yes I’m fucking sure.” I didn’t know where this side of me was coming from, but the whole experience was awakening a new side of me. Carrick and Zac laughed, probably just as much from shock as from amusement.

“He asked for it,” Carrick said with a smirk.

“Indeed he did.” Zac increased his pace, and Carrick sped up to match, and my vision went white. All I could feel was the two of them drilling me, there was no outside world, nothing else but the three of us in that glorious moment.

“Mother fucker, god yes, harder, _fuck_!”

“Tay…” Zac was staring at me with wide eyes, I could see that much through the lusty haze. I heard Carrick chuckle again, and instead of being cute and mildly annoying like usual, it sparked a flame in me, and I responded with a threatening growl.

“I think we broke him,” Carrick said, shaking his head but still with that damn smirk.

“You might be right…”

Needing more action and less talk, I grabbed Zac’s hair, knowing it would spur him on. Sure enough, he let out an animalistic growl, thrusting even harder. Again Carrick sped up to match, but also sank his teeth into my neck. I half-growled, half-screamed, the pain and pleasure indistinguishable from one another.

“Carrick, don’t you think he ought to do porn?” Zac asked, smirking.

“Definitely.”

I was getting real tired of all the banter, so in another attempt to shut them up, I pulled Zac down for a deep kiss. He moaned against my mouth, still thrusting hard as ever.

“Zac,” I begged, breathless. “Touch me… please…”

He didn’t make me wait long, wrapping his hand around my aching cock. Carrick bit my neck again, looking at Zac.

“You close, baby?” my brother asked, stroking me to the same rhythm as his and Carrick’s thrusts.

“Fuck yes,” I whined needily. “So fucking close.” The fire was burning its way out of me, replaced with a deeper ache.

“Fuck yeah,” Carrick answered at the same time as me; he looked up at me and smirked; I just smiled down at him, feeling less jealous than I expected about the pet name confusion.

“Well alrighty then,” Zac chuckled. He leaned down to whisper in my ear, preventing any further mis-communications. “You want Carrick to come inside you, baby?”

My eyes rolled back; I’d known it was probably going to happen that way, but something about hearing the words out loud added another layer of eroticism to it.

“Y-yes…”

“And me?” he went on; as if he really needed permission to do what he did practically every night anyway.

“Yes,” I said again, with more confidence.

“So needy,” he teased; I pouted a bit, but he nibbled on the protruding lip, distracting me. “I’m so close, baby.”

“Yeah?” Carrick snarled, baring his teeth like a wild animal. “Gonna help me fill him up?”

“Mhm, that’s the plan.”

I was already moaning and whining shamelessly, dangling over the edge, when Carrick wrapped a hand around Zac’s neck.

“Fuck,” he moaned, his eyes rolling back. I smirked, wrapping a hand around the other side of his neck. I kept my eyes on him, but leaned my head down to kiss Carrick. He kissed me back with equal need, and the effect we were having on Zac was the last push I needed.. 

“Fuck… gonna come!” I bit my lip hard, every nerve sparking with electricity.

“Me too,” Carrick agreed, nodding and digging his nails into my legs.

“Y-yeah,” Zac panted, nodding.

“Zac!” I locked eyes with my lover as I arched my back, exploding and coating Zac and Carrick’s hands. Both of them swore loudly, and a moment later I felt the warmth of their seed shooting into me, making me cry out again. The world went blank again, no sights, no sounds, just sensations-- my own body, shaking like a leaf, Carrick’s heaving breaths on the back of my neck, Zac’s trembling hands resting on my stomach. Slowly, everything began to fade back into existence, the same, but somehow different. I’d never had a truly spiritual experience, but if I’d had to compare it to something, this would be the closest thing I could imagine.

 

**Zac**

I stroked Taylor’s hair idly, my heart pounding in my chest, but I knew whatever I felt couldn’t come close to what he must have felt right then. “You okay, baby?”

He sighed, panting hard, and breathed out, “Mhm.”

I pulled out of him slowly, my body shaking so hard I didn’t even know how I was still standing, and let myself collapse onto the couch. Taylor carefully pulled himself off Carrick and collapsed between the two of us. I wrapped an arm loosely around him.

“Wow…” I said, smiling weakly.

“Yeah…” Carrick replied, chuckling. Taylor just sighed contentedly, curling up between the two of us like a satisfied little kitten.

I glanced over Taylor’s shoulder at Carrick. “Well, I said he could take it…”

“You weren’t kidding,” Carrick replied, laughing.

Taylor buried his head in my shoulder, hiding the bright red blush on his cheeks and the smirk on his face. I ran my fingers through his hair and tried not to giggle at how adorable he was. 

“You’re shy _now_?!” I remarked, thinking this was a fine time for Taylor’s innocence to return, after everything we had just done… everything that had just been done _to_ him. In spite of some of his earlier hesitance, it was obvious that he had enjoyed submitting to the two of us. 

He just laughed against my shoulder and shrugged lightly. I didn’t try to force him to say anything else, because I was sure he must have been exhausted. I hoped, if he wasn’t okay, he would let me know, but right then he seemed too blissed out to express anything like that.

“So…” Carrick sighed. “Good birthday?”

I nodded. “Best. Birthday. Ever.”

Taylor pulled back to give me a smile and touched my cheek softly. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was glad he had made me happy. I knew he had orchestrated this entire thing, even though I didn’t fully understand why. Even without understanding, I was so much more grateful than I had the words to express and I hoped he knew that.

“Thanks, Tay,” I said, returning his smile. I hoped those simple words were enough for him to understand just how much I appreciated everything he did for me.

Taylor smiled shyly, but the softness in his eyes said that he understood what I was trying to convey. “I love you…” he said softly.

“Love you too, baby,” I replied.

Leaning over Taylor, Carrick whispered in my ear, “He’s not the only one.”

As if I wasn’t sure what that meant, he placed a hand on my knee. It wasn’t a huge romantic gesture, but for Carrick, it kind of was. I still remembered how those three little words had seemed to be the breaking point for us before, the point at which he cut ties and ran. I understood that he didn’t want to prevent me from potentially getting back together with Taylor, but I loved him, too. Right then, though, with Taylor curled up in between us, I couldn’t say that. I could only smile at Carrick and hope he understood.

“Zac…” Taylor said, glancing at Carrick, then at me. His eyes fell to Carrick’s hand on my leg and he didn’t say anything else.

I stroked his hair softly, hoping to coax a few more words out of him. “Yeah, Tay?”

“It’s… okay, you know,” Taylor finally spoke, chewing on his lip nervously as he did.

I frowned, unsure I was understanding him correctly. “Are you sure?”

He finally met my eyes again. “You’ve got such a big heart… there’s plenty to go around.”

“Not the only thing big enough to share,” Carrick remarked, snorting.

Taylor threw Carrick a bitchy look, but it soon faded into a smirk. I gave a snort of my own and shook my head. “Horrible. Absolutely horrible.”

“I mean it, though,” Taylor continued, his face serious. “I… did some thinking.”

“Did you hurt yourself?” I asked, giggling. Things were on the verge of getting too serious and I couldn’t take it. Taylor smirked and dug an elbow into my side. I forced myself to adopt a sober expression. “Okay, okay.”

“I know you’re mine,” Taylor said. “But… I know part of you really cares about him, too.”

He gave a little nod toward Carrick, just in case it wasn’t obvious who he was talking about. Saying that I cared about Carrick was putting it very, very mildly. Care didn’t even begin to describe the feelings I felt for him, feelings I was almost scared to express after what had happened the last time I’d said that particular four letter word to him.

“Yeah…” I finally said, nodding a little. That was as close as I could get to acknowledging the truth in what Taylor had said.

“And I just want you to know… it’s okay,” Taylor finished.

Even Carrick’s smile was verging on sentimental, and I really couldn’t take that. A smirk started to creep across my face, and sarcastic words fell out of my mouth before I could stop them. “I think you’d be a hypocrite if it wasn’t after you just had his cock in your ass…”

Taylor smirked, almost to my surprise, since I’d ruined his sweet little moment and the speech I had a feeling he’d prepared. 

“Which, by the way, was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen,” I added.

Taylor blushed bright red, and Carrick laughed softly. “Who knew a guy so scrawny could take two cocks at once?”

“So cute when he’s embarrassed.” I giggled, watching as Taylor blushed even deeper red, the flush spreading down his neck and chest, too.

“Adorable,” Carrick replied, grabbing my chin and turning my face toward him. “But I’m still partial to this.”

I couldn’t resist the urge to stick my tongue out and contort my face into an expression I was sure was anything but attractive. “This?” I asked.

Softly, almost too low to be heard, Carrick said, “Love you.”

A sigh fell from my lips, but it was a contented sound. I had never heard Carrick say those words, not in the serious way he said them right then. He was an affectionate guy, but never seriously. If he considered you a friend, you knew that, but I had never seen him express any deeper emotions than that… especially not emotions that he felt for me. Still, somehow, it scared me a little to say it back, not the least of which because I was worried about Taylor’s reaction.

“L-love you, too,” I finally stuttered out.

Carrick leaned across Taylor’s body and kissed me softly, more softly than I could ever remember him kissing me before. I liked it, but right then, I needed more. I needed to let him and Taylor both know how much this meant to me. I slipped an arm around Carrick and pulled him closer to me, wrapping my arms around both him and Taylor.

When the kiss finally ended, Taylor pressed his lips to my cheek and whispered in my ear, “Love you so much.”

“Love you too, baby,” I whispered back. With a contented smile on my face and my two boys in my arms, I added, “Happy birthday to me.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Taylor**

I woke up slowly, the aroma of Sumatra coffee tempting my nostrils. I stretched my sore muscles, smiling when I felt a warm body next to me. My mind still half asleep, I pulled the figure close to me, snuggling. I then felt a set of fingers brushing over my stomach, and I let out a purr; I loved when Zac woke me this way, and I knew he found the noises I made adorable. A pair of lips found my neck then, kissing gently, and a second hand wrapped lightly around my morning erection. I groaned, leaning into the touch and turning to kiss my lover, who gripped me harder. There was something different about the touch, something I couldn’t quite discern, until I pulled back and opened my eyes.

“Carrick!”

“Morning, sexy,” he said with a smirk and a wink. I felt my cheeks burning, but he just laughed, laying back and sighing contentedly. I looked at him for a moment; he seemed so at home here, and I remembered that for a few months this had _been_ his home. The thought made me a little sad, but unexpectedly, for him.

“I’m glad you could make it,” I said quietly.

“I’m sure you are,” he answered with a teasing tone, glancing at me with one eye. “I am too, though,” he went on, sounding almost serious.

“Zac really enjoyed seeing you. He wouldn’t say it, but… I know he missed you. When you left…” I bit my lip, aware I was probably bringing up some less-than-pleasant memories. “Out of curiosity, why did you leave?”

Carrick looked up at me then, with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. I was struck by how beautiful he could be, thoughts I’d forgotten returning briefly.

“He didn’t need me anymore. He needs you. Simple as that.”

“But what about what you need?”

“Tay…” Carrick sighed, closing his eyes again. The confident charade he constantly put on was faltering, and it made my chest ache. “When you love someone…”

“You do what’s best for them,” I finished for him. He looked up at me and nodded. “But Carrick… he does need you. I mean, me and him, we can’t…” I swallowed hard, looking down. I’d had a thought last night as all three of us curled up in bed after our romp, and now it was gaining more weight in my mind.

“There are things I can’t offer him,” I explained. “We’re brothers, and nothing can change that, for good or bad. And there’s a lot that can’t happen because of it. Things he could have… with you.” I took a deep breath and looked at Carrick; he was eyeing me curiously, running a finger lazily up and down my leg.

“So… what are you suggesting?”

“It’s a little crazy, but hear me out. I think… I think this could be good. For all of us.”

****

Zac was whistling a merry tune and pouring a couple glasses of orange juice when Carrick and I reached the kitchen. He ran back to the stove to flip a pancake onto an already heaping stack, then turned and smiled at us.

“Morning, Tay.”

“Well, someone’s up early,” Carrick teased.

“I see you dressed for the occasion,” Zac teased back, glancing at Carrick’s boxers and lack of anything else.

“As always,” the tall brunette replied with a wink.

“Here,” Zac said, handing me a steaming espresso. I took a sip and moaned; there was almost nothing better than a double shot to start the day.

“Damn,” Carrick mused, smirking.

“Geez, Tay, you don’t even moan that much when I fuck you,” Zac said, chuckling.

“Nah, only when I do,” Carrick joked, making me blush. Zac just shook his head and turned back to the stove, grabbing the plate of pancakes and grinning proudly.

“So, I made breakfast.”

“One of those new tricks you taught him?” I asked Carrick, who nodded, grinning at my brother. 

“Among other things…”

“Thanks, baby,” I said to a blushing Zac as he handed me a plate of pancakes. He then handed Carrick his own dish, and the three of us sat at the table.

“So, sleep well?” Zac asked, directing the question at Carrick.

“Better than ever,” his friend replied, winking at me.

“And you?” I asked my brother.

“Yeah, did we wear you out?” Carrick said, poking Zac’s arm with a fork.

“Me? Nope, not at all. You’ll have to try harder next time.” Zac smirked, and I chuckled, thinking about the discussion Carrick and I had upstairs just minutes before.

“Oh believe me,” Carrick said lustily. “We will.”

“O-okay…” Zac stared between us for a second, then busied himself with eating. We all took our first few bites, and to my surprise, it was delicious.

“Wow, these are actually… good.”

Carrick snorted, but Zac pouted, and I regretted my choice of words.

“What?” he asked indignantly. “You were expecting shit?”

“Oh, I didn’t mean…” I frowned, kicking myself for hurting his feelings. “I’m sorry Zac, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know, I know,” he laughed, and Carrick chuckled.

“Shoulda seen the first time he tried.”

“I got more of the batter on you than in the pan,” Zac said with a laugh. 

“Had plenty of fun cleaning it up, though.” Carrick gave him a lusty smirk, and I raised an eyebrow, curious about the story.

“Um…” Zac blushed, glancing at me; I tried not to laugh, chewing my food slowly.

“And of course,” Carrick went on, “It’s not pancakes without syrup.” He winked at Zac, who giggled, blushing madly and staring at his food.

“Aw,” Carrick said, nudging Zac. “We embarrassed him.”

“Cute when he blushes, isn’t he?” I asked, chuckling. Zac gave a half-hearted snarl, and I laughed lightly.

“Yeah yeah, settle down pup,” Carrick said, rolling his eyes. I snorted, eyes going wide, and Zac stuck his tongue out.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Pup?” I asked; Carrick grinned, trying not to laugh with his mouth full.

“Apparently that’s how intimidating I am,” Zac explained. “Doesn’t know me very well, does he? He ought to see me when I’m really angry. Right, Tay? Most people never know what hit ‘em.”

My face paled a bit as I remembered the incident with Alex. I didn’t know if Carrick had ever seen that side of my brother, but I doubted it. I’d only ever seen it a few times, and as hot as it was, I wasn’t eager to see a replay any time soon.

“Alright,” Carrick sighed, smirking at Zac. “Who’d you kill?”

“Didn’t kill. Just… nearly maimed.”

I bit my lip and looked away; I really didn’t want to think about that night, or anything regarding a certain douchebag singer ever again. Carrick noticed my reaction, though, and became more concerned.

“Dude, what happened?”

“Alex Fucking Greenwald happened,” Zac growled, and I cringed.

“The fuck?”

“Just had to teach him a lesson,” Zac said, shrugging. I sighed heavily; apparently we were going there, whether I wanted to or not.

“What’d he do,” Carrick demanded, growling.

“Nothing,” I said shortly, in a last-ditch effort to end the conversation.

“Not for lack of trying,” Zac spat. Carrick looked between us, confused, but Zac just went on calmly eating his breakfast.

“He called,” he explained between bites. “Wanted to see Tay. Sent tickets and backstage passes to the offices and everything. So, I went.”

“Oh hell,” Carrick muttered, sensing where things were headed.

“I told you we didn’t have to go,” I said softly, trying to remind Zac that the whole thing had been his idea.

“And I told you we did. And I’m glad we did. So,” Zac went on, turning back to Carrick. “I gave them a little… privacy, so Tay could tell him to back off. And he didn’t back off.”

I cringed again, avoiding both pairs of eyes that I could feel on me.

“Dude,” Carrick said gently. “I’m sorry.”

“So I introduced him to my fist. He barely even got one hit in,” Zac finished, grinning proudly.

“My hero,” I murmured, smiling sadly at him.

“Damn right.”

“About time that douche got what’s coming to him,” Carrick chuckled, and we both stared at him. I knew the two of them knew each other, but now I wondered just how well. 

“Yeah,” Zac said, eyeing Carrick.

“It’s not what you think,” his friend said, shaking his head. I stared between them, missing something. Zac noticed, and looked at me with an apologetic pout.

“I umm... I may have told him about you and Alex before…”

“Oh.” I blushed a little, but shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”

“If you say so,” Zac said, biting his lip.

“It’s okay,” I replied, smiling.

“You guys are just too fucking adorable,” Carrick chimed in. “You know that, right?”

“I think I’ve heard that before,” Zac laughed. “But anyway, Alex said he’d run into you recently.”

“Yeah, we were both at this show, talked for a bit. May have mentioned you…”

“Really,” Zac said suspiciously, staring at his friend.

“Not anything about you. Just that I’d seen you; you guys, I mean. Heard the demos, stuff like that.”

“Yeah, he said that,” Zac said, nodding. He bit his lip, glancing at his friend nervously. “Carrick?”

“Yeah babe?” Carrick replied, finishing his juice. The casual way he threw out the pet name made me feel a bit like an outsider, but I tried not to let it bother me too much. Especially considering what he and I had talked about.

“Um… what exactly is it, with you and Alex? If it’s not what I’m thinking.”

I was curious too; I knew they’d already been friends before Zac and I met either of them, but the way Carrick was acting was more than a little suspicious.

“We messed around a few times,” he finally said with a sigh. “Nothing serious.”

“From what I hear, he does that,” Zac spat, and I winced slightly.

“Yeah,” Carrick snorted. “He made it a point to tell me I didn’t mean anything to him. As if he was supposed to mean anything to me; such a fucking narcissist.”

“I’ll say,” I agreed. That sounded exactly like what Alex said to me; I just wish it’d been as easy for me to brush off.

“You know,” Zac spoke up, ”I am totally okay with being the only guy in this room who hasn’t fooled around with Alex Greenwald.” Zac laughed, and Carrick and I joined in; it did sound pretty ridiculous when put that way. “Anyway, this pup taught him a lesson.”

“Good,” Carrick nodded. After all that, I know I needed a serious change of conversation.

“So…” I started; Zac looked over, smiling.

“Yeah?”

“You really like your present, huh?”

“Yup, I do,” he answered, nodding. “Can we keep him?” he added with a giggle. Carrick chuckled, and even I had to stifle a laugh at the irony.

“I promise I’ll feed him and clean up after him,” Zac went on, making Carrick laugh out loud.

“I don’t know, it’s a big responsibility…”

“Aww, he won’t be any trouble. He’s already housebroken, too.”

“Mostly,” Carrick corrected, looking at me. He knew where this was headed as well as I did, and Zac was setting us up perfectly without even trying.

“Yeah, we might need to burn that couch,” Zac said, snorting, and the three of us laughed again.

“You sure you can put up with me?” Carrick asked him, smirking.

“I’ve known you for how long? Six years? And I haven’t killed you yet.”

“Well, if you’re sure you want him… he is kinda used…” I smirked at Carrick, who flipped me off while still grinning at Zac.

“Yeah, but that’s partially my fault,” Zac said, snorting again.

“Oh fine,” I sighed dramatically. “I guess we can keep him around…” Carrick grinned, and Zac beamed at me.

“Aww, Tay! You’re the best boyfriend ever. Always getting me the best toys.” 

Carrick snickered, running a hand through Zac’s hair and making him purr. “You won’t regret it.”

 

**Zac**

I wasn’t sure when this conversation had gone from joking to serious, but there was something in Carrick’s words that really, really confused me. I turned to look at him, hoping he would explain himself.

He didn’t. He just _grinned_.

I turned back to Taylor, who shot me an innocent look and said, “What?”

“I’m… not sure,” I replied, my eyes darting back and forth between the two of them. “I feel like I’m missing something?”

Taylor gave a shrug that looked far more like Carrick than like Taylor. “You asked if we could keep him.”

“And he said yes,” Carrick added.

I stared at Taylor. “That… wasn’t a joke?”

Carrick laughed softly, running his fingers through my hair. Taylor just bit his lip and stared at me, which did absolutely nothing to help me make sense of what was happening. I could… keep him? He was going to stay? For good? It was far too amazing to believe.

“Taylor,” I said, staring at him. “Words. Use them.”

He laughed softly. “I meant what I said last night… about… sharing...”

Tay’s words trailed off there, his face turning pink. I was sure he thought that string of words made sense to me, but it didn’t. “Like… what?” I stuttered out.

He sighed, while Carrick chuckled. “He means _you_ , doofus.”

“Sharing me?” I asked. Words and ideas were forming in my mind, but I didn’t trust them. There was no way this was really happening, not after the way things had blown up in all of our faces just a few months ago.

Taylor just nodded.

“I know all the words you guys are saying, but they just don’t make sense,” I said.

Carrick laughed again. “I think you’re gonna need to spell it out for him, Tay.”

Taylor smirked and nodded. After a short pause to collect himself, he grasped my hand softly. “Look. I know you love me. But…” He paused to look at Carrick. ‘I know you love him, too.”

I nodded slowly. Now that the afterglow was gone, it felt even stranger to acknowledge the fact that I was in love with both Taylor _and_ Carrick. It seemed impossible and almost dishonest, but I could no longer deny it. 

Carrick stroked my hair as Taylor continued, “He and I talked. And we came to an… understanding.”

“We don’t want to make you choose,” Carrick said. “So we’re not.”

I felt my eyes go wide. Just a few months ago I had been torn between the two of them, and I hadn’t even been allowed to choose. They had both made their own decisions about what was best for me, and I was simply forced to accept their reasoning. Now… now they were still making a decision for me, but it was a very, very different one.

“You’re… are you shitting me?” I asked.

“No, Zac,” Taylor said sincerely. “It actually… makes sense.”

I tilted my head to the side, truly trying to understand how Taylor could arrive at that conclusion. I didn’t disagree, but I also didn’t see how this was going to work… or exactly _what_ it was.

“As much as any of this makes sense,” he added, a sad smile gracing his face. “See, you and I… there are things we can’t… that I can’t offer you. But he can.”

“Yeah, but…” I started to protest, but I knew Taylor was right. That had been why he had ended things between us before, and despite the logic of it, it didn’t stop me from loving him.

Taylor barely even noticed my interruption. “Going out, someone to bring around to the family, stuff like that…”

I snorted. “Carrick at Christmas dinner. Yeah, I can just see that now.”

“Scary, I know,” Taylor replied, and Carrick snorted.

“Tay’s still your alpha,” Carrick added. “Your numero uno.”

“Tay’s my what?”

“Your boyfriend,” Taylor said, the ever-present smile still on his lips. Sometimes I thought there was nothing I could do to make that smile go away, but then I remembered all too well the day we had broken up… and the way he looked when he walked into the control booth and found me with Carrick. 

“Well, yeah… of course you are,” I replied.

“But… if you want…” Carrick cut in. “So am I.”

Still remembering how much my relationship with Carrick had strained things between Taylor and I, even though we weren’t together at all then, I ignored his smile and gave him a serious look. “Taylor… are you sure this is okay? I mean… this is…”

“I know…” Taylor said, looking down for a moment, seeming to collect his thoughts. “But it’s no weirder than the rest of our relationship, is it?”

I chuckled softly. “I guess not.”

“It’s up to you,” Carrick said, looking uncharacteristically shy. “I’m happy either way.”

“Yeah, I know you are,” I replied, wiggling my eyebrows.

“You know what I mean, ass.”

“Yeah.” I giggled. I just couldn’t take Carrick seriously, ever, and he knew that. It was a part of why we got along so well, and a part of why it scared me so much when he was serious… like he was very close to being right then.

“You guys...fit,” Taylor said. “You complete each other in a way.”

“And you guys complete each other too, in other ways,” Carrick added.

“Yeah… I guess so.” I nodded. 

And it made sense, in a very, very strange way. They were both different, and _I_ was different depending on which of them I was with. I liked the ways I had changed and grown since my relationship with Carrick, changes that I knew he was mostly responsible for, but I also liked being with Taylor. Being with him would always just feel right. The thought of being with _both_ of them… it was starting to feel right, too.

“It’s a little… okay, it’s a lot weird,” Carrick said, then poked me in the side. “But then so are you.”

I pouted. “Yeah, well what does that make you?”

He shook his head “They haven’t come up with a word for it yet.”

“This is your decision, Zac,” Taylor said, pulling my attention back to him.

I nodded soberly. “I know.”

Maybe I should have taken more time to consider all the implications of this strange arrangement, but I didn’t want to. It felt right, and that was enough for me.

“And I think… I think…” I stuttered out, then gave Carrick a tiny smirk. “I wanna keep him.”

For perhaps the first time ever, Carrick gave me a sincere, maybe even loving, smile. It was different, but I decided that I liked it. If keeping him meant I got to see that expression more, then I knew I had made the right decision.

“Yeah?” Carrick asked, evidently not quite sure he believed I had made up my mind.

“Yeah,” I replied, smiling.

Carrick eyed me a for a moment, seeming to scrutinize my face for any sign that I wasn’t certain. But I was, and after a few seconds, he evidently accepted that. He leaned down and gave me a soft kiss. I felt Taylor scooting closer to me and squeezing my hand as I deepened the kiss, running my tongue along Carrick’s bottom lip.

He pulled back and whispered, “I love you, Zac.”

“Love you, too,” I said, no longer afraid or ashamed to admit that it was true.

Taylor tugged on my hand softly to get my attention. “I love you. So very, very much.”

I turned to face him. “And you know I love you, too.”

Taylor kissed me softly, and I was so relieved to feel nothing but sincerity and love in his kiss. I knew he was leaving this decision, the decision to have two boyfriends, up to me, but I also knew how much it could affect him. I didn’t want to do anything to hurt him, and so I was glad not to feel any apprehension in his demeanor. 

It might have been an insane choice to make, but I was more and more convinced by the second that it was the right one… for all three of us.


	13. Chapter 13

**Taylor**

I was leaning against the counter sipping my coffee, when Carrick shuffled into the kitchen. I smirked, handing him a cup already made to his liking. He smiled at me, taking it and gulping half of it down. He was dressed in nothing but his briefs, something that I was getting used to, even if it still made me blush a bit. My eyes trailed down his body, before being drawn back up when he cleared his throat.

"See something you like?" he teased, and I groaned, rolling my eyes. He laughed, patting the seat next to him; I sighed, but sat down anyway. Zac had gone out early to run a few errands, so it was just me and Carrick today. We didn't spend as much time alone, but it was another thing I was getting used to.

Even though he’d only been here a few days, he seemed so at home here. Maybe that was because this had _been_ his home for a while. I tried not to think about it, just like I tried not to notice the way he looked at Zac. I knew that look; I’d given it to my brother dozens of times in the past six or so months, but especially those months when I’d all but forced Zac into Carrick’s arms. The look of loving someone with all your heart, but bearing the painful knowledge that they’ll never love you as much as you love them. I wondered how Carrick dealt with it, how he managed to smile and pretend everything was fine. I wished I was that strong.

We drank our coffee quietly, glancing at each other every now and then. We'd always been friends, but this new dynamic was changing the way I saw him. The things we'd done together made it nearly impossible to think of him as just a friend, and yet there was something else, something beyond the sex, that drew my eyes to him. I'd caught the way he looked at me sometimes, too; there was more to it than simple lust, but I didn't know what.

"Hey Tay, can I ask you something?" Carrick spoke up suddenly; I looked over at him, nodding. "Well, do you remember that party in LA, the one where we met?"

"Yeah, what about it?" I tried to keep my voice calm, but I couldn't stop the shy smile from sneaking into my lips. I remembered it alright, all too well. Carrick smiled, and I had a feeling he was remembering the same thing.

"Well, how much of it do you remember?" 

I smiled, looking down. He thought I didn't remember? Well, I hadn't ever brought it up, and I had been pretty drunk, so I supposed it wasn't that unreasonable of an assumption.

"I wasn't _that_ drunk," I said softly, feeling my blush increase a couple degrees. 

"Really. So you remember _everything_?" He all but purred, leaning a bit closer. I nodded, biting my lip. He seemed to think a moment, his eyes sparkling. "So, you remember shoving me against a wall and making out with me?" His voice took on a husky tone, and my eyes fluttered a bit.

"Yeah... I remember you kissing me back just as roughly," I breathed. He smirked, sipping the last of his coffee. I watched his hand as it moved to cover mine, our fingers brushing.

"Why didn't you ever mention it?" His brow furrowed a bit in curiosity.

"You met Zac," I answered simply, shrugging. He still looked a bit confused, so I went on. "I knew as soon as you guys met that you were done for. The way you looked at each other; even if Zac didn't understand it at the time, it was pretty obvious."

"What was?"

"Love at first sight." 

Carrick smiled, nodding. He looked down at our hands; I followed his eyes, watching as he turned my hand over, interlacing our fingers. I looked back up at him, not surprised to see his eyes on me. His thumb brushed the back of my hand, and I shivered a bit.

"It may not be the same, but you know I care about you, too." The sincerity in Carrick's voice surprised me, and I drew in a small breath. I bit my lip hard, looking down at our hands again.

"I care about you, too, Carrick. It's more than just... just the sex. You know that."

"I know," he replied quietly. I felt his hand under my chin, lifting my face to his. I barely had a moment to gasp before his lips were on mine, soft and warm and surprisingly tender. I ran my fingers through his hair, kissing him back hesitantly at first. He pulled back to look in my eyes, the familiar gleam laced with genuine emotion.

I pulled his lips to mine, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. I felt him smile, holding me just as close. He broke the kiss, his lips trailing over my jaw down my neck; I let out a breathy moan, gripping at his back. His fingers worked under my tee shirt, running up my chest, drawing another moan from me. I pulled it off, breathless, staring into his eyes. He smirked, standing and pulling on my hand.

I let him lead me upstairs, lowering me to the bed and covering me in kisses. My head was swimming; we'd never done anything without Zac, and a small part of me felt guilty. But looking at Carrick leaning over me, kissing his way down my chest, I couldn't stop myself from tangling my fingers in his hair, throwing my head back and moaning his name.

His eyes never left me once as he pulled my jeans off of me, stroking me to full hardness before swallowing me all at once. My hips bucked, my back arching; I couldn't stay still, or quiet, as he sucked me torturously slowly. When I felt a finger pressing against my entrance, I had to bite my lip to muffle the shameless moans that threatened to fill the room. When he pressed a second finger into me, I couldn't hold back, my voice echoing off the walls.

He slid into me not long after, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me with a passion I wasn't prepared for. This was different than it was with Zac; the way Carrick and I moved together, the way our bodies fit, but also the feelings between us made it... different. No better or worse, but definitely not easily compared to sex with Zac.

One major difference was the fact that Carrick never shut up. It was hot, the lewd words coming from his mouth making me shiver, but more than once I kissed him just to give him something else to do with his mouth. He smirked at me, but kissed me back hungrily, not the least bit offended. I guessed that wasn't the first time he'd gotten that reaction.

When we climaxed together, it was explosive. We collapsed to the bed together, sweating and gasping for breath. We lay there for a while, I wasn't sure how long, just holding each other; he stroked my hair, making me purr... I rubbed his back, gently massaging the knots away. He looked in my eyes, and I in his, and I knew as well as he did that there was more than physical attraction between us.

Later that morning, we shared a quiet breakfast. We made small talk, but it wasn't awkward. In fact, it felt perfectly normal, like home. I wasn't sure what to make of this shift in the dynamic, but he smiled reassuringly at me. This would be okay. We both loved Zac, with all our hearts, and were happy to share his love. And even though it wasn't love exactly, it was becoming more and more clear that there were strong emotions on all sides of our arrangement... our family. The thought made me smile. We were becoming a family. And I couldn't have been happier.

 

**Zac**

It had barely been a week since Carrick had moved in--again--but we were already falling into a routine. Having him here had always just felt right, even when it was temporary and my world was falling apart. Now that he had moved to Tulsa for good, it was no different. Okay, it was a lot different. The first time Carrick had moved in, it had just been the two of us against the world. Now, Taylor was here too, and we were creating a strange new life together.

Officially, Taylor’s bedroom was downstairs, while Carrick and I shared the master bedroom. On most nights, though, we all ended up piled in the master bed, and not just because it was bigger and more comfortable. That was only one of many ways that our arrangement, for lack of a better word for it, was weird. But as strange as it was, after only a few days, I really couldn’t imagine it any other way. It was still new, and we were still figuring out how to make it work, but it already made more sense to me than conventional married life ever had.

The first test, I supposed, was Halloween. It had always been my favorite holiday, and I always had fun making the most of it; even with two boyfriends to take care of, I was determined to make Halloween a blast. Taylor seemed equally excited about it, and spent the entire morning and afternoon baking homemade candy for the goodie bags we were going to hand out. Costumes were my territory, and I had the perfect idea for the three of us.

Carrick stared in the mirror, deliberately un-straightening his tie. Once it was sufficiently off kilter, he turned to face me. “Well? What’dya think?”

“You look like an even bigger dork than usual.” I grinned.

He rolled his eyes and poked my chest. “Yeah, right… just remember whose idea this was.”

“Only because Taylor didn’t wanna be Legolas…” I grumbled in the general direction of the guest room door. For some reason, the room that officially belonged to Taylor had the biggest mirror, so we had chosen it to be our dressing room. I was sure Taylor was still slaving over the hot stove like the good little housewife he didn’t want to admit he was, oblivious to my comment about him. 

“You just wanted to see me in tights!” He called out. Apparently not as oblivious as I had thought.

“Damn right I did!” I yelled back.

“I wouldn’t mind seeing him in tights…” Carrick agreed, nudging me aside so that he could scrutinize his appearance a bit more.

“Your hair’s too long to _really_ look like Castiel,” I remarked. He was about a foot too tall, too, and didn’t look a thing like Misha Collins. But he looked good in a trench coat and Taylor was going to look really hot in my leather jacket. “Then again, mine is too long to be Sam, but I guess it’ll do.”

“So you’re Sam from a future season,” he replied, shrugging. After a moment’s pause, he kissed my cheek and wrapped his arms around my waist.

I leaned against him, sighing happily. We did look good, and not just because of the costumes. We looked good _together_. “I just want everything to be perfect. Not just our costumes and not just Halloween, but you know… everything.”

“I know, baby. I think things are pretty perfect so far.” To punctuate that statement, he kissed my neck, pulling me closer to him. 

“Yeah?” I gave his reflection a hopeful look. “I mean, I know it’s all… so weird. It’s hard to believe it’s happening, you know? And this is coming from the guy who has been in love with his brother for the better part of the year.”

Carrick sighed. While he might have been far, far more understanding of my situation with Taylor than a sane person would have been, I knew it still had to hurt him to think about it. When I had asked him to come visit me, it had only been for moral support. I hadn’t expected him to be drug into the middle of everything, because I hadn’t known how deep his feelings for me went… or how deep _my_ feelings for _him_ went. It was all so, so much more complicated than I expected when I made that phone call, and it only continued to get more complicated. 

I frowned, hating myself for bringing up the subject, even though it wasn’t like he could really forget that I was dating Taylor, too. “Sorry, I’m being weird; I know. We don’t need to talk about all this again.”

Carrick spun me around to face him. “It’s okay, babe. Really. Trust me, this is a little weird for me too. But I’m just happy to be here with you.”

“Yeah?” I asked, staring him down to decide if I really believed him. But of course I did. Carrick wouldn’t lie to me. “I’m glad you’re here, too. Somehow, I think things would be even weirder if you weren’t here…”

“How so?” He asked, tilting his head.

“Because you held me together all through the summer? And even if I have Taylor back… what if I fall apart again?” My voice broke pathetically as I spoke. I hadn’t meant for the conversation to turn so serious, but it was too late to fix that. It was true, though. I wasn’t sure if Carrick really knew just how important he had been to me for those few months he was here. If I’d hidden from Taylor and Kate on my own, I might have gone insane. Instead… I fell in love.

He gave me a sad smile, then pulled me in and pressed his lips to mine. We kissed slowly, which was unusual for us, but passionately. There was something different about it, different from our normal kisses, but I couldn’t quite figure out what that difference was. While I was still trying to puzzle it out, Carrick pulled away and gave me a serious look.

“I won’t let that happen,” he said softly, and I absolutely believed him. The serious look faded away, replaced by his trademark smirk. “Besides, now I have my very own twink.” 

“Well, not your _very_ own,” I huffed. “I mean, you _do_ have to share him with me. Or share _me_ with _him_.”

Carrick grinned. “Let’s go with both.”

I tilted my head to the side in confusion. There was something distinctly evil about Carrick’s grin, and I wasn’t sure what to think of it at all. Then again, when wasn’t there something a little evil about Carrick?

“Taking turns,” he added, as though that cleared everything up.

“Taking turns… with _who_?” I asked mock accusingly.

Carrick just laughed. “Let’s see, three guys… how many possible combinations is that?”

“Quite a few…” I crossed my arms, but couldn’t keep the grin off my face. “And some I didn’t know we were considering.”

“You know me; I’m up for anything.” He winked.

“It’s usually one of my favorite things about you,” I admitted.

“Trust me, I know,” he replied, grinding against me just to prove his point.

I groaned, both in frustration at his strange statements about our arrangement and the fact that he was a giant cocktease. “You know, sometimes I hate you a little bit.”

“Love you too, babe,” he replied. “So should we go give the princess a hand?”

“You know he’ll just kick us out of the kitchen… but I’m sure we can have plenty of fun before he does.”

And with that, we were off. I decided I could worry about his ideas about _taking turns_ later...


	14. Chapter 14

**Carrick**

So things were going… well enough, I guess. Really good, actually. Sure, there were times when I remembered what my place was in this arrangement, but that wasn’t anyone’s fault. And we had fun, both the dirty kind and the not-so-dirty. Tay was fun to tease; even though we’d established there was something between us, he still acted all shy about it whenever I did anything. It was cute, really, not to mention hot. And Zac, of course… well, I was just trying to enjoy the ride. It’s not that I doubted his feelings; I just knew I couldn’t change them. Not that I’d ever be selfish enough to try.

A couple weeks after Halloween, I awoke to Zac’s ass grinding against me, and the smell of coffee and bacon. Not a bad way to start the day, if you ask me. I smiled, burying my face in Zac’s neck and covering it with kisses. I heard him moan softly, so I gripped his hips and rocked mine against him; that got a louder reaction, and I chuckled as he arched his back and pressed against me. I’d just reached into his boxers and wrapped a hand around his dick when Tay’s voice drifted up the stairs.

“Zac! Carrick! Breakfast!”

Sometimes I almost wanted to hate him.

“Whose dumb idea was it to have breakfast in the morning?” I grumbled, untangling myself from Zac and sitting up.

“I don’t know, but I’m blaming Taylor.” He turned over and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me back down. I stretched lazily, then leaned down to nip at his ear, earning a breathy moan. “So… breakfast in bed? Think Taylor will mind?”

“Come on guys,” said brother hollered before I could answer. “Put it away and get down here.”

“I haven’t even gotten it out yet!” Zac whined. “You ruin all my fun, Tay.” He smirked up at me, nuzzling my side, and I was seriously tempted to say screw Taylor and his breakfast… in that order. But Zac’s stomach growled, and he looked up at me sheepishly; I let out a heavy sigh and tossed the sheets aside. Zac knew I couldn’t resist that face. I made a mental note to make Taylor pay for the interruption later.

After my third waffle, I decided to forgive him. 

“So,” he said after we’d cleaned our plates, “As you know, today is Ike’s birthday, and the whole family is throwing a party. I need you two to keep him busy until we’re ready.”

“Well that sounds like a ton of fun,” Zac grumbled, and I laughed.

“Babysitting? Seriously?”

“I thought you could take him to the studio. Zac never did play those demos for you, did he?” Tay raised an eyebrow at me, and I probably should’ve felt sorry, but all I could do was snicker. Zac looked down, though, blushing.

“Sorry about that…”

“It’s okay,” Taylor said, also blushing. “Ancient history. But seriously, take him to the studio. Tell him… tell him you want to go over the drum fills again, or… or…”

“Not the best at this, is he?” I half-whispered to Zac; he just laughed and shook his head.

“Ike will probably die of shock if I suggest we work on music, considering how long it’s been. Not the best plan at all.”

“Well I don’t know!” Tay snapped with an exasperated sigh. “Just… think of something? Please?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Zac leaned toward Tay and smiled sweetly, in a way that made my stomach turn just a little. “We’ll take care of it, I promise. Don’t you trust us?”

“Yeah yeah… you know I do.” The two of them shared a moment, and I took that moment to wipe the syrup from my plate with a finger and lick it off. “Okay, so dinner’s at seven. It’s…” He paused to check his watch. “Eleven now, so you’ve only got… eight hours.”

“Oh, is that all?” I teased, rolling my eyes.

“Should be a cinch.” Zac grinned, giving his brother a thumbs up. Tay stood up and gave him a kiss.

“Great. I need to get going, but I’ll see you guys tonight, okay?” He turned to me and gave me a shy peck on the cheek, then blushed and turned away.

“Aww,” Zac cooed. “See you later, baby.”

As bad as Tay was with Zac, it didn’t hurt when he threw a little affection my way. And it was only fair to return the favor; like the playful ass slap I gave him on the way out. 

 

**Zac**

There was just no way this was going to work. Don’t get me wrong; I love Taylor’s enthusiasm. Watching him get so involved in organizing things is just fun, although it does make me wonder if he doesn’t have a second career in the works as a party planner. And because I love him, I’m willing to at least try to do what he asks of me.

Our office was empty when I unlocked the door and ushered Carrick in. I guess most of our employees, being family or in-laws, are part of Taylor’s plan. While Carrick went on ahead of me into the studio, flipping on the lights as he went, I pulled out my cell phone and scrolled through my address book until I found Ike’s number. _Here goes nothing_ , I thought to myself as I pressed call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, umm, it’s Zac,” I said, clearing my throat. “I was just thinking… I have this really, really cool idea for that song we were working on, that one with you on lead? So I was just hoping you could come down to the studio and maybe… I dunno, we can work on it?”

I had walked on into the studio as I spoke. Carrick was sitting at the piano, plucking a few keys mindlessly. He glanced up and raised an eyebrow at me as he heard my pathetic attempt at luring Ike to the studio. As I waited for Ike to reply, I flipped Carrick off.

“Not really how I planned on spending my birthday, to be honest,” he said. “Can it really not wait?”

I ignored the way Carrick licked his lips, trying not to let it fill my mind with dirty images that I _really_ didn’t need while I was on the phone with Ike. “Well, it’s just… you know, we’re really behind where we need to be on this album, and I’m just really feeling it today, so… I figured, why wait? I mean, it would be nice if we put another album out eventually, don’t you think?”

Isaac gave a long sigh. “Way to lay on a guilt trip, Zac. Just let me grab a quick shower and I’ll be there. But this better be good.”

“Oh, it’ll be something,” I replied, laughing weakly. I almost couldn’t believe he had taken the bait. “See ya soon, Ike.”

“New song, huh?” Carrick smirked.

I shoved my phone back in my pocket and glared at Carrick. “Fuck you. No, it’s this one we were working on months ago. Never really got far with it, but it was kinda cool. And now I guess I better come up with… something… for it.”

Carrick laughed and sped up his playing a bit, still just sort of messing around and not playing any song that I recognized. “Better think fast…”

“You know, you’re a bastard,” I replied. Whatever Carrick was playing, I liked the sound of it, so I sat down at my drums, pulled a set of sticks out of the bag and tried to find a beat. Carrick quickly picked it up, and soon we were making up a new song. “We should write together again, you know that? It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, sure,” he replied, nodding. With a wink, he added, “You’ve got me pretty inspired.”

I snorted. “Bet we could write something even raunchier than Even When You’re Gone now.”

“I guess,” he replied, shrugging.

Unsure why that didn’t amuse him like it did me, I gave him a little smirk and said, “Maybe I’ll just write something about you. How about that?”

That earned me a smile. “I think I’d like that.”

“Yeah?” I smiled wider. “Then I’ll definitely do it.”

“Zac?” Isaac called out, materializing out of thin air in the doorway.

Carrick grinned. “Hey, Ike!”

In surprise at his sudden appearance, I dropped one of my sticks. “Oops! Hey, Ike.”

Carrick laughed at my clumsiness, and I shot him a glare. Isaac blinked a few times, looking a little confused, and I supposed he had a reason to be. In my phone call to him, I hadn’t mentioned Carrick at all.

“Oh, hey,” Ike finally replied. “I didn’t realize you were going to be here, too. You’re back in Tulsa for a while, huh?”

Carrick grinned at me, then turned back to Ike. “You could say that…”

I watched Isaac’s brow furrow slightly in confusion. His glance shifted back to me. “So, you had an idea, huh? For what, Nothing On Me?”

“Umm, yeah,” I replied, laughing nervously. I spun my drumstick idly; it was a habit I’d developed whenever I was bored or thinking. “I was thinking, maybe uh… speed it up a little? Or add a little funk?”

Carrick smirked at me, but saw fit to at least keep his mouth shut. I was sure it had to be painful for him.

Isaac nodded slowly. “Well… maybe. We can give it a try. Hey, where’s Tay?”

“Umm, he,” I stuttered out. “He had daddy duty today.”

“That, and I think we were getting a little much for him.” Carrick gave me a wink.

“Now that I can believe.” Ike chuckled.

I looked at Carrick, horrified, then at Ike. Then back to Carrick. It was a fairly subtle comment, but it still made Isaac laugh. I wasn’t sure if he knew _why_ he was laughing at it, though.

Ike cleared his throat. “Well, anyway, I did kind of want to take another crack at the vocals on that one. Especially that second verse. If you don’t mind, I’ll go ahead and give them another go?”

“Yeah, sure… sounds good. Carrick can help me get the track cued up. Right, Carrick?” I stood up and gave him a pointed look, hoping he got the hint that we needed some privacy--such as in the control booth--to talk.

He gave me a sickeningly sweet smile that I didn’t believe or trust for a second. “Sure thing, babe.”

I hurried into the control booth, giving Carrick just enough time to get in the room before I pulled the door shut and locked it. I didn’t need another awkward interruption in the control booth like we’d had months ago, although I highly doubted this conversation would lead to us fooling around. My back was to Carrick while I found the right track and turned it up for Ike, making sure it was at the part he wanted. Once he was off and running, I spun back around to face Carrick.

“Really, Carrick? Really?”

He grinned. “What?”

“You know what you did,” I replied, crossing my arms.

“I know nothing.” Carrick gave me an innocent smile, or at least what passed for one coming from him.

“Well, ain’t that the truth?” I smirked in spite of the fact that I was a little upset with him.

Carrick gave Ike a thumbs up through the control booth window, then turned back to me. “If you don’t want me to say anything, fine.”

“It’s not that, really…” I sighed, trying to figure out how to explain what was wrong. “I mean, it’s probably time, you know? Now that you’re here… for good. But just saying stuff like that, especially mentioning Taylor…”

He raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t say anything suspicious about Tay.”

“Well, it wasn’t that suspicious, but it’s a fine line…”

“Your brother being sick of watching you make out with your boyfriend?”

I huffed. Carrick wasn’t making this as easy as I hoped it would be. “Well, you and I know why he would get sick of that. And maybe not for the reason that Ike would think but… hell, Ike doesn’t even know you _are_ my boyfriend.”

As I spoke, Carrick only looked more and more upset. Before I could take back my words and try to fix things, he replied, “Okay, so we won’t say anything. Sorry.”

“That’s not…” I began, pouting. Maybe being cute would help my case. “I mean, maybe we should tell him. I’ve been kinda thinking about it anyway. Maybe… maybe I’m ready to come out. I don’t know. How do you know if you’re ready?”

“When you can’t stand not telling the world who you’re with,” he replied, giving me a sad little smile. 

I tilted my head to the side as I stared at Carrick. When he put it that way, it kind of made sense. A few months ago, thought of telling everyone the truth about my sexuality was terrifying. I knew I still couldn’t tell the world how I felt about Taylor, but how I felt about Carrick... well, that was different. Telling the world was still a little scary, but… “Well, didn’t I just say I was gonna write a song about you?”

Carrick’s smile widened. “Pretty sure that’s what you said…”

“Wouldn’t that kinda be telling the world? I mean, so I probably wouldn’t put your name in the song…” I paused and gave him a little nudge. “But I think maybe I can at least handle telling Ike.”

He glanced through the window at Ike, then took my hand in his. The song was just fading out, so I supposed it was now or never. With my free hand, I flipped on the mic to the recording booth.

“Hey, Ike?” I asked. “You wanna come in and listen to the playback? You sounded pretty good, if you ask me.”

Isaac scrunched up his nose. “You think so? I mean, I could probably still give it a few more takes…”

“Nah, man, you’re good,” Carrick said. “Come take a break.”

“Yeah, alright,” Ike replied, setting down his headphones and walking toward us.

I squeezed Carrick’s hand a little, then unlocked the door to let Isaac in. Even as I made my way back to the control board and turned on the playback, I didn’t let go of Carrick’s hand. As we stood together, trying to gauge Ike’s reaction both to us and to the song, I could feel Carrick’s smile even without turning my head to look at him. Ike’s arms were crossed and there was a tiny smirk on his face, and I didn’t know what to make of that at all.

As the song ended, I eyed Ike a little more nervously. “So, umm… I thought it was pretty good…”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, the smirk spreading across his face. “Not too bad.”

“I think the drum fill Zac was working on’ll sound great with it,” Carrick replied, still smiling at me.

I nudged him and gave him a bit of a glare. “Yeah, well… we can work on that in a minute. But umm, well I was kinda… I mean…”

Carrick chuckled, and I gave him a pout. Of course he wouldn’t make this easy for me. 

“Well, it’s just… you know how you were saying you didn’t know Carrick was in town again?”

“Mhm,” he replied, arms still crossed.

“Well, he’s here to stay,” I continued. “Like, for good. F-forever… I hope. With me.”

For once, Carrick didn’t laugh or make any smartass comments. I supposed that meant he really was proud of me. At least, that was what the smile on his face seemed to say, and the soft kiss he pressed to the top of my head sent the same message. I leaned against Carrick and braced myself for what Ike’s reaction might be.

“So, you two got back together then?” The smirk on Ike’s face seemed to be turning into more of a smile.

Carrick gave a soft affirmative reply, but I was too shocked to answer right away. My eyes widened as I tried to process Ike’s words, and I finally managed to stutter out, “I… wha… you knew?!”

“Kate left you and he moved in. I can put two and two together, Zac.”

I frowned. “Well, thank you, Ike. You just ruined my coming out.”

Both Carrick and Ike laughed, and Ike replied, “I’m sure you’ll get plenty more chances. Not everybody figured it out right away.”

My frown, which hadn’t been all that serious before, deepened. “Do you think… do you think it’ll be okay? I mean, that everyone will be okay with it?”

Carrick wrapped one arm tightly around me. Even though he had no trouble being himself, he understood that it wasn’t so easy for me. Still, with him by my side, it was getting a little easier. 

“I don’t know, Zac,” Isaac said softly. “But you know what? You’re happy. I can see that now. So everyone else can just deal with it if they don’t like it.”

It wasn’t like I really thought my brother was a homophobe, but his reply still shocked me. My last attempt at coming out hadn’t worked so well, although Kate had come around since then, so I suppose I just expected a lot more resistance at first. Then again, Ike was a perceptive guy. He had figured things out on his own and had time to adjust to the idea. 

“Thanks, man,” Carrick replied for me while I was still dumbstruck. “I know it means a lot to him.”

“It does... it really does,” I replied, nodding. I took a moment to clear my throat and collect myself a bit, then asked, “So, umm, you wanna get back to work?”

Isaac gave me a sincere smile. “Yeah, sure. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

Now that my not-so climactic coming out was over, we all made our way back into the studio. I was still shocked that Ike had taken it so well. Maybe I didn’t know my oldest brother as well as I thought I did. Maybe I should have given him more credit.

With Carrick sitting in on piano, we sat down to work through Nothing On Me. I made a point of drawing things out, even messing up a few times, so that the process would take as long as possible. Once we had worked that song to death, I racked my brain for more songs we could practice on and fiddle with. We only took a short break for lunch, and after several hours, I could tell that Ike was getting antsy to leave. Try as I might, I just couldn’t keep him there any longer. We just didn’t have any more new songs to work on; we had been kind of negligent on the new album front over the last few months. Once we had exhausted all the new songs, what else could I do to keep Ike there?

Ike had started packing up his guitar, and I looked to Carrick for some guidance. He glanced up from his phone, where I assumed he was texting Taylor, and shook his head.

I sighed. I had better come up with something… and fast. “Hey, Ike, umm… Did I show you that email I got with the new t-shirt designs?”

“Weren’t we supposed to get those like a month ago?” Ike asked.

I shrugged; I was pretty sure the email _had_ been sitting in my inbox for at least a month, but I’d had other things on my mind at the time. “I dunno, but I’ll pull it up on my computer in the office, and we’ll check them out. And Carrick can… uh… finish putting things away in here, please?”

At the last, I batted my eyelashes at Carrick and gave him the sweetest look I could manage. He shook his head, but nevertheless stood up. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled. Leaning in closer to whisper in my ear, he said, “You just like making me bend over.”

I felt my face heating up, and I softly replied, “And I won’t even be in here to watch it… such a shame.”

“So, those emails?” Isaac interjected, a slightly fake looking smile plastered on his face. I guess Carrick and I had been louder than I thought.

Once we were in the office, Ike and I did look at that email--and I tried my best to hide the fact that it had, indeed, arrived in my inbox a month ago. We both had plenty more emails to check, since I wasn’t the only one neglecting band business lately, and that kept us occupied for a while. Just as Ike was telling me that he got word back from Sonic Ranch about our very tentative plans to record there, Carrick finally popped his head into the room.

“All packed,” he said. “I dunno about you guys, but I’m starving. Noms?”

“Sure, what are you thinking?” I asked, hoping to look and sound innocent and casual.

He shrugged. “I thought we could swing by the house. You know how much I love your mom’s cooking…”

Carrick threw in a wink to me that I hoped Ike didn’t notice. Putting on a persuasive, puppy dog eyed expression, I turned to Ike. “You wanna head over there too? I think I left another notebook with a song I wanted you to look at in the studio there anyway…”

“I guess, but not for long,” he replied. “I would like to spend some time with my wife and kids on my birthday, you know.”

“Oh, it’s your birthday?” Carrick said in mock surprise. “Zac, why didn’t you tell me!”

“I’m sure he’s mentioned it once or twice today…” I replied, smirking.

“Whatever, man.” Ike rolled his eyes. “Let’s just get going, huh? Now that you mention it, I haven’t had any of mom’s home cooking for a while, either…”

With that settled, we locked the studio up and headed out. It was a fairly long drive out of town and into the little suburb of sorts where our parents lived. Neither of us said much until we reached the outskirts of Tulsa.

“So, now Ike knows,” Carrick said. “How’s that feel?”

I shrugged, then slid a hand across the seat to grab Carrick’s. “Not really that different, to be honest. I guess… I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised that he figured it out. Hell, maybe they all did.”

“Feel like finding out?” Carrick asked. A quick glance his way revealed a smirk on his face.

“What are you suggesting, exactly?”

“Well, we’re showing up together, aren’t we? You wanna… show up together?”

I felt my lips twitch, a smile threatening to spread across them in spite of the butterflies stirring up in my stomach. “I guess… yeah, I think I can handle that. I mean, it’s not like the whole thing doesn’t have the potential to be a clusterfuck anyway, with Taylor planning it.”

“I’ll say.” Carrick laughed. “I’ll be surprised if he didn’t hire a DJ and a bartender.”

I snickered. “Nah, he’s probably playing DJ. And you know Ike would just take over for the bartender anyway.”

“Yeah…” Carrick agreed.

We both fell silent then. We could joke around, but it was a big deal to walk into this party as a couple. After the way my marriage to Kate had exploded, I had stayed away from my family a lot. They had varying opinions, none positive, about the institution of divorce, and I had done plenty of other things besides that for them to disapprove of if they knew. It was just easiest to hide away and try to protect them from my life. But I couldn’t hide forever, and I didn’t _want_ to hide anymore. This was me, and as Ike had pointed out, it was the happiest me I had been in years. Why should I hide that?

Minutes later, I pulled into the driveway of my parents’ house. Ike was already parked and just getting out of his SUV. I stepped out of my truck and shot Carrick a big, but nervous, smile as he stepped out and rounded the front to stand next to me. He glanced at Ike, who was already halfway up the walkway, then grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.

“You ready?” He asked.

And I was.


	15. Chapter 15

**Isaac**

Our family has had a lot of crazy years. Nothing has really been normal for us since we became famous, but for the most part, it’s all been good. This year, though… this year has been something else entirely. 

From the very beginning of the year, we all seemed to be barely hanging onto the jagged edges of our nerves. I chalked that up to having pushed ourselves too hard to promote the last album, but the troubles seemed to run deeper than that between Taylor and Zac. The two of them had always had secrets, and whether those secrets were good or bad, I decided I was better off not knowing. 

Those troubles within the band naturally spilled over into our personal lives. I can't honestly say that everyone in the family was surprised when Kate took the kids and ran home to Georgia. Having dated her myself, I knew her flair for dramatics when she didn't get her way, and her marriage with Zac had never been the perfect fantasy that she thought being married to Zac Hanson ought to be. I didn't voice my opinion, but I had always felt it was just a matter of time before the two of them realized they weren't meant to be together. 

But the Hanson family carried on. While Zac and Carrick barricaded themselves--metaphorically and all but literally--inside Zac's house, the rest of us went on with our normal lives, right down to the weekly Sunday dinners at Mom and Dad's house. It was at one of those dinners that Taylor and Natalie quietly asked for our attention for an announcement. They were too serene for it to be another baby announcement; instead, they informed us that they had agreed to divorce. It made even less sense than Zac and Kate's split, but they had obviously made their peace with it, and so the rest of us could do nothing else but accept it.

From there on, things seemed to calm down a little. Although we'd still made precious little progress on our next album, life seemed to be returning to some semblance of normal. It had been a banner year for big announcements, though; Zac and Carrick took the spotlight on my birthday when they walked into the party holding hands and effectively confirming all of our suspicions that they had been dating for quite some time. I had known it, or at least been willing to consider the possibility, for longer than anyone else in the family, I think. 

I have to give our parents credit, though. They were shocked, or at least pretended to be; after the way Carrick basically moved here back in the summer while Kate was off doing god knows what, I don't know how anyone couldn't have been suspicious of how close he and Zac actually were. I assumed that our religious parents and siblings just didn't want to accept it, but once the evidence was right there in front of them, they welcomed Carrick into the family almost as readily as they had Kate. 

As for me, I was just glad that Zac and Taylor had found some sense of peace, because that meant our crazy year might finally be coming to an end. Before it could end, though, we all had to survive the holidays, beginning with the traditional Hanson family Thanksgiving. With the kids camped out in the pool house for a giant sleepover, my brothers and I... and Carrick... were spending some quality time in the living room. 

I seemed to be in charge of handing out drinks. I handed out beers and hard ciders, and after they thanked me, Carrick remarked, “Man, your mom sure knows how to stuff a bird…”

Taylor choked on the beer he’d just taken a sip of, and although Zac tried to fight it, his coughs and sputters quickly turned to laughter. I wasn't sure why they found that statement so funny; it was crude, sure, but it was our mom they were talking about. My brothers were clearly stranger than I knew.

"She's uh... she's a hell of a cook," I finally agreed. 

Zac gave Taylor a nudge. "Must be where he learned it..."

Taylor just blushed and sipped his beer; usually he took a compliment better than that.

"Yeah, you should try his stuffing sometime," Carrick added. 

At that, Taylor shot Carrick what seemed to be a warning look, but his lips weren't nearly as serious as his eyes, turning up in a smirk as they were. Zac snorted with laughter and gave Carrick a nudge that seemed to be in warning as well. I could only stare at them blankly, almost jealous that now there were three of them sharing the inside jokes and secrets, not just two.

"So, umm..." Taylor said. "Who won the game tonight?"

Carrick raised an eyebrow at him, and Zac asked, most likely testing him, "What sport?"

"Umm... football?"

"Good guess," Zac replied, and this time Carrick was the one to snort.

"Patriots, I think," I offered. I was at least slightly more into sports than my brothers--not to imply that they conformed to any particular stereotypes, but none of us had ever been the typical manly men. 

"Oh, really?" Zac asked, his tone suggesting that he was humoring me. Taylor just gave me a grateful smile, probably for diverting attention away from him.

I shrugged. "I didn't see the whole game; just caught the score."

"Well, the score's what's important, isn't it?" Carrick asked.

Taylor rolled his eyes, and Zac gave Carrick another warning nudge. At least that comment was less obtuse and more obviously perverted. Those sort of comments, I was learning, were Carrick's favorite to make. Taylor heaved a long-suffering sigh and pasted on a smile that I was sure was entirely for my benefit.

Attempting to return his smile, I asked, "So uh... Carrick, have a nice time? Your first Hanson family Thanksgiving and all..."

"Oh, yeah," he replied, putting a long arm around Zac. "Everyone's made me feel right at home."

"That's great," I replied, and although it was strange to see my brother being affectionate with another man, I meant what I said.

Taylor snorted, then mumbled, "You make yourself feel at home anywhere you go."

"He sure does..." Zac agreed, giggling.

Carrick's other hand, the one that wasn't squeezing Zac's shoulder, reached toward Taylor and flicked his ear. 

"Zac..." Taylor said.

"What?" Zac asked, looking almost as innocent as he had when Wicket had turned up the exact shade of Cherry Kool-Aid. 

"Reign him in? Please?"

Carrick snickered, and Zac replied, "Like I can?"

When Taylor sighed again, I could see that it had fallen to me to keep this conversation going. Ignoring the way Carrick rubbed Zac's shoulders a little too intimately, I struggled for a topic and stuttered out a few meaningless words. This time, Taylor rescued me.

"So, how's Everett liking school so far?"

"Oh, he's liking it," I replied, taking a slow sip of my whiskey. "First grade is a lot different from kindergarten, apparently. But it's all good."

Taylor nodded understandingly. Carrick's other hand fell onto Taylor's shoulder, and had that not been so strange, I would have laughed at how he looked sandwiched between my two brothers. I blinked at them as I watched Taylor trying to shrug Carrick's hand off. Definitely strange.

"Umm... and Monroe? How's he doing?" Taylor asked.

"He's good," I replied, watching Carrick's hand landed squarely on Taylor's shoulder again. "Hates that he still can't go to school, too... maybe we should have put him in preschool..."

Taylor nodded as though what I was talking about was the most interesting thing he'd ever heard. He scooted forward on the couch, his elbows on his knees the way he sat when he was trying to convince an interviewer that they had his rapt attention. I knew better; he was just trying to escape Carrick's strange... I'd call it flirtation if Carrick wasn't _Zac's_ boyfriend.

"So, umm..." I began as Taylor picked his beer up out of the floor and took a big gulp. "How are your kids?"

"Good, good," Taylor replied, his eyes lighting up genuinely. "Penny got third place in her class science fair."

I watched Carrick's arm fall off Zac's shoulder and down his back; as it vanished out of sight and Zac yelped into his cider, I stopped watching and turned my eyes back to Taylor. His smile was real this time, and I knew it was because I'd asked about his kids. His split from Natalie really had been amicable, and the two of them still shared parenting duties almost equally. At times, I thought Taylor seemed a happier and better father than he had been while they were still married, and I supposed that itself was proof that the divorce had been a good idea. 

"That's great," I replied. "Never figured we'd have a scientist in the family."

Taylor grinned proudly. "Yeah, I know. She worked really hard on it; it was all about how the temperature of the water affects how long cut flowers will last."

Carrick rolled his eyes at Taylor, then turned back to Zac and shared a secret look with him. The hand he'd rested on Taylor's shoulder was just out of my sight then, and again, I figured I was better off not knowing. That feeling was confirmed when Taylor ever so slightly jumped off the couch; he lifted barely an inch, but it was obvious enough in spite of his attempts to play it cool.

Carrick snickered at Taylor's reaction, and Zac just sipped his cider serenely.

"So, umm... Zac? The kids?" I asked, knowing that his marriage hadn't ended so amicably, and for a time, none of had been sure if Kate would even allow him to see the kids again without legal intervention.

"Oh?" Zac said, slowly glancing away from the smirks and glares his boyfriend and Taylor were exchanging. "Umm, yeah. They're good. They spent last weekend with us."

"Quite the little rascals," Carrick added. "Shep's tried to paint the walls with everything _but_ paint at this point."

"Like father; like son," Zac said, giggling. "What was it this time? Chocolate sauce?"

Taylor laughed softly. "Caramel."

"Oh, right," Zac replied, smiling strangely. Carrick snorted, and Taylor just shook his head.

"It's probably a good thing Zac has some uh... help... there," I said, although I wasn't entirely sure that Taylor and Carrick really qualified as help.

Considering the way Taylor snorted, he seemed to agree. "Yeah, well, at least he's good for something."

"Like teaching Junia Lady Gaga songs?" Zac shot back, shaking his head.

Taylor laughed loudly. I didn't even dare ask _which_ Lady Gaga song.

"Hey, that was not my fault," Carrick replied.

"Well, it definitely wasn't mine," Zac said.

"Don't look at me," Taylor said, but even I didn't buy his attempt at an innocent look.

Zac stared him down. "It was you, wasn't it?"

"Oh, it was totally him," Carrick said.

Taylor glared and stuck his tongue out at Carrick, but seconds later he was smirking, seemingly having forgiven Zac's boyfriend for tattling on him. It was a strangely domestic little scene between the three of them; I had wondered how the three of them living together would work out, and seeing them arguing like that--however playfully--I still wasn't so sure about it.

"On second thought," I said, shaking my head. "Are you sure the kids are safe with them?"

Taylor gave me a sheepish smile and Carrick laughed, then agreed, "Probably not."

"You know, we always said Tay was the bad uncle... the bad influence..." I continued, causing Taylor to pout.

"Oh, I don't know about that," Carrick said, shooting Taylor a smirk. "He can be pretty well behaved when he wants to be."

Taylor rolled his eyes and sighed; I had a feeling he was the target of Carrick and Zac's teasing quite often. You'd think he would be used to it, but he was nothing if not sensitive.

Zac reached across Carrick to pat Taylor's back reassuringly, which looked awkward for multiple reasons, not the least of which because Zac wasn't quite tall enough to stretch that far comfortably. "Ike isn't exactly wrong, though..."

Taylor just pouted at him.

"Are you denying your plans to teach my children how to drink before they're eighteen?" Zac asked, laughing. I remembered that interview and I knew that Taylor had said exactly that, although I had _hoped_ he was kidding.

"Hey, they gotta learn sometime..." Taylor replied.

As he spoke, he leaned into Zac's touch, squeezing Carrick in between the two of them. Carrick didn't really seem to mind, but I was becoming a little uncomfortable. I wasn't homophobic; at least, I didn't think I was. We met so many different people in our business that I didn't really bat an eye at anything outside the ordinary. To see Zac with Carrick, though, was still strange. Adding in the fact that Taylor seemed to be such a presence in their relationship just made it that much stranger.

"Speaking of alcohol..." I said, glancing down at the whiskey glass I had apparently emptied during this conversation. "I'll uh... be right back."

Before things could get any stranger, I decided that I was going to need another drink. Or five.

 

**Carrick**

Oh, this was just too much fun. Ike was a cool guy, but pretty straight-laced, so it was way too easy to make him squirm. Just acting cute with Zac was enough, but when I got the idea to flirt with Tay, too… well, that was just pure genius. Apparently Tay didn’t agree, glaring at me as soon as his older brother was out of sight.

“Yes?” I asked with a saccharine tone. “Can I help you?” He just sighed; he’d been smirking right along with me, so I knew it couldn’t bother him _that_ much.

“Boys,” Zac warned, trying to sound stern, but his giggles kinda ruined the effect.

“And you’re no help,” Tay grumbled, looking at his brother. I chuckled, watching him try to be intimidating; it was adorable, really.

“Oh I can be plenty of help…”

“You’d better be,” Tay fired back, biting his lip and blushing. He wasn’t the type to make innuendos and comments very often; that was totally my department. But he was getting better at it.

“What?” Zac giggled. “Didn’t get enough stuffing at dinner?”

“Oh, I did,” he said, looking at me. That reminded me of something we’d talked about a couple of times, and I wondered if Tay was gonna have the balls to suggest it. “But I’m thinking of you,” he finished, looking at Zac again. Zac shivered, and I couldn’t help snickering.

“Is that a promise?”

I leaned down to whisper in Zac’s ear, but kept my eyes on Tay. “Wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without extra stuffing.” 

The thought of Tay and me double-teaming Zac had me going already. A small, tiny, minuscule part of me _might_ have thought about how I was sharing Zac yet again, but I ignored it; the scene was too hot to resist, and I couldn’t wait to see the look on Zac’s face.

Tay gave both of us a lusty smirk, not noticing that Ike was heading back into the room. The oldest Hanson cleared his throat, and Tay sat back quickly, trying to look like he hadn’t just been giving me and Zac come-fuck-me eyes. I gave Zac a kiss on the cheek, smiling innocently at Ike’s shocked expression. Honestly, he was better off getting used to it. I heard Tay choke back a laugh as Ike downed half his drink in one gulp.

“So, um…” Tay started, sighing a bit. “The kids talking about Christmas yet?”

“Um… yeah, they’ve already started making their lists and everything,” Ike tried to keep his tone neutral, but his body language told a whole other story. I wondered how far I could push things before I got yelled at. I still had an arm behind Tay, so I started rubbing his lower back. He always loved that at home; it was one of the fastest ways to get him vocal.

“That’s cool.” Tay was trying hard not to move; I could tell it wasn’t easy. “We told them the place would be decorated the next time they came over.”

“And who has to do all the heavy lifting to get the decorations up?” Zac groaned. “Me.”

“I told you I’d help,” Tay spoke up, rolling his eyes. I rubbed a bit harder and he bit his lip, turning to smile innocently at Ike. The older brother smiled nervously and took another swig of whiskey; he knew something was up, but no clue what it was. “We, um… We’re probably going to go tree shopping next weekend. Right Zac?” He turned to look at his brother, but shot me a glance. I smirked; I wasn’t sure who I was having more fun teasing, Ike or him.

“Yeah, I think so. I brought home a box of decorations from the office, too. So we’ll have plenty of… balls.” 

I snorted at Zac’s cheesy joke, but Tay swallowed hard.

“No blue ones, though,” I mumbled, and this time Zac chuckled, and even Tay had to try not to react.

“I thought you wanted a lot of balls, Tay?” Zac smiled sweetly at his brother, who was turning a festive shade of red.

“Carrick,” Ike said, taking another sip from his glass. “We probably forgot to warn you. Zac is creepy at Christmas.” 

I nodded, meanwhile snaking my fingers under the hem of Tay’s shirt and watching him grip his beer bottle tighter. Zac glanced over, giggling.

“If you can’t be creepy at Christmas, when can you?”

“Trust me,” I spoke up, grinning. “I’m sure I’ve heard worse from him.” 

“I guess… uh… I guess you probably have.” Ike gave an uneasy laugh, going a bit pale. 

I grinned, rubbing Tay’s back more, nudging his shirt up a tiny bit. He squirmed, looking like he didn’t know which way to move to fix the situation, and I had to keep from laughing. I glanced over at Zac as he crossed his legs; apparently he was having just as much fun watching this as I was doing it. Poor Ike just sat there draining his glass; I almost felt bad for the guy. Not enough to stop, of course.

“So…” Tay started; I dug my nails into his skin, and he almost whimpered, clearing his throat to hide it. “Any idea what you want this year?”

“Oh, I’ve got a few guitars picked out,” Ike said, smiling and gesturing a little loosely with his drink.

“I know what I want,” I whispered in Zac’s ear, making him shiver; I earned a pretty hard nudge for that one.

“That’s pretty predictable though so… I don’t know,” Ike went on. “I’ll have to give it some more thought.” He glanced away, and Tay took the moment to lean back; he thought he was being cute, trying to squish my hand between his back and the couch. But when I moved my hand down to squeeze his ass, he almost choked on his beer. Zac giggled into his drink, downing the rest of it; he didn’t drink often, but it was nice to see him loosen up now and then.

“Any ideas for the in-laws?” I asked. “Wanna make a good impression, ya know.” 

“Um… well they both love to read, so…” Ike took another slow sip, thinking. “Although you’ll be lucky if you can find a book they don’t already have. That’s… nice, though.”

“Yeah,” Tay agreed, giving me a sincere and kinda surprised smile. “That is nice.” Zac didn’t say anything, but gave me a loving gaze that softened my permanent smirk.

All joking aside, I really did want to be a part of the family. It was fun to tease Tay, and sure we had a little something of our own; but I was here for Zac. I wanted to give him everything he wanted; someone he could show off to the family, someone he could really be with all the time, not just behind closed doors. I knew he loved Tay more… but sad as it was, there were just some things he couldn’t offer. I was just glad Zac was letting me fill in the blanks.

Tay cleared his throat; I glanced up and saw Ike staring at us, looking more than a little uncomfortable.

“Sore throat, man?” I grinned at Tay, who just rolled his eyes.

“Probably from overuse,” Zac whispered, giggling. I laughed hard, getting a look from Ike; Tay closed his eyes and killed his beer.

“That uh…” Ike cleared his throat again; I guessed it was a thing in this family. Uncomfortable and-slash-or embarrassing situation? Ahem, ahem… “That really is nice, though. I know things have been… weird, since you’ve been around.” 

I snorted; that was the understatement of the decade, at least.

“You could say that,” Tay said with a smirk, making Ike raise a curious eyebrow.

“Well it’s been a weird year, hasn’t it? All these… changes.”

I snorted again, this time getting Ike’s attention. 

“Yeah, it’s been kinda crazy. But good crazy. Right babe?” I smiled at Zac; that was probably the best way to describe him just as much as the situation. my favorite kind of crazy.

“Yeah,” he said, blushing a little. “Definitely good crazy.”

Ike coughed, downing the rest of his drink; Tay was looking out the window, but I could see the smile tugging at his lips.

“I mean, it’s definitely not exactly a normal situation,” I went on. Tay snorted, but tried to hide it with another cough.

“Um, I suppose not,” Ike said slowly. Zac gave me a nudge, but I was on a roll.

“But everyone’s really happy with the arrangement.”

“Um…” Ike tilted his head, trying so hard to understand the hints I was casually tossing out. Tay stared down at his empty beer bottle, probably wishing he could hide in there. Ike kept staring at us, until probably deciding he didn’t want to know. He looked down at his empty glass. “Oh, look at that. Ran out again.”

“I mean, is it weird living with both of these guys? I guess… but we make it work.” I really didn’t have an off switch, for my dick or my mouth apparently. But I didn’t expect my words to make Tay practically _snarl_. Guess I found his limit. 

“I, uh… should probably… I’ve gotta drive home, so…” Ike scooted toward the edge of his seat, and I had to bite my cheek to keep from laughing. Zac’s nails in my leg helped, though.

“I swear to god I’m gonna kill him,” Tay muttered.

“If he keeps this up, I’ll help,” Zac whispered back. Ike stood up, glancing around, and I figured one more teeny, tiny push couldn’t hurt. I gave Tay’s ass a good, hard squeeze, and he shot to his feet.

“Yeah, so we should probably… you know… hit the road and all,” he sputtered, his eyes wide and his cheeks red.

“Yeah… probably a good idea,” Ike agreed before scurrying out of the room, shaking his head. As soon as he was gone, Tay spun around, glaring daggers at me. That was what I wanted to see; god, he was sexy as fuck when he was pissed off.

“Boys, boys,” Zac said again, grinning at both of us. Tay sighed heavily, like the weight of the world rested on him, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Let’s just get the hell out of here before Ike starts asking questions…”

“Aw,” I pouted. “But I was having fun!”

“Can you try to control him please?” Tay pleaded.

“I can try,” Zac shrugged, getting up; but his grin said he probably wouldn’t. I laughed hard, standing and throwing an arm around each of them as we headed out. Teasing was only half the fun… the best part was the payback. And I had a feeling I’d earned plenty.


	16. Chapter 16

**Zac**

Thanksgiving at my parents' house was, for lack of a better word, ridiculous. The family was still a little uncomfortable with Carrick, but they all made a valiant effort to accept his presence, and I didn't have the words to tell them how much I appreciated that.

Carrick, though, was his usual self. Once we were away from the children, he let his perverted side come out to play. The innuendo was flying, and he even flirted with Taylor--something that Taylor was not a fan of, if the way they argued as I drove us all home was anything to judge by.

They were still bickering as I opened the door and walked into the house, and I was very tempted to let the door slam behind me and lock them out.

"All I'm saying is you can't keep saying stuff like that," Taylor said for what I was certain was the fiftieth time.

"He's kinda right, Carrick." I knew I probably shouldn't had intervened, but I had a foolish hope that it would stop the conversation if I did.

"Oh, lighten up," Carrick said. "It was fun. You two need to relax."

"Zac..." Taylor sighed heavily, and I heard the warning in his voice. But because I was me, I just couldn't take it entirely seriously.

"Look, I know I said I'd feed him and clean up after him..."

"Come on, babe," Carrick replied. "Did you see your brother's face? Priceless."

All I could do was laugh and shake my head, because Carrick wasn't wrong, either. "He's not that dumb, though. He's gonna figure it out."

With another heavy sigh, Taylor walked ahead of us into the kitchen. He didn't even say a word as he opened the refrigerator and pulled out drinks for all of us. 

"Thanks, man," Carrick said to Taylor as he opened his beer. With a bit of a sigh, he added, "Okay, fine. I'll let up on the innuendo."

"Thank you," Taylor said.

"Yes, thank you," I said to Carrick, then turned back to Taylor. "And thank you, baby. I could use another drink after that."

"I still say it was funny as hell, though..." Carrick said, because he just couldn't leave well enough alone.

To my surprise, Taylor gave him a little smirk and said, "It was kind of funny, I guess."

"Yeah," I agreed, giggling so hard that I could barely take a sip of my cider.

"The look on his face when I grabbed your ass," Carrick remarked, chuckling.

"Yeah," Taylor said, turning bright red. "Thanks for that."

"Is that what you did?" I asked, laughing myself. From that side of Carrick, I couldn't really be sure _what_ his hand was doing to Taylor, but I had imagined the worst.

He took a sip of his beer and nodded proudly. "Had my hand under the shirt and everything."

"You are so bad." I grinned.

Taylor just blushed harder and downed half his beer quickly. 

"Yeah, yeah; you love it." Carrick gave Taylor a look. "Both of you."

I took a step closer to Carrick, putting on one of my best pouts. "Makes me feel left out, though..."

Carrick and Taylor shared a look that I couldn't interpret at all. Taylor was still blushing, his bottom lip caught between his teeth, and Carrick just stared intently at him. Finally, Carrick turned back to me. "Oh, don't worry. I haven't forgotten about you. Right, Tay?"

As he said the last few words, his eyes flickered back to Taylor and a smirk crossed his face. I was still positive there was something they were sharing with these expressions that I didn't understand, and I wasn't sure I liked that.

"Nope," Taylor replied. "What was that you were saying before? Something about... stuffing?"

"Y-yeah..." I replied, shivering a little at what should have been an innocent word. But in that context, it wasn't, and I suddenly understood exactly what secret message Taylor and Carrick had been sharing.

Taylor gulped down the rest of his beer, then slammed the can down onto the counter before taking a few steps closer to me. With a smirk to rival Carrick's best, he said, "I think it's your turn to get stuffed."

"Umm... okay." I gave him a nervous smile, then took a big gulp of my cider. A good buzz couldn't hurt, right? I'd cut myself off well before we left my parents', since I knew I was driving, but I was enough of a lightweight that this one cider had me feeling nice and warm... or maybe that was just the thought of what Taylor and Carrick wanted to do to me.

Carrick looked me up and down, and before I knew what he was going to do, his hand was on my ass. I yelped, and he just chuckled.

"Making noise for us already?" Taylor asked, touching my cheek in a manner that was far too gentle for such teasing words.

I chuckled nervously in anticipation of what would come next. To my surprise, Carrick reached out and mimicked Taylor's move, his hand grazing Taylor's cheek. Taylor looked just as surprised as I felt. Carrick just smiled, and there was a genuine emotion under that smile that made Taylor blush... and me horny. 

"You were right, babe," Carrick said, and it took me a moment to realize he was addressing me. "He _is_ gorgeous when he blushes."

"Yeah, he is," I replied. Taylor just turned brighter red and stared wide-eyed at Carrick, like he hadn't seen this gentle side of him before. 

"You're pretty gorgeous, too, babe," Carrick added, looking back at me.

I blushed a little, both at what Carrick had said and the way Taylor was watching us so closely. Carrick leaned in closely and pressed his lips to mine, so gently that I would have sworn he was Taylor if I hadn't known better. I ran my hand up and down his chest as we kissed, only jumping a little when I felt a hand in my hair and realized it was Taylor's. I opened my eyes and pulled back a bit to see Taylor plucking Carrick's hand from his hair and intertwining their fingers. I couldn't stop myself from grinning.

My grin only grew as Carrick shifted his attention to Taylor, pulling him in close and kissing him. Taylor moaned softly. I just stepped back to watch the show. My cider sat abandoned on the counter; I picked it up and sipped slowly as I watched my brother wrap his arms around my boyfriend.

Carrick paused for just long enough to glance at me, as if seeking my approval. I gave him a thumbs up; he just smirked and pulled Taylor closer to him, kissing him deeply. 

My body was already trembling, and I had to reach down and adjust myself. I thought I would die when Taylor grabbed the back of Carrick's shirt and pulled their bodies flush against each other. Carrick's hands slid down to Taylor's hips, holding him in place and grinding against him. 

I moaned at that, and it seemed to draw their attention. Taylor pulled back and stared at me, his face flushed.

"Is this... okay?" He asked.

I nodded as Carrick licked Taylor's neck. "More than okay."

Taylor whimpered, and once again, I saw a strange mix of emotions in his eyes as he looked at Carrick, who gave him a smile before pulling him in for another kiss. I couldn't resist stepping in closer to them and running my hands through their hair. My brother purred softly, and even though his tongue was still down Taylor's throat, I could see Carrick smirking.

"Don't you just love it when he does that?" I asked.

"Yeah..." Carrick replied, breathing heavily.

Taylor just blushed, and Carrick ran a hand through his hair. He purred a little louder, teeth catching his bottom lip like he was contemplating his next move. Carrick tended to be in control when the three of us were together, but I knew better than he did that Taylor had his dominant side, too. I shivered a little as I thought about that, and as if to prove my point, Taylor rolled his hips against Carrick. 

I gripped their hair tighter, stepping in close enough that all of our bodies were touching, and the heat between us was so much that I felt like we might all catch on fire. Carrick gave a little growl, and Taylor placed a hand on my back to pull me even closer. Carrick mirrored his move, nudging in me in so close that I was almost sandwiched in between them.

"So, about that stuffing..." Carrick said.

"Y-yeah?" I asked, my body shaking. I wanted it. I really, really wanted it. If Taylor could handle it... so could I, right?

"Upstairs?" Taylor suggested.

I couldn't agree fast enough.

 

**Taylor**

I smirked at Zac, backing away slowly. Carrick grabbed his ass on his way to follow me. As we made our way upstairs I tried to calm my excitement; I wanted to enjoy everything that was going to happen to the fullest. I sat on the bed once we got to the room. Carrick took a seat next to me and patted the space between us. Zac bit his lip nervously but sat down. I looked between him and Carrick, my desire for both of them confusing but undeniable. It still made me feel guilty, though, as much as Zac seemed to enjoy it. 

“Don’t both of you go all shy on me,” Carrick said, his lips turned in their permanent smirk.

“I’ll be okay,” Zac laughed, and I nodded.

“Me too.” I looked at Zac and placed a hand on his leg. I wanted to make him happy, and having Carrick here did that; I tried not to worry about the side-effects. Carrick ran a hand through his hair, making him purr; I did the same, then pulled him in for a kiss. He moaned against my mouth, and I felt his hand running up and down my chest. He moaned again, louder; I pulled back to see Carrick kissing his neck.

I watched them for a moment. Carrick and I were so different, it wasn’t surprising we had different ways of pleasing Zac. I watched my brother’s face contort into expressions of pleasure I’d never been able to make him make; I tried to remember that different doesn’t always mean bad, but I still felt a tinge of jealousy. Maybe out of a selfish need to remind him I was there, I reached over and gripped him through his jeans, capturing his mouth in another kiss.

I let out a surprised moan when I felt Carrick’s hand covering my own growing erection. I glanced at him, and he held my eyes, even while biting down on Zac’s shoulder. The heat of his stare was enough to make me bite down on Zac’s lip and grip him tighter. He whimpered, but it sounded more out of pleasure than pain. I pulled back and peeled my shirt off; Carrick followed suit, and impatiently pulled Zac’s off for him. 

I licked my lips as I looked at them both; they were so different, physically most of all. Where Carrick was all hard lines and edges, Zac was soft curves. They both exuded masculinity, but in completely different ways. Maybe that was why I was attracted to both, or maybe it was in spite of that fact. Either way, they both turned me on so much, and the two of them together only multiplied the effect.

“See something you like?” Zac grinned, a slight blush painting his cheeks.

“Yes,” Carrick and I answered in unison, making Zac laugh. Carrick took the lead and pushed Zac down, kissing his chest; I decided to focus my attention elsewhere, unbuttoning his pants and pulling them and his boxers off. Zac moaned, relaxing into our touch; Carrick caught one of his nipples in his teeth, biting hard. I trailed my eyes down his body, my mouth watering the further south I went. 

When I ran my tongue up his length, stopping to swirl it around the tip, Zac gasped and bucked his hips upward, thrusting into my mouth. I took as much as I could, reaching down to massage his balls gently in the way I knew he loved. He cursed and whimpered when Carrick bit his other nipple; the sight made me moan around him as I started bobbing my head. Carrick glanced down at me, smirking as he dragged his tongue across Zac’s chest. Zac stared up at him as he thrust into my mouth; I felt another whisper of jealousy, so decided to push things further.

I lifted Zac's legs, moving lower and sucking his balls into my mouth; it wasn’t something I did often, but it always drove him mad when I did. But before he had a chance to react, Carrick moved down and took my place sucking him.

“Oh god yes,” Zac moaned loudly, his eyes rolling back. Part of me wanted to be the one to get that kind of reaction from him, so I licked lower still, swirling my tongue around his opening and blowing slightly.

“Fuck,” Zac gasped, but when I glanced up, Carrick was smirking at me, dragging his teeth up Zac’s length. If he wanted to start some kind of competition, I was game. I started thrusting my tongue into Zac, making him whimper and moan my name. Carrick countered by taking him deep down his throat, all the way to the hilt. Zac stared at him wide-eyed and ran a hand through his hair, and I may have snapped a tiny bit. I pulled back and, without giving any warning, slid two fingers into Zac.

“Fuck!” he screamed, his back arching. Oops?

Apparently that turned Carrick on just as much as Zac, because the next thing I knew he was kissing me hard. I kissed him back with equal force; this rivalry wasn’t out of any real malice, but the tension it was causing was more erotic than I could’ve imagined. He pulled back and crawled up next to Zac’s head, taking a handful of his hair. He stroked himself slowly, teasing Zac’s lips with the tip; meanwhile, I started thrusting my fingers, twisting and pulling, and leaned down to suck him. Zac moaned again, reaching out to pull Carricks hip toward him and taking him into his mouth all at once.

“Fuck,” Carrick cursed; I moaned as I watched Zac suck him slowly, digging his fingernails into Carricks hip as he worked his mouth further and further down. Finally his lips were wrapped around the very base of Carrick’s cock, making him swear again. He grabbed a fistful of Zac’s hair and began thrusting; my brother moaned shamelessly as his boyfriend fucked his mouth.

Wanting my share of attention, I dragged my teeth and curled my fingers; Zac whimpered, but that wasn’t enough for me. I added a third finger and sucked harder, and watched in delight as his eyes rolled back in his head, a primal groan rumbling through his entire body. 

“God Zac,” Carrick gasped. “I love fucking your mouth.”

Zac moaned in agreement, looking up and winking at him. Carrick smirked, then glanced my way. I had a feeling I knew what he was thinking, and gave him a nod of approval; as hot as this was, I didn’t want Zac too close too soon. Carrick leaned down to nibble on his ear.

“Almost as much as I love your ass,” he whispered. I pulled away from Zac after giving him one last lick, then moved aside and let Carrick take my place. Zac’s eyes were wide as he watched his boyfriend lift his legs, and slide into him all at once.

“Fuck!” he screamed, throwing his head back. I laid down beside him, stroking him and kissing him deeply as Carrick started to thrust. I tried to match his pace, leaning down to bite Zac’s neck. “Fuck, Carrick,” he moaned. I bit his neck harder, looking down at Carrick; he smirked up at me, and that gave me an idea. I got to my knees, like he had been before, and looked down at Zac.

I felt Carrick’s hand joined mine around Zac’s dick, stroking to the same rhythm as his thrusts. But Zac was apparently insatiable, pulling my hips towards him and swallowing me all at once.

“Shit,” I gasped, yanking Zac’s hair. He whimpered, but it only seemed to spur him on as he sucked me faster. A loud moan escaped me, but was cut off when Carrick pulled me by my hair, crushing our lips together. I heard Zac growl, an animalistic sound that made me shiver. I was glad he found the image of Carrick and I kissing so hot; it made me feel a little less guilty about how good it felt.

Carrick pulled away suddenly, pulling out of Zac and laying down. “On your knees,” he commanded Zac, who wasted no time obeying the order. He was barely in position when Carrick pulled him down, impaling him and making him scream. I stroked myself, smirking and smacking Zac’s ass as Carrick pounded into him. Zac was quickly being reduced to a whimpering mess when Carrick slowed down, winking at me over Zac’s shoulder.

“You ready for that stuffing, babe?” He said quietly, looking at Zac again. 

“Y-yes, please…” A shiver ran through my brother’s entire body, and mine as well as I thought about what we were about to do to him. Sharing Zac had its downsides, of course; the occasional shades of green left a sour taste in my mouth. But, I thought as I looked at my brother, my lover, panting in anticipation, the benefits far outweighed the drawbacks.

 

**Carrick**

“Hm, please, huh?” Tay asked, trying to sound coy. Zac nodded, and I felt Tay slide a finger into him along with my dick. As tight as Zac was, it felt kinda weird, but kinda hot too.

“F-fuck,” Zac whimpered, shaking. Tay rubbed his back, adding a second finger.

“How’s that feel, babe?” I asked him. I knew he could probably take it, but this was still more than he’d ever had. I didn’t want to actually hurt him; a little bit of pain was a hell of a turn-on, but too much wasn’t fun.

“Oh god… so good…”

When I felt like he was ready, I started to slowly thrust again. His mouth hung open, his eyes rolling back; I could only imagine how good this probably felt. Tay curled his fingers, starting to thrust in time with me.

“You like this Zac?” Tay rubbed his brother’s back as we slowly upped our speed.

“Yes… God, Tay…” We went at it like that for a bit, letting Zac adjust. He moaned and whimpered, loving every second, and he wasn’t the only one. The feel of Tay’s fingers squeezed against my cock was sexier than I thought it would be, almost like he was jacking me off inside Zac. I thought about how twisted that sounded, and how twisted I was for liking the idea, and smirked.

“You want more?”

“Oh he wants it,” I answered for Zac. 

“Yes,” he agreed, shivering hard. Tay nodded, pulling his fingers out and pressing the tip of his dick against Zac’s ass. I held still as he pressed harder, the head slipping in. “Fuck!” he screamed, his eyes wide enough to show white all around.

“You okay baby?” Tay asked, holding still. He looked so worried; it was sweet, which made for a strange contrast considering he was helping me double-team his brother.

“Yes. Don’t you fucking dare stop.”

I laughed; oh yeah, he was loving every second of this. Tay’s eyes went wide, and I looked at him.

“Do it,” I said simply. He grabbed Zac’s hips, but still didn’t move just yet.

“You sure you want it?” He teased. I smirked; he seemed to be learning a thing or two from me; it was cute.

“Taylor,” Zac growled, his eyes darker than I’d ever seen them. “Fuck me.” That broke whatever hesitation Tay had, because he answered by driving into Zac all the way.

“Motherfuck!” Zac screamed; Tay and I both echoed the curse. The whole thing, the look on both their faces, the feel of my dick squeezed against Tays, filling Zac completely… there weren’t enough words to describe just how fucking amazing it all felt.

“Tay,” Zac whimpered. “So good.” 

Tay felt great, sure, but I was there too; I leaned up and sank my teeth into Zac’s neck, as a not-so-gentle reminder. 

“Yeah, you’re good too,” he said to me with a teasing smirk.

“Oh you’re gonna get it…” I gripped his hips, winding my fingers with Tay’s, and the two of us started to thrust. He cried out again, his eyes squeezing shut tight. “How’s that babe? Enough for ya?”

“So fucking good, Carrick,” he said with a low moan. Tay sped up, so I did the same; I wasn’t blind, I knew we’d been having a bit of a pissing contest all night. Nothing wrong with a little competition, and I was positive Zac didn’t mind, if the stream of moans and whimpers was any indication. 

Tay moaned again, gripping Zac’s hips tighter; I bit his neck again, making him whimper. Tay sped up again, growling; I wasn’t used to hearing that from, and apparently neither was Zac.

“F-fuck, Tay…”

My turn. I pulled Zac’s hips down onto myself and Tay harder and faster, drawing an unintelligible string of curses. Tay reached out and gripped his hair, yanking his head back, and that reminded me of something they’d mentioned. I reached up and wrapped a hand around Zac’s throat; the reaction was instant. He gasped, his eyes going wide, his body shaking hard.

“Ready to kick it into overdrive, Tay?”

“Fuck… yeah…” Tay and I doubled speed, plowing into Zac at a frenzied pace. I closed my eyes and let myself really _feel_ everything; between the hotness of Zac surrounding me, and Tay’s cock sliding against mine, I was already getting close.

“Ta… Ca… Tarrick,” Zac gasped. My eyes shot open, and Tay looked just as surprised as I felt.

“I think I like that,” I laughed. Tarrick… it wasn’t a half-bad nickname, really.

“Um…” Zac blinked, blushing hard. 

“Me too,” Tay growled, and Zac chuckled, relieved. “Fuck, Zac…”

“Holy fuck you feel good,” I moaned. “Both of you.” I glanced at Tay, smiling at the way he blushed. I wanted to make sure he knew I was enjoying him just as much as I was Zac.

“Y-yeah…” Zac agreed, panting and grinning.

“Oh fuck I’m close,” Tay groaned, gripping Zac’s hips tighter. I reached up and wrapped a hand around Zac’s dick, matching our furious pace.

“Shit, me too.”

“Fuck,” Zac moaned loudly, “Yes… so close…”

“Yeah? You ready for it babe?”

“He’s ready,” Tay spoke up, grinning.

“Tay,” Zac growled; his brother gripped his hair harder, giving it a tug, and I gave his neck a squeeze. “Come inside me,” Zac begged, whimpering. “Please… both of you…”

“Don’t gotta ask me twice,” I said, moaning loudly as I hit my climax. “Fuck!”

“Oh god! Zac, Carrick, fuck…” Tay exploded into Zac; I could feel him filling him up, coating my dick.

“Yes! Fuck!” Zac cried out, shaking hard as his own orgasm hit, shooting all over my hand and stomach. I milked him slowly, pulling him down for a kiss as I pulled out. Tay collapsed onto the bed next to me a second later.

“Fuck,” Zac sighed, dropping to the bed between me and Tay. “No wonder Tay loved that so much.” I laughed hard, and looked over at the blond; he was laughing too, his face bright red. “Can we make that a Thanksgiving tradition?”

“I think I could live with that,” I answered, laughing. I could _definitely_ get used to that, and hopefully a lot more often. I watched Tay turn Zac’s face towards his own, kissing him softly; I felt a hint of jealousy as they shared a moment, but shrugged it off. I rolled onto my side, curling up to his back and kissing his neck. 

“Love you,” Zac said, sighing contentedly. 

“Love you,” Tay and I both answered.

“Jinx,” Zac giggled. I knew he’d been talking to both of us; or at least, I knew he did love both of us. Maybe it wasn’t an even split, and sometimes that left a bitter taste in my mouth. But nights like this made it a lot easier to swallow.


	17. Chapter 17

**Carrick**

I’ve always loved Christmas; I grew up with the typical New England scene, snow and all, but since moving west I’d gotten used to a different vibe. Tulsa seemed to be the best of both worlds, and of course spending it with Zac and Tay made it that much better. The big day was only a couple weeks out, so of course the mall was packed. I loved it though--the noise, the chaos. Zac and I were running around like kids, taking in all the decorations, the music, everything. Tay was trying to play the grumpy grump, but I could tell even he was feeling the holiday spirit.

“Oh Carrick,” came my boyfriend’s voice from behind me. “Look what I found.”

I turned around to see him grinning like an idiot, wearing a mistletoe headband. Tay looked over too and chuckled, shaking his head.

“Well, now… rules are rules, right?” I gave Zac a smirk, and he giggled.

“Yup. You know I’m all about following the rules.”

I glanced around, more for show than any actual care who was looking, then grabbed Zac and dipped him, kissing him. I held him like that for a solid few seconds, then let him go. It felt good to be able to do that in public; I knew Zac was still getting used to it, but his smile told me how much he loved it.

“You’ll get your turn later,” he said to Tay, who was looking a little red... and green. “How do you feel about mall bathrooms?” He added with a grin, and Tay’s eyes went wide, the red winning out. I laughed and nudged Tay, but he just huffed, turning to the shelf of toys behind him.

“Exhibitionist,” he muttered.

“You love it,” whispered Zac, stepping behind him, dangerously close.

“Yeah, yeah,” his brother sighed, failing to hide his sheepish smirk.

“Aw, someone’s jealous.” I chuckled, stepping closer. “Don’t worry, there’s plenty of me to go around.” I grabbed Tay’s arm and spun him around, catching him off-guard with a kiss. He made the most adorable surprised noise, kind of like a squeak, and Zac giggled.

“We’re so going to get kicked out of this store.”

“Damn nympho,” Tay muttered when I let him go, his face bright red.

“You weren’t complaining about that the other night, as I recall,” Zac reminded him, walking away to pick up a doll.

“Hm.. So Zac, what do you think I should get for Shep?” Tay asked. It was cute how he always tried to change the subject whenever he got too embarrassed. “How about some paint?”

“Yeah,” Zac snorted. “If they’ve got some that will wash off any surface. He is _so_ my son.”

I laughed as I remembered the last time Zac’s kids had visited; poor Taylor had to spend an entire day scrubbing marshmallow fluff off the living room wall. He was a good kid, though; they both were. They called me Uncle Carrick… I liked it.

“Any of these he doesn’t have yet?” I asked, looking at the Lego sets. 

“More like any _Zac_ doesn’t have yet,” Tay teased, grinning at his brother.

“Hey, I’m just teaching him to share. They do have some new Star Wars ones out, though… Just saying…” Zac grinned, earning a playful nudge from Tay. “Anyway, I’m sure the kids will love whatever Uncle Tay and… Uncle Carrick… get them.”

I grinned at Zac; the kids were obviously way too young to understand what I really was to their dad, but being included as part of the family felt good. It felt… permanent.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Tay spoke up. “We should take a… family photo.” He turned a little pink, but smiled.

“A family photo?” Zac echoed skeptically. “Like, matching khakis and button down shirts family photo?”

“Nah, it’s gotta be ugly Christmas sweaters,” I said with a grin, and Tay chuckled.

“Could be fun…”

“Like, the three of us?” Zac asked. “Or all the kids, too?”

“Why not both?” Tay and Zac started debating the pros and cons of wrangling half a dozen kids for a photo shoot, while I let my mind wander. I remembered my family making photo greeting cards every year--Mom, Dad, my brothers and me. I wondered what they were doing this year; I made a mental note to call everyone and check in.

“I’m liking the idea of just the three of us, too,” Zac said with a grin. “I mean, what says Christmas like three big flamers in tacky sweaters?”

Tay gave one of his patented exasperated sighs and tried not to smirk, giving Zac a playful shove.

“You’re impossible, you know that?”

“I feel like I’ve been told that before, yes.” He glanced at me and I laughed out loud; I had a feeling I’d told him that once or twice.

“So Carrick,” Tay said, once again shifting gears. “Are you going to visit any of your friends in Cali? Not that… not that I want you to go, I was just… you know, wondering…” He trailed off, staring at the ground and blushing. Sometimes he was just too damn adorable for his own good. I smiled, and wrapped an arm around him.

“They can wait. First Christmas with my boyfriend.” I smiled at Zac and slid my other arm around his shoulders. Tay smiled, leaning against me a bit. I liked getting that kind of reaction from him; even though we weren’t exactly dating, making him smile was still on my daily to-do list.

“So,” Zac said, grinning at both of us. “To the Sears portrait studio now? After I buy that Ariel doll Junia’s been talking about… and those Star Wars Legos…”

“For Shep, right?” Tay chuckled; Zac put on his best innocent face.

“Of course for Shep. What kind of grown man plays with Legos?” We all had a laugh at that, but then I had a genius idea.

“Ooh, Ooh! Can I sit on Santa’s Lap? Huh? Can I?”

Tay just stared at me, one eyebrow cocked, and Zac gave me a suggestive grin.

“If by ‘Santa’ you mean ‘me’, and by ‘sit on his lap’ you mean-”

“Ahem!” Tay cleared his throat loudly, nudging his brother, then turned to me. “You’re not serious, are you…?”

“Oh come on, it’ll be fun! Hey, how about that for our family photo?”

“Yeah,” Zac snorted, grabbing the doll and Lego set. “That’ll look great. Very subtle and classy.” I just rolled my eyes as we waited to be rung up; Tay was usually the buzzkill, but Zac had his moments. But whatever; as soon as we were out of the store I dragged them towards the center of the mall.

“They’re not gonna let us,” Tay sighed.

“Hush, Grinch.” When we finally reached the winter wonderland setup, the line was pretty long; but we weren’t in any hurry today, so I dragged my boyfriend and his boyfriend along and stepped up. The line was slow, but I was in too good of a mood to be pessimistic.

“Tay, you really should learn that if Carrick says he’s gonna do something, he’s gonna do it. It’s easiest to just accept it.”

I glanced back and smiled; I wondered if he was thinking about the bison episode. A group of kids and their tired-looking mom got in line behind us. The kids all looked a little under-the-weather, coughing and sniffling; poor things, I hoped they felt better soon. If Santa was giving out candy canes, I’d give mine to them. I looked around some more, bouncing on my toes.

“I haven’t done this since I was like eight.” I grinned at Zac, and wondered how long it’d been for them. Had they been able to see Santa while on tour? Had he still believed in Santa at the time?

“You know, you scare me a little sometimes,” he said, eyeing me.

“Oh yeah?” I smirked and leaned closer, growling a little. Zac shook his head, but grinned anyway. 

“You’re not just gonna get us kicked out; you’re gonna get us banned for life.”

I looked around, then gave Zac a smirk, leaned closer… and pinched Tay’s ass.

“Hey!” he yelped, jumping.

“Yup,” Zac said between giggles. “We’re going to Hell.” A few more minutes went by, and we moved forward a few feet. The music was nice, even if it was mingled with a chorus of coughs and sniffles. Tis the season…

“You know Tay, I was thinking… You should take the family photos.”

“Yeah?” Tay sounded a bit distracted; I followed his gaze to the kids behind us. Poor tykes still looked pretty rough, and the mom wasn’t faring much better.

“Well, I mean you’re a good photographer. And you won’t make it into one of those cheesy photo studio things.”

“Well…” Tay chewed his lip, tilted his head… his usual ‘thinking face’. “I did want to try out that new camera I got last month.”

“See? Perfect opportunity.”  
“I’m sure it’ll come out great,” I agreed. From what I’d seen of Tay’s photography, he had some real talent there, too.

“Yeah, well you’re gonna be in jail for molesting Santa,” Zac teased. “So we’ll show you the finished product.”

“Mommy, I don’t feel so good,” one of the kids behind us whined. There was nothing worse than being sick around the holidays; I felt for the kid. Tay glanced at him too, looking a little nervous.

“Yeah,” he said slowly. “Maybe that’d be better than… this…”

“But, Taaaaaay….” I pouted. I really didn’t want to leave, especially since we were halfway there.

“Yeah,” Zac agreed, following his brother’s stare. “You know it’s really not a good idea for us to be in such a big crowd anyway.”

I hated it when he had a point. But it was pretty packed, and I knew they didn’t do too well in crowds, Zac especially. I scrunched my nose and pouted, but sighed.

“Alright… You guys owe me one for this though.”

Tay breathed a sigh of relief as we started to move out of the line. We paused as one of the kids started crying suddenly, but an instant later we found out why. Whatever that kid had eaten for the last six hours or so was now soaking the entire front of Tay’s shirt, jeans and shoes.

Tay froze… Zac froze… I froze, not sure if I was about to bust out laughing or barf myself. Zac beat me to it though, cracking up.

The mother launched into a gold-medal-worthy apology, all three kids started wailing; I assured her it was fine, then dragged a still-laughing Zac and a shock-frozen Taylor out of the line.

“Guess we’re going to Sears after all,” Zac managed to get out in between giggles. “Because you are _so_ not getting in my truck with that all over you.”

Tay finally snapped out of it, whining and trying not to breathe through his nose. We turned towards the department store, Taylor grumbling the entire way. I tried not to laugh too much, covering it with a cough… which turned into not so fake of a cough. Uh-oh…

 

**Zac**

_Ring!_

Under any other circumstances, I would have been very, very happy to have a distraction from wrapping Christmas presents with Taylor. Unfortunately, right then, the distraction came in the form of a bell Carrick managed to swipe from our pathetic Christmas tree. I didn’t even know it _had_ bells, since Kate had taken most of the better ornaments, but leave it to my very sick boyfriend to find something he could use to keep us at his beck and call.

I tossed down the ribbon that wasn’t cooperating with me and groaned. “It’s your turn. I went last time.”

“Fine,” Taylor sighed. “But if he needs his barf bucket emptied, he’s _your_ boyfriend.”

 _Ring!_ “Zaaaaaaaac!”

So much for sending Taylor this time.

“What do you need?” Taylor called out, his voice loud enough to carry down the hallway to what should have been his bedroom, or the guest room, but was now Carrick’s sick room. 

“I need my Zaccy!” Carrick called back, and I thought I could actually _hear_ him pouting.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” I grumbled, but nevertheless stood up and walked down the hallway to the quarantine ward. I could feel Taylor following behind me, even though he hadn’t been summoned.

As soon as I walked into the room, Carrick gave me his most pathetic puppy dog eyes. “Can you pack me a bowl? Please?”

“Really?” Taylor asked, sighing. “You want to smoke now?”

“What? It helps,” Carrick replied. Turning back to me and turning on the pathetic charm again, he added, “Please, baby? I’ll share...”

He did have something of a point; pot did help ease nausea, and given the fact that Carrick had picked up a gnarly stomach bug from one of the little brats at the mall, I was sure he was plenty nauseous. He might have been the most pitiful, needy person in the world when he was sick--something I hadn’t experienced before--but I still loved him and wanted him to feel better. 

“Anything to make you happy,” I replied, walking over to the nightstand where I was pretty sure he had stashed his, well, stash. Pulling out a baggie and a bowl, I added, very quietly, “And easier to tolerate.”

“Thanks, babe,” he said, once I had sat down next to him and packed the bowl. “Want a hit, Tay?”

“I guess,” Taylor replied with another of his patented long-suffering sighs.

Taylor sat down on Carrick’s other side, and I passed him the bowl. As I watched him pull out his own lighter and take a small, dainty hit, I remarked, “Sharing a bowl with the infected one. It’s a good thing we seem to be immune.”

“With as many kids as we have, we’d probably be immune to West Nile, smallpox and Ebola,” Taylor replied after exhaling a tiny cloud of smoke.

Carrick laughed, then let out a cough. I rubbed his back and replied, “Bird flu. Don’t forget bird flu.”

“Right, sorry,” Taylor said, then took another slightly longer hit.

Carrick took the bowl from Taylor and took a long hit. Still rubbing his back, I asked, “Better?”

“Yeah,” he replied, nodding. “Thanks, babe. Wanna shotgun?”

“I’ll get you another Sprite,” Taylor quickly offered, as though it would be imposing for him to be in the room while Carrick and I kissed. As though he hadn’t been present for--and participated in--worse. Sometimes my brother was just weird. 

“Maybe some popsicles, too?” I suggested. I wasn’t stoned enough to have a craving, but the assortment of popsicles Taylor had bought for Carrick had been calling my name for days. With a sheepish grin, I added, “I mean, if Carrick wants one…”

“Sure, I’d love something to suck on,” he said with a wink.

“Right,” Taylor said, rolling his eyes. “Be right back.”

Taylor rushed from the room then, obviously still just a little too uptight for the sort of teasing Carrick and I constantly engaged in. I didn’t think it made him jealous. At least, I hoped it didn’t. 

Once he was gone, I turned to Carrick. “So being sick does nothing for your libido, huh?”

“You tell me,” Carrick replied. He took a quick but deep hit on the pipe, then grabbed me by my shirt and crushed our mouths together, passing the smoke into my mouth… followed by his tongue.

I kissed him back, then pulled back somewhat reluctantly. “I think you need to slow down a bit. I might be immune, but I don’t have a deathwish.”

Carrick smirked. “Well, guess I better hurry up and get better, then.”

Taylor walked back in, his arms loaded down with all manner of snacks we hadn’t asked for--a can of Sprite for Carrick, a can of Pepsi, a sleeve of crackers, a bag of butterscotch candies… and a popsicle crammed into his mouth. Around the frozen treat, he mumbled, “Here ya go.”

I tried not to laugh. I really did. But there was just something about Taylor with a phallic object in his mouth. I couldn’t help myself. A loud snort of laughter escaped my mouth, causing Taylor to roll his eyes.

“Ooh, yay!” Carrick exclaimed, yanking all the goodies from Taylor’s arms and eyeing them carefully, like he couldn’t decide where to start.

Taylor ignored Carrick entirely, instead pulling the popsicle from his mouth and sticking his blue tongue out at me.

“Mmm, lemme try… that looks tasty,” I said, pulling his arm toward me so that I could wrap my lips around the popsicle and suck on it. If my motions were a little obscene… well, how could I not take that opportunity to tease Taylor a little?

From the corner of my eye, I noticed Carrick adjusting himself beneath his blankets. Taylor just stared at me, slack-jawed, before finally stuttering out, “I… got you… one…”

I let the popsicle fall from my mouth with a loud pop. “Oh. You can have this one back, then.”

Taylor just stared, while Carrick giggled.

“What’s so funny, huh?” I asked, nudging my boyfriend.

“Oh, just thinking,” he replied. “I might be sick, but Tay isn’t.”

Taylor raised an eyebrow. It took me a moment to catch on to what Carrick was suggesting--he wanted his own private porno, staring none other than myself and Taylor. 

“Oh, you are _definitely_ sick,” I replied.

“Come on,” he practically whined. “Favor your dear, poor invalid boyfriend?”

I shook my head. “I think your libido can wait until the rest of you is well. Wouldn’t wanna overload your system right now or anything.”

“Aww,” Carrick pouted, pulling a popsicle from the pile of food in his lap and sucking on it suggestively, no doubt trying to tease me into giving him what he wanted.

“You… are impossible,” Taylor remarked. Turning to me, he said, “You wanted to keep him.”

I ruffled Carrick’s hair, giggling. “Aww, he’s not so bad. Admit it. You like him, too.”

“Yeah, yeah, he’s okay,” Taylor replied, trying not to smirk and mostly failing.

“Aww, you know you love me.” Carrick gave Taylor a wink.

I giggled and curled up closer to Carrick. Mock whispering, loud enough for Taylor to hear, I said, “He’s just too shy to admit it.”

Taylor blushed, but there was a smile on his face that said it all.

“Good thing you’re not,” Carrick said quietly, wrapping his arm around me.

“Nope,” I replied, smiling. “You know I love you. Even though you are a miserable little shit when you’re sick.”

Taylor let out a snort of laughter, but Carrick’s smile fell. For a moment, I wondered if I had somehow managed to hurt his feelings. 

“Speaking of which… ‘scuse me,” he said, his face turning just a bit green. He threw back his covers and bolted for the bathroom, and I didn’t have to guess what he was doing in there… because a second later I heard it.

Taylor grimaced and shot me a look. I just shuddered, hoping that just the sound of Carrick tossing his cookies didn’t make me sick, too. Screwing my face up in disgust, I said, “You’re cleaning this one up, Tay.”

“I just hope he makes it to the toilet this time…” Taylor shook his head, then shoved his popsicle back into his mouth. 

I shuddered at the memory. Carrick had been a little off after we got back from the mall earlier in the week, but we were all tired from the marathon shopping trip. I didn’t think anything of it until we were sitting at the table, enjoying Taylor’s lasagna, and Carrick suddenly stood up, took a few long strides toward the doorway.. and hurled right there on the linoleum. I joked that he must really hate Taylor’s cooking, but it quickly became clear that he had picked up something at the mall, no doubt from the kid who barfed all over Tay.

I shook my head to wipe the memory away, then picked up the last popsicle, peeled off the wrapping and gave it a few licks. “Can you imagine if we had _all_ gotten sick?”

Taylor paused, popsicle dangling from his mouth. “No. And I don’t want to.”

I watched Taylor, sure that he had no idea how sexual he made eating a popsicle look without even trying. I sucked on mine for a moment before speaking again.

“He’s kinda cute, though,” I remarked. At the sound of him puking again, I winced and added, “Well. Sometimes.”

Taylor rolled his eyes and glanced at me, not saying a word.

“Are you happy, though?” I asked, almost hating myself for opening my big mouth and turning a decent moment serious. “I mean… with him being here?”

Taylor seemed lost in thought for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah… I am. He’s something else, but... I’m glad he’s here.”

“You should tell him that sometime, you know,” I replied softly, noticing the way Taylor was blushing a little. “I think he’d like to know I’m not the only one who… appreciates him.”

Taylor eyed me, chewing on his lip. “Are… are you sure? I mean…”

I nodded. “You think I can’t tell that you two… have like, whatever going on. There’s a thing. You two definitely have a thing.”

“We have a thing?” Taylor asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Ha!” Carrick shouted rather triumphantly from the bathroom, causing Taylor to roll his eyes.

“You two _so_ have a thing.”

“It’s not like… I mean…” Taylor sighed. “I love _you_.”

“And?” I asked. “I love you, too. But I also love him.”

Taylor glanced down, chewing hard on his lip again. “Maybe… I do… like him. A little.”

“Just a little, huh?” I grinned.

Taylor blushed deeply, his lips twitching like he was trying not to grin, and shrugged.

“It’s okay, you know,” I said, nudging him. “Whatever you feel for him. I mean, unless you hate his guts.”

“You mean the ones he’s currently spewing?” Taylor smirked. “And no, I don’t hate him. I… I’m not sure what to call it, really.”

“Yes, those,” I replied, giggling. “And it’s okay not to know what to call it. I mean, the way I feel for the two of you… it’s not the same, but they’re both… real.”

Taylor seemed to think about that for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah. Same here.”

“Same here!” Carrick called out, the words punctuated by a hideous belch.

I scrunched up my face in disgust, then laughed. “Well, he’s just so lovable. How could you resist that?”

“How indeed…”


	18. Chapter 18

**Taylor**

Another year, another Christmas with the family… with one difference. One loud, tall, horny bastard of a difference. Carrick actually behaved himself a lot better than I’d expected him to; he’d already charmed the heck out of our parents somehow, and the younger siblings thought he was hilarious. Even Ike was warming up to him, although I could tell he was still getting used to Zac’s boyfriend. But he was trying, even sitting with us by the fire sipping eggnog. 

I was a little tired, so I mostly kept my attention on the fireplace, poking at it every few seconds. Carrick had told me ahead of time about his devious plan to torture Ike, confusing the poor guy by being his usual flirty self with both Zac _and_ me. I knew it was probably a bad idea, but at the same time, the thought of our straight-laced brother getting all flustered and confused… it was pretty damn funny. 

“Taylor, you’re going to burn the house down,” Ike admonished me for the fourth or fifth time. “You’re almost as bad at Christmas as Zac.”

“No one is as bad as Zac,” I answered with a shrug.

“Yeah, Tay just loves to poke things, right?” Carrick winked at me, and I felt myself blush; I hated that I always reacted to his teasing, but there was nothing I could do. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ike take a rather large sip of his eggnog.

“Not half as bad as you,” I muttered, but Carrick just grinned like a Cheshire cat. Zac shook his head at us, and I got the impression he hadn’t been informed about his boyfriend’s dastardly plan.

“So, um,” Ike said with a cough that almost sounded genuine. “Having a good Christmas here in Tulsa, Carrick?”

“Yeah, it’s nice to actually get some snow. I can’t remember the last time I had a white Christmas. Not this kind anyway,” he added, nudging Zac. I snickered as the two of them got into a playful shoving match, until Carrick let out a low growl that I tried very, very hard not to react to. Instead I shook my head and smiled at Ike, who was similarly trying not to stare. I didn’t know what the two goofballs were up to, and I probably didn’t want to know; I turned to the fireplace, poking at the burning logs again.

“Oh yeah, poke it harder,” came Carrick’s voice from behind me, followed by a snort from Zac, and I stifled a laugh.

“So did you guys, uh… exchange gifts already, or…” Ike asked, trying to find a thread of actual conversation.

“No, not yet,” I answered for all of us.

“We’re doing it later tonight,” Carrick added with a grin only Zac and I understood.

“We better be,” Zac whispered to his boyfriend, and I had to bite my lip to keep from snickering.

“Did you want yours now?” I asked Ike, clearing my throat.

“Oh, we can exchange them whenever. Whoever wants to start.”

“Babe,” Carrick said to Zac, “Go grab our gifts from under the tree. They’re close to the trunk, so you might have to crawl down there to get ‘em.” He smirked at Zac, who stuck his lip out.

“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

“Of course not!” Carrick gasped in mock-offence, the picture of innocence

“I did,” I muttered, smirking at Zac. Ike blinked, and I wondered if he’d heard me.

“Um, Zac, why don’t you just go get the presents,” he said slowly, still looking confused. Zac rolled his eyes, shot me and Carrick a nasty look, then crawled under the tree to grab our gifts. I tried to be subtle watching his rear wiggle under the boughs, but Carrick had no shame, leaning forward and grinning wide. He scooted closer to me then, confusing both Ike and myself; I shrugged, not about to complain, and smiled at our older brother.

“Well, while Zac goes on an expedition for those gifts, I’ve actually got mine right here.” Ike pulled a wrapped present from next to his chair; I opened it eagerly, grinning at the book on photography.

“Oh cool, thanks!”

“You’re welcome.”

“Hm, nice,” Carrick said, leaning way closer to me than necessary to look at the book. I felt myself blushing again and dared a glance at Ike; he stared for a second before shaking his head, and revealing another gift.

“And for you,” he said, handing the box to Carrick. He tore into it like a five year old, laughing when he saw a variety of Tulsa-related items. There was a couple of shirts, a few buttons, and a coffee mug; it was a pretty nice selection, really.

“Sweet!” Carrick exclaimed, holding up an ‘I <3 Tulsa’ shirt. “Gotta represent, right?”

“Thought that might help you blend in.” Ike grinned at him, but I snorted; there was no way Carrick could blend in anywhere. “And we can save Zac’s for whenever he rejoins us…”

“Got them! Finally” Zac called from under the tree, wiggling his ass a bit as he crawled back out. Ike shuddered and looked away, giving Carrick and I the opportunity to look our fill.

“Great idea, man,” he said to me quietly, and I grinned in response. Zac paused in front of us, pouting a bit at the rearranged seating, but sat on Carrick’s other side. 

“Fine then,” he said, piling all the gifts in his lap; Carrick put an arm around him, which made him smile a bit more. He pulled the first box from the pile and handed it to Ike, who took his time unwrapping it carefully.

“I will definitely get a lot of use out of this,” Ike said with a grin as he opened the shot glass chess set. “Thanks, Zac. Here, this is for you.”

Zac was less careful opening his gift, which was actually two; a new controller and headset for his Xbox. He grinned widely at Ike.

“You know me so well.” 

“Okay, my turn,” I said, feeling brave. I reached into Zac’s lap to grab my gift for Ike, letting my fingers ‘accidentally’ brush against him through his jeans. I felt him shiver, saw his eyes go wide, but tried not to react. “Here ya go.” I handed the gift to Ike; he blinked, hesitating, and I had a feeling he’d seen.

“I… uh… thanks. Hey, cool,” he added when he opened the Chuck Berry biography.

“Me next, me next!” Carrick squealed, also brushing against Zac when he grabbed the next gift, but not nearly as subtly. Ike took a long sip of his drink, and I wondered how much alcohol he’d put in it. Carrick handed him a small envelope; the first thing that fell out was a small guitar pick, the design faded and the edges rough.

“Um… thanks. Can never have enough of those, right?” Ike smiled politely, but when he pulled the piece of paper from the envelope, his eyes went wide. “This is… Are you shitting me?”

“What is it?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“That,” Carrick said, grinning proudly, “is one of the picks used by Stevie Ray Vaughan in his final concert. Thought you might like it.”

“He wins,” Ike stated, looking at me and Zac. 

“Yeah yeah, we know…” I smiled at Carrick; I hadn’t expected him to put that much thought into it, but I was proud and touched that he had.

“Yeah yeah,” Zac echoed, sounding a little glum; I wondered why, until I noticed just how close Carrick and I had ended up sitting.

“Don’t worry babe,” Carrick said to Zac, hugging him a bit and kissing his cheek. “You’ll just love your gift,” he added with a wink.

“I better,” Zac muttered, pouting adorably. I sighed happily, watching the fire again for a moment. It wasn’t that their affection bothered me; I loved seeing how happy Zac was. What the three of us had was unconventional by every definition of the word, but for now… it worked.

“So what’d you get Mom and Dad?” I asked Ike.

“Some fancy new toolbox thing for dad, and I let Nikki pick out a nice necklace for mom. She’s better at gifts than me.”

“Nice. I got mom a new embroidery machine, and some power tools for Dad.”

“I bought them a couple books,” Zac spoke up. “An embroidery book for mom to go with Tay’s gift, and some theology thing dad mentioned.”

We all glanced at Carrick, who sat there grinning away. After a couple seconds, Zac pouted.

“What,” he deadpanned, and I braced myself. “Well, there’s this antique store back in LA; remember that weekend I went back to grab some stuff from the apartment?”

“Yeah…” Zac said slowly, nodding.

“Found this bolt of vintage fabric, it’s like lace and silk, really nice stuff. And then there’s this unfinished bookcase, all these intricate carvings and stuff. So I figure they’ll both have stuff they can work on.”

For a solid minute, all three of us sat there, staring in awe. 

“Wow,” I finally said, smiling. The lengths he’d gone to were impressive to say the least.

“You are amazing,” Zac sighed. “And I kind of hate you right now.”

“Aww, you know that’s not true.”

“Well, it’s a little true…” Zac huffed, pouting.

“Wow,” Ike said after another few seconds. “That’s really… thoughtful. Are you trying to make the rest of us look bad?” he chuckled.

“Come on, babe,” Carrick said softly, touching Zac’s cheek. “You know that wasn’t what I was trying to do. I just… You guys are family. And I want to make a good impression.”

I smiled at him, touched by his words. Sure, the three of us were becoming a unit, but for him to want to be part of the Hanson family at large… it meant a lot to me at least.

“Yeah… I know,” Zac sighed, his pout fading. “And you did too good of a job, damn it.”

“You guys are kinda…” Ike began, but he cleared his throat and took another gulp of his drink; I had a feeling I knew what he was trying to say, though, and he was right.

“You really did,” I told Carrick, placing a hand on his knee.

“Thanks,” he said to me, smiling. “Means a lot to hear that. I just hope your parents like it.”

At that moment, I almost didn’t care that Isaac was sitting there. I wanted to kiss him. But, reality couldn’t be ignored, so I tore my eyes away, settling for leaving my hand where it was.

“You think they’ll like it?” Carrick asked Ike; he nodded, glancing briefly at my hand. Embarrassment got the better of me and I pulled away, poking at the fire again.

“Uh… yeah, definitely. They’ll love it.”

“Well like I said, you guys are family.” Carrick punctuated his words by throwing his other arm around me, and giving both me and Zac a squeeze. I groaned, but really I was glad for the contact. Zac leaned against him, sighing happily. Even Ike smiled as he looked at all three of us. Going with instinct, I leaned my head against Carrick’s shoulder, giggling; Ike blinked at that, and Zac glanced over, but it had felt right.

“It means a lot to me that you guys have accepted me,” Carrick went on, slowly rubbing Zac’s and my arms gently. Ike raised an eyebrow at that, and I wondered if we were pushing our luck.

“Well… you obviously make Zac happy, so…”

“I hope so. I know I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.” Carrick turned to smile at Zac, but I felt him give my arm a gentle squeeze; I looked down, my damn blush returning. “One big happy family, right guys?” Carrick nudged my knee with his own as he looked first at Zac, then me. I nodded, but Zac looked a little uneasy.

“Y-yeah,” he said slowly. Ike’s eyebrow remained raised as he watched, but he opted for silence, drinking the last of his eggnog.

“Need a refill?” Carrick offered, standing and reaching for Ike’s glass.

“That would be great. You could take lessons from this guy, you know,” he said to us, handing the empty glass to Carrick. I had to cover my laugh with a cough, and Zac snorted unattractively.

“I’ve been trying, trust me,” Carrick laughed, smirking at us before heading towards the kitchen.

 

**Zac**

With Carrick gone, Taylor stretched out and let his arm rest along the back of the couch, just barely brushing my shoulder. He smiled genuinely and said, “This is nice.”

“Yeah,” I said, risking a glance at him and a smile, hoping I didn’t reveal just how much I was enjoying what little affection we could safely show each other in front of Ike. “It is.”

Isaac cleared his throat, and Taylor turned his attention back to him. “I can’t wait to get the new album finished, though.”

“Yeah,” Ike agreed. “It’ll be good to get some new music out there…”

“Oh yeah,” Carrick agreed, walking back into the room and handing Ike a fresh glass of eggnog that I suspected was more nog than egg. With a quick wink as he turned back to us, he added, “I can’t wait to hear it either. These guys have been teasing me for weeks.”

I squeezed in closer to Taylor to let Carrick sit down; I just liked being between the two of them, in more ways than one. Taylor left his arm on the back of the couch, and now that I was scooted in closer to him, I really liked having it there.

“Thanks,” Isaac said, then took a long sip of his drink, sputtering a little as he did so. “This is… strong.”

“Now, now, don’t go hogging Tay all to yourself,” Carrick remarked as I scooted closer to Taylor. “So greedy.”

Taylor snorted, and Isaac nearly choked on his drink. I was sure he didn’t get the joke, but there was still something vaguely sexual about Carrick’s tone of voice that made it clear there _was_ a joke. I just stared at him in disbelief, and Taylor stretched his arm out to flick him on the ear.

“What?” Carrick asked. “Can’t take a joke?’

“Not when it’s not funny,” I hissed. There was a fine line here between what we should and shouldn’t say in front of Ike, and Carrick was hopping right over it.

“Oh, you big baby. C’mere.”

Rather than wait for me to obey that subtle command, Carrick yanked me into his lap. More accurately, he pulled me into _both_ of their laps. My legs were sprawled across Taylor’s, my butt planted in Carrick’s lap and the back of my head banged against the headrest so hard I saw stars for a second.

“Carrick!” I yelped, in both surprise and pain.

“You asked for that…” Taylor remarked, casually draping an arm across my legs.

“Simmer down,” Carrick said, stroking my hair as though I were an animal that needed to be calmed. 

When Ike just gaped at the scene in front of him, Taylor remarked, “You should see ‘em at home.”

“I’m… I’m not sure I want to…” Ike replied perhaps a bit more honestly than was really necessary.

“Isaac!” Carrick mock-scolded. “Taylor was merely referring to our daily wrestling matches. What were you thinking of, hmm?”

Isaac chose to answer that question with a few stammers and a huge gulp of his drink. Taylor rolled his eyes at Carrick, but his fingers were dancing across my leg like he was playing some melody on it. Carrick’s hand continued to stroke my hair, and I had to admit, it all felt pretty good. Somewhat in spite of myself, I sighed contentedly.

After nearly chugging the rest of his drink, Isaac mumbled, “I’ll uh… just get the next refill myself…”

He walked out of the room quickly. Taylor watched him leave, then turned to Carrick. “You really are pushing it, aren’t you?”  
“I told you,” Carrick said, a strangely proud grin on his face. “Not my fault if you didn’t believe me.”

“You told him what?” I asked. There was definitely a joke happening here that I wasn’t in on.

Taylor chuckled. “Carrick here thought it’d be funny to mess with Ike a bit.”

“No, no. Not funny. Hilarious. And I don’t remember you disagreeing, either.”

“And you planned all this without me?” I asked, not sure if I felt left out because it _was_ kind of hilarious or because my boyfriends were doing things without me. I didn’t really mind the latter… at least, I didn’t think I did.

Taylor pouted a bit. “We… I didn’t mean to…”

“We just weren’t sure if you’d be up to it,” Carrick finished for him.

“Well, I’m not sure if I am,” I admitted honestly. “But it would have been to have known.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” Carrick said, his head down a bit. 

“Me too,” Taylor added.

“It’s okay,” I replied. “Just please don’t make Ike’s brain explode? It’s gonna suck to have to clean that up. And then you’ll have to be our new guitar player.”

“We won’t make his brain explode, Zac,” Taylor said. “But you should play along. It is pretty fun, actually.”

Carrick just leaned down and kissed my nose. It was probably meant to distract me, and it worked. I couldn’t help giggling at the way his hair tickled my face, but when Taylor decided to remind me of his presence by rubbing my thigh, I had to pause.

Staring at him I asked, “Are you sure… that’s a good idea?”

Taylor just shrugged.

“Oh, you’re just full of bad ideas tonight, aren’t you?” Carrick asked him.

Taylor bit his lip. “Rather be full of something else…”

“Hmm, we might be able to arrange that…” Carrick replied.

I nodded eagerly. “Yeah, I think we can manage that.”

Taylor bit his lip, a soft groan escaping them. Carrick leaned in and brushed his lips against Taylor’s, eliciting a whimper… just as Isaac appeared around the corner. I wasn’t sure if how much he saw, but the two drinks he carried--one for each hand--would probably have him seeing double soon. 

“Double-fisting, already?” Taylor asked, causing Carrick to nudge him and chuckle. 

Ike shot them a frown, then replied, “Figured I’d conserve energy.”

“Sure is a nice tree this year,” Taylor said, abruptly changing the subject.

“Yeah, bigger than I’m used to,” Carrick added.

Seeing my opportunity to join in the fun, I giggled. “Lots of balls, too. And not a one of them blue.”

“Hmm, how about that,” Carrick replied.

Isaac chose to ignore that conversation entirely, but chugged half his first glass in one go.

“Man, pounding ‘em back must run in the family, huh?” Carrick smirked.

I giggled again. “Guess it does.”

Once again, Isaac ignored us completely. He obviously couldn’t be missing the innuendo, but the fact that some of it was coming from Taylor had to be confusing him. Whatever weird and probably confusing thoughts we were giving him, he chose to drown them in alcohol, the room falling quiet as he sipped his drink. 

Carrick used that pause to stretch his arm across the back of the couch, letting it brush against Taylor’s shoulder. Taylor didn’t seem to mind, settling back into his seat and pulling me further toward him. Whether he really meant to move his hips up, practically thrusting against me, or if it was just a side effect of his trying to get more comfortable, I really wasn’t sure. I squirmed a little and shot him a questioning look, wondering when he became as much of a little trickster as Carrick, and he just smiled sweetly in response.

Seemingly oblivious to what was happening, although I suspected that was just an act, Carrick stretched his arm fully onto Taylor’s shoulder and heaved a sigh. “Long day, though.”

“Yeah,” Taylor replied, still smiling. “You get used to it in this family.”

Something about that struck me as funny. Probably the word _long_. It was far from the most perverted thing the two of them had said all night, but it still made me giggle.

Taylor shot me a warning look, and I put on my best innocent face. 

“What?” I asked.

Taylor and Carrick both shook their heads, then Taylor turned his attention to Ike. “So… had a good year in all, Ike?”

“Umm,” he sputtered out. “Yeah. Pretty eventful, but I guess… s’all worked out, hasn’t it?”

It wasn’t the most eloquent statement, but it rang true. Our year had been crazy, and sometimes it was hard to believe just how much had changed in what was in fact less than a full year. Two divorces, my coming out… Carrick moving in… sometimes I wasn’t even sure where the band fit into all of that anymore, and I felt bad for letting my music take a backseat to all of my stupid drama. We had been working off and on over the last few weeks, though, and a new album was starting to seem like a possibility. A new album for our new life.

“Yeah,” Taylor agreed, nodding. “I’d say so.”

“S’good,” Isaac slurred, and I started to wonder if he’d had enough to drink. At least he was a happy, sappy drunk. “Really good. You guys all… deserve to be happy…”

I wasn’t sure if Ike really knew all the implications behind what he was saying, but I didn’t doubt that he meant it. The surprised look on Taylor’s face before he managed to turn it into a smile suggested that he was thinking the same thing I was. Finally, he managed to reply, “Thank you, Ike.”

“Yeah, thank you,” Carrick said, his voice uncharacteristically serious. “I know things must have been kind of… weird for you. But I really appreciate how supportive you’ve been of Tay, and Zac, and us.”

Carrick’s wording was very deliberate, I was sure, and I thought I could actually see the gears turning in Ike’s brain as he tried to parse them. 

“Yeah,” he finally said. “Been rough, but I just wanna see everybody happy.”

“That was really nice, Carrick,” Taylor said softly.

He grinned. “I have my moments.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, smiling up at my surprisingly sweet boyfriend. “You do.”

He returned my smile, ruffling my hair. For a moment, we all just sat in comfortable silence, before Carrick decided to speak again.

“I just feel really lucky, you know?” He said, glancing from me to Taylor, and then to Ike. 

Isaac nodded and mumbled some sort of agreement, then polished off the rest of his drink. 

“You know, Ike,” Carrick said. “If there’s anything you want to know--about everything that’s happened this year, I mean--you can ask.”

“Like, uh… what?”

“Yeah, Carrick,” I hissed. “Like what?”

Carrick shrugged, looking far too casual for someone who had just given my oldest brother an open invitation to probe into my… unusual... relationship status. “Just anything, really. I can’t answer for these two, but you know I think of you as a brother now.”

“Nope,” I said, giggling as I shook my head. “Totally don’t think of him as a brother.”

“Not what I meant, doofus,” Carrick replied, poking me in the side. Of course I knew it wasn’t, but the only way I knew how to deal with awkward situations was with humor, and I really couldn’t think of anything more awkward than Isaac putting together all the pieces and realizing what he was _really_ witnessing.

“You two,” Isaac said, a strange smile on his face.

“Yeah?” Carrick asked, grinning. “What about us?”

Isaac shook his head, still smiling. “You kind make a cute couple, that’s all.”

We all looked surprised by that statement--even Isaac. Carrick was the first to find his voice and reply, “Thanks.”

“Yeah,” Ike said, still looking a bit dazed. “You’re welcome.”

“Ya hear that?” Carrick asked me. “We’re cute!”

Taylor chuckled. “And insane.”

“Insanely cute?” I suggested. 

Isaac forged on even through Carrick’s laughter. “I mean it, though. You guys jus’ kinda work together, ya know?”

Carrick smiled, but I noticed that Taylor’s smile had fallen. Of course Ike hadn’t known that he was leaving out an integral part of what _worked_ so well. But he couldn’t know. We couldn’t let him. Carrick discretely rubbed Taylor’s arm, but didn’t say a word.

“You must be like, part saint, though. Living with both of ‘em and not going insane.” Leave it to Ike to twist the knife without even knowing he’d stabbed Taylor with it at all. Taylor snorted a bit derisively; he was taking it better than I expected.

“Nah,” Carrick said, shrugging. “We actually work pretty well together. Balance each other out, ya know?”

Taylor glanced down, so I couldn’t read his expression, and I focused intently on keeping my neutral so it wouldn’t give away more than I wanted.

“I… I guess so,” Ike replied taking a thoughtful sip of his drink. “Kinda like the band does, too…”

“Yeah, exactly,” Carrick said. “You guys complete each other, each giving what the other two need most.”

Even though I knew we were treading on thin ice already, I couldn’t help mumbling, “And we make beautiful music together, too.”

That one earned me one very sharp elbow in my ribs, even though Carrick’s eyes didn’t flicker away from Ike for a moment.

“Oww…” I pouted.

Carrick rubbed the spot. “Aww, poor baby.”

“You oughta kiss it and make it better,” I said under my breath.

Taylor sighed, his patented sigh. “Like having two extra kids.”

“Ya know, I’m not sure which one of you three I feel most sorry for…” Isaac chuckled.

“Me,” Taylor stated. “Who do you think has to cook and clean up after these two?”

“Oh shush,” Carrick replied, grinning. “We do our share of work.”

“So you got divorced only to end up playing housewife anyway?” Isaac remarked, chuckling more. As he took another sip of his drink, I considered whether or not he needed to be cut off. When Taylor blushed and Carrick fought to choke back a laugh, Isaac asked, “So, I’m not wrong?”

“I am not the housewife,” Taylor declared, giving Carrick and I a pointed look. I was sure we had both called him that on more than one occasion, and I doubted we would stop any time soon.

Carrick rolled his eyes. “Sure, sweetie.”

“But you make such a good housewife, Tay…” I grinned. 

Tay responded by squeezing my knee and giving me a smirk that would have looked just as at home on Carrick’s face. I shot him a wink that I really, really hoped Isaac didn’t see. 

“You see what I gotta put up with?” Carrick asked Ike.

“I’m so sorry, dude…”

He shrugged. “Eh, it’s my own fault, really. Just a glutton for punishment, I guess.”

Isaac opened his mouth to speak, then quickly shut it.

“I think the same could be said for all three of us, really…” Carrick mused. Taylor nodded, and I couldn’t resist smirking. Given what we’d done the previous weekend--several of Taylor’s scarves were involved--we could certainly be described as gluttons for at least one type of punishment.

“Yeah, well,” Taylor said. “Just a good thing we can dish it as well as we take it, or we’d end up killing each other.”

“It’s gotta get awkward, though…” Isaac tilted his head to the side in thought. “I mean, the two of you… and him…”

Carrick smirked. “Not as awkward as you would think.”

Not as awkward as this conversation was getting, at least. I bit my lip and waited for Carrick to say something else… something even worse.

“No?” Isaac replied. “Well that’s… good… I guess.”

“I mean, maybe at first,” Carrick said--understatement of the year, considering how my relationship with him began. “But once we got used to each other, it’s been all good. Right, Tay?”

“Right,” Tay replied, still blushing but leaning against Carrick a bit. I was glad Carrick asked for his opinion, not mine. I was glad Taylor’s opinion mattered to him so much. 

“Well, it would definitely suck if Zac’s brother and his b-boyfriend didn’t get along, and they had to live together…” Ike said. I noticed the slight stutter in his voice; maybe he wasn’t as comfortable with my sexuality as he seemed to be… or maybe the three of us really were getting to him. 

Carrick laughed softly, seemingly oblivious--or just not caring about--to Isaac’s nervousness. “Yeah, that’d definitely suck.”

I nodded. Given that they were _both_ my boyfriend, it was a really delicate balance. Seeing Taylor and Carrick growing closer made me feel like less of that balance rested on my shoulders; we all had roles to play in this to make it work. 

While Taylor leaned heavily against Carrick, Carrick brushed his fingers across my cheek. I smiled up at him, enjoying these little romantic moments of his, however fleeting they were. Sure enough, the mood was lost when he made a silly kissy face at me, and I was once again left wondering what he would say next to shake things up and confuse Isaac even further.

To my surprise, it was Taylor who spoke next, a smile on his face so blissful that I wondered if he even remembered that the three of us weren’t alone. His voice soft, but still loud enough to be heard, he said, “It’s all about trust.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Isaac**

I was very, very drunk. No, that wasn’t really true, but I wished it was and that was why I kept refilling my glass, adding just a little more bourbon each time. If I were drunk, I would have an excuse for being so confused and seeing things that made no sense at all. 

Unfortunately, my tolerance was too high for that, so even though my words were slurred, my mind was still working overtime, synapses firing faster than I could get my mouth to move in response to the strange words Taylor had just said.

“It’s… wha…” I finally managed to stutter out like the lush that I was.

Carrick gave Taylor a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, and Zac’s eyes… well, they were the size of saucers. I would have laughed, but it didn’t seem appropriate.

Taylor cleared his throat. “I mean, we trust each other not to invade each other’s privacy. Personal space, all that stuff.”

“Yeah,” I replied, nodding a little. That made sense; after all, I had shared a bachelor pad with Zac many moons ago. “Could get awkward… personal space and all. I mean, what if you walked in on--”

I had said too much. I had said _way_ too much. I may not have been homophobic, but I had no desire to think about my brother having sex with anyone, male or female. He was the one more likely to walk in on me entertaining someone when we lived together, but it was clear that he’d loosened up a bit since getting with Carrick, and their PDA was pretty shocking. It didn’t make me a bad person to feel that way, I thought; I just really, really didn’t need to know more about Zac’s sex life than I already did.

All three of them seemed just as flustered by my remark as I was; their eyes darting around nervously and Taylor’s face turning bright red. Oh god, what if he had walked in on them and I had just dredged up the awful memory?

“Umm, yeah…” Taylor finally choked out, while Zac and Carrick shared a look I didn’t understand.

“Yeah,” I coughed out. “Uh, sorry ‘bout that.”

Carrick gave a soft sigh. “You know, you’re not going to offend me if you mention it.”

“Mention--wha?” My face was burning up, whether from the alcohol or the fact that we really were discussing gay sex in my parents’ house. It didn’t matter that nearly everyone else was asleep, aside from my wife who kept wandering by to check on us but thankfully seemed to miss most of the conversation. 

“I mean, we’re all adults here, right?” Carrick asked.

“Uh, yeah…” I took a big gulp of my drink. “We are.”

“Well then?” He asked. “Don’t feel like you have to censor yourself on my account.”

Taylor mumbled something that sounded like, “Lord knows you don’t.”

“It’s just, uh…” I fumbled for the right words to say what I meant without sounding like a close minded idiot. Just an idiot who needed to slow down on the alcohol. “Not really a comfortable subject. No offense.”

“None taken.” Carrick shrugged. “No one’s forcing you to talk about it. Just saying you can if you want.”

“I’d prefer if he didn’t,” Zac hissed.

“Zachary,” Carrick scolded, but there was a hint of amusement in his voice. “Now that’s exactly the kind of repression that held you back. If Isaac wants to talk, let him.”

Did I want to talk? I wasn’t sure. This felt like something of a test, to see if I really was as accepting of their relationship as I claimed to be. I was, wasn’t I? They were happy; that was obvious and that was all I ever wanted for my brother. I just didn’t want to hear about his sex life, and he didn’t seem too keen to talk about it, either, no matter how much he had relaxed since coming out.

“I… umm…” Zac stuttered and Taylor muttered something I couldn’t quite make out. When Carrick gave Zac a wink, Zac smiled sweetly at him. “Why don’t you go make me one of those drinks, baby?”

Zac wanted a drink? That was new, too. Taylor seemed just as surprised as I was.

But Carrick just grinned. “Sure thing, babe.”

With a quick kiss to Zac’s forehead, he maneuvered out from under him and sauntered out of the room. Zac give him a sweet but teasing wave as he walked away, and Taylor just buried his face in his hand. A moment later, I heard soft voices from the kitchen--no doubt Carrick charming one member of my family or another. 

“So,” I said. “Carrick’s uh… different, isn’t he?”

“Mhm,” Zac agreed, grinning. “He sure is.”

Taylor snorted. “That’s one way of putting it.”

“I can think of a few more ways of putting it…” Zac nearly whispered, still audible enough for me to make out the strange statement. 

He was still stretched across the couch, his legs in Taylor’s lap and his feet hanging off the arm of the couch. Taylor squeezed his leg just above the knee, the gesture seeming a bit too… intimate for brothers. Of course, they had always been close enough for people to talk, and even I had heard the rumors. But no matter how strange they acted, they were _brothers_.

After exchanging a few strange grins with Zac, Taylor shook his head and turned his attention back to me. “Oh, so I took some nice family photos earlier.”  
“Family photos?” I echoed, still trying to make sense of their gestures and expressions.

“Yeah,” Carrick replied, suddenly appearing in the doorway with a tall glass of eggnog in his hand. “Had us all lined up in our cheesy Christmas sweaters. Which I love, by the way.”

“The sweaters are kind of a requirement around here,” I replied with a laugh, thinking about the song we’d recorded for Christmas last year. Things had changed a lot since then, but we seemed to be coming back to some sense of normalcy… well, maybe that wasn’t the right word. But things were good, and we were even making more new music lately.

Zac accepted the drink from Carrick and took a delicate sip; he was always more of a smoker than a drinker, and I wondered if he was trying to loosen up enough to handle the direction our conversation had taken. While Zac sipped, Carrick plopped down in his lap and sighed contentedly. Zac just cradled his drink tightly so as not to spill it and wrapped his other arm around Carrick--who, I noticed, seemed to have his arm around Taylor. That was odd.

“Man, this is comfy,” Carrick remarked, prompting Taylor to giggle.

Zac poked him in the side. “Glad one of us is comfy.”

“Hey, now,” Carrick replied, squirming. “Save it for later.”

Taylor snorted, and Zac let out a sound that was uncomfortably between a whimper and a moan. 

“Hey, guys, umm,” I stuttered out. “Umm. I’m still here. And so is Taylor.”

Carrick nodded, his face blank. “Uh huh.”

“Just saying…” I swallowed hard. “Might not be the time and place?”

He shrugged, still seeming unaffected. “Hey, I’m just sitting here. Your little brother’s the perv who keeps poking me. Really, Zac? In front of Ike?”

“I didn’t! It wasn’t… he sat on me!” Zac stuttered out, blushing. 

“Well, yeah, you wouldn’t move!” Carrick replied as Taylor just snickered. Apparently he wasn’t as bothered by their shameless flirting and innuendo as I thought he would be.

“Well, but--I. Shut up!” Zac pouted.

As Carrick ruffled Zac’s hair, Taylor turned to me and sighed. “I’m sorry. Really.”

“Not your fault,” I replied, shaking my head. “Just uh, never seen this side of Zac before. Ever. At all.”

Taylor chuckled, the gave Zac a serious look. “Will you please move so Carrick can sit down? Please?”

Zac looked over Taylor for a moment, reminding me again of all the talk and rumors about their odd behavior, then finally sighed. Carrick stood, allowing Zac to move; he scooted to the opposite end of the couch from Taylor, then yanked Carrick down to sit in between them. 

“Thank you,” Taylor said.

“You’re welcome.”

Carrick just giggled. He squirmed a bit, and I really didn’t want to know where Zac’s hand had vanished to, but I thought I could guess.

“Now, what was it you were saying, before someone was trying to revoke your freedom of speech?” Carrick asked me, giving Zac a pointed look as he did so. 

“Umm,” I sputtered out. “I don’t even remember.”

Taylor covered his face with his hand again, but he relaxed somewhat when Carrick began to rub the back of his neck. It was an intimate, seemingly instinctive sort of gesture that would have made more sense if it were directed toward Zac. As for Zac, he didn’t seem to notice or, if he did, he didn’t mind.

“So,” I said, hoping I wasn’t crossing any lines by point out Carrick’s strangeness. “He’s uh, verry… affectionate, isn’t he?”

“Umm… I guess…” Taylor replied, trying to sound as though he hadn’t considered it before, but the blush spreading across his cheeks said otherwise.

Carrick just stretched his other arm across Zac’s shoulders, holding both of my brothers in his long embrace.

“You kind of get used to it after a while,” Taylor continued.

“I guess… I guess you would, yeah,” I replied. So maybe Carrick was just like that. It wasn’t much different from the way people liked to point out how Zac and Taylor stood too close or shared too many inside jokes. It was just the way he was, strange as it may be.

“It’s kind of nice, though.” Taylor smiled. “In a weird way.”

The three of them shared another one of their strange looks, making me feel left out of some secret that I wasn’t even sure I wanted to know. It was hard not to feel as though I were being replaced, especially after all these months of uncertainty about our future as a band. Was our future as best friends, as brothers, endangered, too? I had to remind myself that I wouldn’t feel so jealous if Zac were dating a woman; it was just something about the friendship, the deep connection they shared--all three of them, really--that made me feel excluded. It wasn’t a feeling I liked, and it made me feel guilty.

My thoughts were interrupted by a strange noise that, if I hadn’t known better, I would have described as a purr. Had it come from Taylor? Surely not. Whatever had happened, it made Zac giggle.

“So, umm…” Taylor began, tapping his foot nervously.

“Yes?” I asked, trying to ignore the way Carrick was playing with Taylor’s hair. Maybe that noise _had_ come from Taylor. “So… umm…”

“Yeah?” Taylor replied, utterly distracted.

Zac turned to Carrick and mumbled something that caused Carrick to turn his attentions to him. Taylor took the opportunity to scoot toward the fire again and poke the dying embers. The fire crackled back to life, drowning out most of Zac and Carrick’s mumbled words, but the giggles and wiggling eyebrows were enough for me to get the gist anyway. 

“Such a dirty mind…” Carrick muttered just loud enough for me to hear, confirming my suspicions, then nipped at Zac’s lips. 

I coughed loudly, and the two of them quickly broke their kiss.

“No offense guys, but… can we tone the PDA down?”

“Sorry,” Carrick said, his sincere smile saying that I hadn’t offended him. “Not trying to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s just, uh…” I fumbled for the right words, “a little strange. And not very Zac-like to be so… so… uh… well, no offense, you’re just usually… more of a prude than this. At least, you used to be.”

Zac frowned. “I also used to be straight. Well, not really.”

“What can I say?” Carrick grinned, while Taylor just snickered. “I bring out the best in him.”

“Well, you do obviously make him happy,” I replied.   
“I try.” Carrick gave Zac a smile.

“He really does, though,” Taylor added.

“Yeah,” Zac said, shooting Tay a smile before looking back at Carrick. “He does.”

Tay turned back to the fire, and I cleared my throat. “Well, that’s good. But all the… other stuff… is just kinda weird to see. Not because it’s, you know, two guys. But just because one of them is Zac.”

“What, you guys don’t share everything?” Carrick asked, a smirk on his face. 

“Umm… no,” I replied. “Not exactly.”

“Just ex-girlfriends, right?” Zac asked, a smirk on his face as well. We didn’t joke about that very much, but I supposed the eggnog he was still sipping had loosened him up a bit.

“Yeah, umm,” I sputtered out. “Sorry about that?”

Zac laughed. “Yeah, me too. Me fucking too.”

“But you weren’t this, uh… like this… with her. I mean, in front of us and everything.” Although, looking back, perhaps that was because she and I had briefly dated first, before it became obvious that she hadn’t really been all that interested in me anyway and certainly wasn’t interested in any sort of sexual relationship with me. 

“There’s a good reason for that,” Zac deadpanned. Of course. _He_ hadn’t been interested in a sexual relationship with her, either, I supposed, although it had certainly taken him a long time to figure that out.

“Maybe because she was an unbelievable cunt?” Taylor mumbled.

To my surprise, Carrick and Zac both laughed at that. When I realized Zac wasn’t offended by that, I remarked, “You said it, not me.”

“I still wish I could’ve been there for that,” Taylor said.

Zac grinned. “Her face was fucking priceless, I swear.”

“What?” I asked, feeling like I was definitely being left out of the joke this time.

“My baby done good,” Carrick answered rubbing Zac’s shoulder and grinning proudly.

“I, umm, may have told Kate how much of a cunt she is,” Zac admitted.

“You… what?!” I gaped at him, then shook my head. “Wow… so that was the big fight, then?”

I had known, of course, that there had been some big blowup between them back in the summer; we were all made uncomfortably aware of that when she abruptly took their kids and ran back to her family. Carrick’s arrival seemed to play into it, although no one but myself seemed willing to express that opinion. How Kate being a cunt--something I wouldn’t have ever said but couldn’t really disagree with--played into that, I wasn’t sure.

“That was… part of it,” Zac answered, glancing at Carrick. 

“Oh, I see…” So their relationship _had_ been a part of the fight.

“Yeah…” Carrick replied. “I may have come up in conversation just a tad.”

“I see,” I replied admit Taylor and Zac’s chuckles.

“Apparently I was,” he said, putting the rest of his statement in air quotes that caused him to pull Taylor and Zac closer to him, as his arms were still around them both, “corrupting him.”

Like I said, it hadn’t taken me long to figure out that Kate was too much of a prude for me. She seemed fine for Zac, although I supposed we had all mistaken his unwillingness to face his real sexuality as simply being a bit uptight about sex. That Kate, the woman who constantly nagged him for drinking and smoking, would object to him having a relationship with Carrick… well, that didn’t surprise me at all. Even if he had cheated on her with Carrick--something I wasn’t sure he had done and wasn’t sure I wanted to know--she would of course find some way to not only object to that, but to take the religious high ground, too. 

With a snort of laughter, I replied, “That… that sounds exactly like something that bitch would say.”

 

**Carrick**

For a solid minute, you could hear a pin drop. Tay and Zac stared at Ike, blinking and gawking; I was the first to laugh. Of all the people to call anyone a bitch, Ike wasn’t exactly in the top five.

“So, everyone else thought she was a bitch, too?” Zac asked glumly; Tay pouted, but with a hint of a smile.

“Sorry?”

“Well I did break up with her,” Ike reminded Zac.

“Point taken.”

“So,” Ike said, clearing his throat and directing his attention to me. “You were corrupting him, huh? No offense, but I can kinda see that.”

Tay let out an undignified snort at that. Ike had no idea how bad I was corrupting him… and Taylor.

“Just making life interesting.” I grinned, and Zac let out a giggle. “Anyway, it’s not like he was exactly an angel already.” I smirked at Zac, but he gave me a warning look.

“Um… he wasn’t?” Ike asked, tilting his head. Tay glanced at Zac with an amused smirk, and he turned bright red.

“Well I know he was already a stoner before I met him.”

“We all knew that,” Ike agreed; it was no secret Zac had been the pothead Hanson since his teen years.

“So I take no responsibility for that one, as much as I wish I could.” I paused, letting my smile fall as I thought about Kate’s accusations. “And it’s not like I turned him gay. Hell, I wasn’t even the one to bring it up to him,” I added; Tay cleared his throat in what I assumed was supposed to be a warning.

“No one turned me,” Zac said, looking my way. “Maybe I needed a little help admitting it, but… but…”

“I know babe, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant Kate tried to make it sound that way.”

“Well I’m glad someone made you see it. You know I was happy being your friend, but this…” I smiled at Zac, but also gave Tay a tiny squeeze. He smiled a bit, and I noticed Ike noticing.

“So… you… you and Zac… I mean…” Ike cocked his head to the side, trying to form a complete sentence. “I just thought… you… were the one that… that helped him, uh…”

“Nope. I may have helped him come to terms with it, and be okay with coming out, but he was already thinking about it. Surprised the hell out of me when he told me, actually. Not that he was, just that he was finally admitting it,” I clarified, and Zac pouted adorably.

“Yeah, because it was so obvious to everyone but me, apparently.”

“Don’t feel bad babe. You’re happy now, and that’s what matters.” Tay gave his brother a sympathetic smile, and I gave his shoulders a squeeze, ‘accidentally’ bringing him and Tay closer together. It was just a tiny bit evil. He smiled at me, but also risked a smile at Tay, blushing a little.

“Well, uh, I for one didn’t know… so not that obvious,” Ike spoke up. Zac quickly looked away from Tay, turning towards Ike.

“Thanks?”

“I didn’t know either,” Tay said, leaning his head towards Zac a tiny bit.

“Well yeah, but you still figured it out before I-” Zac snapped his mouth shut, everyone’s eyes going wide. I tried to suppress a snort as Tay shot him a warning look that was probably more obvious than what Zac had actually said.

“ _What?_ ” Ike asked, looking back and forth between his brothers. “So… wait. I mean, I know you told him first, but…” I looked expectantly at Zac, wondering how he’d get himself out of this.

“Well, I mean,” Tay spoke up. “I came out to Zac first, you know. And he’d told me about his problems with Kate.”

“Yeah,” Ike said, nodding slowly, trying to follow Tay’s logic.

“And I just thought… maybe… I mean I didn’t _know_ know.”

I smirked at Tay, proud of his articulation, and his careful lying by omission; Ike nodded, at least partly satisfied with the explanation.

“That… that kinda makes sense, I guess.” A few tense moments passed, Ike still eyeing us while Zac squirmed.

“So… yeah… Tay uh, helped me figure out why things were shit with Kate. I’d tried really hard not to uh… think about it before.”

Tay nodded in agreement, probably a little too enthusiastically, but I had a feeling Ike was too buzzed to pick up on it.

“Didn’t wanna admit that was why things weren’t working,” Zac went on. “I mean, other than the fact that she was a massive cunt,” he added, and I laughed thinking back to the argument when he’d called her out.

“That… would be a problem too,” Ike agreed, chuckling. Tay made a sound of agreement, then went back to poking at the fireplace. 

“Such a pyro…” I smirked at him, pulling him a little closer. He smiled at me, and Ike tilted his head; apparently he wasn’t buzzed enough to miss _that_. Oh well.

“Yeah well, I don’t hear you complaining when I cook for you every night,” Tay said, rolling his eyes.

“True, true… I do love it when you feed me.” I loved teasing Tay and making him blush, which of course he did; I heard Zac giggle behind me.

“Well, I like feeding you…” Tay replied, taking even me by surprise.

“And you know I love returning the favor,” I shot back with a wink. We were really pushing it now…

“Zac, um…” Ike coughed loudly, and I glanced back at him. “Is your boyfriend… always this much of a flirt?”

“He’s usually worse,” Zac half-muttered, and Tay snorted, apparently in agreement.

“But.. um… I mean…” Ike stuttered. Here we were, finally getting to it. “It doesn’t… bother you?”

“N-not really…” Zac shrugged.

“It… doesn’t?”

I was feeling pretty ballsy, so I let out a playful snarl at Tay; he giggled and turned a brighter pink.

“I don’t think I could stop him anyway,” Zac said, but he didn’t sound upset about it. Of course the truth was I would stop in an instant if he asked me to, or even if I got the feeling he wanted me to. I hoped he knew that.

But luckily for all of us (except maybe Ike), Zac had given me free reign to be as flirty with Tay as I wanted. And right now, I was having a blast, leaning close to whisper in his ear.

“Have I told you how sexy you are when you bite your lip?”

“Once or twice,” he mumbled, trying to hide his grin, and probably wishing he wasn’t turning bright red.

“Are you… are you sure you’re okay… with them…” Ike was still going on, trying to wrap his head around our situation; I figured there wasn’t any sense in hiding it at this point. I pulled him closer and he leaned his head against me, his hand resting on my knee.

“Um… yeah? I guess?” Zac answered, shrugging.

“Really?” Poor Ike; I almost felt bad for messing with him. I decided to give Zac a break from the interrogation.

“Zac knows I love him,” I said calmly and softly, without taking my eyes off Tay.

“I’m… I’m sure he does… and t-that you do…”

I covered Tay’s hand with mine; we hadn’t talked very often about _us_ , but we’d stopped pretending there wasn’t an _us_... or at least Tay had. I’d never had a problem with it, as long as Zac didn’t.

“I’m… I’m just gonna…” Ike didn’t bother finishing his sentence, choosing instead to stand up and walk quickly from the room… probably to get another, stronger drink. I turned around to smile at Zac.

“Hey.”

Tay reached over and touched his hand, but Zac pouted.

“Oh, you remembered I’m here?”

“Zac,” I said, frowning and touching his cheek. “You know I love you. And you’re always going to be first in my heart.” I wondered if maybe he wasn’t as okay with Tay and me as I thought, and I worried I’d hurt him. Yeah it’d been fun messing with Ike, and making Tay squirm, but if it upset Zac…

“I know,” he replied with a weak smile. “It’s just… all this with Tay, and in front of Ike…”

“I’m sorry,” Tay said quietly, frowning.

“Zac,” I sighed. “I know this is a little weird. And I know things are kind of… changing. And.. if you want, I’ll leave Tay alone.”

“I didn’t mean…” Zac paused, shaking his head. “I just mean right now. With Ike watching.”

“We both love you, Zac. You know that,” Tay said, giving a smile that looked mostly sincere. 

“I know. And I love you both, too.”

I leaned down to give him a kiss. I felt so bad for hurting him, even if he said he was fine.

“So if you want me to back off from Tay, I will.”

“No, you don’t have to do that. Just, lay off while Ike’s watching?”

“Okay babe.” I smiled at Zac, and he looked happier. This whole situation was complicated, to say the least. But I’d meant what I’d said. Zac came first for me, no matter what.

“Really. I’m glad you guys are… getting along so well.”

“I’m glad you’re glad.” I gave him another kiss, then turned back to Tay. I would give him up if it made Zac happy. But that didn’t care about him. 

“It’s okay,” Zac said when Tay glanced his way, silently asking permission. When he looked back at me, I kissed him softly, both of us sighing happily.

“I… what?!” Of course Ike would have chosen that exact moment to walk back in. Tay all but jumped back, his eyes wide as saucers. I glanced over, giving a sheepish grin.

“Tay… Carrick… what…”

“So much for not in front of Ike,” I joked, a guilty smirk on my lips.

“Ike, um…” Zac started, but his older brother shook his head, then downed his glass (of straight bourbon, from the look of it) in one go. Poor Tay was pouting, looking a little green.

“Okay,” I sighed, figuring someone had to explain, and neither Zac nor Tay looked up to the job.   
“Let’s keep calm, no need to freak out. maybe you should have a seat.”

“Okay,” Ike said numbly, slumping down into his chair.

“I can’t tell you it isn’t what it looks like. Because it is.” Tay looked away finally, staring at the fire; he was biting his lip hard enough to turn the skin white. “It’s okay,” I said quietly to him, rubbing his back a little.

“So… I didn’t just imagine that you kissed Taylor…” Ike said; Tay cringed a little.

“No, you didn’t. I love Zac. With all my heart. And he knows that.” I glanced at Zac, and he nodded. “But, what I’ve realized is that I care about Taylor, too. maybe not as much as I care about Zac, but still a lot.” Tay smiled at me a little; he still looked like a scared bunny, but maybe not as panicked.

“B-but…” Ike started; I looked at him, waiting for him to continue. After a moment he turned to Zac. “And you’re… you’re not… mad?”

“N-no?” Zac answered, shaking his head a little; I reached out to rub his shoulder.

“He knows he will always be first in my heart, by a landslide. And nothing will ever change that.” I tried to smile, but as I thought about what I was saying, I had a feeling I didn’t look as happy as I wanted to.

“I know, baby,” he said, smiling and touching my knee, but his eyes hinting that he knew what I was thinking. I kept my eyes on him, choosing my words carefully.

“The person that comes first, is always going to be more important, more loved, held closer to the heart. And the person that comes in second, he’s not jealous, or sad, or angry.” I hesitated, swallowing hard. I’d never really voiced how I felt about our arrangement, not with this level of honesty; ironic I should be so forthcoming now.

“He’s just happy he places at all,” I finished softly. Zac gave me a sad smile; he understood what I was really saying. I knew he would. 

“I… this is… I…” Ike stuttered again. I could only imagine how my words must have sounded in the context he knew.

“A little weird?” I finished for him, smirking. “You do know your brothers, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but this is…” He trailed off, and both Tay and Zac tried to stifle their giggles. “And you’re all… okay with this?”

“Yeah,” Zac answered, both he and Tay nodding.

“Yeah, we are,” I agreed.

“Oookay…”

I looked at Tay, giving him a quick kiss, then turned to Zac, kissing him a bit longer; partly to prove how okay with it we all were.

“Like I said,” Tay spoke up, softly. “It’s all about trust.”

“I’m not sure this would even make sense if I was sober…”

“It’s not as complicated as it sounds, really,” I said, my usual smirk back in place.

“Just… love,” Tay added, eloquent as ever. “As long as Zac is happy, that’s all that matters. I’d never want to do anything to hurt him.” If it wasn’t such a sweet sentiment, I’d almost be tempted to call Tay a copycat. 

“I know,” Zac said, biting his lip. “And I am happy.”

“I… I’ve had a lot to drink, haven’t I?” Ike stared down at his empty glass, looking a little pale.

“Just a bit.”

“So I should probably not go back for another drink right now.”

“I’m sorry if we made you uncomfortable, Ike,” I said. “I really am grateful you’ve accepted me into this family.”

“I’m just… really, really confused.”

“Ike,” Zac said, biting his lip again. I hoped I hadn’t driven some wedge between them.

“Like I said,” I spoke up, hoping to do some damage control. “If you ever want to talk, just talk.”

“I… maybe when I’m sober.” He stood up, swaying a bit.

“I think we’re just gonna crash here, if that’s okay?” Tay asked, looking at me and Zac.

“Yeah,” Zac nodded.

“Hey guys,” Isaac’s wife, Nikki, said as she entered the room, Monroe by her side. “Bedtime, sweetie,” she said to Ike, a somewhat knowing smirk on her lips as she glanced at his empty glass. 

“Yeah, s’about that time. Night, guys,” he said to us with a lopsided grin.

“Merry Christmas,” Tay said, smiling and waving at the little one.

“Yeah, merry Christmas, man,” I echoed.

“Merry Christmas, Ike,” Zac chimed in. 

“Merry Christmas, guys.” Ike gave the three of us one long look, then nodded and turned back towards his wife and child, following them out of the room.

Once he was out of earshot, we readjusted to a more sleep-comfortable arrangement, Tay reclining his side of the couch, and Zac stretching out across our laps. I pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and spread it out, covering all three of us as much as I could.

“As if we hadn’t already hurt Isaac’s brain enough,” Zac giggled.

“Good thing he didn’t walk in a few seconds earlier,” I pointed out.

“Oh god,” Tay groaned. We all had a bit of a laugh, then quieted down, settling in for the night.

“Night,” I said to Taylor, leaning over to give him a quick kiss. “Sweet dreams, babe,” I added, leaning down to kiss Zac.

“Goodnight, Carrick,” Zac smiled. “But for the record, you have been _very_ naughty this year.”

“Merry Christmas, baby,” Tay said softly, giving Zac a long kiss. “I love you.”

“Love you too, baby,” Zac whispered. 

It didn’t take them long to fall asleep, but I stayed up a while, just watching them. I’d meant what I’d said before; I knew where I stood. But being here, with Tay and especially with Zac, I couldn’t think of anywhere I’d rather be.

“Love you, Zac,” I mouthed, before closing my eyes and drifting to sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

**Taylor**

I woke up slowly, just as the sun was starting to lighten the room. Carrick was leaned against the other arm of the couch, snoring lightly; Zac had moved sometime during the night, almost entirely curled into my lap. I smiled, gently brushing the hair from his eyes. He was so beautiful, laying there in my arms; I was overcome with love so strong, it made my chest hurt and my eyes sting. Slowly, he looked up at me, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the light.

“Morning, Tay.”

“Morning Zac,” I answered, stroking his cheek.

“Merry Christmas.” He smiled sleepily up at me, and again I felt a wave of love wash over me. I leaned down to kiss him, gently stroking his hair.

“Love you, Tay,” he sighed happily.

“I love you too, Zac. I… I’m sorry about last night. Carrick and I… I guess we got a little carried away. Please don’t be mad at me.” I pouted, worried what he’d say, but he just smiled.

“Aw, Tay… I’m not mad. I feel bad for Ike, though.”

“I think we’re giving him a drinking problem,” I said, snickering.

“Maybe he won’t remember then.” Zac giggled, then sat up, curling completely into my lap. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him to my chest and nuzzling his cheek. We were in the living room, so it was a bit of a risk, but it was far too early for anyone to be up, even on Christmas.

“It’s just…” I paused, trying to find the right words. “Well, you’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately. And that’s okay. I guess I was just feeling a little… left out… You know it’s up to you, right? W-who you’re with?”

“I know, Tay,” Zac nodded. “And I wanna be with… both of you. And I like you two being… together, too. It’s just… different, you know? Getting used to it.”

“You… you like us being together?” I asked, tilting my head. “As in, not just don’t mind it, but _like_ it?” I raised an eyebrow, surprised at what he was suggesting.

“Well, it’s better than if you were fighting over me or something.” He smirked, and I nodded.   
“But… yeah. It’s nice that we’re all getting along. And it’s hot as hell to watch you two together…” he added with a grin, and I felt myself blushing.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s hard to decide between joining in or just watching.”

“I love it when you join in, you know,” I told him, kissing his ear.

“I know,” he giggled. “But seriously Tay… I’m sorry for making you feel left out.” He paused, his lips curling in a pout. “You know I didn’t mean to do that, right?”

“I know. Just like we didn’t mean to make you feel left out.” I glanced at Carrick, then back at Zac, a wicked idea forming. “You know, he’s a pretty heavy sleeper…” I threw Zac a wink, in case my meaning wasn’t clear.

“What are you suggesting…” he said slyly, feigning innocence. I leaned down and kissed his ear slowly.

“That maybe… we take… the chance,” I said slowly, my words punctuated with kisses and nibbles to his neck and shoulder. He moaned softly, curling against me.

“I think… that’s a great idea.” I looked at him for a moment, wondering for the millionth time how I was so lucky. I pulled him close and kissed him deeply, winding my fingers in his hair. He moaned and ground his hips against me; part of me wanted to savor the moment, but we were taking a risk. And to be honest, there was something irresistible about his eagerness, something reassuring about seeing the same desire I felt on open display.

“Tay..” 

“Shh,” I murmured, kissing and nipping at his neck. I was teasing him, pushing him. I wanted to make him need me as bad as I needed him.

“I can’t help it,” he whispered, his hips bucking.

“You’re just going to have to,” I whispered back, pressing harder. I nibbled on his lower lip, knowing how sensitive it was, loving the way it made him moan. I pulled the blanket over us more, undoing his pants and easing them down over his hips.

“Tay,” Zac sighed, shivering. “I knew you’d get me something good for Christmas.”

I slowly wrapped my hand around his length and began stroking, undoing my own jeans.

“You got something for me too, I hope?”

“Yup,” he replied with a smirk. “Got a big package with your name on it.”

I snorted, then immediately stifled it, trying to keep quiet.

“Shh,” Zac teased; I gave his hair a tug.

“Want your stocking stuffed?” I tried not to laugh, but Zac just grinned.

“You know I do, baby.”

I pulled him in for a hungry kiss. All joking aside, I still felt guilty about making him feel left out. Playing with Carrick was fun, but Zac was the one I really loved, the one I wanted to give everything to. I felt like I needed to prove myself to him, to make sure he knew how completely I belonged to him. 

“How are we… gonna…” I moaned in between kisses.

“What?”

“How are we going to do this?” I said, blushing. “Without waking Carrick?”

“What, you can’t be quiet?” He chuckled softly, and I tried to sneer at him. “We’ll just have to be quiet… and slow… and gentle…” he whispered, punctuating his words with kisses.

“Or,” I countered, “so fast and hard that we’re done before he has time to wake up…”

“That too,” he giggled. I pulled the blanket off suddenly, staring him down.

“Better get those pants off quick…”

Zac jumped up and wriggled out of his pants, then climbed back onto the couch. 

“God Zac…” I shoved my own jeans off, sitting back down in time for Zac to wrap his legs around me. I covered his neck in kisses, stroking him slowly, and raised two fingers to his lips. I watched as he sucked them into his mouth, and a shiver ran through me.

“Fuck, that’s hot…” I moaned. Zac grinned, dragging his teeth against my skin and making me shiver again.

“Come on, Tay…” He ran his teeth down the length of my fingers again, then pulled back. As soon as my hand was free I grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him roughly, sliding my slick fingers down his back to his ass. I felt him shiver against me as I pushed the first finger into him slowly. I bit down on his collarbone as I started to thrust; he cursed under his breath when I added a second finger. I moved at a teasing pace, loving the way he rolled his hips back against my hand and begged me for more. I bit his neck harder, curling my fingers and pushing faster.

“Not… fair…” he whimpered. “Telling me to be quiet… then doing that… Fuck.”

“What,” I asked, smiling innocently. “This?” I curled my fingers again, pushing deeper.

“Fuck, Taylor,” he hissed. I ignored his pleas, adding a third finger and curling and thrusting against him. I sped up, hitting the spot that made him cry out. When I couldn’t take it anymore I pulled my fingers out and grabbed his hips, lifting him and pulling him down onto my hard dick.

“Taylor,” he hissed. I stared up at him, his lusty grin; I was a little worried about hurting him at first, but I’d seen how he was with Carrick. I growled inwardly as I thought of his other boyfriend. Carrick was great and all, but he should’ve been the furthest thing from my mind.

“Fuck…” Zac lifted himself up, then dropped back down onto me. I gripped his hips harder, thrusting up to meet him. I pulled his face down to mine, kissing him deeply. He wrapped his arms around me as we found our rhythm. 

“God… Taylor. So good…” Zac moaned, shivering. He tried to be stealthy as he glanced over at Carrick and shivered; I followed his eyes and a chill ran through me too, although probably for a different reason.

“Yeah?” I drove into him harder, digging my nails into his hips.

“Yeah,” he agreed, nodding. “Love you so much.”

“Love you too. Love you _more_.” I sped up even more, pulling him down onto me with almost painful force.

“Shit… Taylor…”

“Quiet.” I locked eyes with him; there were a few times when we’d played around, one of us taking control, but I’d never been all that comfortable ordering him around. But something had sparked in me now, something competitive, almost possessive even. I stroked him in time with my thrusts, staring up at him.

“Can’t.. help it…” he whining, pouted.

“Try.” I smirked at him, twisting my wrist. His eyes slammed shut as he whimpered my name; I bit down on his neck, making him curse. The spark I’d felt was growing into a need, a need to… to claim him as mine. It almost scared me, but part of me liked it. I leaned up and caught Zac’s earlobe between my teeth.

“Who’s better?” I whispered, my voice sounding dark and unfamiliar.

“Tay… shut up and fuck me.”

I slowed my movements, sneering up at his pout. I pulled him off of me, pushing him to his feet and ignoring his surprised expression. I grabbed him by the back of the neck and shoved him against the couch, driving into him all at once.

“Taylor…”

“Shut up,” I hissed. Using his hair for leverage, I slammed into him. I heard him whimpering softly, saw him dig his nails into the couch. I angled my hips up, making him gasp as I hit his spot again and again. I pulled him upright, biting his ear again.

“Who. Is. Better,” I snarled again, biting his neck hard.

“You… fuck, Tay…”

“You sure about that?” I reached one hand around to stroke him fast as I drilled into him.

“Yes, Taylor…” Zac whimpered again. 

“Fuck, Zac,” I moaned against his neck. “God you feel so amazing. So good, baby.” I lifted one of Zac’s legs onto the couch, the change in angle allowing me to drill into him even deeper. “God, so close baby…”

“God, me too.”

“Gonna come for me baby?” I whispered in his ear, twisting my wrist.

“Yes…”

“Gonna fill you up baby… god you’re so fucking tight.” Not only was I not used to taking control, but I was never much of a dirty talker, either. That was _his_ department, not mine. maybe that was why I was doing it.

“Do it, Tay… fill me up…”

The fire in me was burning hotter and more fierce; I was on the edge, in more ways than one. 

“Shit… here it comes… babe…”

“Oh, fuck…”

“Zac!” I gasped for air, thrusting a couple more times before shooting into him. my hearing muffled and my vision blurred; as things began coming back into focus, I heard Zac moan, felt him cover my hand. I was shaking, kissing his neck gently as we collapsed to the couch. Whatever had been fueling me had died out, leaving me a trembling pathetic mess. It was Zac who wrapped his arms around me, pulling the blanket back over us.

I pulled him into my lap and stroked his hair as I came down off the high. 

“Taylor,” he said slowly, biting his lip.

“Love you, Zac,” I whispered. “So, so much.” I knew what he was going to say… I knew what he was going to ask. I knew because I was asking myself the same thing.

“Tay,” he said again, softly. “What the fuck was that?”

 

**Zac**

The question slipped out before I had to chance to even think about whether or not it was tactful to ask so soon. All I knew was that I had just seen a jealous side of Taylor that I didn’t think was possible, especially after witnessing this new, strange bond he and Carrick had developed. Yet he had just tried to fuck me straight through the couch because I wouldn’t go along with his questions about who was better. As if I could really even answer that? As if it mattered? 

“Umm,” he squeaked out, followed by a nervous laugh. “You mean us having sex?”

“You called me babe, Tay.”

Not meeting my eyes, he asked, “Do you… not like that?”

“You’ve never called me that before.” I didn’t think I needed to point out that _babe_ was what Carrick always called me, and had even before we were more than friends. 

“Just… felt right?” Taylor offered, a smile on his face that made him look more like he was going to puke than like he was genuinely happy.

“I’m sure it did,” I replied, not smiling at all. I watched his smile fall. “Tay… do you think I don’t know what just happened there?”

“W-what do you mean?” He asked, his eyes once again fluttering all over the room but not landing on me at all.

“I’ll admit, you’re kinda sexy when you’re jealous,” I replied. It was a little infuriating and worrisome too, but I had never claimed not to be turned on by things I shouldn’t be. 

“J-jealous?” He stuttered out, then swallowed hard.

“So what wasn’t why you asked me who was better?” I asked. “And then fucked me like that?”

Taylor’s lip trembled, and for a moment I wondered if he were actually going to cry. Maybe I was being too hard on him. If he really was jealous, that meant he was insecure… and I didn’t want him to feel that way at all.

“Tay,” I said softly. “If you’re jealous or upset or whatever, you can just tell me.”

He closed his eyes, and that was as good as if he had answered with words. I reached out and touched his cheek.

“I’m sorry, Tay.”

His eyes snapped open. “For what?”

“For… for making you feel that way,” I replied. “I love you, Taylor. So much.”

Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. “It’s not your fault, Zac. I know he’s… well, he’s not me.”

“One of you is plenty for me,” I replied, hoping to at least get a smile out of him. No such luck. “Tay… you’re just both so different, you know? I can’t even compare you.”

“I’m… I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have asked you that. I told you I wouldn’t make you choose, and now look at me…”

“Tay… Tay please don’t cry,” I replied, watching helplessly as the tears that had gathered began to fall.

“I don’t deserve you,” he said, looking away. “I never did.”

“Taylor,” I said sternly. “That’s not true. You are _amazing_ , Taylor. I just hate this this is hurting you, trying to make me happy.”

He shook his eyes. “I’m… I’ll be fine.”

Bracing myself for his reaction, because I knew he wouldn’t take my words in the spirit they were intended, I said, “Tay, if you can’t… or don’t wanna do this… please tell me.”

His eyes snapped back to me, full of fear just as I had worried. Of course he thought I was trying to tell him I wanted out, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. The truth was, I was learning that what I wanted, what would make me happy, wasn’t necessarily what would make him happy. He had tried to make that sacrifice, however misguided, for me… maybe it was my turn to make a sacrifice for him.

“If this is hurting you… then I’m not sure it’s worth it,” I finished, hoping he would understand… and also hoping that I was wrong and that we could still somehow make this work.

“No, Zac,” he replied, shaking his head. “I’ll be fine. Just… I just want you happy. You know that.”

“And I want you happy.”

Taylor blinked, and I tried not to be too hurt that he was surprised by my statement. “I… I am happy.”

“Really?” I asked. “‘Cause you just fucked the hell out of me because I wouldn’t tell you what you ought to already know.”

He blinked again, then blushed, guilt written across his face. His lip quivering, he said, “I… I’m sorry.”

“No,” I replied, pulling him close to me. “I’m sorry. I just… I just want _you_ to be happy, but you keep putting everyone else first and making it so damn difficult.”

The tiniest hint of a smile crossed his face, and I finally felt like I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. 

“Will you please just tell me when you’re upset, Tay?”

He took a shaky breath, then replied, “I’ll try.”

“So then I can try to fix it before you get to the point of bending me over our parents’ couch?” I smirked, and to my relief, so did Tay. “Not that that wasn’t hot as hell.”

“It’s just…” He sighed softly. “It’s always you and me and Carrick… and that’s okay, just…”

“Just what, Tay?” I asked as he trailed off and bit his lip, like he was trying to bite back the words threatening to fall from his mouth.

“Sometimes I feel like it’s all ‘you and me and Carrick’ and… not so much of the… ‘you and me.’” He gave me another sad smile as he spoke.

“I’m so sorry, Tay.” I looked down, because I knew he was right, but I had thought that was the way to make it work. If they were happy together, too, then it wouldn’t feel like a competition for my affection. But I had forgotten that there were two--three now--different one-on-one relationships happening here as well. “It’s… this is all so weird, you know? Getting used to the three of us… but you’re right, and I’ll fix that. More us. I promise.”

“Thank you.” Taylor touched my cheek and smiled softly. Blushing a little, he added, “That actually reminds me… you want your present now?”

“Yes.” I smiled. “Yes I do.”

“Okay,” he replied, grinning. “Why don’t you go find it under the three, and I’ll get us some juice.”

“You just wanna see me crawling around again.”

Taylor smirked. “Maybe.”

“Fine,” I huffed, but I really wasn’t upset. 

As I slid off the couch and into the floor, Taylor took the opportunity to smack my ass. He had pulled his shirt over his head and headed out of the room before I could comment on that. It only took me a moment to locate our presents, since they were the last ones added to the pile. As I wiggled out from under the tree, I heard a low whistle, and I had no doubts about its origin.

I glanced over my shoulder at Carrick, and sure enough, his eyes were open. “How long have you been watching me?”

“Long enough, _babe_.”

The emphasis he placed on the last word made my stomach drop, and I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. “You… you were awake the whole damn time, weren’t you?”

“Hell of a way to wake up,” he replied, a grin on his face that didn’t reveal anything about his real thoughts.

“Yeah,” I replied, crawling back onto the couch, “something like that.”

Before we could discuss things further, Tay walked back into the room, carrying three glasses and a carton of orange juice. “Thought I heard Zac talking to someone… other than himself…”

“You never know with me.” I chuckled.

Taylor poured a glass and handed it to Carrick, then turned back to me. “Oh, just give him his gift already.”

“Okay, okay,” I replied, plucking one of the smallest boxes from the pile in the floor in front of me and handing it to Carrick. 

Carrick’s eyes lit up as he tore into the package, and I could only hope he wasn’t disappointed in what was really a pretty unoriginal gift for a stoner like him. 

“You like it?” I asked.

He held up the blown glass pipe, the light catching on the glittery swirls running through it. The whole thing was in shades of blue, which was more my favorite color than his, but it reminded me of his eyes. “Thanks, babe, I love it.”

“I mean, I know you’ve already got a bunch…” I began, the sentence interrupted when Carrick leaned over to kiss me. “But this one reminded me of you.”

He smiled. “Thank you. Really.”

“You’re welcome,” I replied, glad that he’d stopped me before I started rambling about how it contained the exact shade of his eyes. 

“We’re breaking in this babe tonight,” he said.

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

Taylor cleared his throat, effectively directing my attention back to him.

“You want your present now, too?” I asked, smirking. “My boys are so needy.”

He just smiled and blushed, and I handed him a package that was totally obvious about what it contained, being the exact size and shape of a canvas. The painting was of a piano with a pair of hands dancing across the keys. I had spent weeks painting it from memory, just to stubbornly prove to myself that I could. I was pretty sure I hadn’t gotten the freckles in exactly the right spots, but the tears welling up in Tay’s eyes said that he still recognized himself. 

“Zac… this is…” He gasped out.

“I could have worked on it a little more…”

Taylor shook his head. “No, this is… it’s perfect.”

“Yeah?” I asked, then wrapped my arms around Tay, who was still blinking back tears. “Such a sap.”

“Thank you, baby,” he said softly. He gave me a quick kiss, then pulled back and wiped his eyes again.

“You’re welcome,” I said. Quietly, I added, “Love you… so much.”

“I love you, too.”

“Okay, Zac,” Carrick said, interrupting our moment to press a box into my hands. “Here.”

I tore into the paper and soon revealed a Lego set. Of course. But it wasn’t just any Lego set. I had looked into ordering custom ones before, but never done it. Now I was holding in my hand three Legos that looked suspiciously like the three of us.

“Carrick!” I squealed. “You didn’t. Tay, look! It’s us.”

Taylor leaned in closer. “Wow, very cool.”

“And for you…” Carrick said, handing Taylor a slim package. I watched curiously as he unwrapped it and revealed a handful of sheet music signed by Billy Joel.

“Whoa,” Taylor said, his eyes wide. “Thanks.”

Carrick leaned across me to give Taylor a kiss, and to my surprise Taylor not only didn’t pull back, but planted a hand on the back of Carrick’s neck and kissed him deeply. I was pretty sure I saw Tay’s eyes flicker to me as he did it, too.

“Easy, tiger,” Carrick said, pulling back.

Taylor blushed and leaned over to grab his present for Carrick. “Here.”

I watched as Carrick opened it; Tay had bought it all on his own, so I had no clue what to expect. Once the wrapping was removed, I saw that he’d found a book on some obscure artist Carrick loved. I wouldn’t have even recognized the name if Carrick hadn’t mentioned her to me a few times, so it meant a lot that Taylor had remembered. 

“Thanks!” Carrick exclaimed, giving Taylor another quick peck.

Maybe this thing between the three of us could work. Maybe it had only been a temporary moment of jealousy earlier.

Tay sighed heavily, his smile falling just a bit and no longer reaching his eyes. “Well, only one left…”

My eyes widened as Taylor handed me a small box that I hadn’t even noticed amongst the pile. It was a pretty recognizable size and shape, but surely… surely not. I opened it slowly, my eyes not leaving Taylor until I had lifted the lid off the box.

Inside the small box was a silver ring with a pair of hands holding a heart; I had seen the design before but couldn’t remember what it was called. I knew it was a pretty common sort of engagement ring, but surely Tay couldn’t have intended that meaning for it. Could he? When the idea of marriage had been such a bone of contention between us a few months ago, it surprised me that Taylor was willing to bring it up again. But he knew now that I wanted to be with him forever, didn’t he? He ought to have.

“Tay,” I breathed out. “I love it.”

“You… you do?” He asked. Maybe he wasn’t as certain as I thought.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

He smiled shyly, his face turning bright red. “It’s on a chain, so you can wear it all the time, but…”

But it would remain hidden, he meant. I could tuck it under my shirt or one of the crosses I wore more out of habit than anything else these days. 

Taylor took it out of the box and slid it off the chain. I felt myself trembling a little as he took my hand in his and slid to the floor in front of me. If I thought I was shaking, it was nothing compared to what were practically convulsions tearing through Taylor’s body. He closed his eyes, no doubt to try to steady himself.

“Tay… baby…” I breathed out.

“Zac,” he said softly, then swallowed hard. “I know we… we can’t, not really… b-but... “

I nodded, hoping to spare him from having to keep talking. Was he really so afraid that I would reject him? “Yeah…?”

‘If I c-could… I would…” He shuttered out.

“I know, baby,” I replied. And I hoped he knew that I would too, but his nervousness said otherwise.

“And so I… I’m asking…” Taylor finally looked up at me, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes, and I gave him what I hoped was an encouraging nod and smile.”Would you… m-marry me?”

“Of course,” I said simply. What else could I say? 

A tear fell from Taylor’s eye, and I was pretty sure I heard _Carrick_ sniffle. I even teared up a little as Taylor slid the ring into my finger and leaned down to kiss it. He finally raised his head and looked at me again. I looked at the ring, then at him, a smile on my face so wide that it was actually starting to hurt. Tay slid back onto the couch, practically crawling into my lap.

“I love you... so… I can’t…” He mumbled, taking my face into his hands and crushing his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms tightly around him as I kissed him back, hoping to assure him both that his fears from earlier were unfounded and that I absolutely would marry him if I could.

He finally pulled back and let out a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. He pressed his forehead to mine, and I didn’t even try to hide the tears that broke free and fell down my cheeks. 

“Love you so much, Tay,” I said. Tay wiped my tears away and kissed my eyelids softly. “Best Christmas ever.”

Tay kissed the tip of my nose, and I giggled. He seemed to take that as permission to _lick_ my nose, and let out one of his little mewling noises. I only giggled more, and behind me, I heard Carrick snort.

“And here I thought I was the pet…” Carrick remarked.

“Oh, you totally still are,” I replied distractedly, watching Taylor examine the ring on my hand with something like awe on his face.

And then… Carrick panted. Like a dog.

My head whipped around to stare at him. “Really? Right now?”

He just winked. I shook my head and turned back to Taylor.

“You really like it?” Tay asked, my hand still in his. 

“I love it, Tay,” I replied. “Really.”

He twisted the ring around a bit. “I’m glad it fits.”

“Fits perfectly,” I replied. I didn’t add my next thought-- _just like us_ \--but I think he knew. He just lifted my hand and kissed it again.

“So, I take it Tay wins this one?” Carrick asked.

“Sorry, baby,” I replied, chuckling. “Tay definitely wins.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Carrick**

I’ve always been known as a pretty laid back guy, easy-going, terminally chill, even. Nothing gets me flustered, nothing gets under my skin. It’s mostly true; I try to go with the flow, because what good is stress? All it does is get in the way. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think, and it doesn’t mean I don’t care. For the past couple days, I’d been thinking about what happened Christmas morning. 

Everything Zac and Tay said was running on a loop in my head. No one could argue this was a weird situation, like balancing on a three-person see-saw. Was I throwing things off-balance? I just wanted Zac to be happy; if sticking around was getting in the way of that… You know what they say about when you love something. I’d always put his needs first, and always would. Still, a part of me wanted to be just a little selfish, just this once, and not let him go.

“Hey, want to take a break from the game?” Zac walked into the living room carrying a couple sandwiches; I smiled and paused my game.

“Sure thing, babe. What’s on the menu today, chef?” I gave him a smirk as I took my plate and scooted over to give him room.

“Just ham and cheese. Best I could do.”

“My favorite.” I took a bite and watched him; he was being quiet, chewing slowly. He was putting on his best ‘normal’ face, which was usually reserved for bad news. “So what’s up?”

“Who says anything’s up?” He answered immediately.

“No one… but you look like something’s on your mind.” I waited a beat, and sure enough he let out a sigh.

“Yeah… Well it’s just, you know, what happened Christmas morning…”

“Yeah… I was thinking about that.”

“You overheard all of it, huh?”

I nodded, watching his expression fall. I almost wished I could play dumb, or tell him it was fine, or whatever he wanted to hear. But it was time to deal with it, one way or another.

“T-the sex, and… when we were talking afterward, too?”

“Yeah. Did you want to talk about it?” I placed a hand on his knee, not sure which of us I was trying to comfort.

“It’s just… I had no idea Taylor felt that jealous or left out or whatever. I should have known, but I didn’t.”

“I feel bad too,” I said with a slight frown. “I’m sorry, Zac. I really am.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I guess…” I shrugged, but I still felt at least partly responsible. Not just for that morning, but for the whole mess we were in.

“And I… I don’t want to end this triad thing,” Zac went on, softly. “I really don’t.”

“Neither do I.”

“If it would make Taylor happy…” He sighed, but didn’t finish the thought. Not that he needed to. “But it wouldn’t make me happy.”

“Look, I was thinking.” I took a breath; Zac looked up at me, his eyes wide with worry. “I’m gonna go visit some friends for a few days. Give you guys some space.”

“Just for a few days?” He asked, and I could’ve kissed him for it. For better or worse, he still wanted me here, and I was just too damn weak to say no.

“I’ll be back for New Year’s, don’t worry,” I answered with a smile.

“Okay. You had me worried there.”

“I just think you guys need some time.” I watched him process the words; after a minute he nodded.

“That might help, yeah. I’ll miss you, though.”

I smiled again and reached out to touch his cheek. How’d I get so lucky, goofy lanky nerd that I was, to have someone like him care about me so much?

“You know I’ll miss you too. But you need this. And maybe…” I took a deep breath and let my hand fall back to my lap. “Maybe you guys should talk.”

“I was actually kinda planning that. I was gonna surprise him tonight, cook him dinner and everything. I mean, I’m not trying to win him over with food, but I figure it couldn’t hurt. The way to a man’s heart and all,” he finished with a smirk.

“Zac… seriously. If you decide that this… isn’t working… I just want you to know, I’m still going to be your friend. No matter what.”

“I know,” Zac moped. “I just really want to figure out how to make this work. I thought it was going well. You and Tay were getting closer… It really does make me happy to see you two together like that.”

“Yeah?” I raised an eyebrow; I’d been curious why he got such a kick out of it.

“Yeah… I thought maybe if you guys were getting closer like that, it would make this work better, you know? That way I’m not just in the middle.”

I nodded; I could see the logic behind what he was saying. There was just one problem.

“Well the thing is, you guys come first in each other’s hearts. You guys are the real deal, true love… soul mates, even.”

“Yeah… I guess we are,” Zac agreed with a weak smile. “But t-that doesn’t mean I don’t…” he paused, and I could see his eyes misting a bit. “Love you so much,” he continued, quietly. “So fucking much.”

“I know, babe.” I had to swallow past the growing lump in my throat. “But if you had to choose, not that either one of us would ever make you, but if you had to… I know it wouldn’t be me. And I’m okay with that.”

 

“Are you really okay with it though?” he asked. Again, the tiny selfish part of me wanted to answer ‘fuck no, I want you to be mine and I want to be yours’ but I shoved him back down where he belonged. Zac pouted. “I just want you both to be happy…” 

“I know you do. You know me Zac.” I gave him my patented smirk, but it didn’t come as easily as usual. “I’m always happy.”

“Yeah… We’ll make this work. I’ll find a way.”

“Okay. But if you don’t… don’t feel too bad, okay? Some things just aren’t meant to be.”

“But I’m so good at beating myself up,” Zac sighed; I threw an arm around him and pulled him close.

“That’s my job,” I whispered, biting his ear. He giggled, but then pulled back, his expression serious.

“But you know how stubborn I am. I’m gonna make this work. I’m gonna make both my boys happy.”

I smiled, and ran a hand through his hair. He was so good, so selfless; again I wondered what I’d done right. I leaned closer to kiss him.

“I know,” I whispered against his lips. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

 

**Zac**

Sometimes I wondered if Carrick really does everything on a whim, at the last second, or if he planned it all out in his mind in secret before letting anyone else in on the plan. It was probably the latter, but it still took me by surprise every time he let me in on one of his plans mere hours before executing it. In this case, the plan involved me driving him to the airport before I picked up the last few things I needed to surprise Taylor with a romantic dinner.

What I had planned to cook wasn’t too difficult; I had watched both Kate (who usually cooked from a box) and Taylor make chicken fettuccine, so I was pretty sure I could manage it. To go with it, I had a salad and some wine that the clerk assured me would be perfect. I think he was flirting with me a little, but he was cute, so I didn’t really mind. It all came together pretty quickly and easily, and I was just lighting a few candles to set the mood when I heard Taylor walking in from the garage.

“Zac?” he asked, peering around the corner.

“Yeah?”

He stepped fully into the room, surveyed it, and smiled. “What is all this?”

“Dinner?” I suggested.

Taylor laughed lightly. “I can see that.”

“I thought…” I began, trying to find the right words. “I thought you and me needed some time alone…”

Taylor just walked over and wrapped his arms around me, a small smile on his lips. That made me think that maybe I had done something right.

“So, it’s just you and me tonight,” I continued. “Well, for a few days, actually.”

“Oh?” Taylor asked, his eyes growing wide.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Carrick, umm, decided to go back to Cali for a while. Just for a few days.”

“I see.” Taylor nodded. “So just us, huh?”

“Yup,” I replied. With a sheepish smile, I added, “Just us and my cooking.”

“Hmm, thought I smelled something…” Taylor commented, and I was relieved that he didn’t say he smelled something _bad_. Normally I wouldn’t mind his teasing, because I knew I really was a horrible cook, but right then I was so nervous about getting everything right that I didn’t think I could handle even a little good natured ribbing.

“I made chicken fettuccine,” I admitted, feeling my face heating up.

“My favorite!” Taylor practically squealed and planted a wet kiss on my lips.

“I can’t guarantee it’s edible, but the wine is pretty good.”

Taylor just smiled. “This is really nice, Zac. Thank you.”

“I just wanted to do something special for you…”

He reached out to touch my cheek. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” I replied, grinning a little. “Besides, you cook for me all the time. You deserved a break.”

“Well, thank you,” Taylor said, laughing a little, but I could tell it was with me, rather than at me.

He took a seat at the table and watched me curiously while I poured our wine and served him first before taking my own seat. Once I’d sat down, I let out a nervous laugh. “Hopefully it won’t make us both violently ill.”

“I think I’ll survive,” Taylor replied, laughing. 

He would indulge my jokes, but he would never complain even if the meal really was that bad, I knew. Sometimes I wished he would tell me how he really felt about things, especially things that bothered him. Then we wouldn’t get into situations like Christmas morning, when all his feelings bubble up to the surface until he can’t hold them in. This dinner was a bit of a peace offering, and also, I hoped, an opportunity for us to get a new start. 

We ate in silence for a moment before either of us spoke again. The first to break the silence was Taylor, who let out a groan as his eyes fluttered shut. “God, Zac. This is excellent.”

“Yeah?” I asked, almost in disbelief. It was good enough for me, but Taylor was the chef of the family; I knew his tastes were more discerning. 

Taylor nodded and smiled at me, something like pride on his face.

“You’re gonna make me cook more often now, aren’t you?”

He just smirked and nodded.

I chuckled. “I think I can live with that.”

Taylor just smiled at me again and sipped his wine. Neither of us said anything else until we were finished, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. 

“Wow, Zac,” Taylor said as he pushed his chair back. “That was amazing.”

I swallowed the last of my wine, blushing a little. “Well, you deserved it.”

It was Tay’s turn to blush then.

“Seriously,” I said. “I wanted us to have a nice night together. I wanted to do something special for you.”

Taylor bit his lip, probably considering the reason why I felt like I owed him something special, then finally said softly, “Thank you.”

He stared at me for a moment, his eyes drifting lower to the hand that held my wine glass. I had taken the ring he gave me--a Claddagh, it was called, according to Wikipedia--off its chain and put it on my finger for the occasion. When that dawned on Taylor, he smiled, and I smiled back briefly.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “For making you feel left out and everything.”

“No, Zac,” Taylor replied, his own smile falling. “Don’t apologize, please. I know you didn’t mean to. I’m sorry for putting you in an awkward position like that. I promised I wouldn’t make you choose.”

“But you can’t help it if you feel left out or jealous, though. That’s kinda natural.”

Taylor just shrugged and sipped his wine, not meeting my eyes.

“Tay,” I said. “I just want you to be happy. You know that, right?”

He finally glanced up. “I know. And I want you to be happy.”

“But I want… _us_ to be happy. All of us. And I know I need to… I dunno, be better or whatever.” The sentence got away from me a bit, and I knew it wasn’t eloquent at all, but I hoped Taylor understood what I meant.

He pouted. “No. You… you’re fine.”

“But I’m like… in the middle of you two, you know? And there’s really only so much of me to go around.” 

Tay gave me a tiny smile. “We’ll make it work, Zac. I’ll make it work. For you.”

“Don’t you dare just tell me you’re happy because you think it’s what I want to hear, okay?” The words were threatening, but I doubted the pout on my face was.

“I… I wasn’t…” Taylor stuttered out, his eyes wide.

“I know,” I said, and I believed him. Right then, at least, he was happy. “I’m just saying; don’t do it. I want to know if you’re upset, and preferably before I end up bent over a couch again.”

Taylor rolled his eyes, but smiled--guiltily. “So… you didn’t enjoy that?”

“I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer,” I replied, rolling my own eyes. Taylor just giggled. “But seriously, Tay. I want you to be happy. And I want you to be _really_ happy, not just telling me that you are.”

“Okay.” Taylor nodded. “Maybe… maybe we can have some time for just us every now and then? Like, a date night, kind of?”

“I think that’s a great idea,” I replied. With a grin, I added, “And I can practice my cooking.”

Tay smiled and nodded again. “I think that would help.”

“The practice?” I asked, smirking.

He shook his head. “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” I replied. “I do.”

“I love you so much, Zac.”

“Love you too, Taylor.”

He stood up, plucking my hand from my wine glass and twining our fingers together. 

“Going somewhere?” I asked, smiling up at him.

He returned my smile. “I think I need to make up for Christmas morning.”

“With more sex?” I asked. “Sounds good to me.”

Tay just laughed and yanked me out of my chair. Once I was on my feet in front of him, he pulled me against him and crushed our lips together. I tangled my fingers in his hair and deepened the kiss, swirling my tongue around his and tasting the sweetness of the wine on it.

A moment later, Tay sighed and pulled back. “Upstairs?”

“Definitely,” I replied. Grabbing the wine, our glasses and a few of the candles, I motioned to the stairs. “After you.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Taylor**

I led the way to our bedroom, making a mental note to thank Carrick when he got back. He was getting the short end of the stick in this relationship, and I felt bad, but it meant a lot that he was willing to sacrifice his own happiness for Zac’s. And for mine, I supposed. 

I watched as Zac set the candles around our room and the wine on our nightstand. “Such a romantic.”

“I try,” he said, his cheeks turning pink. I took a step closer and touched his face gently.

“You succeed.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I whispered, before pressing my lips to his. We kissed slowly, his hands running up and down my back. There was an underlying passion, but for now we were content just enjoying the moment. I lay down on the bed, pulling him with me.

“I love you so much, Zac.”

“I love you too, Tay. So much.”

I pulled him down to me, kissing his neck, earning a soft moan as I ran my fingers through his hair.

“Make love to me,” I whispered in his ear. 

“You don’t have to ask me twice,” he replied, grinning. The look in his eyes told me he’d understood my choice of words. I shivered and kissed him again, deeper, letting my need come through the sentiment. 

Hands wandered as we kissed, pulling at shirts until we lay bare-chested against each other. Zac stared up at me with a primal gleam as he kissed and nipped a trail down my body, pausing at my hips. He grinned up at me, teeth teasing my skin, and his name was all I could manage before he continued to strip me. I buried my fingers in his hair as he licked me slowly from base to tip, holding my gaze the whole time. 

My eyes rolled back as he took me all in. I arched my back, cursing under my breath as he started to bob his head. So much for slow and romantic, I thought with a mental chuckle as my hips rose off the bed to meet his mouth. I felt him slide one hand underneath me, and gasped when he pressed a finger against my opening.

“Z-zac… please…” I whimpered. He didn’t make me wait, keeping his eyes on mine as he slid his finger into me slowly. I whimpered, shaking a little; it’d been awhile since we’d done this.

“You okay, baby?”

“Yes… good…” 

“Good.”

With that he began thrusting slowly, carefully; it didn’t take long for the pleasure to build, and soon I was moaning louder, rocking my hips. Zac held me down with his free hand, speeding up; I tried to keep still, moaning his name.

“Zac… more…”

“Okay, baby.” He pulled back a little, then added a second finger. I groaned and cursed as I pushed my hips against his hand, gripping his hair tightly. “Feels good?”

“Uh huh…” I was panting as I stared up at him, silently begging for more.

“What do you want, baby?” He asked, his hand not stopping.

“Please, Zac… I need you…”

“Okay,” he answered with a smile. Quickly he pulled back and kicked off his jeans and boxers, then laid down on top of me. “Love you, Tay.”

“God, Zac… I love you so much… so much…” I buried my face in his neck, kissing him; I couldn’t get enough. I felt him pulling my legs apart, lining himself up, his tip pressing against me.

“You ready, baby?”

“Yes… I love you… please…”

“Love you too.” And with that he thrust fully into me. 

I could feel him shaking as I wrapped my arms around him tightly; my eyes watered, both from the sensation of being suddenly filled, and the emotions washing over me. He kissed my tears away, then slowly, gently, began to move his hips. I captured his mouth with mine and kissed him deeply as he built up his pace. I took his left hand in mine, raised it to my lips, and kissed the ring on his finger, all the while holding his eyes.

“Tay… love you…”

“Love you more,” I breathed, placing a hand over his heart.

“Nope,” he replied, shaking his head. “Love you more.”

“Nuh-uh,” I teased, smirking.

“Do too,” he moaned, thrusting harder. 

“Do not,” I panted, rolling my hips. Back and forth we went, upping the ante each time, growling, biting, thrusting, moaning. I dragged my nails down his back, squeezing his ass and loving the way he gasped and moaned. I reached back, teasing him with my fingers, and nibbled his ear.

“Tay,” he whimpered.

“Love you more,” I whispered in his ear as I slid a finger inside him. 

“Nope.” He shook his head, panting as I thrust into him at the same pace he was using on me.

“Yes,” I insisted, adding a second finger.

“No,” he replied, more whimper than word. I rolled to my side, flipping us over; he whimpered again, shivering. I pulled myself off of him and positioned myself between his legs, sliding in without hesitation.

“Fuck! God, Tay…”

I leaned over him, kissing him deeply. He ran his nails up and down my back, digging them into my ass and pulling me closer. If he wanted more, I was more than willing to oblige; I lifted his legs and angled him back, hitting him right where I knew he loved it most. He cursed and growled, staring up at me with wide, hungry eyes. 

I placed a hand on his chest, over his heart. “Love you more.”

“Tay…” 

I trailed my hand down his chest, over his stomach, wrapping it around him; he moaned and whimpered as I twisted my wrist, matching my pace. I leaned down to kiss him; he moaned against my mouth, running his hands through my hair. I kissed him until I couldn’t breathe, then leaned my forehead against him, staring into his eyes so intently I swore I could see his soul.

“Come for me, love,” I whispered.

“I’m gonna…”

“I know… me too…” I sped up, our hips crashing almost painfully. “Zac,” I moaned, shuddering as I felt my climax hit. Zac cried out, reaching his own end. We stared each other down as we shared each ragged breath, beads of sweat rolling from temple to jaw. Slowly the world came back into focus, and we collapsed to the bed.

“I… win…” I panted, smirking. Beside me, Zac chuckled.

“I guess you do… this time.”

I looked over at him, so painfully beautiful in the candlelight, cheeks flushed, hair damp, lips swollen. I leaned close, flicking my tongue out at the tip of his nose.

“Mrew,” I said softly, smirking. 

Slowly, Zac smiled and shook his head. “You… are a weirdo. And I love you.”

“I love you too,” I sighed, pulling out and settling next to him.

“So, good night?” 

“Yes.” I smiled, and touched his cheek.

“I’m glad.”

I took his hand in mine, running my fingertips over his ring, and felt a tinge of sadness. It made me happier than anything in the world to see that silver band, but I wished it carried the meaning it was meant to.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I replied, shaking my head, but of course he didn’t buy it.

“Taylor. Talk.”

“Same old stuff,” I sighed. “I wish we could…” I looked up at him, still touching the ring. “You know.”

“I know baby. me too.” 

“And… and you really would?” I bit my lip; I knew what he would say, but hearing it out loud made it more real somehow. He stared at me intently, and I could feel the love in his gaze.

“Yes, I would.” He pulled me close and I smiled, snuggling up to him. It still hurt that we couldn’t really get married, couldn’t profess our love before friends and family. But knowing that he would if we could, it made it a little easier.

“This is nice… just the two of us.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, nodding.

“It’s weird though,” I added, smirking. “I’ve gotten so used to having Carrick with us.”

“Yeah… it’s definitely a lot quieter without him here.”

“I’ll say,” I laughed. Carrick was great to have around, but he definitely upped the overall energy, and volume, of the household.

“He’s... something else, isn’t he?” Zac chuckled, and I snorted in amused agreement. I thought about it, though, about him, and smiled.

“Yeah… he is.”

“I really do like that you two are getting along better, though,” Zac said with a contented sigh. I nodded, but then turned to him. 

“You know you come first though, right?” I asked.

“I know.”

“Good,” I said, nodding. This… relationship between the three of us was complicated to say the least, but I wanted to be sure Zac knew who my heart truly belonged to.

“It’s kinda weird though, seeing you guys together. But it... it kinda makes me happy, too.”

“I’m glad,” I said, smiling. “I… I like him.” I felt my cheeks heating up, and Zac giggled.

“Aw, does Tay have a crush?” He teased; I blushed harder, giving him a shove. “You totally do!”

“Nuh-uh,” I replied, rolling my eyes, but he kept at it, giggling when I stuck my tongue out at him.

“Yes you do. Taylor… you can tell me.”

“Maybe… a little…” I admitted with a guilty smirk.

“I think he likes you too,” Zac said, grinning. 

I smirked, then mock-gasped. “You think so? Really? Does he ever talk about me?”

“He may have mentioned you… once or twice…” 

“Oh yeah?” I giggled, trying to hide how genuinely curious I was. “What’d he say?”

“He said you were…” Zac made a show of looking around, then lowering his voice to a whisper. “...Sexy.”

“He did not!” I gasped.

“He totally did!”

“Totally?” We fell into a fit of giggles, but I stopped suddenly.

“What?” Zac asked, tilting his head at me.

“Um… I think I’m a little too good at that,” I admitted with a nervous laugh.

“I’m just as bad though. Let’s face it, Tay. We’re girls.”

“Are not,” I spat, then realized how girly my response sounded. I cleared my throat and tried again. “No,” I said in my best ‘manly’ voice. “No we are not. We’re men, damn it!”

“Right,” Zac agreed, nodding and puffing out his chest. “Manly men,” he went on, and I had to stifle my laugh. “Manly men who have lots of sex with other men.” He couldn’t get through it without breaking into laughter again.

“So wait,” I said after taking a minute to calm down. “Did he really say that?” I bit my lip, knowing full well how much I probably resembled a giddy fangirl.

“Yup, he really did. You’ve got it bad for him,” Zac added, giggling.

“I’ve got it worse for you.”

“Well, be that as it may… it’s really cute.”

I smiled, and licked the tip of Zac’s nose. I still didn’t fully understand why he wanted his two boyfriends to hook up, but if it made him happy, that was enough reason for me.

“Seriously, though,” he went on. “I want you guys to… get along. And to… like each other. I think that will help, too. Help us make this work.”

“I think so too,” I agreed with a smile.

“Good. Not to mention…” He paused, and smirked. “You guys are fucking hot together.”

“Maybe the three of us should make a porno,” I joked, biting my lip.

“I bet we could make a ton of money,” he laughed.

“The fans.. oh god…”

“They would love it, and you know it,” he giggled. “We should at least make one for, um… our own usage…”

“You think?” I bit my lip, thinking. The idea was definitely an exciting one.

“Yeah. That would be hot as hell. Well, at least you and Carrick; not so much my fat ass.”

“Hey!” I playfully smacked him, but he should’ve known better.

“I’m just saying, you’re both way better looking than me.”

“Zac,” I warned him, and he sighed.

“Okay, okay.” He got quiet for a moment, looking lost in thought.

“What’s up?”

“Just… thinking…” He smirked, his eyes taking on an evil gleam.

“Tell me!” I prodded, poking him.

“Well… I was just thinking how…” He lowered his voice, but I could still make out his words. “Someone really needs to top the hell out of Carrick.”

“What was that?” I teased, smirking.

“You heard me.”

“I did.” I smiled, leaning close. “And I think you’re right.”

 

**Zac**

Maybe we’d had too much wine, too much sex or both, but Taylor and I were both acting ridiculous. Still, I couldn’t resist the urge to play along and carry out this fantasy about Carrick to its logical conclusion.

“Well…” I said, drawing the word out. “What if two someones topped him?”

“Oh.” Tay’s eyes widened, and for a moment, I wondered if he was only being silly and wasn’t going to keep playing along. “Oh my.”

“I don’t hear an objection,” I remarked, smirking.

“No,” Tay breathed out. “No you don’t.”

“We could… give him a dose of his own medicine, you know?”

Tay giggled. “Maybe wipe that smug grin off his face for once?”

“Exactly,” I replied. Giggling myself, I added, “You know… we’re always saying he’s our pet…”

“Uh huh…” Tay replied, and I hoped he would follow my train of thought without me having to say it. We might have played at something resembling BDSM, but surely there was a line somewhere that I shouldn’t cross.

“Well…” I said, when it was obvious that Tay was going to make me say it. “Let’s really make him our pet.”

“Oh?” Tay tilted his head to the side, and I could practically see and hear the wheels turning until realization finally hit him. “ _Oh._.”

“I mean, it doesn’t have to be like… that weird…” I backpedaled, then mumbled, “But… it could be hot?”

“Yeah,” Tay breathed out, his agreement surprising me. “What did you have in mind?”

I shrugged. “Hadn’t given it that much thought. The idea kinda just came to me.”

“Hmm,” he replied, smirking a little. “Well, you’ve gotten me interested.”

I was surprised at how readily Taylor seemed to accept my perverted idea. Was he just playing along? He didn’t _really_ want to do this, did he? If I kept talking, surely I would eventually find his limit. 

“Well,” I said, still considering my options and wondering how far I could go before Tay balked. “I mean, we’re gonna need some… restraints or something. We could just tie him up and make him watch.”

Tay snorted, then looked a bit thoughtful. “Umm… Zac?”

“Yes?”

“When you said… make him our pet…”

And there it was. Taylor was going to call my bluff. “Y-yeah?”

“I mean… well… how far did you want to take that?”

“Umm,” I squeaked out. “I dunno… how far would you be willing to take it?”

Tay smirked. “I asked you first.”

“Well,” I said, deciding to just go for it. I couldn’t get much sicker than being in love with my brother, after all. Did he have room to judge anything that turned me on? “I may have googled some stuff…”

“Oh yeah?” Tay asked, and I nodded. “Such as?”

I blushed. “Umm… apparently there are people who like… roleplay as puppies and stuff.”

“Puppy play?” Tay asked, his eyes wide.

“Y-you… you’ve heard of it?” I wasn’t sure why that surprised me. Taylor had proven himself more experienced, more knowledgeable than me dozens of times. Apparently he was just as depraved, too.

He blushed and mumbled, “You find stuff online…”

“Yeah, I bet _you_ do,” I replied, nudging him. “Just how kinky are you, Tay?”

Tay shrugged. “My limits… umm, I’ll let you know when I find ‘em?”

“Same to you.” I chuckled. I didn’t know why I had been so worried what he would think of me. To others he might have seemed reserved, even prudish at times, but I knew the truth. After a moment, I added, “And I’m pretty sure Carrick just doesn’t have any.”

Taylor snorted his agreement. He might have been laughing along with me, but Taylor’s refusal to name any sort of limits made me wonder. Was this really all a joke to him? Would he really go along with my plan--which I was realizing was a real plan and not just a joke--to try something new on Carrick? There was only one way to find out, I supposed.

“So, umm,” I said, clearing my throat. “I may or may not exactly tell him this is gonna happen. Surprises are fun, right?”

Taylor chuckled. “Does this mean we’ll be doing some shopping tomorrow?”

“I’ve already got a few websites bookmarked,” I admitted.

Tay mumbled my name and shook his head. I gave him a questioning look and he finally asked, “You’ve really let loose, huh?”

“I guess so,” I replied.

He leaned in closer and let his teeth graze my ear. “I think I like it.”

“Yeah?” I asked, already knowing the answer but hoping to get even more of a reaction out of him.

“Yeah,” he echoed, his mouth now on my throat, teeth sinking into my flesh. 

I moaned loudly, before finally managing to reply, “Good.”

Tay tangled his hands in my hair as he continued his assault on my neck.

“Mmm, apparently you _really_ like it…” I gasped out.

“Mhm,” Tay said, then finally pulled back and gave me a more serious look. “So, you’ve thought about this?”

I felt my face heating up under his stare. “A little bit.”

“Hmm, how much is a little?”

I shrugged, my face feeling like it was going to actually sprout flames at any second.

“Well, what did you learn?” Tay asked. “Like, how much do you know about it?”

“Not that much,” I admitted. “I mean, I was mostly just reading about like… BDSM stuff… and then I found _that_. Kinda took me by surprise. And then, you know, it reminded me of us saying that about Carrick...”

“Yeah,” Taylor agreed, the word coming out as a little snort of laughter.

“And uh… it sounded kinda hot,” I admitted. 

Rather than replying with words, Taylor nodded his agreement, then leaned in and ran his tongue up the side of my neck.

“So umm… you’re… into doing this?” I asked, although the soft purr coming from Taylor suggested that he definitely was.

“Mmm, I think so, yeah.”

“Good,” I replied. “Carrick’s going to be very surprised…”

Tay chuckled. “I’d say so.”

“Tay,” I said softly. “I’m glad you’re not like… weirded out by this.”

“Trust me, I’ve seen weirder,” he replied. When I just stared at him, he added, “You don’t wanna know.”

Maybe I didn’t. Maybe I did. Taylor always managed to surprise me with just how many layers there were to him… how much perversion was lurking beneath the perfect husband and father role he’d played for so many years. 

As if to stop me questioning that perversion by distracting me, he licked the tip of my nose and said, “Love you.”

“Love you, too,” I replied a bit monotone, hoping he knew we weren’t done discussing his kinks.

“So… Carrick’s gonna be our puppy, hmm?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I replied, nodding. I guess we really were doing this. I didn’t think Carrick would have a problem with it, but it was still a bit crazy to think about.

“It’s a big responsibility, you know,” Tay said, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips.

I giggled. “I think we can handle it.”

“I think so too.” Taylor smiled. After a thoughtful pause, he added, “I’ve never… done that. Read about it a little.”

“Yeah? You have?” I asked, surprised once again. When he just nodded and blushed bright red, I prodded him. “Well…?”

“Well, it’s definitely hot…” He said. “But I don’t feel much like a dog. More like a…”

“Kitten,” I finished for him. He blushed even more, and I giggled. “Which is adorable, by the way. So I have a puppy and a kitten.”

“Mrew?” Taylor offered, then smirked.

“So…” I said, struggling to stifle my giggles. “Umm, what do you wanna do to Carrick?”

“Hmm,” Taylor began, “he smirks too much. We need to fix that.”

I grinned. “So, we gag him.”

“Muzzle,” Taylor corrected. “He is our puppy after all. Hmm, what else…”

“He needs a collar…” I suggested.

“Oh, definitely,” Tay said. “With a leash.”

“Yes,” I replied, really getting into this plan now. “And I still say we should just tie him up and make him watch. If he’s good, he can join in.”

“Agreed.”

We both fell silent for a moment, probably both wondering just how far to take things. When it seemed clear that Tay wasn’t going to say anything else, I said, “And, umm, when I was looking this stuff up…”

I trailed off, and Taylor gave me an encouraging smile. “Talk to me, baby.”

“I found, umm… tails,” I mumbled.

To my surprise, Tay just chuckled. “Oh, of course.”

“What?” I breathed out, surprised. “You… you know what I mean?”

“Well, yeah,” Tay replied, blushing. “I told you; you find stuff online.”

I shook my head, more in amusement than disbelief. “I keep forgetting… you’re so much kinkier than me. At least, you already know more about this stuff than I do.”

“Only in theory,” he corrected. Of course I knew that; the reserved, perfect father thing wasn’t entirely an act. Even though he had acted so experienced online, before I even knew it was him, he wasn’t really. He just hadn’t locked himself up inside and totally denied all of his desires for years like I had.

“So, umm,” I said, clearing my throat and trying to clear those thoughts out of my mind. “Yeah, I think we should get him a… a tail.”

“Mhm,” Tay agreed. “And maybe some paws. And knee pads are a good idea. Don’t wanna hurt him… too much.”

I just nodded, shocked again to see Taylor so easily rattling off this list of kinky supplies like it was nothing stranger than a grocery list. 

“You sure you’re okay with this?” He asked me.

“Yeah,” I said. “Definitely. And… and you are too, right?”

He nodded eagerly. “Oh, yeah.”

“I love how kinky you are,” I said, giggling.

Tay just gave me a shy smile and nuzzled my neck. So kinky, yet so sweet. He was a mixture of contradictions, but I wouldn’t have had him any other way. Sure, it was confusing, but it was him. 

“Seriously, Tay,” I said. “You’re kinda perfect, you know that?”

He shook his head. “Am not.”

“Well, you don’t think I’m weird for… all the reasons you probably should,” I replied, chuckling a little to diffuse the seriousness of this line of conversation.

“I’m probably weirder…” He replied.

“Well, we’re weird together,” I replied. “And I like that.”

Tay nodded and looked right into my eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Taylor**

I couldn’t believe we were doing this. I couldn’t believe Zac was the one to suggest it. And… I couldn’t believe how excited I was. Carrick was due home any minute; he’d texted Zac when he left the airport, and that had been half an hour ago. We waited in the kitchen, already stripped to our jeans, toys in hands; Zac wanted to pounce the minute Carrick walked in the door.

“You okay, baby?” He asked, trying not to giggle.

“Of course.” I tried to smile, but I was so nervous. I wanted this, but I’d never done anything quite this kinky before, despite all my online bravado.

“You sure? If you don’t wanna do this…”

“No,” I replied quickly, shaking my head. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. “I want to. I do, really.”

“Okay. Just don’t wanna do something you’re not comfortable with.”

“Oh, I’m fine. I’m just surprised this was your idea,” I teased, tilting my head. “You’re pretty twisted, ya know.” I grinned, hoping he knew I’d meant it as a compliment.

“Is that a bad thing?” He asked with a smirk; I responded with one of my own, biting my lip.

“What do you think?”

“I think you love it.”

“My sick little lover…” I leaned closer, just barely brushing my lips against his. 

“Yup, that’s me…” He breathed, and I watched him shiver. Between the anticipation and our words, I was already on edge. If Carrick didn’t show up soon…

“Honeys, I’m home!”

Speak of the sexy devil… At the sound of his voice, Zac grinned wide and turned towards the doorway, spinning the chain collar around his finger.

“Hey, baby.”

“Hey hun,” I said, a little more timidly. Carrick’s eyebrows shot up as he looked at us, or rather what we were holding. Slowly, he grinned and took a step closer.

“And what do we have here?

“Oh, just a few presents for our pet,” Zac said, grinning wider. Carrick glanced at me, and I shot him what I hoped was a cocky smirk.

“Our new pet, hmm?” 

He crossed the room slowly, looking between us; I nodded, and held out the dog-tail plug I’d been holding behind my back. When Carrick saw that his eyes widened even further; I could feel my cheeks burning, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Zac grinning evilly.

“And this new pet would be…” Carrick said slowly, and I snorted; as if there was any doubt who our ‘pet’ was.

“Oh, he’s not new,” Zac said. “He just hasn’t been playing his part very well.” 

“Is that so…”

“Yes. It is.” Zac took a step closer, lowering his voice to a husky tone that made me bite my lip. “So we thought… we’d just have to give him a little training.”

“Let me guess,” Carrick said slowly, his tone almost mocking. “Rolled up newspaper?” I snorted at his reply, but Zac just sneered.

“Not quite. Good guess, though.” Zac looked to me; this was it. I gave him a subtle nod, letting him know I was as ready as I’d ever be. He looked back to Carrick, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Strip.”

Carrick just blinked, staring dumbly at Zac. I’d had a feeling he would act this way; but that just meant we had to break him in.

“Well?” Zac prodded, but Carrick just smirked at him.

“You might want to listen,” I told him with a sigh.

“Didn’t think we’d need that newspaper so soon…”

“Okay, okay,” Carrick laughed, stepping back and peeling off his shirt. I licked my lips slowly as I watched him, taking his time undoing his jeans. I glanced at Zac, tapping my foot impatiently; I wasn’t really annoyed, but if we were going to play this role, I had to act accordingly.

“Faster,” Zac told Carrick, who just smirked, stopping completely. 

“He asked for it,” Zac said to me quietly, and I nodded.

“I’d say so…” I reached into Zac’s back pocket and pulled out the rolled-up newspaper. I grinned as Carrick’s eyes widened.

“You gotta be shitting me…”

“I told you,” Zac warned him. “You’re our pet. And pets have to behave.” Zac looked at me and nodded towards Carrick.

“Keep going,” I told him, stepping closer. He swallowed hard, but kept still, looking between me and Zac.

“You heard him,” Zac said, folding his arms. When Carrick still didn’t move, he turned to me. “Tay.”

I nodded once, then brought the newspaper hard against Carrick’s ass, making him gasp. He immediately went back to work, stepping out of his jeans. 

“Good boy,” Zac said, smirking. “Everything off,” he added, when Carrick was down to his boxers. He wasn’t really stopping, but I gave him a warning smack anyway, making him gasp again.

“Okay, okay!” he yelped, slipping his boxers down and kicking them off, glancing over his shoulder at me. 

“That’s better,” Zac chuckled. He stepped closer, loosening the collar. “See, this will be much easier if you mind us… but I just had a feeling you wouldn’t.” 

Carrick shivered as the chain collar was slipped around his neck; I wondered if the metal was cold, but had a feeling his reaction was more in response to Zac’s words. 

“I picked these up; I thought you’d like them.” I grinned, taking the dogtags I’d had made out of my pocket and showing them to Zac. They were the typical ‘if found return to x’ style, with Carrick’s name on them. Zac grinned wide as he looked them over.

“That’s perfect.” As he clipped them onto the collar, Carrick swallowed, his smirk lacking its usual confidence. “Looks like a perfect fit,” Zac said as he clipped the chain leash to the collar along with the tags.

“A leash? Really?” Carrick asked, rolling his eyes.

“Hush,” I said, and gave his nose a slight smack and he blinked, visibly surprised; Zac and I giggled at his reaction.

“Oh, I think we can make him hush,” Zac said, grinning and holding up the ball gag. Carrick’s eyes narrowed, and for a brief second I wondered if we were pushing his limits. Zac didn’t seem to notice, however.

“I had a feeling your mouth might be a problem,” he went on.

“You’ve never minded it before,” Carrick said, licking his lips slowly. Zac’s smirk fell, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“See, that’s exactly what I was talking about.” Without giving Carrick time to react, Zac fastened the gag in place. Carrick made a muffled noise of surprise, and I couldn’t help giggling.

“Now,” Zac said, his tone softening. “If you need us to stop… just hold up a finger or something. Carrick rolled his eyes, smirked as best he could, and flipped Zac off. I laughed, but Zac rolled his eyes, looking at me. “Tay…”

“That was pretty funny,” I admitted, still giggling. 

“Fine,” Zac huffed. “We’ll let that one slide, but that’s it. He better be good from now on.”

I nodded, waving the newspaper in front of Carrick’s face, smirking; I had to admit, having him silenced for once was something I could get used to. He rolled his eyes again, though, and Zac snarled.

“On your knees.”

Carrick eyed him, but lowered himself anyway.

“Good boy. Now, he _almost_ looks like a good little pet, doesn’t he, Tay?”

“Hmm, almost,” I agreed.

“But something’s missing…”

“Down boy,” I said, putting a hand on Carrick’s shoulder and pushing. He eyed me and grumbled, but got down on his hands and knees.

“Hm, something’s still missing…” Zac said, glancing at me. I smirked, pulling the small bottle of lube from my pocket and pouring some on the plug end of the tail. “Every puppy’s gotta have a tail, right?”

Carrick swallowed hard again, his muscles in his back and arms tensed.

“Aw, don’t worry,” Zac went on, leaning down and patting his head. “Just relax… Tay will be gentle with you.”

I shot Zac a look; I hadn’t realized I’d be doing all the work in this situation.

“Come on, baby,” Zac said, giving me a sweet smile; Carrick raised an eyebrow, glancing back at me. I rolled my eyes, pressing the tail against Carrick’s entrance.

“Right,” I muttered. “ _He’s_ the pet…”

Carrick moaned slightly as I pressed the hard plastic against him, the tip sliding in.

“See, I knew you’d like it,” Zac said, patting Carrick’s head again; he shook Zac’s hand off and growled a bit. Zac grabbed the newspaper from me and tapped him on the nose. I giggled, pushing the tail deeper; Carrick sighed at that, closing his eyes. Zac pet him again, and this time he leaned into the touch. 

I worked the plug in and out slowly, and Carrick started rocking his hips back against my hand.

“I think he likes it, Tay,” Zac said, letting out a soft moan of his own.

“Hmm, I think so.” I pushed the tail the rest of the way in and smiled.

“Such a good boy… really looks like our pet now,” Zac said, smiling. Carrick looked over his shoulder and wiggled his hips a bit, ‘wagging’ his tail; Zac giggled, and I stroked the soft fur a couple times before standing next to Zac.

“I think he likes it,” I said, reaching down to scritch behind Carrick’s ear; he leaned into my hand, sitting back on his legs a bit and wiggling his hips again.

“Why don’t we take him for a walk?”

“Sounds like a good idea.” I looked at Carrick and smirked. “You wanna go for walkies? Do ya, boy?” It was ridiculous, I knew, but the humor was just too much to resist.

“Come on, boy,” Zac said, taking a step towards the living room and tugging on Carrick’s leash. Carrick raised an eyebrow, but stayed planted. Zac looked at him, giving the leash a harder pull. “Come. on. boy.” 

Carrick eyed him for a second, then sighed and hung his head, taking a ‘step’ forward. Zac led him slowly out of the kitchen and into the living room; I followed behind, keeping an eye on him, and wondered if we should have gotten knee pads.

“Couldn’t you have gotten us a more obedient pet, Tay?” Zac playfully whined.

“Hey, don’t look at me, you picked him out,” I replied, and I heard Carrick chuckle.

“I suppose he has a few nice qualities…”

“Hmm, a few…” I caught myself staring at the way his ass moved as he crawled along; he looked over his shoulder at me and smirked, wagging his tail, and I felt myself blush. When we reached the living room Zac stopped, looking around. Carrick kept going though, smirking and heading for the bookshelf.

“Hey,” Zac warned, giving the leash a pull. “So, what should we do with him now?” He asked me, grinning. I kept my mouth shut, watching Carrick paw at the bookshelf, knocking over Zac’s Boba Fett doll. I just chuckled; this wasn’t going to end well for him.

“Carrick!” Zac snapped, eyes wide when he saw what our ‘pet’ was currently batting around.

“Guess he found a toy,” I laughed. Zac walked over and wound the leash around one hand, grabbing the doll with the other.

“No. Bad dog.” 

Carrick growled, tugging on the toy, and I giggled.

“Really?” Zac snapped at me.

“He’s your dog,” I replied, holding my hands up; this was too amusing to get in the middle of. But Zac just stared at me, and I sighed. “Fine…” I looked around and spied a squishy ball under the couch, probably left behind by one of the kids; I grabbed it and walked over to Carrick, noticing the way he flexed his jaw.

“Getting a bit sore?” I asked him and he nodded, pouting a little. “I’m gonna take his gag out for a bit, kay?” I said to Zac; he sighed, but nodded. “Now you be good, okay?” I told Carrick; he nodded and wagged his tail.

“You gonna be a good boy and play fetch?” Zac teased, taking the ball from me and holding it up. I undid the gag and set it aside; Carrick worked his jaw for a moment, then smiled up at us.

“You wanna play now?” Zac asked, taking the leash off the collar; Carrick nodded, getting up on all fours again. “See, he’s a good boy when he wants to be.”

Carrick grinned and panted; he almost did look like a dog, and I chuckled. 

“Okay boy, fetch.” Zac tossed the ball across the room and Carrick crawled after it, laying down and chewing on it. “I said fetch,” Zac said, when it was clear Carrick wasn’t moving. He looked up and tilted his head, looking so adorable even Zac had to bite back a giggle.

“I think you gotta teach him,” I said, chuckling. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Zac sighed, then turned to me. “Okay. Let’s teach him.”

I stared at Zac for a moment; when he nodded his head in Zac’s direction, I realized he was waiting for me to go get the damn ball. Grumbling, I walked over and got the ball from Carrick.

“Didn’t realize I was the other pet,” I said under my breath as I sat back down.

“But you love me, right?” Zac said, pouting and nudging me.

“Would I be doing this if I didn’t? Okay now… go get it!” Zac tossed the ball again; Carrick eyed him, then looked at me, raising an eyebrow.

“I am _not_ getting it again,” I told him flatly, but I gave Zac a glance as well. 

“Come on, boy; it’s your turn.”

Carrick stared at me for another moment, smirking, but then shuffled over to the ball. He turned around, facing away from us, before bending down to pick it up in his teeth; he was giving us a show, I was sure, especially as he shook his hips He grinned wide when he turned back to us, bringing the ball over and dropping it at Zac’s feet.

“Good boy,” Zac said again, scratching Carrick behind the ear. Carrick leaned into his touch, turning to lick his hand. I leaned forward to pet his back, and he rolled over, panting and grinning like an adorable idiot. Zac giggled and rubbed his belly, and Carrick responded by kicking his leg.

He flipped over then, wagging his butt in play-pose and looking around. His eyes fell on the Boba Fett doll, and I could practically see the idea hatching. Before either Zac or I could move, he’d snatched up the doll in his teeth.

“Oh hell,” I sighed. “Here we go…”

 

**Zac**

As I stared at Carrick--collar around his neck, on all fours and a Boba Fett vinyl doll I had paid so much for that Kate hid my credit card for a month in his mouth—I realized that I was probably in over my head with what I had thought was a genius plan.

“Bad dog,” I said sternly, trying my best not to laugh at the absurdity of my boyfriend growling and wagging his butt at me. “Very, very bad dog.”

In my peripheral vision, I could see Taylor shaking his head. I was sure he was regretting going along with this plan, but at this point, I felt like I had to see it through.

I leaned down and looked Carrick in the eyes, my hand held out in front of his mouth. “Let. Go.”

Rather than obey me, he simply sat down on the floor with Boba Fett crushed underneath him. Great. I stared him down with my hands on my hips, and he just growled.

“You’re gonna regret that…” I threatened, then glanced at my brother. “Tay, newspaper?”

“I thought you had it?”

I sighed and glanced around the room, finally spotting the newspaper on the floor near the couch, just barely within my reach. In all of our ridiculous play, it must have slipped from my back pocket. Stretching a bit to pick it up, I looked back at Carrick, still happily batting the vinyl doll around.

“Let. Go,” I commanded again, each word punctuated with a smack of the newspaper on his ass. It was thick and rolled tightly, but still not that harsh of a weapon; with the added stimulation of the plug in his ass, I was sure he still felt it plenty.

He growled, and I delivered a third, harsher smack. Finally, he dropped the doll from his mouth and I silently prayed that it was only covered in saliva and not bite marks.

I took a glance back at Taylor, leaning casually against the couch as though he were enjoying the show, then back at Carrick. “If you’d played like a good boy, I had a reward for you…”

“Told you you shoulda listened,” Taylor cut in.

“But I just don’t think you’re behaving well enough to deserve it,” I finished.

Carrick tilted his head to the side in confusion, and I was glad that he hadn’t followed my train of thought.

“What do you think, Tay?”

He eyed me just as curiously as Carrick had. “I don’t know…”

“I think he needs a little more punishment.”

“He is being pretty bad…” Taylor conceded.

I glanced around the room, hoping it would offer me an idea of how to proceed. Until the packages arrived—no, until Carrick walked in the door, really, none of this seemed real. And so I hadn’t come up with a terribly concrete plan. Now that I was calling the shots, I couldn’t back down. I had to think of something and fast.

Finally, I spotted an end table with nice, heavy legs and tugged Carrick toward it. I snatched up the discarded leash along the way and reattached it to his collar. Once I’d maneuvered Carrick closer to the table, I wrapped his leash around it, which wasn’t easy, with him struggling against it and trying to undo my every move. With some effort, I managed to secure it with a pretty sturdy knot that I was confident he couldn’t undo, at least not without breaking character.

“Don’t even think about it,” I threatened as he gave it another tug. “No, you’re gonna stay.”

He sat back on his heels and eyed Taylor, as though he might switch loyalties. I stood up and walked over to Tay. Softly, but more conspiratorially than in a whisper, so that Carrick might still hear it, I said, “Go get me a scarf, please?”

He gave me a quick kiss and a smile, and I knew at least he was following my train of thought. Carrick seemed to catch onto it as well, tucking his hands underneath his body.

“Be right back,” Taylor said, then scurried up the stairs, a strange spring in his step.

In his absence, I made myself comfortable on the couch and eyed Carrick. There was a very un-dog-like smirk on his lips. I leaned back and put one arm over the back of the couch. With a smirk of my own, I said, “Should have been a good boy…”

A moment later, Taylor returned with two long, thick scarves in his hands and a wicked grin on his face. “Just in case we need more than one.”

“Good thinking,” I replied. Not moving, I added, “Tie his hands up, baby?”

“Sure thing,” he said, then kneeled down beside Carrick. With a snicker, he asked, “Paw?”

Carrick gave him a look of utter disbelief. I was just sad that I had forgotten to call them paws instead of hands.

“Come on, boy… paw?”

Carrick raised an eyebrow this time.

I snickered. “You really should mind him, Carrick.”

He shook his head, but lifted one hand anyway.

“Good boy!” Taylor said and patted him on the head. With a deftness that I didn’t think I would ever get used to—my brother, the BDSM master, apparently—he wound the scarf around Carrick’s wrist. One the first was secure, he said, “Now the other.”

There was a bit of a sneer on Carrick’s lips as he did what Taylor asked and lifted his right hand. Taylor giggled a bit too cheerfully as he wound the scarf around Carrick’s right hand, then back around the left, tying them together so securely that I could only hope we would be able to figure out how to free him later.

“Good boy!” Taylor said once he was finished. “Hey, Zac, go get that box of cookies, would ya? Gotta give him a treat when he’s good.”

“Okay,” I replied, smirking as Carrick perked up and wiggling a bit. He couldn’t resist being a smartass, but he could play the role well, too. He even _panted_ when I stood up to do as Taylor said.

The box of cookies was sitting out on the counter next to the microwave. My mind flashed back a few months to the day when Taylor had moved in, and we’d fucked right there, shamelessly watching our own reflections. I remembered the tiny bit of shame I’d felt when I revealed the tube of lube in the drawer… right then, I couldn’t stop myself from looking to see if it was still there. Sure enough, it was. I scooped it up and carried it back with me, figuring it might come in handy soon.

Once back in the living room, I handed the cookies to Taylor and made a bit of a show of tossing the lube down on the couch before sitting down. Carrick’s eyes followed the movement for a moment before he was distracted by the cookie Taylor dangled in front of him. He snatched it up in his mouth, but there was a definite flash of anger in his eyes.

“Here, you feed him,” Taylor said, looking back at me.

I rolled my eyes at Taylor’s impatience with Carrick’s attitude problem, but crawled onto the floor anyway and held another cookie out in front of Carrick. “Here, boy.”

His teeth scraped my fingers as he devoured the cookie, and I was sure that wasn’t an accident at all.

“Hey,” I said sternly. “Be good.”

Carrick finished chewing, then leaned back in and licked my fingers, even though I was sure not a single crumb remained on them. A shiver ran through my body; the semi-bestiality thing may not have been exactly turning me on, even if I was enjoying the role reversal, but things like that? It was hard to deny the effect that had on me. I didn’t even bother trying to be discreet as I backed away and adjusted my pants, which had suddenly become far too tight.

“Okay, that’s enough treats for now,” I remarked. Carrick smirked, and I gave him a heavy pat on the head. “Now you just sit here and be a good boy, and maybe… _maybe_ … you’ll get another treat later.”

I ignored his pout and turned to Taylor, who was grinning madly. “Ready to teach him a lesson?”

He licked his lips shamelessly. “I’ve been waiting for that.”

I climbed back onto the couch and made myself comfortable, then patted the spot next to me. “Well, let’s show him, then.”

Taylor wasted no time straddling me and pressing his lips to mine. I turned my head a bit and craned my neck so that I could watch Carrick’s reaction. Taylor nibbled on my lip and grasped my hair, his hips crashing down onto mine, no doubt trying to draw my attention back to him. I let out a growl and grinded up against him.

Glancing over his shoulder at Carrick, who I could see was already sporting a little wood himself, Taylor said softly, “Stay.”

As if Carrick had any other choice.

I just chuckled as Taylor kissed down my neck and mumbled, “Kinda kinky, doing it in front of him, isn’t it?”

“ _That’s_ what’s kinky right now?” I asked, running my hand down his chest and enjoying the feel of his chest hair against my palm.

“Well, that too,” Taylor conceded. Carrick just sighed.

“Anyway,” I said, a silly grin spreading across my face. “He’s just a puppy. He doesn’t know what we’re doing.”

Tay giggled and ran his hand under my shirt, his hips rolling against mine again. “You sure about that?”

As he caressed my chest, I let my hands drift down his back until they cupped his ass and squeezed. He responded by grinding harder and biting down on my neck. Over his shoulder, I could see Carrick struggling to find a way to jerk himself off with his tied up hands and failing.

“That’s what you get for being a bad boy,” I remarked.

“Someone getting jealous already?” Tay asked, punctuating the question by nibbling on my ear.

Carrick whimpered, and I remarked, “Looks like he wants to play now.”

Taylor let out a thoughtful little murmur, and I hoped he wasn’t going to suggest freeing Carrick and letting him join in—not just yet, anyway. Thankfully, he chose a different path, sucking on my neck as his hand snaked its way between us and cupped my dick over my jeans. My hips bucked upward and that was all the encouragement he needed to unzip my jeans and shove his hand inside, wrapping it around my rapidly hardening length.

“Tay… fuck…” I groaned, and Carrick let out a pathetic whine.

As Tay jerked me off, his lips found their way back to mine. I struggled to reach between our bodies and get his pants down, too, with little success.

Finally, I got impatient and growled, “Pants. Off.”

Taylor pulled back and stared at me. “Excuse me?”

“Take your pants off?” I suggested, my voice marginally softer.

“That’s a little better,” Tay said, although he didn’t seem entirely convinced.

Still, to my relief, he stood up and pushed his jeans down to the floor. I lifted my hips enough to push my down as well but didn’t leave my spot on the couch. Once we were both entirely naked—neither of us had chosen to wear underwear—Tay straddled me again, shivering ever so slightly, and let out a soft curse.

His lips trailed down my neck as his hand once again found its way between our bodies, stroking me to my full length—or possibly even further. I didn’t think I had been so hard since my birthday party. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Carrick trying once again in vain to jerk himself off.

“Tay,” I whimpered as his hand found its way into my hair. “Suck me, Tay.”

He gave me a look I couldn’t quite identify, but slithered to his knees in front of me anyway.

I smirked, and even though I knew I would live to regret it, I said, “Good boy.”

“You wanna try that again?” Tay suggested.

I pouted. “It was just a joke, Tay. I’m sorry, baby.”

“Right. Okay.” He still seemed dubious, but nevertheless he leaned down and flicked his tongue against the head of my dick.

I let out a low moan and that seemed to encourage him. Inch by inch, my dick vanished into his mouth. The last thing I registered before letting my head fall back against the back of the couch was Carrick licking his lips. My eyes fluttered shut as I felt myself hit the back of Tay’s throat.

“Fuck, Tay,” I moaned, tangling a hand in his hair as he swirled his tongue exactly the way he knew I loved.

He let his teeth graze my flesh, just enough to tease, just enough to make me whimper. He knew me so well—so did Carrick, of course, but it was different with Tay. It was always going to be different with him. I couldn’t deny that. There was a connection, a _blood_ connection that should have made this so, so wrong, but somehow seemed to be a big reason we were so compatible. Who could ever know me better than the best friend I’d had since birth? Suddenly, my thoughts were turning what was so perverted into a pretty sweet moment… until a cry from Taylor pierced my ears.

“Fuck!”

My head snapped forward quickly enough to give me whiplash. I don’t know what I had expected to see, but all sweet, romantic thoughts were gone when I saw that Carrick had managed to drag himself, end table and all, toward us, and appeared to have his tongue buried in Taylor’s ass.


	24. Chapter 24

**Carrick**

“Carrick! Bad dog!”

I tossed Zac a wink but kept at it, licking Tay’s ass; he was shivering hard, cursing like a sailor, and I was loving it. Zac tried scolding me again, but I just shoved my tongue deeper into Tay, making him cry out and dig his nails into Zac’s leg. He jumped up at that, grabbing me by the collar.

“No. Not your turn yet.” 

I groaned and rolled my eyes… the puppy thing was fun and all, but how long was he expecting me to just sit there? But he dragged me across the room anyway, tying me back down to the table.

“Now stay. And if you’re good, maybe you’ll get a turn later.” Zac gave me another look, then went back to Taylor, who was still quivering. “Sorry about that, baby. He’s still not very well behaved.”

The two of them talked quietly for a minute, but I kinda tuned them out. It wasn’t that I minded them being all lovey; I knew how it was. But this… this was a little too much like having it shoved in my face. Still, I tried to shove those thoughts back as Zac smirked at me.

I watched as Zac grabbed Tay’s hips, grinding against him; emotional bullshit aside, it was still hot as hell to watch them together, kissing, touching every part of skin they could get their hands on.

“Roll over,” I heard Zac say, and it took me a second to realize he’d been talking to Taylor. Tay seemed to be surprised by that too, pulling back and staring. I tried not to laugh, but Zac had been pushing it with Tay all day. 

“Do I need to remind you again?” He asked, a hint of growl to his voice. “That,” he said, pointing to me, “is your dog. Not. me.”

“I didn’t mean it that way.” Zac pouted. “I know you’re not my pet.”

Tay huffed, and honestly I wasn’t too happy with Zac’s tone, either. He seemed to be taking the whole ‘pet’ thing a little too seriously.

“Aww come on, Tay,” Zac whined, giving his best puppy dog eyes. “Please roll over?”

Tay was about to crumble; Zac was just too good. It was adorable and hilarious, and I had to chuckle. Tay gave me a look, and his expression changed.

“Uh-uh,” he said to Zac. “ _You_ roll over.” And with that he grabbed Zac’s shoulder, forcing him to his knees. It was a ballsy move, and not something I’d expected from him… and neither had Zac, apparently. Tay wasn’t usually the dominant one, but having Zac treat _him_ like a pet must’ve sparked something. He leaned over Zac, whispering something in his ear, then looked back at me. After a second he came over and unclipped my leash, then returned to his place behind Zac.

“”C’mere boy.”

I looked between them, partly playing dumb but also genuinely curious what Tay had in mind.

“Tay,” Zac said, sounding equally confused. 

“Come,” Tay ordered again, with a surprising assertiveness.

“Do what he says, Carrick,” Zac sighed; I kept an eye on him as I shuffled closer. Tay held out a hand, and stuck his tongue out a bit, and I got the hint. I closed the distance, licking and sucking on his fingers.

“Good boy,” he said softly, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment. “Okay, that’s enough, sit.” 

I sat back, grinning, and watched Tay lean over Zac again, pressing a finger against him and biting his shoulder. Zac whimpered and moaned as Tay fingered him, and normally I would’ve been loving every second. But I just couldn’t seem to get into it for some reason. They weren’t letting me play along, but that was just part of the game… right?

Tay turned to me and smirked, and it started to click. I wasn’t just not allowed to join; I was being forced to sit back and watch. I sneered at Tay as I thought about it; this wasn’t something Zac planned, it couldn’t have been. It was like Christmas morning all over, Tay trying to prove he was the alpha.

“Poor little puppy, watching us have all the fun…” Tay stared right at me as he slowed his fingers, twisting and curling them into Zac.

“He’ll get to play… later…” Zac panted, and I grinned at him; at least he hadn’t forgotten me. But Tay chose that moment, on purpose I was sure now, to curl his fingers again and make Zac cry out _his_ name.

“You ready baby?” He asked, tugging Zac’s hair.

“Yes… So ready for you…”

Tay pulled his fingers out and gripped Zac’s hips, sliding halfway in with one thrust. Zac pushed his hips back, closing the gap, as they both cursed and moaned each other’s names. I squirmed, the sight still hot as hell, but my mind was fighting it, the complicated emotions getting in the way.

I tried to stroke myself as they started going at it, but with my wrists tied together, there was only so much I could do without falling over.

“Poor puppy,” Zac said, looking back at me and chuckling; Taylor laughed too, but I had a feeling he was more laughing _at_ than _with_. He picked up the pace and Zac whimpered; he was really going at it, and I narrowed my eyes, worried he was pushing Zac too hard.

“Just be a good boy a little longer,” Zac half-moaned, “and we’ll let you play again.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes; honestly I wasn’t so sure I even wanted to anymore. But then Tay decided to get rough, pulling Zac’s hair and scratching his back. Zac cried out, arching his back and moaning; I’d never seen Tay get so aggressive.

He looked at me then, just as he angled his hips to make Zac scream. I was starting to really not be happy with Tay and his jealousy bullshit. I stared him down and shook my head slowly, hoping he’d get the hint and cut the crap. It seemed like he was about to let up, reaching around to stroke Zac, but then he bit down on his shoulder again, hard.

It took me a second to realize I was growling at him.

“I think… the puppy wants to play…” Zac said, whimpering as Tay bit down again.

“Yeah? Think he deserves it?”

“He’s been good for a while…”

Tay pulled Zac’s hair again, hard enough to yank his head back, and I growled again. If Tay wanted to play tough guy that was fine, but he didn’t need to hurt Zac to do it. Zac heard me that time, turning back to stare at me.

“Tay, I don’t think he likes it when you do that,” Zac said, snickering. “Fuck!” He hissed as Tay dragged both sets of nails down his back, and once again I let out a growl of warning. Tay stared me down as he sunk his teeth into Zac’s neck, and without even thinking I started forward a bit. Tay’s eyes widened, a sudden flash of fear. Good.

“No, Carrick!” Zac said, and I stopped short. “Stay.”

I held still for Zac’s sake, but the smug grin on Tay’s lips made me really, really want to disobey. But even worse than that, worse than the biting and scratching and showing off, Tay leaned down to kiss Zac’s neck. While watching me.

“So good, baby,” he said softly, leaning his head on Zac’s. “Love you. So much.”

“Love you too, Tay. So fucking much.”

I wanted to pretend I hadn’t heard, and really it was stupid because I knew how much they loved each other. That didn’t stop the words from hurting, though. And then, Tay wrapped an arm around Zac, placing his hand over his heart.

“Mine,” he half-whispered in Zac’s ear. “Forever.”

“Yours, baby,” Zac moaned in response.

I bit my lip, sitting back. I had a sudden desire to be anywhere but there.

“And I’m yours,” Tay answered. “God, I love you.”

“I love you too.” Zac glanced over at me and frowned; I tried not to look upset, but I had a feeling I was failing. “Tay, baby… you think we can let the puppy play soon?”

“Sure baby,” Tay replied, nodding, then turned to me. “How bout it? Wanna play?” His smirk made me wonder if he really wanted me there at all, and I seriously considered getting up and walking away.

“Come on, boy,” Zac said with a smile, and my resolve wavered. “You’ve been good, now you get to play.” 

Tay was being a dick, but at least Zac still wanted me there. I gave him a small smile, the best I could offer, and it seemed to help.

“That’s better. Come on, Tay. I’ll untie him.”

Tay gave Zac another kiss before pulling out and sitting on the couch. So maybe it’d just been a momentary, heat-of-the-moment thing. That didn’t really make it okay, but if he played nice, we could still have fun. I gave him a smirk and wagged my butt, and he giggled, the smugness gone from his expression.

“Such a good boy,” Zac said as he untied my wrists. When he finished he kissed each one. “That feel better?”

I nodded and smiled; Zac cared about me, and that was reward enough. I leaned up and gave his cheek a lick, and he giggled.

“Well, since you’ve been so good, I guess…” he started, but I didn’t let him finish, nuzzling him and licking his neck. “Good boy,” he moaned softly; I put my hands on his thighs to ‘climb’ him, and nipped at his ear.

“This… probably shouldn’t be this much of a turn-on, should it?” Tay asked, smirking.

“Speak for yourself,” Zac giggled. I pushed him back to the floor then, nibbling and lapping at his neck. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Tay start to stroke himself; I guessed it was turning him on after all, weird or not.

“Well, someone’s in a playful mood,” Zac laughed. I decided to really play the part, wagging my tail and barking. Tay laughed, and Zac ran his hand down my back and stroked my tail. The motion shifted the plug, sending a fresh wave of pleasure through me.

“Such a good boy… wanna play a new game?”

I grinned at him, barking again.

“I think that’s a yes, don’t you, Tay?”

“I think so, but it’s hard to tell…” Tay smirked again, but in a sexy, playful way. I growled at him, but grinned, trying to show I wasn’t upset anymore.

“You wanna play, boy?” Zac asked again, this time giving my tail a tug and making me shiver. “Yeah, I think he definitely wants to play.” 

He gave my tail a harder pull and I moaned, arching my back. He started to pull it out, slowly; I kept my eyes on him, moaning and rocking my hips. It felt so good, but I knew I couldn’t get what I _really_ wanted with it in, so I braced myself and rocked forward, the tail sliding out.

“Such a good boy,” Zac said again, petting my head. He wiggled out from under me, then went to sit next to Tay. “Come here boy,” he said, patting his lap; I shuffled forward, sitting at his feet.

“No, here,” he said, patting his lap again. I knew what he meant, but I didn’t see anything wrong with making him wait just a little. I put a ‘paw’ on Zac’s knee and did my best ‘confused puppy’ impression; at least Tay got a giggle out of it.

“Well, that’s closer…” Zac apparently wasn’t in the mood for waiting, though; he grabbed me by the collar and pulled my face into his lap. I smirked at him and stuck my tongue out, licking the tip of his dick. “Good boy,” he moaned.

I started lapping at him, resisting the urge to just suck him all in. He seemed to be enjoying it, cursing under his breath. 

“Play nice, now…” he whimpered when I nipped at him. I bit down a little harder, still being careful. 

“Fuck…” Tay seemed to be enjoying the show, stroking himself and biting his lip. I glanced over him and smirked, trying not to look _too_ smug.

“Mmm, good boy,” Zac moaned, patting me on the head, and I decided to make my move. I swallowed him all the way, loving the way his hips bucked and his voice caught as he swore. I went at it full-force, licking and sucking and using just a little teeth like I knew Zac loved. When I pushed all the way, deep-throating, he moaned so low I could feel it.

“Okay, boy… come on…” Zac tugged on my collar, pulling me off him, but I just moved down to lap at his balls. “Come on, boy,” he insisted after a minute. I whimpered, not wanting to stop, but let him pull me up into his lap anyway. “You wanna play, right boy?”

I nodded, and barked for good measure.

“I’d say that’s a yes,” Tay spoke up, still stroking himself slowly.

“I think so,” Zac chuckled. “Okay, boy. Roll over.”

I turned around in his lap, grinding against him; after all the tension, I was glad I was finally getting my turn with him. He gripped my hips and pulled me down, impaling me all at once. I howled, arching my back and gripping the couch; I was still ready from the plug, but the sudden fullness was still a shock to my system. I heard both Zac and Tay moan as Zac thrust up into me, digging his nails into my hips.

“Such a good boy,” Zac said, his voice low; I leaned back against him, and Taylor reached over to wrap a hand around me, matching his brother’s pace. I decided not to be too mad at Taylor after all. Zac kissed my neck, and I turned my head, lapping at his.

“I think he likes you,” Tay said with a giggle.

“I think you’re right,” Zac agreed. “He likes you too, though… don’t you, boy? You like Tay too?”

I let out a breathless bark; I wanted to stay in-character for them, but it was getting harder to focus between Zac drilling me and Tay working me with his hand.

“You wanna… play… with Tay, too?” Zac asked, his voice low; I let out a low growl and nodded; I probably would’ve agreed to anything Zac suggested at that point as long as he kept fucking me. “I think that’s a yes, Tay.”

“I think so.” Tay threw me a lusty grin, his eyes dark, and I wondered what he had in mind.

“See what you get for being a good boy?” Zac half-panted. I nodded, licking Zac’s lips, and he giggled. “Come on, Tay.”

Taylor got up and moved in front of me, standing between my legs; Zac slowed down, still holding my hips, and suddenly I got a clue. I looked between them, surprised, but they just laughed.

“You said you wanted to play… with both of us…”

Zac’s words, and what he was suggesting, made me shiver.

“Carrick, baby… we can stop if you don’t want to.”

Oh hell no. I turned to face Zac with a smirk, and let out a low growl.

“I guess he doesn’t want to stop,” Tay chuckled.

“I’d say not. So let’s give him what he wants.”

I was panting as I stared up at Tay, and not entirely because of the puppy aspect. He grabbed my legs behind the knees and pushed them back, then lined up and pressed his head against me alongside Zac’s. I knew it was going to hurt, but holy fuck did I want it. I growled, biting at him a bit when he didn’t move.

“Don’t tease him,” Zac giggled; Tay smirked and pressed harder, the tip of his cock sliding into me. I threw my head back and moaned; it was almost too much, the fiery burn of being stretched so far, but I wanted, needed more.

“I think he likes it,” Zac said with a moan.

“I think so… God he’s tight.” Tay pushed a bit more, another inch slipping in, and I had to bite my lip hard to keep from cursing. Zac ran his fingers through my hair and whispered encouraging words; I looked back at him and it struck me how far he was willing to go to please me.

Before I could get too sentimental, though, Taylor pushed forward and drove the rest of the way home, until his hips were pressed against my ass. I moaned loudly, my eyes wide; I’d never had two guys at once, and it was blowing my mind. And they weren’t even moving yet.

“You ready?” Zac asked Tay, holding out his hand; Taylor took it and nodded. God they were disgusting sometimes… but I didn’t mind too much. Especially not when they both started thrusting into me at the same time. I started to scream but turned it into a growl, which apparently they both found hilarious. 

“Fuck… Carrick…” Zac moaned, and I couldn’t have agreed more. Tay glanced at Zac for a second, then leaned down to kiss me; I grabbed a fistful of his hair and moaned against his mouth as I kissed him back.

“Kissing the dog on the mouth, Tay? Really?” Zac laughed. I broke the kiss to lap at Tay’s neck, loving the way he whimpered. I decided to work him up even more, nipping at his ear and making him gasp. 

“Play nice, Carrick,” Zac warned, so I decided to switch to him, licking and nibbling at his neck. Tay wrapped his hand around me then, stroking me and twisting his wrist, and as a reflex I bit down hard on Zac’s neck.

“I said be nice,” he said again, pulling me back by my collar. I let out a low growl as Tay squeezed me in his fist, but Zac must’ve taken it as me growling at him, because he gripped my hips and started thrusting even harder. “Be. Nice.”

Tay upped his speed too, and I couldn’t stop moaning; everything felt way too amazing. Tay leaned over me to kiss Zac, and I took the opportunity to go at his neck again.

“Fuck, I’m close baby,” Tay panted, gripping me even harder.

“Me too,” Zac moaned. “You close, baby?” he asked me; I craned my neck to lick his, nodding. “Good. Want us to come inside you?”

I nodded again, whimpering and moaning pathetically. I was so far gone, it was a wonder I hadn’t gone off already.

“Zac… Carrick… Fuck…” Tay panted and drilled me harder than ever; Zac matched him thrust for thrust, his whole body shaking. I gasped for breath, every nerve in my body feeling ready to explode.

“Tay… Carrick… I’m gonna come…”

“Oh god, me too…” Tay’s climax hit first; I could feel shot after shot filling me up as he swore out loud, and I cried out. Zac followed right behind, and the feeling of both of their cocks pulsing inside me was enough to send me over the edge.

“Fuck!” I swore out loud, unable to hold it back any longer as I coated Tay’s hand and both mine and Zac’s chests.

I couldn’t see, couldn’t hear anything for I didn’t know how long. When everything started becoming less fuzzy, I realized both of them were staring at me wide-eyed and smirking. All three of us panted and gasped as we tried to catch our breath. Every now and then one of us would twitch, sending the other two into a shiver.

After a minute or two we all looked at each other and chuckled, a relieved laughter more from exhaustion than humor. Although it was pretty fucking funny, too.

“Good boy,” Zac said one more time, kissing me and unlatching my collar. Tay slid out of me, making me shiver again, and collapsed on the couch next to Zac. I twisted my head, stretching my neck to work out the kinks; Zac kissed my neck, smiling sweetly.

“You can talk now, baby. If you can,” he added with a giggle. I panted for a few more seconds, coming back into my own mind.

“You,” I started finally, “are _so_... going to pay… for this.” 

Zac giggled, and Tay let out a laugh; I looked straight at him, one eyebrow cocked. He wasn’t in the clear by any stretch of the imagination.

“ _Both_ of you.”

“It was his idea,” Tay said defensively, biting his lip and smirking.

“You went along with it,” Zac fired back, blushing and pouting. I gripped Zac’s hair and pulled him close, kissing him deeply. I let him enjoy it for a second, then grabbed Tay’s hair and pulled him in, too, kissing them both. It was a little awkward, but kind of hot, our tongues mingling in the middle. 

To say I hadn’t enjoyed all that would’ve been a lie; it was easily the kinkiest, most erotic thing I’d ever done… or had done to me, as the case was. I knew I had a lot of thinking to do, too, though; the whole jealousy thing still stung, and I knew I needed to sort out my feelings. But there would be time for that later. For now I just held on to them both, sighing happily. It was good to be home.


	25. Chapter 25

**Carrick**

After our little ‘play date,’ things went back to normal… sort of. I’d only been home a few days, and we hadn’t really talked about what happened, but I knew we needed to. It had been on my mind almost constantly, everything that had been done, and said, and what all of it meant. I tried to look at it objectively, looking past the sex to analyze the emotions I’d tried so hard to ignore at the time. It wasn’t something I wanted to do, but if we were going to move forward, I had to be honest about how I felt, especially to myself.

Over the years I’d been accused of being selfless to a fault, and it wasn’t exactly not true. I just wanted to make sure the people I cared about were happy, and there wasn’t anyone more important to me than Zac. That’s why I’d suppressed my feelings for him for so long; it’s why I’d walked away so he could be with Taylor. It’s why I didn’t tell him how hard that’d been for me. 

It’s why I’d gone along with his and Tay’s little playtime idea and kept my mouth shut when things started to go sour. I knew Zac loved me and wanted me there; most of the time it seemed like Taylor wanted me there too, and at least cared a little. But there were moments where Tay’s jealousy got in the way, and every time it just served to remind me of my place in the food chain.

I’d meant what I said to Ike on Christmas; part of Zac’s heart was better than none at all. But sometimes I wondered what it’d be like to actually give a shit about myself, to put my needs first--or at least not dead last. This whole three-way relationship was really pushing the limits of what I was willing to put up with for love. I was a decent person, not perfect but definitely not an asshole, either. Didn’t I deserve someone who loved me, and just me?

I thought about that a lot, until I finally got to a conclusion that felt right. Whether I deserved better or not, I didn’t care. Zac was worth it.

That didn’t mean Zac was totally off the hook, though; I knew we needed to talk about what had happened. If I knew him like I thought I did, he was probably beating himself up over it. And I had things I needed to get off my chest, too, things that couldn’t wait any more, especially after I had come to terms with everything. So when he texted me telling me he was picking me up for a lunch date, I wasn’t the least bit surprised. I took a few minutes to mentally prepare myself, then put on my trademark smile and waited.

“Carrick?” Zac called out as he walked in the front door. “You ready?”

“Sure thing, babe. Let’s go.” I gave him a quick kiss, then threw my coat on and followed him out to the car.

A few minutes later we were sitting in a corner booth, waiting for our food. I could hear Zac tapping his foot nervously under the table; I laced my fingers with him and gave him a hopefully reassuring smile.

“This is nice,” I said, taking a sip of my soda. “Been awhile since we’ve gone out, just the two of us.”

“Yeah… It’s tough to make time for… both of you,” he finished, looking away. 

“Yeah…” I glanced down myself; even when Tay wasn’t physically there, he still managed to be there.

“I’m sorry.” Zac frowned, but I smiled and squeezed his hand.

“Don’t be. Not your fault. It’s… it’s fine, really.”

“You wouldn’t tell me if it wasn’t fine, though,” he accused.

“Now who thinks he knows everything?” I shot back with a smirk. He was right, of course, but I couldn’t not tease him.

“I’m not as dumb as I look.”

I snorted, but covered it with a cough.

“Look, Zac…” I sighed, mentally bracing myself. “You know I just want you to be happy. And if this… is too much…”

“No… Carrick…” Zac said, his eyes going wide. “This is what I want. I want… both of you.”

“I know you you do,” I nodded.

“And I want both of you to be happy. I just don’t feel like I’m making both of you happy.”

I let out a sigh; it was tough to say who was more stubbornly selfless, me or him.

“You’re doing the best you can.” I looked at him for a second; if we were going to make any progress, one of us had to just cut the bullshit and be totally honest. And it was looking like I was it.

“Okay, look,” I started. “I get it. You want everything to be love and peace and fluffy kittens.” I ignored his sullen frown and went on. “But Zac… it’s never going to be perfect. I love you, and you love me. But…” I paused, lowering my voice. I didn’t want to say it out loud, but it needed to be said. “You love him more. And he loves you more. And I… I’m always going to take a backseat, for both of you.”

“And… you’re okay with that?” Zac asked, frowning. I sighed heavily.

“You want the truth?”

“Probably not…”

“Then yeah. Hundred percent.” I slapped on a fake smile for effect.

“Carrick,” he sighed, and I let the facade fall.

“The truth… Yeah it hurts. It hurts watching you look at him the way you do. It hurts, hearing you say his name in a way you don’t even say mine. It hurts…” I paused, looking away for a second. I didn’t really want to make Zac feel guilty, but he asked for the truth, and I was honestly tired of hiding it. “It hurts seeing that ring on your finger. But you know what?”

“What?”

“I live with it. I focus on the way you _do_ look at me, the way you _do_ say my name. I focus on the fact that you love me so much, that you’re willing to make him share.” I took a breath, letting my words sink in. He stared back, still looking like he’d accidentally run over my kitten.

“Zac, if you keep trying to make sure both of us are all hunky dory all the time, you’re gonna end up killing yourself. There’s always going to be a little bit of jealousy, a little bit of hurt. But… not enough to make me wanna throw in the towel.”

Zac let out a deep sigh, still not smiling but at least not pouting so much. “Good. Cause I really, really don’t want you to.”

“I know,” I replied, nodding.

“And I know… I can’t make everything perfect.”

“Do you?” I gave him a pointed look. “Because it looks to me like that’s what you’ve been trying like hell to do.”

“I don’t like it when you’re right,” he said, pouting again. I smirked, but it felt bittersweet.

“Sometimes… neither do I.”

“It just feels like… most of the reasons it’s not perfect are my fault. I mean, I get that the jealousy and stuff is just gonna happen, but…”

“...But?”

“But I’m not really doing what I could do to… to stop some of it. The jealousy and stuff, I mean.”

“What do you mean?” I tilted my head, not entirely following his logic.

“Well, let’s see. I ask you to give me and Tay some space, which was really tough for me to ask of you, and then when you get back…” He glanced around before continuing in a whisper, “I put you on a leash and make you be our pet.” The pink on his cheeks was cute, proof that even though he was a lot more confident than he’d been a year ago, he wasn’t the total gutter-mind I was.

“Was I complaining?”

“Well… no.”

“For the most part, I had a blast,” I told him; he nodded slowly. “Still can’t believe you went through with it,” I chuckled.

“I know I didn’t really… like, even give you a choice, though.”

“You honestly think you could’ve made me?” I teased, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah, like I said. I wasn’t complaining.” My smile faltered a bit as I remembered everything that happened; I looked away and sipped my drink, but Zac wasn’t buying it.

“Carrick… Look, um… I know you said you enjoyed it, but…”

I looked down; so here we were, finally acknowledging the resident pachyderm. 

“There was… the whole thing… with Tay. And… what he said to me.”

“Zac,” I said softly. “You don’t…”

“What?”

“It’s nothing,” I sighed, chickening out. “Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s not nothing,” he sighed back. “I saw the look on your face.”

“Really… I’m fine.” I looked anywhere but at him. Yeah, I’d said we needed to talk about it, but that didn’t mean I wanted to, or that I wasn’t going to try to dodge the hell out of it first.

“And you would say you were even if you weren’t, so I’m just gonna ignore that.”

“I said I’m fine, Zac,” I said again, getting a little agitated. I was being childish, I knew, but I didn’t want to go through the emotional bullshit again.

“Carrick… I know I can’t fix this, okay? I can’t make you unhear that, and I can’t make it untrue.”

“I know,” I snapped, more harshly than I meant to. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath; getting mad wasn’t going to do any good. I knew Zac wasn’t trying to rub it in, even though the words stung like lemon juice in a papercut. “I know,” I tried again, slowly. “I know, and I know neither of you meant to… to… Like I said, it’s not perfect. But I live with it.”

“Well maybe that’s not enough for me. It can’t be perfect, but I want you to do more than just _live with it_.”

“What do you want me to say?” For once, I dropped the chill pretense, and let him see whatever there was to see in my expression. “You two forgot I was there. You’re his, and he’s yours. And where does that leave me? The pet?”

I stared at Zac, laying it all out. I’d always been so careful to guard my emotions for his benefit, but I was too tired to do it anymore. 

“It… okay, I realize how bad that must look. Especially after… Christmas morning…”

I looked away, really not in the mood to relive that scene.

“And Carrick, I’m sorry. I got caught up in thinking this would just be fun and hot, and it was, but… it’s more complicated than that, and I realize that now.”

“I know.” I kept my eyes down, but nodded slowly. “I know how you meant it. And I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for. Except for chewing on Boba Fett,” he added under his breath, and I smirked, looking up at him again.

“What can I say? Guess I’m just a bad boy.”

Yeah,” he said, giggling. “But I love you anyway.”

“I know babe,” I said softly. I held my hand out for a moment, then laid it over Zac’s. “I love you too.”

“And you are not just our pet.” He sighed, and chewed his lip. I was so ready to be done with this conversation, and moving on to better, hopefully happier things, but I could sense Zac had more to say. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be worse than what had already been said… as far as I could guess. But whatever it was, I would listen; I could never say no to him, no matter what. 

Like I said… selfless to a fault.

 

**Zac**

I had brought Carrick here to talk. It had been my idea. But now that I was trying to talk, the words weren’t coming as easily as I had hoped. I took a moment to compose myself and try to figure out where to begin. Eventually, I realized that I had to go back farther than our little “play date” the other day.

“It’s just…” I began, then sighed. “What I told Tay on Christmas morning?”

Carrick gave me what I supposed was meant to be an encouraging nod.

“Look… I’m not gonna tell you that I was just telling Tay what he wants to hear. ‘Cause you wouldn’t believe me, and I know this wouldn’t work if I went around just telling you guys whatever you wanted to hear. But the truth is… the thought of leaving you… hurts. A lot. I don’t think I could. But I don’t think I could leave Tay either.”

As I spoke, my eyes drifted lower, unable to meet Carrick’s. Still, through my eyelashes, I could see him nodding again as he replied, “I know.”

“What I’m trying to say is…” I continued, “if I ever did leave one of you, either one… I don’t think it could be totally my choice.”

Carrick didn’t say anything, and I couldn’t even detect any movement from him. He was forcing me too look at him, I figured, I couldn’t see that I had any other choice. I raised my head slowly and watched as Carrick reached out to grasp the hand that had been playing with my napkin, tearing it into nervous little shreds.

“Some days,” he said softly, brushing his thumb along the top of my hand, “it hurts more than others. I’ve had days when I’ve thought about… about leaving. Leaving you two to be happy together.”

“Carrick…” My lip was quivering so pathetically that I could barely even get his name out. I couldn’t cry here. Not in Mexicali. They knew me here; being seen here with Carrick just a few months ago would have been more uncomfortable than I could have handled, but I had few secrets left at this point.

“Just… let me get this out, okay?” He asked, not meeting my eyes.

I nodded.

He chewed on his lip before proceeding. “I tell myself, I can’t do it, because it would hurt you too much. But the truth is… I know I seem like I ooze confidence, like nothing ever bothers me. The truth is, I can’t leave. I just… can’t. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Probably just… nothing.”

By the time he was finished, his lip was quivering too, and I struggled to think of a single other time I had seen him so close to tears. Carrick didn’t do tears; hell, until a few months ago I wasn’t even sure he did emotions. But he did. Because of me. Softly, I asked, “Carrick… can I talk now?”

He looked up and gave me a weak smile that might have been a little bit fake, and nodded. There were tears in the corners of his eyes.

“I… I love you so much. I don’t think you even realize how much being with you… how much you helped me. Like, and this is so lame to say, I know, but you… make me better.”

His smile increased marginally, and I didn’t think it looked so fake anymore.

“I mean, seriously. Sexuality aside, am I even remotely the Zac you knew a year ago? I’m still me, but… you gotta admit, this is a better me.”

That earned me a smirk.

“And it was you… being with you… that really helped.”

“Tay helped too,” Carrick said softly. “Hell, he started it.”

I nodded. “I know, but… it’s different. And that’s the thing. You’re both so different. And you both do such different things to me. I mean—not like _that_ But, well…”

Carrick smirked as I blushed and tried to backpedal away from what was turning into a sexual train of thought. “I know what you mean, though.”

“It’s just… you’re not an afterthought, Carrick. You and Tay are both… part of me. Part of who I am now. And just because you’re different parts, that doesn’t mean that I want to try to live without either of you.”

His head tilted to the side a bit as he smiled at me.

“What?” I asked, curious what he was thinking.

“Nothing,” he said. “Just… I can see one thing Tay’s helped you with.”

“What’s that?”

“Just… talking. Talking about stuff. The way he talks… it’s always so poetic, ya know?”

“Yeah,” I agreed, nodding and smiling.

“You’re started to be like that, too,” Carrick concluded.

I felt myself blushing. “Am I?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “I like it.”

“I think… I think I like it, too,” I replied. Because I couldn’t resist the opportunity for a joke, I added, “Just as long as I don’t start dressing like him.”

Carrick snorted. “Please, it’s a little late for that. How many times have you borrowed his jeans?”

Well, that wasn’t a fair question. Tay and I had always shared clothes, especially when on tour. Lately, with three of us “bachelors” in one house, it was hard to tell where one guy’s wardrobe ended and another began.

“Not that I’m complaining,” Carrick added when I hadn’t replied in what he deemed an appropriate length of time.

“That’s… but that’s just jeans,” I sputtered out. “When I start borrowing his scarves, stop me. Please.”

Carrick laughed, but not for long. The sounded faded away and was replaced with a deep sigh. I watched curiously as he fiddled with the wrapper from his straw. A strange smirk—and it was saying a lot to call something strange by Carrick standards—crossed his lips as he hid his hands and the straw wrapper under the table.

“Carrick… what are you doing?” I asked, and he just stared at me.

A moment later, he lifted one hand, closed tightly in a fist, back to the table.

“Carrick…”

He cleared his throat and opened his hand, revealing that he had made some sort of silly little piece of “art” out of the straw wrapper. Only it wasn’t just something random. It was a ring of sorts, with the ragged ends of the paper tied into a bow on top. The look in his eyes told me this wasn’t meant to be just any ring. Even so, a joke fell from my lips before I could stop myself.

“I’m sure they have nicer rings in the quarter machines out front.” I smiled.

“Zac…” He rolled his eyes. A faint blush crossed his cheeks.

“Yes, baby?”

“I hope you’re not expecting me to get down on my knee for ya.”

I smirked. “Well, not in the middle of a restaurant.”

Carrick just sighed, obviously losing patience with me.

“I’m sorry,” I replied, giggling.

He glanced around, probably starting to feel self-conscious about the fact that we were in public. Self-conscious. Was that even possible for Carrick? The bright red blush on his said it was. Softly, so that I wasn’t even sure I had heard him correctly, he mumbled, “Marryme.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.” I was smiling so hard my cheeks actually hurt.

“You are such an ass,” Carrick replied.

“Well, you’re being all serious today. I had to pick up the slack.” Nevertheless, I forced myself to make a serious face. It wasn’t easy, and I had a feeling it probably looked more like constipated.

After a moment’s pause, Carrick gave a deep sigh. He yanked his wallet out of his pocket and threw a few bills on the table without even looking at the check that had been delivered a few minutes ago. He stuffed his wallet back into his pocket, stood and grabbed my arm, yanking me a little roughly out of my chair.

He pulled me along, all the way through the restaurant, out of the lobby where the quarter machines stood and through the parking lot until we reached my truck. He shoved me up against it, finally letting go of my arm, and lowered himself to one knee.

“Damn, you made me rip your ring,” he said, holding up the tatters of what he had attempted to pass off as an engagement ring.

I chuckled. This was all so ridiculous. A straw wrapper ring? A proposal right in the middle of the Mexicali dining room, then another in the parking lot?

“Guess I’ll just have to use this one instead,” Carrick said.

I had no idea what he meant until I realized his hand was in his pocket… pulling out a little black box. He flipped it open and revealed a plain silver band. It was nothing like the one Taylor had given me, but it didn’t matter. Comparisons between the two of them were irrelevant, and this ring meant just as much to me as Taylor’s had. Hell, even the straw wrapper would have, even if it had seemed like an impulse move or a joke. But this wasn’t a joke. This was something he had planned, and that realization left me stuttering incoherently.

“It’s not as pretty, I know,” Carrick said. I thought he was referring to Tay’s ring until he added, “The other one had a bow and everything.”

“It’s beautiful,” I replied. “But… you… are you shitting me right now?”

He took my hand in his. With a soft smile on his lips, he said, “Zac… I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

“And I’m not asking you to choose,” he continued. “Just to give me an equal shot. So… what do you say?”

I tilted my head to the side and affected what I hoped was a thoughtful look. As if I actually needed to consider my answer. After a long pause, I said, “Well… I guess.”

Carrick gave me a playful shove, but his smirk soon faded. His eyes on mine, he slipped the ring onto my finger. Tears started to gather in my stupid, emotion-betraying eyes.

“Just to make it official,” Carrick said. Softly, he asked, “Zac Hanson… will you marry me?”

“Yes… of course!” I practically squealed, having abandoned all pretense of being a mature, adult male.

A tear slipped from Carrick’s eyes so I knew I at least wasn’t alone in my patheticness. I grabbed him by his shirt and lifted him to his feet, crushing his lips to mine. He didn’t even hesitate before returning the kiss with just as much fervor.

When I finally needed to come up for breath, I said, “You are un-fucking-believable, you know that?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, a soft laugh falling from his lips. “You know you love me.”

“I do,” I replied. “I really, really do. And I don’t even care that we kinda have an audience right now.”

As I said the last, I nodded toward the restaurant lobby. A few people waiting on tables had indeed gathered by the large window. Carrick followed my nod and gave the crowd a thumbs up. To my surprise, given that we were in a reddest of red states where Carrick’s proposal couldn’t even lead to anything legal, a few of them clapped and cheered.

If I hadn’t been one hundred percent publicly out before this, I supposed that had sealed the day. The story would probably be on the internet within the hour. And as I looked back at Carrick—my fiance—all I could do was giggle.

“Come on, babe,” he said, giving me a quick peck on the lips. “Let’s go home.”

“Okay,” I replied.

There was more I needed to do at the studio, even aside from monitoring the gossip, but I found that I didn’t care at all. I wasn’t foolish enough to think a ring solved all of the problems and insecurities that plagued our relationship, but it was good enough for me.


	26. Chapter 26

**Isaac**

Since Christmas, I had all but perfected the art of not thinking about the strange relationship dynamic the three of them have. I couldn’t pretend to understand how they could be happy, but they seemed to be. At least, they seemed so on Christmas. Aside from working constantly to finish this album, we hadn’t spent much time together since the holidays, and I hadn’t seen Carrick at all.

To say it came as a surprise when he called and asked if he could meet me at the studio while Taylor and Zac took the afternoon off to take the kids to the park would be an understatement.

But I agreed. What else could I say?

I sorted through my emails as I waited for him to arrive. Someone else must have buzzed him in, because all the sudden, the tall bastard himself appeared in the doorway to our shared office.

“Hey, Carrick,” I said, lowering my laptop screen slightly.

“Hey,” he said, rolling a chair from Tay’s desk over to mine and sitting down. “How’s it goin’?”

“It’s alright,” I replied. “Just trying to get back to work after our little Christmas break, you know?”

Carrick nodded more soberly than I knew he was capable of. “Yeah, I know the guys are itching to get this album done.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “We all are.”

“So… Isaac.”

And there it was. We couldn’t keep making small talk forever. Trying not to look as nervous as I felt, I asked, “Yeah?”

“I wanted to talk to you about… well, about Christmas. I mean, what happened.”

“Okay…” I replied, nodding slowly. That was, of course, exactly what I had been afraid of. Not that I disliked the guy or anything, but what else could we possibly have to talk about that would require a special visit while my brothers were out?

“But first…” Carrick eyed me closely, skeptically. “I want to know what you think of it. Like… what you think is going on.”

What was going on? Wasn’t that obvious? Why did we need to go over this again? But I could see that for some reason, we did. At least, Carrick needed us to.

“I think…” I began, trying to figure out where to start. “Well, obviously you and Zac are together. And… it seems like you make each other really happy, and I’m… I’m glad.”

He nodded and smiled. It really was obvious how happy the two of them were. Which was why I didn’t really understand how he could also be with Taylor. And yet…

“But,” I continued, “well, it’s hard to miss what’s going on between you and Taylor…”

“Mhm,” Carrick agreed.

“And I really don’t understand,” I said. “I don’t… I just don’t know what to make of that.”

“And that’s… _all_ you’ve noticed?” Carrick asked.

“I… I think so?” I replied. Wasn’t it? What else could there be to notice? Aside from my brothers being weird, but that was nothing new. They had always been weird. Carrick hadn’t had any effect on that, had he?

“You sure about?” Carrick prodded. Obviously there was something more, if he was insisting that I find it. But what could it be…

Only one possibility sprang to mind, one that would almost make their strange relationship make sense, if we weren’t talking about two brothers. Two very weird brothers who had always made me feel a little bit left out of the connection they shared, I reminded myself.

“Well… it’s almost like…” I began, then shook my head, dismissing the thought. It was too ridiculous to even say.

A faint smile crossed Carrick’s lips. “Almost like what?”

“Like… like all three of you are dating, b-but that’s…” I trailed off. Carrick’s smile had turned to a smirk. Could I be right? He hadn’t stopped me yet. “I mean, Tay and Zac have always been close, and this whole… the divorce thing, and the coming out thing… seems to have made them even closer, but…”

“But?”

“That’s just…” I shook my head. “That’s just a little too weird, even for them.”

“Ike,” Carrick said softly. “I know you. I know how you think. Just stop… rationalizing for a second. And just tell me what you think you see.”

“I think… I think I see all three of you together,” I replied. “And not just Tay and Zac sharing you, but… but…”

Could I say it? I’d danced around it so long that it was obvious what I meant. Did it even need to be said? The strange smile on Carrick’s face said that he was going to make me say it, whether I needed to or not. But maybe I did. Maybe I finally needed to admit why I had always felt so left out. Why the two of them were so close, so off in their world that I couldn’t—wouldn’t, didn’t even want to—be a part of.

“They’re together, too.”

Carrick just smiled at me. He hadn’t run screaming. He hadn’t called me insane. He didn’t look disgusted.

“You’re not telling me I’m wrong.”

“They’re not sharing _me_ , Ike,” he said. Softly, he added, “We’re sharing Zac.”

“You’re… what?” It was exactly what I had suspected, but I still didn’t quite believe it.

“You heard me.”

“I did, but…” I shook my head. “You know, I was really hoping I was just seeing things.”

Carrick gave a little sigh. “It’s complicated. Kind of a long story.”

I shook my head again. “I don’t really think I want the whole story.”

“I’ll spare you the details,” Carrick replied, laughing softly. At least I hadn’t offended him; I really didn’t want to hear about my brothers’ sex lives, separately or… together.

“Please do,” I replied.

“Just…” Carrick’s face turned serious again. “I love Zac.”

“I can see that.” I nodded. That really went without saying. It was evident in everything he said and did when they were together. On some level, I think I had seen it even back when they were still just best friends.

“But… so does Tay.”

My nod didn’t come so easily then. Of course Tay loved Zac. I loved him, too—as a brother. How that love could become something more, something romantic… it didn’t entirely make sense to me. We had had a strange life, sure, but we hadn’t be abused in any way. There was no reason for any sort of strange pathology. And so I supposed I had to accept that it _wasn’t_ some chemical imbalance or mistreatment in their formative years that had lead to this. 

It was just love.

Finally, I nodded again. “I… I can see that, too.”

“And Zac,” Carrick continued. “He loves us both. Doesn’t want to have to choose.”

“And you and Tay… aren’t making him choose.” It didn’t seem like an ideal situation, and yet they did all three seem happy.

He shook his head. “We both love him too much to do that to him. And anyway… well, I’m just glad to get a piece of his heart.”

“I think… I think I can kinda understand that,” I replied. What surprised me the most was that I did understand it. “You know, it’s a good thing I can see how happy the three of you are. Because otherwise, I’m not sure I could deal with this. But… if you guys can accept it, and be happy with it, then… then, okay. I’m happy for you. All three of you.”

I had nearly had to force the words out of my mouth, but it was all true. It made no sense, yet it made perfect sense.

Maybe this was what going insane felt like.

“Thank you,” Carrick said, smiling possibly the first sincere smile I had ever seen from him. “They’re so lucky to have you for a brother.”

I smirked. “Well, we knew that already. I mean, not many people have a brother this awesome.”

“Yeah,” he replied, laughing. A moment later, he cleared his throat. “There’s umm… something else I wanted to talk to you about, though.”

 

**Carrick**

“O-okay…”

I watched as Ike’s eyes went wide, probably in fear of what else there could be. I almost felt bad for the guy; I probably would’ve, if it wasn’t so funny, in a twisted kinda way.

“Well… you know that ring Zac’s been wearing around his neck? The Claddagh one?”

“Yeah…”

“Well… it’s more than just a ring.” I thought about the silver band Taylor had given Zac. I’d known it was coming, or at least I wasn’t surprised when it had. I’d been considering the same thing already, but I didn’t want to make it seem like I was trying to come between them. 

“Engagement ring?” Ike asked, staring. I nodded, then looked down.

“Not from me, though.”

“F-from Tay? But they can’t-”

“They know,” I interrupted. 

“Well, I didn’t think they were that dumb,” Ike said, chuckling.

“Well, the other day…” I paused, smiling. “Zac’s got two now.”

“You… proposed?” Ike stared, eyes wide, and I felt myself blushing a bit. It didn’t happen often, but remembering how nervous I’d been, how totally unlike myself I’d felt, I couldn’t help it.

“Yeah…”

“That’s… that’s great,” Ike said, smiling slowly. I smiled as well, but it felt a little forced. It would have meant so much more if I had been the only one, or maybe even if I had done it first, but it was too late for that. I shook my head to clear it of the negative thoughts.

“Anyway, I need your help.”

“With what?” He asked, eyeing me warily.

“Well obviously, we can’t do it legally, but I was kinda hoping…” I cleared my throat, hesitating. I was asking a lot here, after dumping a whole load of crazy on him, but I had to try. “I was kinda hoping maybe you could… you know… marry us?”

“I hope you mean perform the ceremony,” Ike replied in a deadpan tone, and I cracked up. I hadn’t really meant to set the joke up there, but I’d walked right into it anyway. We both laughed; it was a perfect break in the tension.

“But yeah,” I sighed after a minute. “I mean, if you don’t want to, I understand.”

“It’s… that’s a big deal.” Ike let out a deep sigh, and I nodded.

“I know this is already weird enough for ya. It’s cool.”

“No, I mean… I want you guys to be happy, I really do. And if you… if that’s what you want, then I’d be glad to do it.”

“Really?” I grinned, honestly surprised.

“I’m not saying it isn’t weird as hell. But… Well, you guys _are_ weird. But you’re happy. And that’s what matters, right?”

I nodded, grinning. I’d hoped for the best, but hadn’t been too sure. I stood up and placed a hand on Ike’s shoulder.

“This really means a lot,” I told him.

“It… it means a lot to me that you asked me to do it,” he said, smiling, and I nodded.

“Well, I know it’ll mean a lot to Tay and Zac.” I leaned down to give him a hug that he returned, chuckling softly.

“So, which one of you is gonna wear the dress?”

I laughed, pulling back and running a hand through my hair awkwardly.

“They, uh… they don’t know.”

“What?” Ike stared at me, but I just shrugged.

“I thought it’d make a good surprise.”

“It’ll be one hell of a surprise, that’s for sure.”

“So, will you help me?” I grinned, feeling conspiratory.

Isaac nodded. “Sure. You just let me know what to do, and I’ll do it. For you guys.”

“Thanks man. You do realize this means we’ll be brothers too, right?” I added with a smirk.

“There are worse brothers in the world a guy could have,” he replied with a smirk of his own.

“Aww, shucks…”

“Welcome to the family, man.”

“I was trying to think of where to do it. Any ideas?”

“Well,” Ike said slowly, tilting his head to the side. “There’s our old house. We still own it, so it’s private property… Not much likelihood of random fans showing up these days.”

“Yeah, that could work,” I agreed, nodding. “Okay, so here’s what I’m thinking. Next weekend, you grab Zac early, tell him you need to get some work done or something. Meanwhile, I’ll take care of Tay.”

“Okay, I think I can handle that.”

“”Okay. We can meet up the day before to get stuff set up, right? I wanna really make it nice for them. Flowers, music… the whole sappy deal.”

“I never knew you were such a romantic,” Ike teased, smirking.

“I’m just full of surprises,” I replied with a wink.

“You can say that again.” He laughed nervously; I wasn’t trying to flirt with him--two Hansons were plenty for me--but that didn’t mean I couldn’t still mess with him a little.

“Oh, and cake. Gotta have cake.”

“Yeah, I’ll take care of dinner.”

“Thanks man, really.”

“No problem,” he said with a smile. “I’d do anything to make my brothers happy… and I guess that includes you, now.”

“Anything, huh?” I teased, laughing. 

So it was all out in the open now.. well, sort of. And next weekend, I’d be… married. Not legally, but still. It was an enormous step, but one that had been on my mind a lot longer than it probably should have been. Of course, I’d never imagined being married to both Zac _and_ Tay, or even Tay for that matter. Zac… well, I hadn’t been lying when I told him how early I’d fallen for him. But to think it was finally happening for real… it was like being on the world’s best high. One I would never have to come down from.


	27. Chapter 27

**Isaac**

One week.

I had one week to not only fully come to terms with my brothers’ relationship, but help Carrick throw together a wedding for them… all three of them. It was a monumental task, and there were more than a few moments when I wasn’t sure how we were going to pull it off. Even with all the details we could forego--guests, wedding party, mailed invitations--the whole affair seemed like more than two guys like us could logistically pull off. I almost wished we had someone else to help us, but I had no clue who we could possibly turn to, especially when I already felt insane for even being part of this scheme.

One day, though, I made the mistake of letting my wife use my laptop when I had forgotten to close all of my browser’s tabs. Naturally, she had a few questions about just why I was looking at scripts for wedding officiants, and I had no good answers… other than the truth.

I had been sure that would be the end of my marriage, my career and my family, but I had underestimated Nikki. She quickly reminded me that I married a woman who had more than a passing familiarity with my band, and with that came knowledge of certain seedier parts of the fandom. 

When she admitted that she had even wondered about Zac and Taylor years ago, before she really got to know them, I knew I’d found exactly the help I needed to make this wedding happen.

All too soon the day itself came, and I was a nervous wreck. Zac and Taylor were lucky they had no clue what was happening later that day, or I was sure they would be, too. While my wonderful wife worked to set up the decorations at our old house, something I didn’t trust myself to do at all, I was left with the task of somehow getting Zac to take a trip across town to said house. 

Taylor’s absence in the studio was conspicuous as Zac and I ran through bass guitar parts for one of our new songs. It was no secret, though, that Taylor and I butted heads the most in the studio, so it was easy enough to convince Zac that I wanted to get a little work done without him. When Zac started tinkering with Taylor’s Hammond organ, I saw my window of opportunity opening.

“Hey, don’t we still have that L-100 in storage at the old house?” I asked, trying to act casual as I tuned my guitar. “Wouldn’t it sound better on this song than the B-3? Taylor’s been talking about hauling it out here and setting it up, anyway.”

“Like he could haul it out here on his own,” Zac replied with a snort. 

I sat my guitar down carefully on the couch and stood up. “Well, why don’t we take your truck out there and load it up? We’ll pick up lunch or something on the way back.”

Zac was absolutely going to see through me; I had no doubt of that. Everyone knew I was a horrible liar, and the layer of sweat I could feel coating my forehead should have been a dead giveaway that I was hiding something. But to my utter relief, Zac just nodded and stood up.

“Yeah, alright,” he said. With a big grin, he added, “But since you’re making me drive, you get to buy lunch.”

We gathered up our things and headed to the back door, since Zac had parked in the alley that day. I knew I should have said prayers of thanks that my weak ruse had worked, and just left it be at that, but I couldn’t keep my big mouth shut. 

Just as we walked outside, I grasped my brother’s arm and said, “Hey, Zac?”

“Yeah?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“It’s just, uh,” I mumbled, wishing I could just shut myself up. I’d learned years ago that I really couldn’t. Once my mouth started running, I was just along for the ride. “Well, you know…. this album. After everything this year, I didn’t really know how it was going to happen or if it was going to happen at all. It’s been pretty crazy, you know? But I’m glad it’s all worked out--not just the album, but everything. It’s been tough for the rest of us, because I don’t think any of us knew what you--all three of you--were going through, so it’s a big adjustment. But seeing how much better things are now, how everything is changing for the better, and how great I think the future is going to be… it’s just a big relief. And I know it’s the cheesy big brother thing to say, but I’m… I’m proud of you guys. You especially. I just wanted you to know that.”

Zac stared blankly at me for a moment, before a puzzled smile spread across his face. 

“Sorry, I know that was a lot to just throw at you,” I said, trying to laugh it off. “I guess the more we work on this album, the one that probably just barely happened at all, the more I feel like counting my blessings. And you guys… you guys are two big ones. And hell, I guess Carrick is one now, too.”

“Yeah,” Zac said, still looking a bit confused. “Yeah, he really is.”

As we climbed into Zac’s truck and pulled out onto the street, I could only hope that Zac still felt the same way once he’d seen the surprise Carrick had prepared for him.

 

**Carrick**

The whole week leading up to the wedding, I was a nervous wreck. I’d never felt so unlike myself. In between going over the details with Ike, I kept wondering if I was doing the right thing. Would it fix the problems between us, or make them worse? Would Zac, and especially Tay, really want to go through with it? Especially having it sprung on them like this.

I was pretty sure Zac would flip, and I’d probably be paying for it later. I just hoped he’d wait until after the ceremony. Taylor, on the other hand… we’d talked about what was going on between us, but I hadn’t exactly proposed to him. But the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. 

Sure, I didn’t come first in his or Zac’s hearts, and maybe he didn’t come first in mine, but did that mean I cared about him--that I loved him--any less? I realized it really didn’t. I did love him, in a weird way. He was the missing piece, the completion of the circuit. 

I just hoped he felt the same way.

I barely slept at all the night before the big day. When my alarm did go off, I felt like I’d just closed my eyes. But I wasn’t the least bit tired. Maybe I was just running off nerves and adrenaline, but as long as that got the job done, it was worth it. 

It didn’t take much convincing to drag Tay off early, as long as I promised him Starbucks. I drove around Tulsa aimlessly, waiting for the caffeine to hit his system. Once it did, I pulled the car into a small park... The same one Zac took me to on our first date, I remembered with a smile.

“Um… what are we doing here?” Tay asked, looking around.

“I just wanted to get out of the house for a bit,” I told him, getting out of the car. He stared at me for a minute, then sighed and followed me out. “Sure is nice out this early.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, nodding and sipping his latte. He jumped a little when I took his free hand in mine, but smiled nervously and let me walk him down the path. It was still pretty early, so the area wasn’t too crowded yet. We walked in silence for a while, down the trail that followed the river.

“Tay,” I started, thinking about how to say what I wanted to, without sounding too sappy. He looked up at me expectantly, the morning light making his eyes shine. I smiled, and touched his cheek. He blushed and glanced around quickly but didn’t pull away.

“You know I care about you, right?”

“Of course I do,” he replied, but it sounded so casual, I wondered if he really did. I shook my head and stepped closer, holding his face in both hands. He stared at me in confusion. I leaned forward and kissed him, as gently as I could.

“You know I _love_ you,” I said, quietly. “Right?”

He searched my eyes for a moment. I tried to lay it all out for him, letting him see whatever he wanted. I held my breath; we’d never actually said the words to each other, and even though I was pretty sure I knew how he felt, I couldn’t help being a little afraid of his reaction. After a second his expression softened, and he smiled.

“I know. And you know I… I love you, too,” he said, his voice trembling just a bit. I smiled and kissed him again. I felt him tense, but only for a moment. I pulled back, taking his hand. I was making the right choice. I knew that now.

We walked around for a bit, until the princess complained about being hungry. We hit up the drive through and ate in the car, as I continued driving around. If Tay suspected anything he kept quiet about it, but I was still relatively new to Tulsa, so I guess wanting to sightsee wasn’t that weird. A couple hours later I felt like I’d covered every square mile of Tulsa, but it was close to time anyway.

“Hey Tay, how bout we check out your old house?”

“That’s right, you’ve never been to the MOE house, have you? Sure, we can check it out. We mostly just use it for storage, but we’ve got a lot of old tapes and stuff, it’s pretty neat.”

“Sounds like fun.” I grinned, and headed in the right direction. I casually checked my watch; the ceremony was supposed to take place in an hour, give or take. I just hoped Ike hadn’t had any trouble with Zac. Pretty soon we were there, and I saw Zac’s truck in the driveway.

“Huh… that’s weird,” Tay said, obviously noticing the familiar vehicle. He glanced at me, like he wasn’t sure if he should be suspicious.

“Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. Ike texted me earlier; said he wanted to talk to you and Zac. Something about the album photoshoot. I think he said your tuxes came in.”

“Oh… right.” He didn’t look like he totally bought it, but he followed me out of the car and into the house anyway.

“Hey,” I said to Zac, who was standing in the hallway. He turned and looked at me, obviously surprised and confused.

“Hey… babe?” He glanced at me, then at Tay, one eyebrow cocked.

“Carrick said Ike wanted to see us about the photoshoot,” Tay explained, and Zac’s other eyebrow went up. He looked at me, a smirk pulling at his lips.

“Did he? He told _me_ he wanted to grab the L-100.”

Oh. Shit.

“Yeah, he mentioned that, too. But he wanted me to bring Tay by. He said your tuxes came in.” I grinned, hoping Zac wouldn’t see through the cover. I regretted not talking to Ike to get our stories straight, but I hadn’t thought it would be that big a deal.

“Right,” Ike said, coming up behind Zac. “Yeah, sorry I forgot to tell you that part.”

“Oh. Okay.” Zac chewed his lip but nodded. He could tell something was up, but with Ike backing me up, he couldn’t tell what. 

“Hey, why don’t you go try ‘em on? Bet you’d both look handsome. And hot,” I added, winking at Zac but glancing at Tay, too. 

“They’re up in our old room,” Ike said helpfully. Tay and Zac nodded, taking a step towards the stairs.

“Okay, sure,” Tay said, leading the way. Zac shot me a look, but followed his brother anyway.

Once they were upstairs behind the closed door, I grinned at Ike.

“We better get changed too,” he told me. “Nikki’s got everything set up out back. She--well, long story short, she knows, it’s fine.”

“Cool. I always did like her.”

 

**Taylor**

I closed the door behind Zac, then looked around the room. Just as we’d been told, there was a pair of tuxedos hung on the closet door. Other than that, though, the room looked the same as it always had. Same bed sheets, pictures on the dresser, a couple of soccer trophies on a shelf... I looked at Zac, and could see the same nostalgic smile I knew I was wearing.

“Wow. Brings back some memories, huh?” He said.

“Sure does.”

I smiled at Zac as he flopped down on the lower half of the bunk bed, where I’d slept for the first half of my life.

“Well, go on. I wanna see how you look, too.” He grinned, nodding towards the tuxes. I blushed a little, something about the way he was watching me, but I started to undress anyway.

“What about you?”

He sighed, but got up and started stripping his own clothes off. “You realize Carrick basically just told us to come in here and get naked?”

“I’d say that’s normal for him,” I chuckled. “Except usually he’d stick around.”

“Huh. Good point. That is unusual for him…” Zac tilted his head in thought as he stepped carefully into the dress pants. Once dressed, I sat on the bed, smiling at Zac.

“Feels kinda weird to be here with you… alone… after everything.” I smirked at him, but it was true. I’d gotten a lot better, but there were still times when I had trouble reconciling my feelings for him as a brother, and as a lover. He let out a snort, leaving his shirt half unbuttoned and sitting next to me.

“So many things in our lives I don’t think we could have imagined back then…”

“I’ll say.” I looked him up and down and sighed. When I laid back, my feet hung off the end of the bed. “Jeez, when did this bed get so short?”

“When you became a freaking giant,” Zac giggled. “So… 1999 or so?”

I laughed, pulling Zac down next to me and wrapping an arm around him. “Yeah… I hated it. Remember how for a while I kept slouching in pictures?” 

Zac giggled more as he nodded. “Just drew more attention to it. But you’re the center of attention no matter what. You’d have to, like, get massive plastic surgery to change that.”

“Yeah, well now you’re the center of attention,” I told him, smirking. “At our house, anyway.”

“And you don’t think I planned it that way?” He grinned, then nudged my side. “Now come on, you gotta help me with this bow tie. Someone forgot to order a clip-on.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I sighed, chuckling and helping him to his feet. “One of these days you’re gonna have to learn.”

“Not as long as I’ve got you, I don’t.” He grinned, but held still as I tied the bow tie around his neck carefully. I took a step back and looked him over, and was struck by how beautiful he looked.

“Wow,” I breathed. Zac glanced down at himself nervously, then back up to me.

“What?”

“Nothing, just…” I took a breath, feeling myself blushing again. “You look really handsome.”

“No, I think that would be you.” He took a step closer, running a hand up my chest, but I placed my hand over his, stopping it over my heart. Seeing him dressed so formally, and being dressed the same, was bringing my thoughts into dangerously sentimental territory. 

“Just makes me think…” I paused, then let out a sigh. I brushed my fingers against the ring around his neck, the one I’d given him on Christmas morning.

“Think about what?” Zac asked, his voice barely above a whisper. He knew what I meant, he had to; he just wanted to hear me say the words. I bit my lip, feeling my eyes water.

“About… if we could…” I hesitated, letting out a shaky sigh. “Get married.”

“You know that’s never…” Zac stopped himself, letting out a soft sigh. “I mean, maybe if we ran away and changed our names and…”

I frowned, nodding but staring at the floor. “I know…” And I did know. He hadn’t needed to say it.

“But you know we couldn’t just drop everything else, not even… Not even for that. It doesn’t make it less real because it’s not on paper, does it?”

I smiled at him, nodding. “No, you’re right.” It didn’t matter. We had each other; that was the important thing. I closed the distance, pressing our lips together. “Love you.”

“Love you too. And _we_ know that. The world doesn’t need to know it to make it real.”

I nodded, taking a breath and stepping back. “Right,” I said, slipping my jacket on. “So, how do I look?”

Zac eyed me critically, a hand on his chin. “Eh, I guess you’ll do.”

I rolled my eyes, fiddling with my tie. I knew what he meant. “So, should we go show off?”

“I suppose,” Zac sighed, as if it was some great inconvenience. “I’m just surprised Carrick missed out on the nudity; that’s not like him.”

“Speak of the devil,” I said as someone knocked on the door. But when I opened it, Carrick wasn’t standing there--Nikki was. In a formal dress. Holding a pair of boutonnieres, one red, one blue. I blinked, and looked back at Zac, who gave me a shrug; he looked as confused as I felt.

“Nikki?” I said, but she just handed over the flowers and smirked in an odd way before turning and heading back downstairs. I turned to Zac, handing him the blue boutonniere, which I could only assume was for him. “Um… do you have any idea what this is all about?”

“Not unless you guys changed the plan for the video shoot without telling me.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “No one told me anything.” I paused, the wheels turning. I remembered the romantic walk Carrick had woken me up so early for. Without Zac. And then randomly decided to bring me here. I sighed heavily, rolling my eyes. 

“Carrick,” I said simply.

“Well,” Zac replied, tilting his head, “if he is behind whatever this is, you know we’re better off just going along with it. Wanna do the honors?” he added, holding his boutonniere out to me.

“Sure,” I said, smiling. I didn’t know what Carrick had in mind, and frankly that scared me, but Zac was right; it was best not to fight it. I pinned the flowers to Zac’s lapel, and thought about our previous conversation. “This kinda feels like…” I gave him a shy smile. “Well, you know.”

“Yeah,” Zac answered, grinning and pinning the red flowers on my jacket. “But the last time I pinned one of these on you, well… a lot was different then.”

I looked down and sighed; that was the understatement of the century. But I didn’t want to sour the moment. 

“Well, should we see what your crazy boyfriend’s got planned for us?” I asked, and Zac snorted, giving me a nudge.

“Hey, he’s your crazy boyfriend, too.”

“Yeah, well. He’s your _fiancee_.” I offered Zac my arm; he took it as we left the room.

“And you’re mine. So let’s go, fiancee.”

I blushed more as we left the room; no one was in sight, so I felt safe not letting go until we were downstairs. I didn’t hear any noises from inside, so I headed for the back door, figuring the yard was the next reasonable guess. Once again my eyes were drawn to Zac; he looked so handsome, so happy. I wished I had my camera with me to capture the moment.

“Um… Tay?” Zac said as we stepped out onto the porch, his eyes going wide.

“Yeah?” I followed his gaze, and what I saw stopped me in my tracks. “Um… wow.”

There were flowers everywhere, an aisle of petals leading across the lawn. At the end of the path was a flower-covered archway. Under the arch stood Carrick, and Isaac, both in formal dress. I couldn’t help noticing the boutonniere pinned to Carrick’s lapel, identical to both mine and Zac’s apart from the purple rose. Off to one side of the archway were a trio of tables, one of which held a two-layer cake wrapped in varying shades of blue, red, and violet. The other two were set for a meal, complete with champagne glasses waiting to be filled. I looked to my right, where Nikki stood, holding a basket of rose petals.

A wedding. I was at a wedding.

I glanced at Zac. He looked as shocked as I felt, and possibly more. I glanced at Nikki again; she gave us a wink, then hit play on a stereo perched on the railing. The beginning notes of Elvis’ ‘Love Me’ started playing, and Nikki started walking down the aisle. I looked at Ike and swallowed hard; he gave a reassuring smile and a ‘come on’ gesture.

I was escorting Zac down the aisle. Where his fiancee--one of them, I tried not to think--waited. 

“I’m gonna kill him,” Zac muttered. “I’m gonna marry him, and then I’m gonna kill him.”

I chuckled, and offered Zac my arm. He glanced at me as he took it, and together we stepped off the porch.

“And you had no clue about this, right?” he asked me, and I shook my head. It hurt a little that no one had told me, but everyone knew I was horrible at keeping secrets, so it wasn’t that surprising.

“Not a clue,” I told Zac. I swallowed hard, biting my lip as I looked at Carrick. He was grinning wide at us, especially at Zac, and biting his lip. He was even… blushing? “He looks so…”

“Shy,” Zac finished. “It’s weird.”

“I can’t believe Ike’s here, though.”

Zac’s step faltered as realization hit him. “Does that mean… Wait, is he… _Ike’s_ marrying us?”

“I… I guess? That’s… really great.” I tried to smile, tried to be happy for Zac and Carrick. After everything we’d been through, the last thing I wanted to do was ruin such a happy moment with my stupid jealousy. But in the deepest part of my heart, I couldn’t help hurting just a little.

“I’m still gonna kill him,” Zac mumbled, continuing forward. Finally we reached our destination; Nikki stepped off to the side, and I turned to face Zac. I gave his arm a squeeze. There was so much I wanted to say, but now wasn’t the time or place. I was happy for him; I really was. I stepped back and stood next to Nikki, silently praying I could make it through this. Zac stepped up next to Carrick, giving him a stern look that conflicted with the loving smile.

“Uh-uh,” Carrick said suddenly, looking at me. “Get over here.”

I blinked, sure I’d heard him wrong. “Um… I-I’m sorry, what?”

“You heard me.” With a smirk, he grabbed me by the hand and pulled me to Zac’s other side. I looked at Zac, then at Ike, thoroughly confused and shocked.

“Well, now that we’re all here,” Ike began, then pulled a folded stack of papers from his coat pocket.

I looked at Zac, hoping he could make some sense of this. But all he did was shrug, and take my hand and Carrick’s in each of his. I gave another frantic look at each of the three of them, then swallowed hard.

“Surprise?” I heard Carrick say; Zac replied with a snort.

“Yeah, we’ll be talking about this later.”

Ike cleared his throat then, and gave us all a stern, ‘stop talking’ look. When we were sufficiently quiet, he glanced down at his papers.

“Welcome, friends, family and… family. We are gathered here today to celebrate the wedding of Carrick, Zac, and Taylor. You have come here either because you were tricked into it, or because you’ve seen and understand the love these… three… share, and want to offer them your love and support.”

I coughed, practically choking for a second. There was no way I’d heard him correctly. Carrick chuckled and shushed me, and Zac let out a nervous giggle.

How was no one else freaking out about this?

 

**Zac**

Taylor looked like he was going to pass out, and I had to admit, I felt the same way. Was this really happening? I knew Carrick was full of surprises, but somehow he had not only convinced Isaac to be okay with this three-way relationship, but to… marry us? All three of us?

As Isaac continued his speech, I was still halfway convinced I was going to wake up and discover that this was all just a dream.

“Marriage is perhaps the greatest and most challenging of all human relationships, as I think at least two of the… grooms… know all too well. It’s not something to take lightly, but neither is it anything that those outside of that relationship can truly understand. It’s a deeply personal thing. Every marriage is different, and this one more so than most. That’s not a judgment, merely a statement of fact. These three boys--men--are probably the only three who could understand each other the way they do. God knows I don’t understand them half the time. But what I do understand is the bond they share, and that’s what counts. That bond, and the love they share, will see this marriage through good times and bad.”

Isaac’s speech to me earlier, about how proud he was of me, was suddenly starting to make more sense. He was still struggling, I could see, but he had obviously done a lot of thinking and come to some interesting conclusions over the… well, I didn’t know how long he’d known about us. I mentally added that to the list of questions I needed to ask Carrick later, then glanced over at Taylor to see how he was holding up.

Judging by the tears pooling in the corners of his eyes, not so well. I squeezed his hand, hoping to reassure him that this was all going to be okay. He glanced at me, a tiny smile gracing his lips, then at Carrick, who was more than returning his smile. I didn’t think I had ever seen Carrick look so in love… with both of us.

Isaac cleared his throat, presumably to draw our attention back to him. “Will you, Carrick McGovern Moore Gerety, take these men to be your wedded husbands?”

Carrick looked at Tay, then at me, his face turning oddly serious. “For as long as they’ll have me.”

“So,” I said, giving him a big grin and a nudge, “forever, then?”

“Forever sounds good,” Carrick replied, letting out a soft sigh, almost as though he were relieved at my answer. Maybe this was sudden, after only about six months of dating, but so what? Some part of me, deep inside, had known he was my soulmate--one of them--since the moment I met him. In a way, it had been too long of a wait for this day to finally come. 

“Will you, Zachary Walker Hanson, take these men as your wedded husbands?” Isaac gave me a slight smile as he asked.

“Absolutely,” I replied, wasting no time at all and grinning from ear to ear as I said it.

Taylor bit his lip and smiled as Isaac asked, “And will you, Jordan Taylor Hanson, take these men as your wedded husbands?”

He took a deep breath, eyes fluttering shut, then glanced at me and Carrick. “I will.”

“Now, normally, this is the part where we would have some readings and whatnot,” Isaac said. “But I’m sure you guys don’t want me to ramble any more than absolutely necessary. And I know you haven’t all had time to prepare your vows, but I trust you’re good enough at improvising. So why don’t we skip ahead to that part? Carrick, would you like to go first to give my brothers a little time to brainstorm?”

Carrick didn’t miss a beat, but of course, he knew this was going to happen. On the other hand, it wouldn’t surprise me if he were making his vows up on the spot. Still, he seemed full of his usual casual confidence when he turned to my brother and began.

“Taylor. When I met you, you were….” Carrick paused. and chuckled. “You were trouble. It’s almost a shame I never got to find out how much. But you’ve been one of my best friends ever since. You’ve supported me, professionally and personally. And you took care of the one thing, the one person most important to me in the world, when I couldn’t.”

I didn’t have to guess that Carrick meant me, but he still gave me a quick glance just to make sure I knew. 

“And when I moved into this whole… situation, maybe it was inevitable that we’d end up feeling more for each other. But I want you to know, those feelings didn’t come out of nowhere. You’re a good person, who’s had some not-so-good stuff happen to you. You deserved so much better. And now, you’re getting it. And I’m glad I can be one of the ones to give it to you.” Carrick paused and smirked, and I couldn’t help doing the same; I was sure he’d planned that little innuendo. After a beat, he continued, “I love you, Tay. Maybe not the same way as Zac, but no less.”

Not surprisingly, Taylor looked like he was going to dissolve into a puddle at any second. I gave his hand one last squeeze before placing both of mine in Carrick’s, giggling a little nervously in anticipation of what he might have to say about me.

“Zac,” he said, taking a deep, slow breath. “I technically met Taylor first; all three of us know that. But what you might not know is that the moment I met you, it was like he didn’t even exist. No offense, Tay. That first day, when we wrote that song together, it was like we’d known each other for years. We already knew how to make each other laugh, how to cheer each other up… how to get under each other’s skin. It just… wasn’t the right time. But I was happy just to be your friend, just to be close to you at all.”

I hadn’t known he’d felt that way at the time. I hadn’t even known _I’d_ felt that way. Sometimes it hurt to think about all the time we had lost, but I had to believe it was all happening exactly the way it was meant to. If we hadn’t had time to grow so close, could Carrick have been so supportive of my relationship with Taylor? If I’d fallen for Carrick first, would I have ever had the chance to be with Tay? I didn’t know the answers to those questions, and that was okay. I didn’t need to know, because the way things were… maybe they weren’t perfect, but I couldn’t imagine any possible way to improve them.

“Over the years I watched you go through a lot. I tried to be everything you needed; a friend to laugh with, a shoulder to cry on. I wanted you to know I’d be there for you through anything. A few months ago, I got the chance to prove it… and then some.” Carrick paused for another deep breath. “It’s been a crazy ride, for all of us. But the important thing is, it brought us together, in ways I’d only ever dreamed of. I love you, Zac. With everything I am. I always have, and I always will.”

Now it was my turn to cry. I blinked away a few tears, then mouthed the words, ‘love you, too,’ not trusting myself to be able to actually speak them out loud.

I heard Taylor’s shaky breath and turned back to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. I was fairly certain I was holding myself up as much as I was him. He was the big sap of the three of us, but all of this was proving to be just a little more than I could handle. And if I was barely making it, I wasn’t sure how Taylor would be able to deliver his vows at all.

As if he’d read my thoughts, Isaac smiled and said, “Umm, Taylor next, I suppose?”

Taylor blinked at him, as though he’d suddenly remembered that our oldest brother was here, too. Then he looked back at me, took a deep breath, and turned toward Carrick.

“Umm… okay. Carrick, we….” Taylor nibbled on his lip, seeming to be lost in thought for a moment. “When I met you, I was in a pretty dark place. That’s no secret. But you… you made it just a little brighter. Every time I saw you, you seemed to have this glow that spread to anyone around you. You have such a love for life, so much passion in you, it’s nearly impossible not to feel it.”

Even though the two of them had seemed to be at odds with each other over the last few months, Taylor was absolutely right. I suppose it took one to know one, but Taylor and Carrick were both the sort of people you don’t meet every day. The kind who can’t help being the center of attention, whether they want it or not. But you can’t hate them for it. Somehow, it makes you love them even more, and you feel like a better person just for being near them.

Taylor glanced down, his eyelashes fluttering. “I can’t really explain when I fell for you. Maybe it was when you moved in… maybe it was even earlier than that, but I just didn’t see it. Either way… I can’t picture my life, our lives, without you now. You’ve become such a part of who we are… of who I am. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I… I love you, Carrick.” 

At his last words, a tear fell down Taylor’s flushed cheek, and I just barely resisted the urge to reach up and brush it away. 

“Zac,” Taylor said, turning back to me. His body was shaking, and he let out a laugh as a second tear crept down his face. “What can I even say? I’ve known you my whole life. And yet… it wasn’t until I met Sam that I met the real you. It took me a while to connect the two, but there’s no denying how I feel. When I found out who the man I fell in love with really was, it scared me so much. But what scared me the most was the fear that I’d never be able to hold you, to kiss you, to share with you everything we’d talked about and more. Knowing that I get to be with you, every day for the rest of my life… nothing else matters. I love you, Zac. I’m yours. All of me.”

Taylor’s tears were flowing freely now, and I was surprised to even see Carrick wipe a few off his own face. And of course, I was a mess. I wrapped my arms tightly around Taylor and held him to my chest while I tried to compose myself, not trying to hide my sniffles or my own tears. Finally, after what felt like ages, I managed to pry myself away from him.

“Okay,” I said, wiping my eyes. “You guys know I suck at expressing myself with words unless those words are song lyrics. So you’re going to pay for this later, but I’ll try. Here goes nothing…”

Taylor gave me a smile that I supposed was meant to be supportive, and Carrick gave me a little nudge and a chuckle. Knowing they wouldn’t wait for me all day, I decided to dive right in and hope for the best.

“Taylor. I have known you, like you said, literally all of my life. And for all of that time, I’ll be honest, I’ve been closer to you than any of the rest of our siblings. Sorry, Ike. I know you’re not supposed to play favorites, but I guess that’s the least of my sins. And even when things were strained between us, even when we were barely even speaking… you’ve always been my best friend, my idol. I looked up to you. I wanted to _be_ you, and I never felt good enough. I wanted to have everything together, have it all figured out, have a perfect life like you.”

I paused and sighed. These were thoughts I had only scratched the surface of before, always kept somewhat hidden from Taylor. There was no better time to let them all out, I decided.

“Well, I’ve learned in the past year that no one is perfect,” I continued. “And that’s okay. God knows I’m not perfect. I don’t have to be, and you don’t have to be. Perfect would be boring. And I’ve learned that you can’t compare your struggles to anyone else’s, because you never really know the truth. All you can do, if you really love someone, is be there for them and help shoulder their burdens. And I promise you, for the rest of our lives, that’s what I’m gonna do.”

Taylor let out a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a sob, but the smile on his face assured me that what I had said was good enough. I turned to Carrick.

“Carrick. I haven’t known you for quite as long. I met you when I was newly married and trying to figure out how to be a husband. And you were the only person honest and blunt enough to question what I was doing and why I had chosen that life. Not that I ever listened to you anyway, but now I realize you had ulterior motives.” I gave Carrick a smirk, and he just chuckled, not refuting what I had said at all. “I didn’t know. All that time, I didn’t know how you felt about me, and I was trying so hard to deny what I felt for you. I tried to convince myself it was just some physical thing and wasn’t love. Well, since then I’ve learned that there are so many types of love, all of them real and valid. Even romantic love can come in so many different forms.”

I took a step back so that I could look between the two of them, taking one of each of their hands in my own so that we were all connected.

“I know now that every love is different, and that’s okay. That’s good. Of course I don’t love you both in the same way, but that doesn’t make one of those loves less than the other. Just different. We’re like… we’re like three weird, fucked up puzzle pieces, but it takes all three to fit together and make things right. And the truth is, I wouldn’t have to any other way.”

Carrick squeezed my hand, and Taylor nodded his agreement. Even Isaac seemed touched, his hand reaching up to dab at his eye.

“That’s… umm,” he stuttered out. “Okay. May I have the rings, please?”

Rings? I hoped Carrick had really thought of everything. 

“Hope you guys don’t mind,” he said, turning toward Nikki. 

She fished something out of the bottom of the flower basket, then held her hand out to Isaac. “Here ya go.”

Isaac quickly handed them over to Carrick. “I’ll let you sort out which one goes where. And if you could all repeat after me, I guess: I give you this ring, as a daily reminder of my love you.”

Carrick took Tay’s hand and placed a ring on his left finger. To my surprise, he blushed a little as he said, “I give you this ring, as a daily reminder of my love for you.”

I cleared my throat and placed my hand over theirs. “What he said.” 

Taylor was shaking and crying still, but he managed to collect himself enough to take the ring Carrick held out to him. He slipped it onto my left finger, repeating the same words Carrick had said. 

“Same here,” Carrick added, placing his hand on ours the same way I had. The whole thing was a little awkward, and certainly unconventional, but we were making it work somehow.

“Guess that makes this one yours, huh?” I asked, plucking the last ring out of Carrick’s hand. It matched the other two, a plain brushed silver band with stripes of red, blue and purple through the center. Subtle, but the meaning was clear. “I give you this ring, as a daily reminder of my love for you.”

Taylor placed his hand on ours. “Mine as well.”

And that was it. What little walls Carrick had left were gone. He bit his lip as his tears began to flow freely. I grabbed both him and Taylor and held them tightly by the waist, my face in pain from the huge grin spreading across it. It may not have been legal, but this was so, so real, and it was even better than I could have ever dared to dream.

After giving us a moment to at least attempt to collect ourselves--we mostly failed--Isaac cleared his throat. “By the power of your love and commitment, and the power you seem to think I have, I now pronounce you husband, husband and husband! You may now... uh… kiss each other.”

The last was added almost as an afterthought, as though Isaac hadn’t quite considered what he was getting himself into. If he survived this day, I realized we were all three going to owe him for the rest of our lives. 

"So,” Carrick said, raising an eyebrow, his trademark smirk replacing the more sincere smile he’d wore all afternoon. “Who do ya want first?”

Taylor stifled a laugh, and I couldn’t resist smirking as well.

“Why do I have to choose?” 

“You don’t, Zac,” Taylor replied, blushing. “And you never will.”

Carrick nodded his agreement, and I let out a relieved sigh. Suddenly, ‘You’re My Home’ by Billy Joel began to play, and I realized Isaac had slipped away to turn the stereo back on and probably to give us all some privacy, too. 

I squeezed both of their waists and pulled them closer to me. Carrick leaned over and cocked an eyebrow at Taylor. Taylor responded with a smirk that had me a little worried, until they both leaned in and pressed their lips to my cheeks, one on each side. 

It felt so right to be between them like that, with both of the men I loved the most right by my side. Taylor was right; I would never have to choose again. But neither would either of them have to be alone. It may not have been what any of us expected, but we were right where we needed to be… together.


End file.
